Mad Boys (31 page)

   Statement of purpose? Whose idea is this?

   Aristotle? Bik?

                  WEB (V.O.)

   Guess.

                  ROYAL (V.O.)

   Did my opponent put you up to this?

                  WEB (V.O.)

   Ike would never stoop to anything so low.

   I wrote it with Jim’s help.

                  ROYAL (V.O.)

   I should have known. Go ahead, read it.

                  WEB (V.O.)

   Okay, here it is. “Statement of Purpose: Frog Brothers Productions invites you to live your emotional lives through us. We will love the lovers you cannot have, cry the tears you are too embarrassed to shed, feel the pains you cannot bear, spend the money you cannot make, commit the crimes you cannot carry out; we will kill your enemies; we will reward your allies; we will suffer and die for you.”

                  ROYAL (V.O.)

   Sounds like something Scratch would concoct.

                  WEB (V.O.)

   Everything we do sounds like Scratch.

   He’s our inspiration.

Web and Siena sigh together in orgasm.

                  SIENA

   I have to leave now, I have to go to war.

                  WEB

   I’ll wait.

                  SIENA

   Don’t wait. Just watch.

INT. ROYAL’S OFFICE IN THE FUTURE

The “mad boys” are now pushing forty. Royal is handsome, heavyset, smooth, dressed in an orange and black business suit. He sits behind a big desk. On the desk is the chunk of trinitite Web found. In the background, visible through the windows, is a billboard that says “Durocher for President.” Web is slender, alert, somewhat pained. He looks like the young Jerry Brown. He’s dressed in black, but we don’t see him full front. In the background is the AUTODIDACT. He’s a very old man now, but aging gracefully. As always, Royal is in command. He’s looking at the Statement of Purpose on a giant monitor.

                  WEB

   What do you think?

                  ROYAL

      (laughs in derision)

   It’s good PR. You don’t believe it, do you?

Web turns toward the camera. We see now that he is dressed like a Catholic priest.

                  WEB

   Of course I believe. It’s why I wear the collar.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Ernest Hebert’s highly acclaimed Darby series includes the novels
The Dogs of March, A Little More Than Kin, Whisper My Name, The Passion of Estelle Jordan
, and
Live Free or Die
, the second and fourth of which have recently been reprinted by University Press of New England in a joint volume entitled
The Kinship
. Hebert lives with his wife and two daughters in West Lebanon, New Hampshire, and teaches writing at Dartmouth College.