Make Me Crazy (Loco, Texas) (7 page)

“Enjoying the scenery?” Earl’s voice snapped his attention back to the crotchety critter sitting across from him.

Jake caught Earl’s dark look and said, “Yes, sir.”

Earl waited until Rand placed a plate in front of him before he leaned over and hissed, “Just so you know, I was a Marine. You hurt that girl and I know a hundred different ways to kill you without leaving a mark.”

Jake blinked at Earl. “Understood, sir. Rand’s been my best friend for twenty years. I’d never hurt her.”

“Just remember if you do…” Earl took his finger and slid it over his own throat.

Rand sat down and looked between the two men suspiciously. “What are you two talking about?”

Earl took a bite of his pie. “My days in the Marine corps’.”

Rand grinned and turned to Jake. “Did he tell you he could kill a man a hundred different ways?”

Jake took in Earl’s warning glare and said, “He may have mentioned it.”

Rand laughed. “He loves to tell people that. Like he thinks it will intimidate anyone.”

“I found it very intimidating.” Jake said the last with a straight face.

Earl pointed his fork at him but looked at Rand when he said, “See? I like him.”

Jake’s mouth dropped open. “You like me?”

Earl took another bite of pie and shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I won’t kill ya.”

“I just need to change and feed the animals.” Rand jumped out of the truck and walked around towards the house.

Jake stopped her by spinning her into his arms. “Why don’t you go change and I’ll feed the animals.”

She hesitated for a second before saying, “Actually that would be great. If I’m going to have dinner with the Calhoun clan, I at least want to be comfortable.  I like Red’s mom, but she scares the hell out of me.”

“What about my mom,” Jake teased.

She looked up at him seriously, “Actually today she made me a little nervous. She kept giving me this smile…” Jake started laughing and she glowered ay him. “What’s so funny?”

“She scared me a bit too. Pretty sure she’s already planning our wedding.”

Rand couldn’t stop her gasp. “We have to tell your mom! We can’t let her think…”

He patted her shoulder. “I’ll tell her. It‘ll be fine.”

“I can just imagine she wants me to have six little boys just like you.”

Jake’s smiled disappeared, his face a blank mask and she wondered what had struck a nerve. Before she could ask what his problem was, he was already headed towards the barn.

With a shrug, she went inside to find something to change into. She grabbed a pair of jeans from her drawer and then stared at her closet. For some reason, she had no desire to pull on any of the hanging western shirts and flannels. Even the t-shirts and sweaters held no appeal; she didn’t want to look like she always did. She wanted to look nice; to have people pay attention to her, and not in the usual way. And she especially wanted Jake to tell her, even with just his eyes, he liked what he saw.

What has gotten into you? You hate people to notice you.

Under normal circumstances yes, but today had been lovely. For the first time in years, Rand hadn’t felt like the odd duck in the room. Not that she was overly concerned with appearances, but it had been nice to be admired.

Look at that. Slap a dress on her, and she becomes a real girl

Trying to ignore the warring voices in her head, she walked down to her granddaddy’s room. He had saved a box of her grandmother’s clothes, always saying he didn’t have the heart to part with everything. She dragged it out of the closet and ripped off the tape. Pulling out each article of clothing, she came across a loose red sweater and held it up to her chest, liking the way the bright color looked.

I wonder if Jake will like it.

 It wasn’t sexy by any means, but it was soft and feminine. Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, she headed to the laundry room and threw it in the dryer with a cling sheet.

Leaning against the washer, her mind drifted to the day’s events. Jake had held her hand through the whole service when he hadn’t needed to; it wasn’t like Jay could see their clasped hands. And why hadn’t he wanted to tell Red it was all a ruse?

It was all very puzzling. So far, whether it was fake dating or real, it was all much too complicated for her and making her usually intelligent brain turn to mush.

After ten minutes she grabbed the sweater from the dryer and headed back to change, hearing the front door open. “You almost ready,” Jake called from the entryway.

“Almost!” Rand pulled the dress over her head and yanked off the panty hose.

“Do you need any help?” The taunting tone came from the other side of the bedroom door.

She pulled the sweater over her head quickly and started to yank on her jeans, hopping around. “No I’m Fi-oof.” She lost her balance and fell over onto the hard wood floor.

“Rand, are you ok?” Jake rattled the door knob and Rand reached down to pull her jeans all the way up.

“I’m okay, just tripped.” She grabbed socks and her boots, and finally opened the door. “I’m ready.”

His eyes trailed over her and she fidgeted as she waited for his approval.

“You know, if we were really dating, I’d back you into your room and kiss you until we forgot all about dinner.”

Her heart made a ker-plunk in her chest. It was things like that which were making her crazy and confused. “I guess it’s a good thing we’re not really dating.”

He didn’t smile as he replied, “Yeah. Good thing.”

Was it her imagination, or did he sound disappointed?

Chapter Seven

Awkward did not begin to cover Rand’s feelings among all of Red’s ultra-feminine sisters, Jake’s bright eyed mama, and Red’s constant staring. And the worst part about it was dinner hadn’t even been served yet.

Jake slipped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “You doing okay?”

Rand nodded. “I thought you were going to tell your mother this was all a scheme?”

Jake shrugged. “Haven’t found the time yet.”

Before she could respond, Red’s sister Tabitha came over in a slinky black top and a pair of wranglers so tight it was a wonder her legs weren’t numb.

“Miranda, I love your hair. I wish I had natural wave to mine, but it’s just so flat without a hundred products.”

Rand shifted her feet, unprepared for the other woman’s enthusiastic compliment. “Thank you. I usually just throw it up, but Jake likes it down.”

“Well of course he does. Men like a little something to grab onto in the bedroom which is why I keep mine short. Swearing off men for the rest of my life. Mama keeps saying I’ll change my mind, but if she wants grandchildren, she better find me a good sperm bank and a turkey baster.”

Jake choked next to her and Rand asked before she really thought about it, “What’s the turkey baster for?”

Tabitha stared at her like she had spoken French. “Well, you know, the sperm needs to get up there somehow…” She looked helplessly at Jake.

Rand stared at the two of them, taking in Jakes shaking shoulders and Tabitha’s mouth twitching in amusement.

Mortified, she said, “You know, I need to use the bathroom.”

She moved out from under Jake’s arm to the bathroom and while she was washing her hands she got Tabitha’s meaning and groaned. “Oh man, that is so gross.”

She came back out to find Jake smirking at her and she returned his amusement with a disgruntled, “This is not funny. She’s going to think I’m stupid.”

He wrapped his arms around her and said, “Naw, just a little naïve.”

She tried to pull away, but he held fast. As Red approached them, Rand noticed he was frowning darkly.

What’s the matter with him?

“Jake, I want to talk to you,” Red said gruffly, barely meeting her eyes.

“Alfred, get in here and help me bring out this food,” Hannah Calhoun called from the kitchen.

“Why can’t one of the girls do it,” he hollered back.

His father, Alfred Senior, yelled from in front of the TV, “Don’t you sass your mother, boy! Get your ass in there before I put my boot print on it.”

Red left them with a grumble and his mother whacked him with her wooden spoon as he passed.

M.J., Red’s oldest sister, approached them and handed Rand a card. “If you’re ever interested in being a hair model for me, I would love it. You have an awesome head of hair. So thick and beautiful.”

M.J. reached out her hand and picked up Rand’s heavy locks, running her fingers through it. Rand had never been comfortable with invasion of her personal space, unless you were about six foot three with sandy hair and green eyes

She gave Jake a look she hoped he’d interpret as
“
Help m
e
” and lord bless him, he said, “Excuse us, M.J., that’s a kind offer and I’m sure Rand will let you know if she changes her mind, but I actually love her hair long.”

M.J. waved her hand. “I wouldn’t take off much, just enough to give it some shape.”

Rand had an irrational fear that the other woman’s hand would turn into sharp scissors at any moment and start hacking away at her hair.

She decided to take matters into her own hands. “I should probably help your mother set the table. Excuse me.” She practically ran past M.J. and into the very crowded kitchen.

“Can I help with anything?” She meant to ask it quietly and politely, but it came out more high pitched and impatient. Red, his mama and Jake’s, all turned to her with a mix of curiosity and surprise and she repeated, “Sorry, I just like to be useful.”

Hannah smiled and held out a platter. “Well then here. We wouldn’t want you to feel useless.”

Rand took the plate and carried it to the table, sitting down next to Jake and realizing that Jake’s mother had taken the seat next to her. Smack in the middle of her fake boyfriend and her fake boyfriends mama? How bad could it be?

Wow, Jake didn’t realize how bad things could turn so fast. Only a few hours ago, Rand had looked ready to head for the hills, and now she sat between his mama and Red’s, sharing stories of their exploits.

“Really, I tried to talk them out of it, but they insisted that they could drink the whole bottle. I ended up having to pull them off the stage where they had started pole dancing. Badly.”

Red defended their honor, much to Jake’s horror. “Hey, I think we made about fifty bucks that night.”

His sister’s burst out laughing and Rand continued, “What Red doesn’t remember is the muscle bound biker chick that almost took him home. That’s where the fifty came from.”

Red’s face turned as bright as his hair as the room hooted.

Jake shook his head and his mama asked, “How much did Jake make?”

“Not much, but he did insist on getting a tattoo that night.”

“Really?” Tabitha sat forward and asked, “Is it anywhere exciting?”

Jake held his hands up in a time out symbol. “Alright ladies, that’s the end of that. My mama’s in the room.”

The woman who’d given birth to him turned traitor as she raised a brow. “Actually this is the first I’ve heard about a tattoo. Finish the story, Rand.”

Rand shot him a guilty look and he stopped her from her obvious thoughts of back tracking, “Oh no, you’ve opened your big mouth already, please go on.”

She must have chosen to ignore his sarcasm because she smiled devilishly. “Okay, so he was looking on the wall and points at what he thinks is a skull but the artist thought he was pointing to the drawing next to it, so he asks Jake where he wants it and Jake says, “Somewhere where my mama won’t see it.” There were several snickers before she continued, “The artist gave him a weird look but ended up putting a heart with the name “Mama” on his butt.”

Raucous female laughter filled the room.

 
“Alright, real funny, now if you’ll excuse us, I better get Rand home,” Jake said, standing up.

Red’s two younger sisters hissed and booed, while Hannah protested, “But y’all didn’t get any pie.”

“We had some earlier.” He stepped forward and held out his hand, “How about it, Rand?”

He waited patiently as she looked around at the disappointment of her captive audience and murmured, “I do need to get up early.”

He didn’t even give her a chance to be swayed by the protestors, just reached out and pulled her to her feet and against his chest. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, whispering, “I’ll get you for telling them about my tattoo.”

Her cheeks were bright red when he pulled away and all the ladies made awws and oohs, even his mama. He nodded his head to her and she stood up to give him a big hug. Rand slipped away from him to be hugged and advised by the Calhoun women.

“I’ve always liked Miranda, you know.”

His mother’s word pulled his attention back to her and he hiked up an eyebrow. “Really? I seem to remember you saying she needed some softening up.”

“She does need softening up, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders and a sweetness about her. You could do worse.”

His jaw dropped and he boggled, “Rand? Sweet?”

 “I understand she needs to marry to secure her inheritance,” his mother said, giving him a pinch.

He was afraid to ask where she was going with this. “Yeah, she’s got a couple of months left.”

His mother gave him serious eyes as she moved him away from the others. “You should marry her. You help her, and maybe she’ll help you buy the feed store.” Then she had the gall to wink at him. “Maybe I’ll get a couple grand babies and you’ll get a wife that will corral your fickle streak.”

“Rand, you have five seconds to get your butt out that door or I’m leaving you!” He kissed his mama’s cheek. “Goodnight mama.”

“Goodnight son. Goodnight Miranda.” His mother gave Rand a hug and patted her cheek. “You’ve grown up so nice.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Hansen.” Rand’s face was cherry red and she followed Jake out the door to his truck.

“Y’all hang on a minute,” Red called behind them.

Jake and Rand stopped outside the small ranch house as Red caught up to them, his intense gaze shifting between them. “I just want to make sure y’all know what you’re doing.”

“Look, Red-“

“We’re good. We’ll see you later,” Jake interrupted, not wanting Red to know about their fake relationship. For some reason, the way Red had been looking at Rand all night had been getting under his skin and he didn’t want Red thinking the field was open to play ball on.

Red’s eyes went from wide with surprise, to narrowed, his mouth turning down with irritation. “All right then.” When he wrapped his arms around Rand to give her a hug, Jake turned his back on them to go around the truck.

Why are you being such a dick about this? If Red is interested in Rand, then he is a perfect back up for Jay.

He listened as Rand said goodnight and didn’t look at her until he heard the front door slam.

“What put a burr in your bonnet,” She asked as he unlocked the doors.

He hopped in and cursed, “I just wanted to get out of there is all.” He started the car and could feel her watching him in the dark.

He caught her shrug as she settled back into the seat. “Well, I don’t know what your problem is, but thank you. I had a lot of fun.”

He pulled out on the highway and thought about the day. Hanging with Rand was always fun, but today, with their little charade, it had been…more. He’d been happy and relaxed, even with his mother plotting how to get them down the aisle. And it had everything to do with the woman sitting next to him.

He slipped his arm over the back of the seat and squeezed her shoulder. “Me too, Rand.”

Her smile flashed at him in the darkness and he was struck by how sweet that smile was. Maybe his mother was right. Marriage to his best friend couldn’t be bad, especially since he knew how very eager Rand might be. She could keep the Double C and he could…

No he couldn’t ask Rand for money. And there was no way he’d be able to marry her, live down the hall from her and never touch her. Not now, when he knew she tasted sweeter than peach cobbler and was just as warm.

“What are you thinking so hard about,” She asked.

He glanced over at her and lied, “Just thinking that if Jay doesn’t show up on your doorstep tomorrow, he’s dumber than a box of rocks.”

She sighed and leaned her head against his arm. “I hope you’re right, otherwise I‘ll be moving into your place. Scout too.”

Jake knew that there was something malfunctioning in his brain when the prospect of having Rand and her mischievous kitty cat move in didn’t sound like the worst idea. In fact, having Rand in his house and more importantly in his bed, sounded good. Really good.

“What were you and your mama talking about?”

He tried to steer his mind from the dangerous track it was on and back to the present. “Oh, she just wanted to know how things were going with buying the store.”

“The hardware store? You didn’t tell me you were trying to buy it.” Her tone held a touch of hurt.

“I didn’t really tell anyone, but it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t get a loan.” He tried not to sound bitter, but it escaped with the words anyway.

Her hand touched his arm sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Jake.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay, it was just a pipe dream anyway.” He pulled into her drive and parked in front of the porch. He opened up his door and came around to get hers, but she beat him to it. “Someday you’ll learn how to wait for the gentleman to get the door.”

“I have some money in the bank,” she blurted out. “It was supposed to be a college fund, but since I only got my associates, there’s quite a bit left. What if I cosigned the loan? Would the bank do that?” She walked up the porch steps ahead of him and he was stunned silent by her offer.

“I can’t take your money, Rand. If the business went under, you’d lose it.”

She turned with a laugh and assured him, “That store has been there for fifty years. I’m pretty sure it will stand a few more until you can pay me back. Do you have any savings?”

He blinked and his mouth probably looked a bit like a fish taking air. “I’ve got about twelve thousand.”

Her smile was bright in the dark. “We can go talk to Martha and Bob this week if you want.”

He felt like he should still dissuade her. “Really, Rand, you don’t have to…”

She rolled her eyes and chided, “You’re helping me out, just because you’re my friend. Let me help you.”

He stopped arguing and let out a “whoop” of joy, picking her up around her waist and spinning her. A surprised laugh escaped her, and when he finally set her down, he gave her a hard, fast kiss. “You are the best, Rand Coleman.”