Read Man From the USSR & Other Plays Online
Authors: Vladimir Nabokov
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
Where are you staying?
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MESHAEV TWO
Well ... nowhere, for the time being. I guess I'll go to a hotel.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
Why don't you spend the night with us? We have a spare roomâthis one.
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MESHAEV TWO
I really don't know.... I wouldn't want to impose....
(Troshcheykin returns.)
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Ryovshin called. It seems he and Kuprikov have posted themselves at a little bar nearby, and wanted to know if all was well. I think they're loaded. I told them they could go to bed, since we have this
simpatico
fellow marching up and down in front of our house,
(to Meshaev Two)
See what things have come to? We had to hire a guardian angel.
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MESHAEV TWO
That so?
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LYUBOV'
Alyosha, find some other subject, will you?
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TROSHCHEYKIN
What are you angry about? I think it was very nice of them to call. Unlike your dear sister, who didn't even bother to find out if we were alive.
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MESHAEV TWO
I'm afraid you must have family troubles of some kind.... Someone must be ill.... I'm doubly distressed.
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TROSHCHEYKIN
No, noâplease stay. On the contrary, it's better to have a crowd hanging around. Anyway, sleep is out of the question.
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MESHAEV TWO
That so?
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
The fact of the matter is thatârightly or notâAlexey Maximovich fears an attempt on his life. He has enemies.... After all, Lyubochka, you have to give a person some explanation ... or else, seeing you rush around like two lunatics ... God knows what he'll think.
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MESHAEV TWO
Oh, don't you worry about it. I understand. I was just being tactful. They say that in Paris, France, they also have this Bohemian life, fights in restaurants, and so forth....
(Barboshin has entered noiselessly and unnoticed. They all give a start.)
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Why do you scare the wits out of us like that? What happened?
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BARBOSHIN
I came in to take a breather.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
(to Meshaev Two)
Please don't get up. It's nothing. A secret agent.
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Did you notice anything? Maybe you'd like to talk to me privately?
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BARBOSHIN
No, Mister. I crave a little light, a little warmth....I was beginning to get the willies. It's lonely and scary out there. Nerves are starting to give.... Torments of the imagination, an uneasy conscience, images from the past....
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LYUBOV'
Alyosha, it's either him or me. You give him a glass of teaâI'm going to bed.
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BARBOSHIN
(to Meshaev Two)
Aha! And who is this? How did you get in here?
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MESHAEV TWO
Me? Why, I came in the usual wayâthrough the door.
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BARBOSHIN
(to Troshcheykin)
Mister, I consider this a personal insult. Either I guard you and screen all visitors, or I go home and you receive your guests.... Or maybe he is from a rival organization?
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Take it easy. It's just somebody from out of town. He didn't know. Here, take an apple and go, please. One doesn't abandon one's post. You were doing so beautifully until now!...
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BARBOSHIN
I was promised a glass of tea. I'm tired. I'm chilled. There's a nail in my shoe,
(narrating)
I was born into a poor family, and my first conscious recollection isâ
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LYUBOV'
You'll get your tea, but under one conditionâthat you shut up, shut up completely!
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BARBOSHIN
Since you ask me ... what can I do but comply? I only wanted to give you a capsule history of my life. As an illustration. No?
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
Lyuba, how can you cut off a person like that?
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LYUBOV'
No life histories, or I'm leaving.
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BARBOSHIN
May I at least deliver a telegram?
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TROSHCHEYKIN
A telegram? Where from? Quick, let's have it!
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BARBOSHIN
I just intercepted its bearer right near the downstairs entrance. Lordy, Lordyâwhat did I do with it? Ah! Here it is.
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TROSHCHEYKIN
(grabs the telegram, and opens it)
“My thoughts are with you birthday greeâ” What rubbish! You could have spared yourself the trouble,
(to Antonina Pavlovna)
It's for you.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
You see, Lyubochkaâyou were right. Misha did remember!
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MESHAEV TWO
It's getting late! Time to hit the sack. I apologize once again.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
Won't you spend the night with us after all?
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Hear, hear! You can sleep right there on the couch.
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MESHAEV TWO
Actually, I...
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BARBOSHIN
(to Meshaev Two)
Judging by certain outward signs intelligible only to an experienced eye, I can tell you that you have served in the navy, are childless, have recently been to the doctor, and are fond of music.
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MESHAEV TWO
Wrong on all counts.
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BARBOSHIN
Moreover, you are left-handed.
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MESHAEV TWO
Wrong again.
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BARBOSHIN
Tell it to the judge. He'll know right away.
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LYUBOV'
(to Meshaev Two)
Please don't think this is a loony bin we have here. It's just been that kind of day and now it's that kind of night.
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MESHAEV TWO
Oh, I don't mind.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
(to Barboshin)
There are many things about your profession that appeal to a writer of fiction. I'd be very curious to know your attitude toward the detective novel as such.
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BARBOSHIN
There are questions I am under no obligation to answer.
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MESHAEV TWO
(to Lyubov')
You know, it's odd: this gentleman's attempt at divination together with a remarkable encounter I just had brings to mind how once, for lack of anything better to do, I took up fortune-tellingâon an amateur level, of course, but sometimes with considerable success.
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LYUBOV'
Do you do palm-reading?
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Oh, if you could only predict what will become of us! Here we are sitting jokingâa feast during the plagueâand all the time I have a feeling that any minute we may be blown sky-high,
(to Barboshin)
For Christ's sake, finish your stupid tea!
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BARBOSHIN
It's not stupid at all.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
Not long ago I read a book by a certain Hindu author. He gives amazing examples....
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Unfortunately I can't live very long in a state of amazement. I think my hair is going to turn gray overnight.
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MESHAEV TWO
That so?
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LYUBOV'
Would you tell my fortune?
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MESHAEV TWO
Glad to. Only I haven't done this for a long time. Cold little hand you have.
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Predict a journey for her, I implore you.
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MESHAEV TWO
What curious lines. The life line, for example.... Actually, you ought to have died a long time ago. How old are you? Twenty-two, twenty-three?
(Barboshin starts slowly and somewhat diffidently to examine his own palm.)
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LYUBOV'
Twenty-five. I survived by a fluke.
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MESHAEV TWO
Your reason is obedient to your heart, but your heart is a rational one. Well, what else can I tell you? You have a feeling for nature, but are rather indifferent to art.
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TROSHCHEYKIN
True enough.
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MESHAEV TWO
You will die.... You're not afraid to learn how you will die?
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LYUBOV'
Not a bit. Tell me.
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MESHAEV TWO
There's a certain bifurcation here, though, that perplexes me.... No, I won't venture to give an exact answer.
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BARBOSHIN
(proffering his palm)
Here's mine.
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LYUBOV'
Welt, you certainly didn't tell me very much. I thought you would predict something extraordinary, something startling ... for instance, that my life has reached an abyss, that an incredible, fearful, magical happiness awaits me....
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TROSHCHEYKIN
Quiet! I thought I heard somebody ring.... Eh?
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BARBOSHIN
(thrusting his hand toward Meshaev Two)
Here's mine.
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ANTONINA PAVLOVNA
No, you're hearing things. Poor Alyosha, poor dear.... Take it easy, darling.
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MESHAEV TWO
(mechanically taking Barboshin's palm)
You ask too much of me, dear lady. The hand is sometimes reticent. Of course, there are garrulous, outspoken palms. Ten years ago I predicted all kinds of disasters for a man, and today, just a short while ago, as I was getting off the train, I suddenly see him on the station platform. Turned out he had spent several years in jail, because of some romantic brawl, and was now going abroad for good. A certain Barbashin, Leonid Barbashin. It was strange, running into him and then saying good-by right away.
(leans over the hand of Barboshin, who is also sitting with lowered head)
He asked me to say hello to our mutual friends, but you wouldn't know him, I'm sure....
Mstislav Dobujinsky's sketches for the sets of the 1941 Heckscher Theatre (New York) production of
The Event.
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The first version of
The Pole (Polyus)
was completed at the Domaine de Beaulieu, Sollies-Pont, Var (near Toulon), on 8 July 1923. It was revised in Berlin in April of 1924. The present text is a collation of two handwritten transcriptions, representing slightly different versions, from the albums of Vladimir Nabokov's mother, and of the play as published in two installments in
Rul'
in Berlin, 14 and 16 August 1924, with a few minor supplementary corrections of what were obvious oversights or misprints.