Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (17 page)

“Well, it’s not
exactly steak, but I had planned to fix that pork tenderloin you liked so much
last Easter for supper tonight if you’re interested.  I was gonna do baked
potatoes, rice pilaf, and homemade butter rolls as sides and a
strawberry-chocolate pie for dessert,” she offered shyly.

Zeke’s eyes
twinkled.  “You were planning on making me my favorite dinner?”

Honor flushed. 
“No, I was planning on making ME my favorite dinner, and since you’re currently
squatting in my house, it’s just good manners to share,” she returned primly.

“If that’s how you
see it, baby.  Either way, I win,” Zeke remarked with a smile.

“Don’t be
arrogant, Sheriff.  Keep it up and I’ll invite Slade and Ice.  I owe them a
thank you for saving all of us.”

“Make ‘em a pie if
you wanna show ‘em gratitude, Kitten.  Tonight, you’re all mine.”

As it turned out,
Zeke spent his Valentine’s afternoon helping Honor make the boys two pies
each.  Apple and blueberry. 

But only Zeke got
the privilege of taste testing them from Honor’s lips or sharing an intimate
Valentine’s dinner with her.

Turns out the
McKinnon kitchen was a much more romantic locale than The Block.

Mid-March 2016

Something changed
with Honor after Valentine’s Day and it was like all the progress that he’d
made with his girl dried up overnight.  Zeke wasn’t sure if he’d pushed too
far, too fast, or if Honor had just gotten cold feet about how close they’d
grown, but she withdrew from him.  Both physically and mentally.

Hell, if he was
telling the truth, she withdrew from everybody!

Oh, she still went to
work and to church.  She fulfilled her daily obligations at her restaurant, and
she even put on a halfway convincing enough act at the café to fool most of her
customers, but anyone who knew her well could plainly see that the spark that
usually burned in her eyes had dimmed dramatically.  Always the most reserved
of the McKinnon sisters, Honor became remote in a way that each member of her
family noticed.  And not one of them knew what to do about it. She was a shadow
of the woman she’d slowly become over the past few months.  Gone were the hugs
and gentle kisses she and Zeke had begun sharing.  In those affectionate
touches place was a stillness… a stiffness between them that hadn’t been there
before.    Honestly, the quiet, detached way she was acting reminded Zeke of
those dark days after her rape when she didn’t speak at all and rarely even met
anyone’s eyes when they talked to her.

And to be completely
honest, the whole thing was beginning to scare the shit out of him.  It also
didn’t help that he had seen a marked escalation in the creepy notes that were
being left for Honor to find all over the town.  Not only had the writer grown
more menacing in his prose, but he’d begun to add snapshots of Honor to the
notes, making them all the more nerve wracking to every man searching for the
bastard.  Candid photographs that were probably taken with a cell phone had
depicted her reading, working behind the counter at the café, and even going
into her church at Zeke’s side.  He was at a loss, both personally AND
professionally as to what to do.  Somehow, Honor still appeared to remain
oblivious to the threat, but Zeke knew it was only a matter of time before he
had to tell her.

He just wasn’t sure
what that information would do to the young woman that monopolized the majority
of his thoughts.  She already seemed to be walking the fine line of a massive
breakdown.  Learning that yet another whack job was targeting her might well
shove her over the edge. 

Zeke was doing
everything he could to keep her safe.  He already had someone constantly
shadowing Honor.  If it wasn’t himself, he’d enlisted Diego Fuentes, his
brother, Ice, and Deputy Hightower to watch over her.  None of them had spotted
anything unusual.  Hell, the past weekend, he’d even installed cameras outside
Honor’s house to try and catch the bastard delivering one of the notes.  He
would have tried the ploy at the café, too, but he knew that the foot traffic
was so high, he’d never be able to pin anything on one person.  Fuck, but it
was like her stalker had a sixth sense and knew what Zeke was going to do
before he did it.

Running a hand over
his tired, worn face as he watched Honor move mindlessly around her kitchen
putting away dishes, Zeke told himself that he was bound to catch a break
sooner or later, but he was more than a little worried that Honor would end up
breaking into pieces before the case broke open.

The kick in the teeth
was that everyone wanted to handle Honor differently.  Harmony, Faith and
Honor’s Uncle Jethro wanted to continue treating her gently, handling her with
kid gloves so that the already unstable apple cart didn’t get upended. 
Patience, Maggie, Diego and Miss Orla wanted to storm the castle, and force
Honor into confronting her demons.  Slade said to leave her alone; she’d talk
when she was ready.  And Zeke’s ever-so-helpful brother recommended they admit
her to the nearest psychiatric hospital since it was obvious she had more
issues than the family could handle.  Most of the other men folk of the family
felt as powerless as Zeke did and were uncertain what actions needed to
happen.    To say the family was divided was an understatement.  And that old
saying about a family divided wasn’t able to stand was turning out to have more
than a little truth to it.

Closing his eyes, he
knew he had to try to breach this distance dividing them, and he was just too
damned old to pussyfoot around the issue.  He had to try one more time to
figure out what was going on inside that mind of hers.  Clearing his throat as
he opened his eyes to look at her, he took another sip of the coffee he’d
poured himself earlier before he called out to her.  “Honor, come sit for a few
minutes,” he urged her, keeping his voice low as he watched her movements slow
down almost like a battery that had run out of juice.  “C’mon, Kitten.  We need
to talk about tomorrow.  It’s your birthday.  We need to celebrate.”

“Birthdays are for
children, Zeke,” Honor replied almost inaudibly as she wiped down the already
pristine kitchen counter.

“Bull.  Birthdays are
for everybody, Honor.  Now, either you tell me how you want to celebrate, or I
call one of your sisters and let them plan a whole big thing,” he threatened,
more than prepared to follow through if necessary.  He hoped the threat of a
McKinnon-filled hoopla would pull her around to his way of thinking.  This
current funk she’d immersed herself into was just not gonna fly on her
birthday.

 “Fine,” she
muttered, hanging her head.  “A movie and sweats day.”

“Pardon?” he asked,
tilting his head as he tried to make sense of what she said.  “What the heck is
a movie and sweats day?”

“I want to sit around
in my sweats and watch my favorite movies on my birthday,” she replied.  “With
lots of ice cream at my disposal,” she added quickly.  “But just us, Zeke.  I
don’t want a big family thing.”

That didn’t make any
sense to him at all.  Honor lived to spend time with her family; it’s one of
the things that had kept her going doing the darkest times in her life.  Her
sudden hesitance when it came to spending time with them was disturbing.  “Babe,
you know your sisters.  They’re definitely gonna want to see their baby sister
on her birthday.”

Honor shook her
head.  “No.  Not this year.  Zeke, my headaches are killin’ me, and as much as
I love my sisters and their extended families, they aren’t exactly known for
being quiet.  I just want a little peace tomorrow, okay?  I’ve already told
them this morning that I wasn’t feeling well.  They all understood.”

“Babe, I promise you,
nobody understands.  I know your head hurts and I know you still aren’t sleeping
for shit, but this depression you’re in is more than that.  And we’ve all
noticed.”

“Zeke, I don’t want
to argue with you,” Honor whispered, her fingers clenching around the dishrag
in her hand.

“Kitten, I love you. 
Do you think it makes me happy to see you like this?  Talk to me, baby.  And if
you can’t talk about whatever’s on your mind with me, let’s find you somebody
that you can talk to,” he offered gently.

Whirling around to
glare at him, Honor shook her head.  “Why can’t you just believe me?  Nothing
is wrong with me.  I’m just worn out is all!”

“You woke up
screaming three times last night, Honor,” Zeke pointed out sharply, wincing
internally as he heard his own strident voice.

“I have nightmares.”

Slightly gentling his
voice this time, he replied, “Yeah, got that memo.  I hear you crying almost
every night, Honor.  Do you know what that does to me?  It’s like having salt
poured directly onto an open wound.  You won’t let me help you and you won’t
ask anyone else for help!  How long do you expect us to live like this?”

“Nobody but you is
making you stay here, Ezekiel,” Honor snapped.  “You should feel free to leave
at any time and resume your life.”

“Don’t even start
with that bullshit.  I told you months ago, I’m in this for the long haul.”

“And that so-called
haul appears to be never ending,” she muttered, throwing the wet rag into the
sink with a vicious flip of her wrist.  “Are you even looking for the person
that tried to run me and Patience off the road anymore?  And what about those
animals Tanner mentioned when he was dying.  Nope, sorry, I mean WHEN I KILLED
HIM!” Honor screamed furiously.  “Have you made any progress on that, Sheriff?”
she sneered.  “Maybe I’d rest better if you could find at least ONE of the
culprits.  Have you ever thought about that, Zeke?”

“Every day of my
life, Kitten,” Zeke acknowledged softly.  “Every fucking day.”

Dropping her head,
Honor buried her face in her hands.  “I’m sorry,” she apologized, her words
muffled.  “I am so, so sorry, Zeke.  You’ve been nothing but supportive,
stayin’ here with me and getting up in the night every time I make a noise. 
You’ve sacrificed so much of your life for me, and I’m actin’ like an
ungrateful witch.”

Rising from the
table, Zeke was across the room in seconds, prying her hands away from her face
to cup her cheeks.  “Don’t.  You’ve done nothing wrong.  Anybody would be
anxious for this to be over.  I swear to you, Honor, I am lookin’ under every
rock and turning over every stone to find the pricks that hurt you, baby.  I won’t
stop looking until I find them.”

“I know,” she
conceded while she tried to blink back tears.  “I really do know that. 
Sometimes it just feels like my nightmare is never gonna end, you know?  Last
night, I kept dreamin’ ‘bout Tanner and the night I ki-ki-ki…” she began to
stutter and shake.

“Hey, you didn’t kill
that bastard, and even if you had, it would have been self-defense,” Zeke began
to calm her.

“He had his back
turned when I stabbed him in the back, Zeke,” Honor wheezed, pressing one hand
to her stomach as the tears began to slip past her cheeks. 

“Yeah, and when you
stabbed him, he was holding his gun to Harmony’s head.  If those aren’t the
definition of extenuating circumstances, I don’t know what is.  Besides, the
coroner stated that the stab wounds were survivable.  The seventeen bullets
that myself, Jake, Slade, and Diego put in him were not.  If anybody killed
him, I did, sweetheart.  I emptied my fucking clip in the fucker.  You are not
the slightest bit culpable for ANYTHING that happened.”

“Hard to believe when
I can still feel his sticky blood drying on my hands,” she said faintly,
staring into space.  “I know he raped me.  I know he deserved to die.  But I
never thought I was capable of…of… you know.  And God, when it isn’t him I’m
dreaming about, it’s THAT night.  THAT night is never gonna leave my mind,
Zeke. Not ever.  There’s not a day that goes by that my mind doesn’t get drawn
back there.  Sometimes it’s only for a second that I go back there, but other
times… I get lost in the past and I’m terrified that I won’t find my way back.”

Gripping her arms,
Zeke stared down into her pained eyes.  “Baby, please, for the love of God, let
me find you some help.  A professional you can talk to about this.  You know
Dr. Mackenzie’s sister is practicin’ in town now.  I know I can…”

“No!” Honor shouted
hoarsely, shoving him away from her.  “I’m not crazy and I don’t need any kind
of head shrinker trying to channel my pain.  I won’t go, Zeke.  Don’t even
mention it to me.  I can handle my own problems.”

Oh, how he wanted to
argue with that statement, but he could tell by the mutinous look on Honor’s
face that anything he said now would travel in one ear and out the other, and
he’d give anything to know why she was so unnaturally stubborn about seeking
help.  Instead he said, “Maybe we can talk about that when you’re feeling
better and not run ragged from lack of sleep, baby.”

“Don’t bother! My
answer won’t change.” she retorted briskly, shaking her head quickly as she
stared at him with determined eyes.

Zeke took a deep
breath. “I hear you, Honor.  Now, back to your birthday,” he prompted as much
to distract her as anything else.  “You said your sisters accepted that you
didn’t want to do a get together?”

Honor slowly nodded. 
“They weren’t real happy with me, but Faith said Annabelle is still a bit
feverish from that virus she had, and Patience is still fighting the triplets’
bout with colic.  Plus, Harmony is overseeing an engagement party.  Honestly, I
think my sisters were relieved that I wanted to do something low key this
year.  I agreed we’d all go out for a day of shopping next week sometime soon. 
It seemed to satisfy everybody.”

It didn’t satisfy
HIM, Zeke thought grouchily.  He knew her sisters had families and lives of
their own, but he KNEW they’d all been watching Honor struggle lately.  The
fact that nobody was making it a point to spend tomorrow with her pissed him
off. 

“The only one I
couldn’t put off was Aunt Orla.  She’ll bring a chocolate sheet cake by
sometime tomorrow afternoon.  She does it every year since my momma and daddy
passed,” Honor noted a bit unhappily.

“I know, baby,” Zeke
answered with a sigh as she turned away to stare out the kitchen window into
the back pasture. 

“I love her for it. 
I truly do.  I just wish…heck, I don’t know what I wish anymore,” she declared
wearily, her shoulders hunching as she hung her head.

She looked so
heartbroken, bent over the sink as she fisted her hands against the edge of the
counter and warred with herself for control.  He couldn’t fight the
overwhelming need he felt to comfort her.  Moving to stand behind her, he
carefully wrapped his arms around her and drew her back against his chest as
his cheek grazed hers.  “You know, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, Kitten. 
It doesn’t make you weak to need to lean on somebody else.  It makes you
human.”