Marriage of Convenience (28 page)

Caroline choked at the sight of him. Despite how much she’d hurt him, he wanted to hold her, to soothe her. And though she was desperate to be in his arms, she held up her hands again to ward him off. His face showed the hurt of her rejection, but she hoped it was only temporary. She had to finish.

“He works for a company named Dollar Tree. It’s a private loan company. Apparently, his boss wanted to see me.”

Malcolm’s brows rose. “A loanshark?” Elsy had been right. He felt a little deflated at the news. Was she also right that he should cut his losses before it was too late?

Caroline nodded. “It was before I met you,” she said defensively. “It was fairly obvious that I needed to expand the shop, or I was going to lose my edge. I was having to turn down too much business because we didn’t have the space or the manpower. I needed to hire more bodies, but there was nowhere for them to work. I needed more counter, phone, and computer assistants, but there was no space.”

“So you turned to them? What about Sarah? Gloria? A bank loan?”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Of course I thought of those things. But you know Sarah won’t take her inheritance until everyone gets it. And Gloria would do anything for me, but I didn’t want to use that to get money from her. Even the thought of it made me feel dirty.”

“And the bank?”

“I would never qualify. I have no income with the exception of the shop. My wealth is tied to the trust. In order to qualify for the loan, I’d have to make it available in the event I didn’t make the payments. Mother would make sure that would never happen.”

Malcolm nodded. “So what happened?”

“I was taken to the Dollar Tree office where the manager proceeded to threaten you and … the baby … if I didn’t pay on time.” Caroline just barely breathed the words. If he hadn’t figured out she was pregnant, he knew now. But as she watched for his reaction, he didn’t flinch, didn’t so much as blink.

He regarded her quietly. “We will discuss that issue separately. But please don’t read my disinterest as forgiveness or even understanding of what you’ve held back from me.” When he spoke the iciness was arctic, and she shivered.

“Now, what do we owe this man, and how do we get it to him quickly? I don’t want this at our doorstep any longer. I can have whatever we owe wired to the man inside an hour. I need to know you and our baby are safe.” He reached for his phone.

Caroline smiled and shook her head. Tears crept into her eyes. She tilted her head back to look at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from running down her face. When she finally made eye contact, she could see he was waiting for her. Again. They’d played this game before when he’d asked about her family. He’d patiently listened and hadn’t judged her afterward. In fact, he’d asked to be able to actively support her during her quarterly meetings. And here he was again, assuming her problems were his problems. He hadn’t criticized her decision. He only wanted to help clean it up and make them safe. Why was she such an ass?

She cleared her throat. “It’s okay. I called Hawthorne as soon as I left—”

“But you didn’t call me?” Malcolm’s voice was raw with pain.

“I was trying to protect you! You didn’t deserve to be a part of this. He had no right to even mention you. I had two weeks until the first payment was due. He was jumping the gun, and when he brought my family into it, he made a mistake.” Caroline’s eyes were flashing with anger. She remembered how she’d been floored by the notion that he would have Malcolm hurt if she didn’t pay. She’d cried in the elevator and stood numbly on the street. As she had stood, the sadness had turned to anger and the anger into action.

“I didn’t know what Hawthorne could do, but he’s charged with my safety, and if you’re not safe then I’m not safe.” Caroline was practically yelling, but she didn’t care. She’d fucked up; she knew that. But she was trying to fix it the best she could. If she could save his life and protect their child, what happened to her was of little consequence. She could accept that knowing she was the cause of the problem.

Caroline hadn’t been quite this calm when Hawthorne had informed her of the slush fund. Had she known about it beforehand, she might have had an alternative to Dollar Tree to begin with. But that was water under the bridge. Now she needed to save her marriage.

“Malcolm, I’m sorry I kept this from you. I really am. I was involved in it before I met you, I thought I’d have it all taken care of before anyone found out, and it would all just go away.” The tears finally fell, and she was unable to stop them. “I was embarrassed for even having to go to Dollar Tree. I felt like a coward for not being able to handle my mother. I felt like a failure for not being able to run my business. I know that doesn’t make it right, but you said yourself we have an unusual history. It just never came up.” She looked at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to understand. She sniffled and stared at the floor. She knew she should probably be kneeling on it, but she didn’t know what else to say.

“It didn’t come up because you’re a coward and a failure?” Malcolm’s tone was incredulous. “You think I would have judged you that way? You think I would have judged you at all?”

“No! I meant—” She stopped when he held up his hand. He walked past her to the table and signed the documents Hawthorne had reviewed. He threw the pen onto the table and walked to the door without looking at her.

Caroline grabbed onto the table to keep from falling and bit her lip to keep from crying out. “I want a wife, Caroline. A friend, a partner, a mother to my children. Anything we have left to discuss will need to wait until you can decide what you’re willing to sacrifice for us. And if it’s not enough, then there can’t be any future for us.”

Caroline saw the door close behind him, but heard nothing except the rush of blood in her ears. Could she be that woman?

Malcolm heard the front door open and then close. He’d been lying in bed for an hour, mentally raging at himself for what he’d said to Caroline and then at her for putting them in this position in the first place. When he got tired of that, he couldn’t stop himself from dwelling on the question of what the hell he was supposed to do now. He’d all but given Caroline an ultimatum, something he hadn’t thought about or intended to do. He’d been so fucking hurt! On his back, staring at the ceiling, he thumped his elbow into the mattress and wished for the thousandth time that they’d had more time.

He heard Caroline rustling around the living room and wondered if she would sleep with him tonight. He could imagine that if he was in her shoes he’d be swamped with emotions. Which one would she respond to? She had to be relieved to have Dollar Tree under control. His signing the papers had allowed that to happen. But she had to be worried about the shop and probably angry with herself and him as well. It was the last that bothered him the most. If they could get on the same page, they could work the other issues through together.

Malcolm watched Caroline walk through the bedroom door. The soft light from the living room blocked out her features and highlighted her form in a halo of light. His breath caught, and he wanted more than anything to jump from the bed and drag her to him, demanding she be the woman and wife he knew she could be.

But he didn’t.

She needed to come to him. He needed to know she wanted to be with him, that she wanted their marriage to work, that she regretted not being more forthcoming. So he waited. She hesitated in the doorway, and he could feel her eyes on him. She moved deeper into the room, coming toward him. As she left the doorway, her features became more clear, and he could see that her face was puffy, her eyes red-rimmed, and her lips swollen. She sat timidly on his side of the bed, near his feet.

“Are you awake?” Her voice was raspy, and she clutched the mattress on either side of her knees.

“Yes.” He wanted to say more, but he counseled himself to give her space. She needed to make her own decision.

Caroline licked her lips and finally met his gaze. “Can I stay?” Her voice was shaky and just above a whisper.

“Do you want to stay?”

“Yes, more than anything,” she said in a rush, and fresh tears slid down her cheeks. He fought the urge to pull her close and wipe them away with loving kisses.

Malcolm let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. She wanted to stay. But why? And what would that be like for them?

“Then you’re ready to talk?”

“Can we just lie together for a while?” Caroline’s voice was pleading.

Malcolm ached to do just that. But he resisted, knowing it wouldn’t end there. “No, baby, we can’t.” He sat up, pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms loosely around his shins. They were physically closer than they’d been in hours, but he could still feel the void that the evening’s events had created. “We need this behind us. And we need to establish an understanding so we can move forward. If we can’t do those things, we probably shouldn’t….” Malcolm couldn’t finish his sentence because the idea of them not together was too painful. He’d articulate those thoughts only if necessary.

Caroline’s chin trembled, and she wrapped her arms around herself. “I understand.” Malcolm watched her swallow and then nod her head once. “Can we talk about it just this once and then never talk about it again?” She looked at him and gently laid her hand on his. “We will get over this, and we will have a future together. But I don’t want it to keep coming back.”

Malcolm dropped his knees and held her hand in his lap. “Agreed.” He kissed the back of her hand and then the palm, pressing it against his cheek. His heart craved her touch as much as his brain craved her answers.

Laying her hand down on the blanket between them, he took the file of papers he’d gotten from the doctor’s office out of the nightstand drawer. “Were you going to tell me about this?” Caroline took the file from him and looked at the results of her pregnancy test.

“Of course,” Caroline said. “I just didn’t know how. We hadn’t talked about children. And when I finally got the courage to ask even hypothetically, I found out I was pregnant and couldn’t bear to hear you say you didn’t want them.” Her voice was pleading, begging him to understand her logic.

“This test is a week old, Caroline. How could you keep this from me? If I hadn’t, by chance, run into Dr. Allen who led me to Gordon’s nurse, you’re saying I still wouldn’t know. Does the sense of betrayal I feel mean anything to you? ” He threw the envelope of papers onto the bed and ran his hands over his hair. He stared at her as if trying to figure her out. He didn’t bother to temper the frustration and hurt that colored his tone.

Caroline turned toward him, one knee bent on the bed and the other still dangling toward the floor. “I knew you’d be upset if you found out before I told you, but God, Malcolm, I simply couldn’t do it.” Malcolm couldn’t see her eyes. He leaned back and switched on the table lamp, flooding the room with light. She blinked rapidly, but didn’t look away. “I was prepared, when we first met, before then even, to be a single parent.” Malcolm’s breath caught. She’d planned to get pregnant and leave him?

“That was your plan? You’d use─”

“But then I fell in love with you.” Caroline spoke softly and looked away, tears slipping down her cheeks again. “I had intended to have the baby and raise her on my own, because I thought my life with you would be fairly independent, almost separate. But our marriage, our partnership turned out to be so much more than I ever dreamed.” Caroline’s voice was high and impassioned. “In the last few months we’ve shared a bond that many couples never create. I feel loved, cared for—happy.” She clenched her hands in her lap. “I didn’t—don’t—want to lose that, Malcolm.” She looked at him, eyes wide and wet.

Malcolm’s anger dissipated almost immediately, but he still felt empty. If she loved him she had a hell of a way of showing it. “Caroline, we may not have come together in the traditional way, but I thought we understood each other. I thought we’d created something deeper.” Malcolm’s words echoed her own thoughts.

“We have. My not telling you about the baby has nothing to do with how we’ve grown together in the last few months. It has more to do with not being sure whether we even wanted kids. I didn’t know how to tell you.” She sniffed and swiped at her eyes. “And since we’re being transparent here, I’ll admit that after tonight I couldn’t even imagine that you care! I was fairly certain I didn’t want to see you again and that you’d sign the papers and be on your way.”

“Not care? Be on my way? How can you say that?” Heat rushed to his face, and he felt like he was about to explode. “On what basis can you even make those statements? You just acknowledged that we’ve never discussed children. If we had, I would have told you that the idea of you having our baby makes me ecstatic. I want to be over the moon here, Caroline, but I need to understand what’s going on.”

“What’s going on? How about you seeing Elsy again? That’s what’s going on!” She really was yelling this time.

“Elsy? What the hell does she have to do with this?”

“Until tonight, nothing. Or so I thought. You called her from the beach. It was supposed to be over. But then she’s in our living room and you have your arms wrapped around each other? How could that be interpreted in any other way than you invited her over?”

Malcolm closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to calm down. Caroline was crying, and his chest was heaving. If he couldn’t deescalate the emotion, they would never clear the air.

Quietly he said, “You heard me call her. I never called her again. She stopped by this evening on her own accord. She clearly thought she was going to tell me things about you, about us, that would negatively impact how I feel about you. I’m sure she hoped to drive a wedge between us. But dammit, Caroline, the only one doing that is you. ” He gazed at her steadily. His explanation seemed to deflate her a little. “I hadn’t even thought about her until I threw open the door, praying it was you. I had no idea where you were, and you forgot your cell phone today.” Malcolm sighed, trying to put things into perspective and refocus on finding a solution.