Mastering Lexie (Stronghold Book 4) (20 page)

"I liked
it," Lexie said, shrugging because she couldn't really explain why.
 "I was happy just being there.  It was kind of like meditating
except that I was super aware of him."

"That
doesn't sound very sexy," Leigh said, accepting a piece of chocolate
covered bacon from Angel.  She took a bite and moaned.  "Holy
guacamole, that's so wrong, it's right."

"Gimme a
bite," Lexie said, leaning over so that Leigh could put it in her
mouth.  Smokiness, salt and sweet exploded on her tongue.  She
wouldn't have tried it sober... but Leigh was right.  It was fucking good.

"I get
it," Maria said, coming out of the cabinet with Jessica behind her. 
They were both holding various bags of snacks.  Nuts, chips, dried
cranberrries... "Sometimes Rick just leaves me tied up with a toy in me,
and does his own thing.  I don't get to cum, but waiting for him, knowing
that he's thinking about me during that whole time... it's hot."

"Yeah,
but that's sexual," Angel countered.  "It doesn't sound like
anything about last night was sexual." 

"Submission
isn't always about sex," Jessica chimed in, ripping open a bag of
chips.  Mmmm, more salty and sweet.  They were going to need more
chocolate soon.  "Sometimes it's just about submitting. 
Patrick's a serious control freak.  Even if something isn't overtly
sexual, that doesn't mean it's not a turn on for him.  Especially since
Lexie isn't always exactly cooperative, which makes it a bigger deal when she
is."

"Why does
Patrick want that?"  Maria asked, looking to Olivia for answers, as
the only dominant in the room.  "Is it just because he's Super Dom
and the more dominant a guy is, the more control he needs to have?"

"Nah,
Adam's almost as Dommy, and he's fine just being dominant in a scene,"
Angel said, swiping her finger through the chocolate in the bowl and sucking it
off before Olivia could manage to whack her hand with the plastic spoon. 
She winked at the Domme, who shook her head at her.

"Do not
ever let Adam hear you say he's 'Dommy,'" Olivia advised in a dry voice.
 "He's plenty controlling, you just don't always notice because he's
a hell of a lot sneakier about it than Patrick."  Angel scowled,
looking like she was about to disagree, and Olivia raised an eyebrow at her.
 "When was the last time you hung out with any of your guy friends by
yourself?  Or made a new guy friend?"

The shocked
and disgruntled look on Angel's face made it pretty clear she hadn't even
thought about either of those things and that the answer was – not since she
started dating Adam.  Lexie couldn't help but giggle, but that was okay
because the others were too.  

"I think
Patrick's a control freak partly because of his parents," Lexie said
thoughtfully.  "He's always been like that since I've known
him."

"What's
with his parents?"  Maria asked.  "If it's not too nosy...
were they super controlling to him?" 

Olivia shook
her head as Lexie answered.  "Just the opposite, they were barely in
his life.  He pretty much hung out with Jake and my family all the time,
and, from what I can tell, my parents cared a hell of a lot more about what he
was up to than his parents did.  They're not unloving, exactly.  When he
got hurt in that sword fight with Jake, they were super upset and took care of
him when he first got out of the hospital, but as soon as he was okay they went
right back to being indifferent.  He's just always had to take care of
himself."

"And he's
a dominant, always has been," Olivia said, continuing the psycho-analysis,
which Lexie was grateful for.  She'd never really spoken about her
theories out loud, but it was nice to know that Olivia agreed with her.
 "Some submissives have to have control over their lives, but find
release from being out of control during sex.  Patrick was already a
control freak, and having to take care of himself all the time just added to
that.  He gets his release from being able to control someone else and
actually having them listen and focus completely on him, the way his parents
never did.  Although, honestly, I think he'd probably be pretty much the
same even if his parents had paid attention to him."

"Truth."
 Lexie raised her chocolate dipped potato chip in the air before biting
off the chocolate coated part with relish.

Later that
night, Lexie and Leigh ended up in the guest bedroom together.  Olivia had
gone home, Rick had come to get Maria, and Jessica and Hilary had passed out on
the couch together.  Angel, of course, was in her own bed with Adam, who
had finally come home and immediately hid in their bedroom.  Not that
anyone would call it hiding to his face, other than maybe Olivia.

Lexie knew
that she'd had enough to drink to be pretty drunk, but not wasted.  It was
a pretty good place to be.  Leigh hadn't drunk enough to be wasted either,
fortunately.  Olivia had made sure to keep feeding her and giving her
water in between the booze, otherwise she probably would have been a hot mess.
 

"Lex?"
 Leigh's voice was a mere whisper in the darkness, and Lexie answered in
the same way.

"Yeah?"

"What
will you do if he doesn't want you?"  There was just a bit of
tearfulness in Leigh's voice, but not enough to make Lexie think she was
actually crying.  Even though she'd heard it before, even though she asked
it of herself all the time, coming from Leigh, right now, it deserved a better
answer than she usually gave.  Normally, it was easy to brush off. 
She'd get to that when it happened.  Things would be fine, they'd work
out.  For Leigh, right now, those platitudes would be weak and kind of
insulting.  Even though Lexie and Patrick hadn't been in a romantic
relationship for years, Lexie had definitely had feelings for him for a really,
really long time.  Unrequited feelings, so far.

"I'll
cry," Lexie said quietly, allowing herself to really think about it for
the first time.  The emotion that lodged in her chest made her heart ache,
a phantom pain slicing through her like a jagged knife.  "I'll cry
and curse him and probably hate him for a little bit.  But I'll put a
smile on, and I won't let anyone know, because I won't want them to blame him
either.  I'll keep going to Stronghold and hope that in some way, it hurts
him as much as it hurts me.  But I'll really be going because I can't stop
now.  I need the scene.  If I know that he cares and he's hurting
too, that will just make me feel better, but either way I'm not going to go
back to being vanilla.  I can't.  And one day... one day I'll find
someone else, who does want me, and it'll stop hurting, and hopefully, I won't
even be able to remember what I felt for him." 

The silence in
the room was deafening.  Lexie wasn't sure if her words had helped or
hurt, but they were the truth.  She wasn't going to pine years of her life
away over Patrick like some kind of Harlequin romance heroine.  That was
bullshit.  She was more than her interest in a guy, and she could live
without him and find someone else, fall in love and live happily ever after
with them instead.  In some ways, this was his last chance, she'd
decided.  She'd already spent years pining after him, but she hadn't been
old enough, she hadn't understood enough before.  Now she did, and she
wasn't going to waste any more time.  If he hadn't taken on training her,
she would have kept coming to Stronghold, and she would have already started
trying out the Doms.  There were plenty who were attractive to her. 
But he had taken her on, and she could sense that he wanted her, even though he
didn't want to admit it. 

So this was
it, do or die time.  Because that's what it would be, the death of her
hopes.  She would mourn them, be sad over them, but she'd recover
eventually.  That's what people did when their hearts were broken, they
picked up the pieces and they moved on, or they didn't.  Lexie wasn't
going to be one of the ones who didn't, and spend the rest of her life
miserable.

She turned her
head in the darkness, trying to see Leigh.  

"Leigh?"
 Lexie moved her hand over to poke at the lump that she was pretty sure
was her friend.  A soft snore was her only reply, and Lexie giggled. 
Turning over, she hugged the pillow, trying to push away the pit in her stomach
and wondering if Leigh would even remember the heartfelt confession. 
Lexie kind of hoped that she didn't.

Arriving home
late Sunday morning, Lexie found a plastic bag hanging from the front door of
her apartment with Gatorade and a bunch of bananas.  She smiled as she
recognized the hangover food.  There was no note, but she knew who it had
to be.  

That night she
went over to her parents for dinner and sat through the usual grilling about
whether or not she'd thought about finding a different job; followed by questions
about how Patrick was doing, since they hadn't seen him in a while.  For
once, the second set of questions was harder than the first.  Granted, she
never shared as much with her parents as she had with Jake, but part of her did
feel like she should tell them that she was hoping to soon be dating a man that
they thought of as a son.  But, like with Jake, she didn't want to jump
the gun and end up having anyone upset at Patrick if things didn't work out.

After Leigh's
questioning on Saturday night, the thought of not ending up with Patrick had
been looming over Lexie's head.  So was Leigh's situation, but the other
woman was doing well.  Michael had apparently moved out of their apartment
on Saturday and Sunday, removing all of his things and going to stay with
friends.  He'd told Leigh that she deserved the apartment. 
Fortunately it was within her price range to keep on her own, even though it
was a bit of a stretch.  They'd been talking about possibly looking into
getting a house rather than moving into a bigger apartment.  Leigh's voice
was bitter as she recounted that; the anger that Olivia had encouraged seemed
to be growing now, although she also had a tendency to burst into tears at any
given moment.  Lexie made sure to check in with her every day, whether it
was by text or phone.  

Monday dragged
by.  There was nothing unusual about it, but because she was on pins and
needles waiting for the weekend, it felt longer than usual.  She was so tempted
to get in touch with Patrick, but she resisted.  Heck, if he could do it, so
could she.  Tuesday was just as bad, until, surprisingly, Patrick texted
her.

Are you
free tonight?

Yes.

Come over
for dinner. 6:30.  Don't be late.

Yes, Sir.

Her heart felt
like it was in her throat when she responded to the second text.  It
wasn't the first time she'd been over to Patrick's house for dinner, but it was
the first time like this.  He'd never demanded her presence like that
before or admonished her not to be late.  Not that she was usually late,
but all she could think about right now was that being late would mean being
punished this time.

Part of her
was immediately tempted, but that would be counterproductive.  Lexie
didn't want to top from the bottom.  That wouldn't satisfy her. 
Besides, she didn't doubt that Patrick would immediately know if she tried
something like that, and she knew he wouldn't have a good reaction to
that.  If she just wanted a scene, that would be one thing, but she wanted
more.  So she had to prove to him that she wouldn't disappoint him just to
get a spanking.

Scrap that
idea.

More
importantly, what was she going to wear?

******

Taking the
candles off the table for the third time, Patrick put them back in the
cabinet.  This time he was going to leave them there. 
Definitely.  This wasn't a romantic dinner, after all.  He just
wanted to see Lexie.  Since he'd missed out on Saturday night.  Not
that they'd have done a scene then, but he'd been thinking about having her in
his office again.  Just to see how she did a second night in a row.

After all, if
he was going to talk to Jake, once he returned from deployment, then Patrick
needed to know that Lexie could handle his needs.  Not just the ones in a
scene, but the ones outside of a scene too.  There was no way to discover
if she could be a full-time submissive without testing her.  Better to
find out now rather than
after
 talking to Jake.

He'd made a
nice dinner, using recipes that he'd gotten from Justin and Angel, both of whom
did a lot of cooking.  Pecan-crusted pork loin, Brussel sprouts with pears
and apples that had been simmered in apple cider, and baked polenta rounds with
melted cheese on top.  Not his usual kind of meal, he was more of a
steak-and-potatoes guy, but definitely within his capabilities.  Still, he
knew he'd gone a little overboard with trying to make it an impressive meal.

Which was why
the damned candles were staying in the damned cabinet.  This wasn't a
date.  Something that he needed to remind himself of.  Lexie
too.  He really didn't want to hurt her by getting her hopes up.  

It was a fine
line he was walking, and it was driving him a little batty, trying to maintain
his balance.  Which, in turn, was making his need for control over every
aspect of his life even greater, including making him want to control
Lexie.  He hadn't just been pleased when she'd agreed to come over
tonight, he'd been
relieved.
  He needed an outlet for his growing
frustration, his need, and he knew he'd be able to get that tonight.

Not sexually,
but in a more intimate manner.  

The doorbell
rang, and he had to restrain himself from running to answer it.  
Get it
together, asshole.
  She was exactly on time.  

Lexie looked
gorgeous, as usual.  She was wearing jeans that clung to the line of her
body, a thin, dark red blouse, and a vest that kept her top from being
immodest.  Without the vest, he would have been able to see right through
her shirt.  It wasn't how she normally dressed, and he felt a small surge
of pleasure that she had obviously picked out something special for dinner with
him.

Then he tamped
the pleasure down, reminding himself that he wasn't supposed to be getting his
hopes up while she was just training with him.

"Hi,"
she said cheerfully, wrapping her arms around him for a greeting hug, the way
they always did.  Patrick returned the hug, trying not to remember what it
felt like to have her naked skin under his hands.  

"Hey
Pixie, come on in," he said, stepping back so that she could move past him
into the house.  

"Oh my
god, something smells amazing," she said, over her shoulder as she headed
for the kitchen.  "Did you actually cook?"

"Of
course I cooked, I invited you over for dinner, didn't I?" he teased
her.  Having Lexie over at his house always both relaxed him and put him
on edge, simultaneously, if such a thing was possible.  He liked having
her in his space, but it was also hard to keep his attraction to her under
control all the time.  Tonight was going to be the first time that he was
going to be able to indulge in some of his desires.  

Lexie raised
her eyebrows when she saw his dining room table.  He'd set it up with two
place settings, one at the head of the table and one right next to it on the
left, but only the one at the head had any silverware.  "Am I going
to be eating with my fingers?"

"No,"
he said simply.  "Sit down and I'll get the food."

Rather than
talking back, like he'd half-expected, Lexie went to the seat on the left and
watching him.  Her expression was more curious than anything else. 
Smug satisfaction at seeing her follow his direction filled his chest as he
went to get their dinner, serving both of them.  Confusion chased away her
curiosity as he filled their plates and then poured them both a glass of wine.
 

"Shouldn't
I be serving you?" she asked, sounding a bit amused.  "By the
way, this smells even better up close."

"Glad to
hear it," he said with a smile as he sat down.  Her place setting was
much closer to his than it would normally be, well within reach of his
arms.  That was something he'd already checked when he'd set the table up.
 "But no, you should be doing what I want you to do."

"I just
figured you'd want your submissive serving you, not the other way around."

Patrick smiled
at the honest curiosity in her voice.  It was obvious, to him, that she
was trying to figure out what pleased him.  Little did she know that just
wanting to know how to serve him was what pleased him.  He was good enough
at reading expressions and body language to know that she was sincere. 
Sometimes, with Lexie, he had more trouble than with others, because they'd
known each other for so long, and she'd had practice at hiding her emotions, but
right now she was completely open to him.  

"I want
my submissive to do what I tell her to," he said, picking up his fork and
knife and reaching over to cut her pork loin into bite size pieces.  Lexie
watched him, a wrinkle forming over her brow, although she kept her hands in
her lap.  He could see her fingers moving restlessly, as though she wanted
to snatch the silverware from him and take over, but she didn't.
 "Sometimes that will mean serving me.  Sometimes that will mean
sitting still while I serve her."  He flashed a grin at her as her
hands immediately stilled.

"Okay. 
Um... is this like a Daddy Dom thing?"

He couldn't
help but laugh.  "No, just a Service Dom thing.  I get
satisfaction out of providing and caring for my submissive, not out of babying
her."

Doing this
with Lexie had a completely different dynamic than with any of his past
girlfriends.  He realized that he was being more playful with Lexie, more
teasing, even though he meant every word.  With his past submissives, he'd
laid down the law, and they'd either listened or gotten out.  With Lexie,
it was impossible to hold back his affection for her or completely change the
way he normally spoke with her; which might not be a bad thing, considering
that none of his past submissives had worked out either.  Maybe he'd been
too harsh on them.  Or maybe they just hadn't been right.  Something
to consider later.

"Take off
your vest."

Shit.  He
hadn't meant to say that.  It was a thought that had been running through
his head.  What he wanted.  Not what he'd been planning to actually
get.  But now that it was out, he sure as hell wasn't taking it
back.  This was going to be his reward.  Reward and torment, all
wrapped up in one neat little bundle.  

Lexie's eyes
got big, her lips parting slightly, but she just lifted her hands and started
undoing her buttons.  Obviously she hadn't been expecting that
either.  Good to know he wasn't the only one off balance.  Patrick
forced his face to stay blank as she did what he said, shrugging off the
garment. 

No bra.  

Silver gleamed
through the thin fabric of her shirt, which did absolutely nothing to hide her
erect nipples from him.  He could even see the outline of her areola,
despite the fact that the shirt was red and should have hidden that from
him.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

This might be
more torture than reward.  

"Put your
hands behind your back."  That's what he'd meant to say originally,
before his mouth got out of control. 

She bent her
elbows, which thrust her breasts out as she gripped her forearms, holding
herself in the position that he'd told her he liked.  Which was fucking
hot.  Patrick had to fight the urge to reach down and adjust his cock,
mostly because he didn't want her realizing just how affected he was. 
They were already toeing the fucking line as it was. 

It occurred to
Patrick that his inner monologue was saying 'fuck' a lot.  Great. 
His fucking subconscious was probably trying to take over.  

He dragged in
a breath, focusing himself, and gathering the tattered ends of his self-control
and pulling them back in line.  "So, how was your day?"

******

The situation
was utterly surreal, and yet strangely... right. 

Patrick had
her sitting at his dinner table, with her breasts on display (even if they
weren't totally uncovered), while he fed her, and they had a completely normal
dinner conversation.  For a few moments, she'd fantasized that he'd say
fuck dinner and bend her over the table right here and now, but then he'd
ruined that by asking how her day was.  Her day had been torturous,
waiting for tonight.  But that's not what she said.

He fed her
bites of food, unless she asked for a sip of wine or water, which he also
provided for her, while she told him about some of the problem patients that
had come through the office that day.  There was doctor-patient
confidentiality, of course, but she could still tell him about the woman who
had been thirty minutes late to her appointment and then thrown a fit that
she'd had to wait another hour because the doctor had moved on.  Then
there was the slightly funnier story about the dad who'd had his kid with him,
and apparently the kid had just learned the word 'penis.'  He shouted it
at the top of his lungs, over and over again, every couple of minutes while his
dad had tried to hush him.  Some of the patients in the waiting room had
been disapproving, but Lexie and the other patients had found it
hysterical.  Patrick chuckled too, his eyes warm as he fed her another
bite of pork.

They talked
about Stronghold and his time during the day, which was spent on marketing and
also on reviewing applications.  He was too much of a control freak not to
personally go over every single visitor and member application that came
in.  Lexie thought it was endearing.