Matters of the Heart (8 page)

‘Where are you off to, Jane? And your hair...’

For once he was lost for words.

‘I’m going riding, Mr Thornton. Jack is saddling Amber as we speak.’

‘Allow us to come with you, Jane, for I can see you are distressed and it will only take us a moment to change.’

‘No, thank you, but I wish to go alone. Good-day, gentlemen.’

I walked past them without a backward glance, heading for the stables. As I walked through the door I heard Robert call after me.

‘But, Jane!’

I carried on walking, smiling to myself. For once I had gone against his wishes and I felt quite pleased with myself.

As I rode towards Polgent, Amber picking her way expertly across the moorland, my hair blowing in gay abandon behind me, I had a momentary feeling that I was being followed but dismissed the thought, until I saw a man on horseback heading towards me. As he reined in his mount close to me, I could see with some pleasure that it was Jason Trehaine.

‘Good morning, Miss Merriock. I hardly recognised you from a distance. May I hasten to add I don’t mean to sound rude when I say that, for you do, in fact, look quite lovely and so much like your mother that for a moment I believed it was indeed her. You look sad, if I may say so. Is there anything I can do to help?’

‘You are right, Mr Trehaine, I am sad and spent most of last night weeping. As to if you can help I do feel that I can confide in you but don’t wish to burden you with my troubles.’

I smiled at him and when I looked at him again I thought how familiar he looked.

‘Apart from my visit to your home some weeks ago, have we ever met before, Mr Trehaine? I thought when I first saw you that we had.’

‘Indeed not,’ he said most emphatically, then changed the subject rather quickly. ‘Please, come back with me to Mannamead where we can talk and you can tell me what has upset you so.’

‘Why, thank you, I would like that.’

So we spurred our mounts forward, riding along in a companionable silence. I felt so at ease with this man and trusted him implicitly.

Arriving at Mannamead, a stable-hand led Amber away but not before I fed her a sugar lump and caressed her face. The house looked so tranquil in the morning sun and the windows did indeed sparkle. Simms greeted us in the hall, relieving me of my riding cape and crop. We went again to the drawing-room where a cheery fire was already burning in the grate.

Now, Jane, if I may be so presumptuous as to call you by your Christian name, tell me what troubles you that you weep all night.’

‘It was Granny Merriock,’ I said, plunging straight into the problem and I noticed Jason Trehaine was taken aback.

‘Granny Merriock.’

He repeated the name as if he was in a trance.

‘You have met with her, I take it?’

His voice was now back to normal but he still looked, for want of a better word, stunned. Why did this woman have such an effect on people? I set to wondering what Grandmother’s reaction would be for I had not mentioned the name to her yet.

‘Yes, I went to see her at her cottage yesterday afternoon. After introducing myself to her, she denied I was her relation and told me to close the gate as I left, but I know that she is my father’s grandmother so why would she disown me in such a manner? I could not discuss it with her because I knew by her voice and the look in her eyes that was all she had to say.’

Jason Trehaine had listened to me and I could now see concern for me in his eyes. He stood up and looked out of the window for several minutes and then came back and sat down.

‘Jane, there is much I could tell you but I feel this is not the right moment. Believe me when I say it is not Granny Merriock’s fault. Trust me when I say that one day soon you will know the truth behind all this but I have to consult someone first before I dare lay bare to you all I know.’

His voice was steady and his words so sincere that I didn’t doubt him but I was even more perplexed.

‘And Aunt Laura?’ I said, for maybe he could throw light on this also even though my grandmother had tried to enlighten me only yesterday. ‘Why does she resent me so? Is it because of my mother? We had a confrontation yesterday outside the church and to say I am baffled by all this is very true. I’m beginning to feel unwanted here and I am seriously contemplating going back to London.’

‘Your Aunt Laura is, and always has been, a very unhappy woman as I have told you before. She was always jealous of your mother.’

‘Grandmother has told me this also, but I do not understand it. There is more to this whole problem than anyone is prepared to tell me but I trust you when you say you will enlighten me one day soon. Will it be here at Mannamead? Shall I call to see you one afternoon next week?’

‘Yes, dear, it will be arranged, I give you my promise. Now let us have some lunch and weep no more, for we all love you and have your best interests at heart, no-one more so than myself.’

The next couple of hours I spent with Jason Trehaine were a tonic for me. His amusing conversation cheered me greatly and later that afternoon, when he escorted me back to Pendenna, the events of yesterday were firmly pushed to the back of my mind and I had every trust that this man had freed me from any doubt and puzzlement that I had in my mind.

While walking back from the stables after leaving Amber in Jack’s capable hands, I encountered Robert with Alan Lester.

‘Ah, Jane,’ Robert said as he walked swiftly towards me, ‘where have you been? Your grandmother missed you at luncheon but I did not tell her you were out riding alone.’

‘So what did you tell her?’ I asked. ‘Only that you had gone riding.’

‘Well, if you’ll excuse me, gentlemen, I will go and find my grandmother.’

I made to walk on but Robert’s strong hand caught my arm.

As I looked at him, his eyes looking into mine, he said, ‘If the weather is kind tomorrow please ride with me to the Dancing Damsels. I wish you to look on them with happy thoughts. I have spoken with your grandmother and she has given her permission for us to ride alone.’

Tut I vowed never to go there again. The whole visit filled me with foreboding and unpleasant thoughts.’

‘You’ll come with me, Jane, for I have something to say to you, something of great importance.’

As he spoke, he squeezed my arm gently, such a small gesture but it sent my pulses racing and I knew there was no going against his wishes.

‘Very well, Mr Thornton, I will meet you here at eleven on the morrow.’

‘Thank you, Jane,’ he almost breathed a sigh. ‘Till tomorrow then.’

So saying, he released his grip on my arm.

‘Good afternoon, Miss Merriock,’ Alan Lester said as they walked away towards the stables.

On reaching my room, I quickly changed from my riding habit to a day dress. Molly had lit a fire so it was fairly warm after the chill of the November day and the flames danced, casting their light across the walls, creating eerie orange shadows. As I pinned my mother’s brooch to the pleated frill of my dress I thought of Robert’s words and was more than curious to know what he wanted to say to me, but that would have to wait until tomorrow, for now I must seek out my grandmother. I guessed she would take me to task for missing luncheon.

I found her in the drawing-room, sat by the fire, looking very alert and full of expectation.

‘Why, Jane, dear, sit opposite me so I can talk to you.’

Doing as I was bid, I seated myself.

‘Apologies for my missing lunch.’

‘Never mind about that,’ Grandmother interrupted. ‘I’ve far more important things to talk about. I must tell you, dear, I have invited Mr Trehaine to dinner tomorrow evening and he has graciously accepted.’

My first thought at this news was that Jason Trehaine had not mentioned this to me and idly thought this must be a surprise, which indeed it was.

‘It is many years since a Trehaine has entered this house, let alone dine here, so we must make him welcome, Jane.’

‘It will be a pleasure to do so, for I like Mr Trehaine very much, and how does Aunt Laura feel about this?’

‘She doesn’t know yet, but I will tell her later. I’m hoping it may lay to rest some of the ghosts which are haunting my daughter. Now, Jane, that brings me to something else which I wish to say, regarding that unfortunate incident outside the church.’

‘Apologies for that, too, but I am quite perplexed as to why Aunt Laura should have been so spiteful to me.’

‘I want you to tell me what the argument was over, Jane, and the truth, please, for the truth will come out in the end, dear, and you would not want to lie to your grandmother.’

As she spoke, she looked me in the eyes. Hers were shining and held mine with determination and I knew I could only tell her the truth.

‘It was over Granny Merriock,’ I said quite boldly, at which her whole expression changed to one of fear and the eye contact was lost.

‘Jane, I want you to tell me what you know of Granny Merriock.’

Her voice was strong.

‘I only know that she is my paternal grandmother and for some reason disowns the fact, for I have visited her cottage and she practically closed the door in my face. Robert was with me.’

‘What has this to do with Laura?’

‘I saw Granny Merriock in the congregation on Sunday and tried to catch up with her as she left the church. Aunt Laura followed me, anxious to see the spectacle our meeting would cause. And as I told you, quite truthfully on Sunday, Aunt Laura was so spiteful to me and said she disliked me because I am my mother’s daughter. To be honest, Grandmother, I can understand none of this. Granny Merriock disowns me, Aunt Laura seems to hate my mother and now me because I am her daughter. I spoke with Jason Trehaine today and he has promised me he will enlighten me very soon. There, now you have the truth of the situation. I am sorry but none of this is my doing and yet it seems somehow to have something to do with me. The question is, what?’

I bowed my head in my hands and started to cry quietly. I felt my grandmother pull me towards her, her arms around me. For some minutes I rested against the black taffeta and then drew back. Grandmother handed me a white lace handkerchief.

‘Dry your eyes, Jane, and weep no more. You are indeed the innocent party in this situation which amounts to a charade and I will see that the whole unpleasant situation is brought to an end but I have to speak to someone first.’

At these words, I looked with surprise at her.

‘But that is what Jason Trehaine said to me only today. It is you and he who have to speak together, isn’t it?’

She did not answer me.

‘Isn’t it, Grandmother?’

In a weary voice she answered, ‘Yes, my child. Jason Trehaine and I have to speak together.’

So saying, she laid her hand across mine, her ring sparkling in the firelight.

10

To say I spent a restless night is true. Thoughts of what Jason Trehaine and Grandmother had to speak of whirled around in my head and I came to many conclusions, probably none of them the correct one.

As I lay in bed I could see by the light on the curtains that it was a pleasant morning. I lay there, waiting for Molly to bring my breakfast while I thought of this morning’s ride with Robert and wondered what it was he was so keen to say to me.

As usual, Molly was her cheerful self and busied herself preparing my bath and clearing the grate to light a fire. This morning I felt in a sombre mood and chose my dark riding attire. I let Molly arrange my hair, not wishing to displease or outrage Robert today. At this thought I smiled to myself. Had I really outraged the unconventional Robert Thornton yesterday? With some amusement I realised I had. Suddenly I felt better and now looked forward to my ride with Robert, alone. Grandmother had not mentioned it yesterday but I took it to be true that she had given her approval. Robert was many things but not a liar.

As I pinned my mother’s brooch to the high neck of my white blouse, Molly draped the riding cape around my shoulders. Putting the finishing touches to my attire with my silk top hat, which I loathed, I was ready to face Mr Robert Thornton. As I approached the stables I could see he was already there. I could see Jack held Amber ready for me to mount.

‘Good morning, Jane,’ Robert said as I neared the stables. ‘The weather is in our favour for November. It is a lovely day. How lucky we are.’

He was smiling and obviously in good humour.

‘Indeed it is a nice morning. Even the sea is calmer and not thundering on the shore.’

As I spoke, Robert’s hands encircled my waist as he lifted me expertly into the saddle. His eyes met mine and I felt the colour rising in my cheeks and looked away quickly, thanking Jack, to cover my confusion. As we set off little did I know what confusion I would be faced with that day.

Robert rode beside me, reining his horse to keep pace with Amber and myself. As we passed Granny Merriock’s cottage, Robert leaned across and gently laid a hand over mine.

‘Think nothing of it, Jane, for today at least.’

I smiled wistfully back at him. Seeing the church tower in the distance brought to mind the unpleasant incident with Aunt Laura on Sunday and the conversation with my grandmother yesterday. Robert must have observed the solemn look on my face as he reined in our mounts.

‘I want you to be happy today, Jane. Clear all other thoughts from your mind for today is for you and me,’ he said.

These words cheered me for wasn’t this what I wanted, to be alone with this man whom I loved? Thoughts of him had filled my days since meeting him and our secret time in the library was the sun in my heart. Each time I recalled it I could still feel his lips on mine.

As we reached the field and the Dancing Damsels, Robert lifted me down from Amber. Instead of letting me go he pulled me to him and I could feel his heart beating fast. As he looked down at me I could feel myself trembling. I was alone with him, far from any other being and yet I trusted him.

‘Janie, I love you,’ he said in a burst. The words came so suddenly from him I was taken aback.

‘Why, Robert I...’

‘Don’t say anything for the moment, let me speak. I love you and please believe me when I say I have never said this before to anyone. I believe I have loved you since the moment I saw you at the railway station. I want to be with you always, to look after you and protect you. Janie, I want you to be my wife and I pray you can love me, too.’

As he released me, his words rang in my ears. His words had stunned me for I had thought of everything but this and yet it was what I desired. But what of Laura? Grandmother had assured me there was nothing between them but I had witnessed the scene in the woods that day, both of them close together somewhat intimately to my keen eyes. All these thoughts ran through my mind in seconds.

‘Speak to me, Janie. Was I wrong in thinking this is what you wanted? Was I wrong to assume you felt about me as I feel about you?’

I turned away from him and stroked Amber’s nose, catching sight of the ring of tall grey stones.

‘Speak to me, my only love.’

His voice was full of urgency and imploring. I had to find the right words. To say the wrong thing at this moment could jeopardise any future I might have with this man, the man of my dreams. I turned to face him once more.

‘You assume right that this is what I’d hoped for and that my feelings for you are different to anything I’ve experienced but...’

‘But what, Janie?’ he interrupted. ‘What of Laura?’ I asked softly.

‘What about Laura? What has this got to do with your aunt? It is you I love and wish to marry. How could this in any way have anything to do with Laura?’

I could see he was exasperated.

‘Have you forgotten the day I saw you together in the woods? Your hands were holding her arms and you were both so close you couldn’t have got a taper between you. What have you got to say about that? Before I can think of marrying you I have to know what happened that day.’

Robert took my arm.

‘Come, Jane, let us walk to the stone circle. Calm yourself while we walk and I will offer you an explanation. Put your arm through mine.’

I did as I was bid and we walked across the muddy ground. Robert was right, the stones did not hold me with such foreboding today. Robert leaned against one of the age-old stones, the sun falling on his face.

‘I’ve been here a few times with my friend, Alan, and vowed I would propose to you here. It’s an earthy place, far away from balconies and drawing-rooms and I wanted you to remember it always, but it hasn’t gone as planned, no indeed not. I had hoped after our encounter in the library you had forgotten that day in the woods.’

Tut how could I, especially on such a momentous occasion as you pledging your love for me?’

‘I want you to trust and believe in me, Jane, that there is no attachment, or ever has been, between your aunt and myself. Please believe me, it was purely innocent the day you saw us in the woods but at this moment I cannot tell you why we were together.’

‘Why not when you have asked me to become your wife?’

‘Trust me on this, Jane.’ His voice was firm. ‘All I can say is that until I find the priest’s hole I cannot tell you.’

‘The priest’s hole?’ I uttered in astonishment.

‘Yes. That small part of Pendenna Reach is very important to this conversation we are having now.’

‘I think I may know where it is,’ I offered.

Robert was suddenly very alert.

‘You think you know, when Alan and I have scoured the house from top to bottom?’

‘Did you try the nursery?’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘It was something Nora Blackstone said to me one day, that there was such horror to be found in these walls and that it was in the nursery.’

‘We have to get back to Pendenna, Janie. This is important. Not so important as my proposal to you today but we will keep that in abeyance for a day or two. It will give you a chance to think it over. I realise it must have been a shock to you.’

‘It was that, to say the least. I will think it over and I trust you also.’

Now smile and let us hope you have opened the door to an age-old mystery.’ He dropped a kiss on my brow.

On reaching Pendenna, I made my way to my room to prepare for luncheon. I realised I was trembling and my legs felt weak. The events of the morning had been so unexpected I could hardly believe my good fortune. As I stood by the fire in my room, warming my hands, I reached idly to my mother’s brooch at my throat and unclasped it. My hands were trembling so much that I dropped it and it fell to the grate. To my dismay, I saw that the gold backing had come apart from the stone. Gently I picked it up and looked at the opening in the back, behind the stone. To my utter amazement, Jason Trehaine’s image was staring back at me!

I sank back in the chair by the fire clasping the brooch in my hand. Again I looked at the picture to ensure I was not mistaken. It was definitely Jason Trehaine as a young man. His age had not really altered him. Then I read the inscription on the back of the brooch

I adore you forever.

So it had been Jason Trehaine who had given my mother the brooch which she wore every day from as far back as I could remember. But why?

A dozen questions tumbled through my mind. I thought of Mamma’s diaries and I stood up, an astonishing thought coming to me. He looked familiar because I was like him. At this thought, I ran to the mirror and stared at my reflection in the glass. I always thought I looked like my mother and had nothing of John Merriock’s fair looks, now I knew why. Realisation dawned on me, and I truly believed that Jason Trehaine, of Mannamead, was my father.

A medley of thoughts ran through my head — my mother and father not sharing a room; Mamma’s sadness each time she spoke of Pendenna, which was often; the love she mentioned in her diaries was not for John but for Jason. I recalled her words, my beloved will know what to do, and what did they do? How did I come to be brought up believing John Merriock was my father? I had seen their marriage certificate.

I had to have some answers. Then I thought of Granny Merriock saying, ‘You are no great granddaughter of mine.’

She knew I wasn’t her kin. Who else knew apart from my true father? My thoughts flew to my grandmother. She, too, must know the truth. I was so desperate to hear the truth but I must think about this, mull it over in my mind and not be hasty. I knew in my heart I was right. It explained so much.

I looked once more at Jason Trehaine’s picture and gently closed the back of the brooch. To my relief it was not broken and I could see now how the back opened. How many times over the years had my mother opened this and gazed with longing at my father, my real father. I must be Jason Trehaine’s only child. Recalling the day I first visited Mannamead, the picture of his wife came to my mind, and he had said she had died of consumption. And the paintings by John Merriock

What were they doing at Mannamead? He said he bought them as John Merriock was a good friend. Had they really been friends? I had to know what happened in the year of my birth and believed it was my true father who had all the answers.

It suddenly dawned on me that this evening he would be a guest at the Pendenna dinner table. Could I face him with composure, knowing the truth? I could do it, I had to, but for now I must keep silent until the time was right. Molly appeared while I was mulling these thoughts over in my mind.

‘Have you had lunch yet, miss? Your grandmother is asking after you according to Cook,’ Molly chatted.

‘No, I haven’t been down to lunch. I’ve decided to rest until dinner. The ride to the Dancing Damsels has tired me and I didn’t sleep well last night.’

‘No matter, miss, I’ll bring you up some cold chicken and a nice pot of tea.’

Everything seemed so normal with Molly there but in truth everything was different. I picked at my lunch, drank my hot tea and then fell asleep, exhausted by the day’s events. As I drifted off, I asked another question. Did Robert also know the truth?

I entered the drawing-room that evening purposely ten minutes late. As I stood at the door, I regained my composure and smoothed the skirts of my dress. I felt behind me to ensure the stiff silk bow was straight and then glanced down at the square, lace-trimmed bodice to which was pinned my mother’s brooch. I took a deep breath to be ready to face both Robert and Jason Trehaine.

They were all assembled when I entered, as I hoped they would be. Robert stood out. I had not even thought of his proposal since finding the picture in the brooch. I instinctively touched it to make sure it was securely in place. Robert and Jason had obviously been in conversation and I wondered again if Robert knew the truth. I felt as if I was looking at a play being performed. Everything and everyone felt unreal this evening.

‘Miss Merriock, how nice to see you again.’

Jason Trehaine crossed the room and I studied his features carefully, trying not to make it obvious and smiling as he came towards me. There was no doubt about it, I looked like him. Grandmother was silent as she watched the scene enacted before her. What was she thinking? And Laura, did she know? She sat in silence, next to her mother, with a scowl on her face. What was the real reason she hated me so much?

All the while these thoughts were going through my head I tried to smile and act normally, accepting a drink from Robert as he looked in my eyes, conveying the secret of his love to me alone. I suddenly found myself tongue-tied.

‘Where is Alan Lester?’ I stammered.

‘He left this afternoon bound for Somerset and more stone circles,’ Robert enlightened me.

Then I set to wondering about Aunt Laura and the priest’s hole. Why had she denied its existence when my mother had noted in her diary that they had found it? Had Robert looked for it that afternoon? As if in answer to my thoughts, Robert took me to one side, much to Aunt Laura’s displeasure.

‘Meet me at breakfast. I want you to come to the nursery with me in the morning,’ he said quietly.

I glanced around. No-one had heard.