Meadow Perkins, Trusty Sidekick (8 page)

“I don’t want to.” I smoothed down my tousled hair. “But don’t you need to get back downstairs?”

“I’d rather stay here.”

My chest got hot. I touched my neck and let my fingers linger there. “Me, too.”

Alejandro cupped his hand around the back of my neck, underneath my hair, and kissed me again.

Much later, we stood up and I attempted to locate my bag which I finally found beside the couch.

“Come on. I’ll really walk you out this time,” he said.

At the door, Alejandro kissed my cheek. “I feel bad sending you home by yourself. I would walk you but I don’t really trust Declan enough to leave the premises.”

“It’s just a couple of blocks. You probably
shouldn’t
trust Declan.”

Alejandro stood outside and watched me float down the sidewalk and away. I decided it would be cooler not to look back.
Isla wouldn’t look back at a boy.
But it was really hard not to.

Chapter 8

When I walked in the door, all hell was actively breaking loose. Twist, always put together and calm, sat at the kitchen table, her forehead resting on the pale wood, crying. Instead of some cute vintage dress, she wore dirty drawstring pants and a saggy black tank top.  

When I looked closer, I could see that Twist was on her phone. She sat up suddenly and started yelling.

“I just can’t believe that this entire relationship is based on a lie and that it is coming unraveled now of all times. Now!” Twist yelled and Twist never yelled. Not even when I was a little kid and she caught me ruining her expensive oil pastels.

I stood with my mouth hanging open for a moment too long. I panicked and backed out the front door where I came face-to-face with Isla. Her face was streaked with tears and she looked like she’d been crying a very long time.

“I’m sorry. I just rushed over here.” Her face crumpled before she could say anything else.

“What’s wrong? Twist is in there having a fight with someone. I think it’s her boyfriend and I think they’re breaking up. Let’s just get to my room as fast as we can.” I took her hand while and pulled her past Twist, who sobbed while she listened to someone over the phone.

“AAAAH!” she screamed and threw her phone across the room where it hit the window and landed in two pieces on the floor.

In my room, Isla lay down on my bed and buried her face in the pillow. I covered her up with a blanket and sat next to her. I just sat there while she cried because I didn’t know what else to do.

I discreetly texted Mom.
Beware: so much drama at home. It sounds like Twist just broke up with Paolo and Isla is here and she is crying. Come home!
I was certain that I couldn’t personally handle the level of drama that we had going on in our house. I figured Mom would be better at regulating this. 

After a few minutes, Isla stopped crying.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I asked.

Isla just lay there, staring at the wall, for what felt like hours. Finally, she spoke.

“We just got back from Santa Fe. I was visiting my mom. She’s in a psychiatric hospital.”

“I’m so sorry.”
What do you say at times like this? Should I ask if she’s okay?

Finally, Isla said, “She’s bi-polar. She’s doing better. She used to just sit and cry then she’d have really bad mania and do a bunch of crazy stuff. She’s getting out of the hospital soon and I won’t be there for her. Mom wants to move here and so do I but my dad doesn’t think she should, and we just had a really huge fight about it. She-She doesn’t have anyone there and I feel sick because I can’t be there,” Isla said and sobbed.

I lay down facing her and reached out, taking her hand.

Mom never texted me back but a few minutes later, I heard the front door slam.

Later, after Isla had cried herself to sleep, I tiptoed out of my room and into the living room. Twist and Mom sat at the table and the kettle was on. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the doorframe resting my head on the wood.
They look like sisters. They have a whole relationship apart from me.
They’d had a life together even before my dad had shown up.

I tried to identify the feeling coming up. Not exactly jealousy. More like . . . sadness. Sometimes they seemed more like sisters than Twist and me. Neither one of them saw me. Finally, I turned and tiptoed back into my room.

I remembered that I’d promised to text Alejandro when I got home. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text. “Home.” He sent back a smiley face. Despite the completely weird turn the night had taken, I still felt butterflies every time I thought of him.

I went back into my room and crawled into bed next to Isla. I don’t remember a lot about her mom, just that she always seemed really fun or she wasn’t around at all. There was a soft knock on the door and then it creaked open.

“You up?” It was Mom.

“Yeah,” I whispered.

She waved me over, and I followed her into the hall. She had a grim look. “I got your note.”

“Oh.” I had completely forgotten that I’d left a note instead of asking for permission.

“Meadow,” she said and then sighed. “Twist was the complete opposite of you. She was sneaking out at fifteen. You are almost seventeen and you’ve never given me one bit of trouble. To be honest, I worry more about you than I did about Twist. You used to seem so lonely.”

I nodded and dropped my gaze to my feet. “I was.”

Mom sighed. “Look, let’s make a deal. You don’t have to ask for my permission every time you go out, but you do have to be specific about where you are going and you need to make actual contact with me.”

I nodded. The note had just said,
I’m going out. Be back later.

“Okay? Just tell me where you were.”

“Umm. I was at Alejandro’s with some people.” I was glad that I had already brushed my teeth. I didn’t want her to smell alcohol on my breath.

Mom narrowed her eyes at me but didn’t say anything for a long time. Finally, she sighed again. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I prepared myself to hear a speech.

“Okay. Goodnight,” she said and reached out to hold my face in her hands for a moment before kissing my head. Dark circles rimmed her eyes and her shoulders drooped. With a sad smile, she turned and shuffled back down the hallway.

I went back into my room and got back into bed. Instead of sleeping, I stared at the wall despite being exhausted. I’d expected to get in major trouble with Mom. I definitely hadn’t expected to find out why Isla never talked about Santa Fe. My mother was the rock of our family. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not have that.

The morning was quiet and slow to begin. I woke up and rolled over forgetting Isla was there. She sat up in bed blinking back tears from her red, puffy eyes.

I sat up next to her.

“Good morning,” I mumbled, my voice thick with sleep. 

“Thanks for letting me stay.” She grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it over her head. Her usually beachy waves frizzed like a messy halo. “I should go. I think my dad will probably want to talk.”

“Sure. Talk later?” I wondered if I should hug her. Isla wasn’t really the hugging type.

“Yeah,” Isla said, wiping her eyes. She groaned and sept her hair up in a messy ponytail. “K. See ya later.” She slipped out and closed the door behind her.

Twist smoked a cigarette outside when I emerged from my room a few minutes later. I made an extra cup of coffee and watched her light up another cigarette immediately after she put the first one out. I left her coffee black, the way she likes it, and added some milk to mine. I carried both mugs outside, walking slowly to not spill boiling hot coffee everywhere. 

“Hi.” I put Twist’s cup next to her chair on a small table.

“Hi, doll.” Twist had her cat-eye eyeliner already drawn on and her hair was tied up in a scarf. She didn’t look like someone who’d spent the night crying. “I’m really sorry about last night.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” I paused for a few seconds before I asked, “Did you guys break up?” 

“Yes.”

“How come?”

“Lots of reasons. Mainly, he was cheating on me with my roommate,” she said.

I gasped while shame washed over me.

“He had told me that he never really considered us to be exclusive. What a jerk. And what crappy timing . . .” she continued.

I chewed on my lip filled with guilt. I couldn’t imagine that someone wouldn’t want to drop everything to date Twist. He cheated on her with her roommate! I’d always just assumed that if you were gorgeous and amazing, no one would hurt you.

“But . . . you were together for so long.” I tried to make sense of how things could just . . .
bam
, be over.

“Not that long,” she said.

But in high-school terms, a year was almost forever.

I reached over and grabbed her hand as the sun tried to break through the fog. “I wish you’d not smoke so much, or just quit smoking altogether.”

She squeezed my hand. “Sure thing, Mom.”

Chapter 9

We quickly settled into a new dynamic. Even though she was sad, it was good to have Twist back. She’d moved into the barn and painted much of the day and often, late into the night. I’d peek out the window before I went to bed and see the barn lights were still on.

A week went by and then she begged me to go with her to her apartment.

“Please, Meadow? I don’t want to go alone.”

“Of course I’ll go with you. Are they going to be there?” I asked and pulled on a hoodie.

“No. I texted Ruby to let her know. Then I deleted her number.”

I winced. “You don’t think you’ll ever be friends with her again?”

“No freakin’ way.”

We’d spent the day packing her apartment. The small alcove under the sleeping loft was completely full of her stuff. She kept a stiff upper lip the whole day though I felt a little weepy. And guilty.   

After a long day of moving, I lay in bed exhausted but unable to sleep. I scrolled through old text messages with Alejandro.
I guess I should probably delete this.
My finger hovered over the delete button when my phone buzzed.

Jack:
Hi

Me:
Hi

Jack:
Hi. Should we keep doing this?

Me:
Lol. Yeah. All night.

Jack:
;) How’s it going?

Me:
Oh you know. It’s going.

Jack:
So do you want to hang out sometime?

A smile played on my lips.

Me:
Yes.

Jack:
I’m up north with my parents but let’s do something when I get back.

Me:
Sounds good.

I definitely couldn’t sleep after that. I tossed and turned thinking alternately of Jack, Alejandro, and school. I bit my fingernails and stared at the ceiling.

Somewhere around 3 a.m, I decided not to go back to HSA. No way. The closer we got to August, the more anxious I felt. I could not and would not go back. I’d avoided Mr. Egan at the party and deleted his email to my mother but I couldn’t avoid it forever. Sooner or later, he’d track mom down and talk to her. I’d picked my cuticles until they bled, worried sick about how disappointed mom would be in me when she found out I was a hack.  

Telling my parents I wanted to leave would be hard but maybe not as hard as telling them that I sucked as an artist.
Maybe they won’t care. Maybe they’ll just be really supportive of my happiness. Ha!

Plus, I was a failure as an artist, so there was that. I just didn’t think I could bear the humiliation of going back. Emilia would probably make a big deal out of it and say things like, “You are so brave to come back after what happened.” I broke out into a cold sweat when I thought about Emilia. I hadn’t considered what might happen if she found out that I’d been closely inspecting her boyfriend’s mouth. I tried to justify it in about fifty different ways every time I thought about it.
But she’s so awful. She’s mean and vindictive and
. . . Then that small voice whispered,
Well, you’re pretty awful, too
.

I got out of bed and sat down at my desk with a pad and paper and started a list.

Berkeley High pros: loads of people, invisibility, Isla’s probably going there, won’t have to take art, no Emilia, no Mr. Egan. Cons: loads of people, invisibility, won’t have to take art.

“This isn’t that helpful.” I threw the pen down and paced around the room.  

Hank woke up from where he’d been sleeping under the bed and jumped up, demanding pets.

I flopped down on the bed, and he waddled over.

Meow
. He rubbed his face against my knee.

I frowned. “This is a fine kettle of fish I’m in, Hank. I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life and now somehow I’m caught between two boys! And I suck. I don’t know what I want and everything is a mess. Shit shit shit.”

Hank just stared at me and then yawned. His breath smelled like cat food.

“Yuck.” I grabbed my computer and went straight to my mom’s email account. I’d been checking every day. No new messages. With a sigh, I closed it and lay back on the bed.

My thoughts drifted back to Emilia. I was afraid of her, which was at least part of my reason for not wanting to go back. That would never, ever fly with my parents as a reason. I’d have to come up with legitimate reasons. Something they’d buy. I laid in my bed and chewed on my fingernails. At some point, I fell asleep and when I woke the sun was high in the sky.

Coffee, coffee, coffee.
 

Hank meowed at me as if to say
about damn time
. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stretched. Maybe Twist could help diffuse the situation when I finally told my parents about my plans.

Twist and Mom sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Someone, Twist probably, had made a big breakfast. Yogurt and granola with fruit, bacon, and eggs. It was kind of nice having Twist home. Mom never cooked breakfast. 

“Hi,” Twist said to me when I shuffled in.

Coffee was already made.

Mom looked at me. “What should we pass as hors d’oeuvres?”

“What?” I scrunched up my face at her. “Like right now?”

Mom rolled her eyes. Two could play the eye-rolling game. “No, Meadow, not right now, at the opening. I’m addressing the entire room here,” she said, looking at both of us.

“Oh.” I shrugged. “I have no idea.” 

Mom turned to Twist. “I have to meet with the caterer this week.” 

Twist popped a strawberry into her mouth. “Just let the caterer pick,” she said with her mouth full of fruit. She stood up, slid the glass door open, then went out to the pool deck still wearing a long nightgown and an old man sweater and eased into a lounge chair. Her feet were bare even though it was chilly.

Mom sighed when Twist pulled her cigarettes out of the pocket of her sweater. She plucked one out, lit up, and tilted her head back to blow out the smoke.

“Meadow?” Mom was staring at me.

“What?” I turned to face her.

“Well, were you listening?” She seemed exasperated with me and it was only 10 a.m.

“Um.”

“Listen to me, please. First of all, don’t ever start smoking. Never ever. Secondly, you need to go shopping for a dress.” She tapped her pen on the table and stared at the notepad in front of her full of what appeared to be a lengthy to-do list.

“Ok. What for?” I asked stupidly.

“Meadow!” She was almost yelling. “For the opening! It’s fast approaching! I want everything done this week. I don’t have time to buy you a dress for this.”

Thank goodness.
“Can it be pants?”

Mom just glared at me over her glasses. I gathered that pants weren’t good enough. Maybe this wasn’t such a good time to talk to her about school.

“I’ll go. Isla can help me.”  

“Good. Do it today.”

“But—”

“No buts. If you haven’t noticed, everything is falling apart. Twist has a bunch of work to do and really, Paolo picked a terrible time to cheat on her with her best friend.”

I almost said something like “Are you serious?” but the look on Mom’s face was enough to convince me to keep my mouth shut. But really, she had lost all perspective.

Her face softened. “I know how that sounded, Meadow. It’s just that we are on a deadline and under a lot of pressure. Twist is an incredibly talented artist, and I’m not just saying that as her mother. There are those that will say that it is a major conflict of interest for Twist’s first art show to happen at my gallery. But the truth is, if I weren’t her mother, I would fight for the chance to hold her first show. She is going to be huge and I just want people, and critics, to see that. Everything has to be perfect!”

I nodded.

Mom took off her glasses and put them on the table. Staring out the window at Twist, she said, “She’s lost both of her best friends. It’s terrible. I know that. But just think of the art that will come out of this.”

I sipped my coffee.
I’m a horrible person. I’m just as bad as Ruby. Ugh. I should have an incredible portfolio too. No one is going to fight over my first show. There isn’t even going to be one probably.

Tears pricked at my eyes. “I guess I’ll see if Isla can go.” The tears starting falling as soon as I got to my room.

I texted Isla from my window seat.
Can I come over?
I hadn’t even been to her house yet. The stress level in my house was so high, I just wanted to get out.  

Yeah, come on
, she said finally.

I changed out of my pajamas and into jeans and a tank top. It was chilly out so I added a sweater. I brushed my hair and decided that today might be a good day to leave it down. I left my glasses on. My eyes were dry and itchy because I’d been leaving my contacts in too much. I slipped on a pair of shoes and headed out the front door.