Meadow Perkins, Trusty Sidekick (4 page)

She gave me permission to go to the party during one of her swoops through the house. “Will there be parents there?” she asked, looking up from her purse where she was frantically digging, trying to find her phone. 

“What do you think?” I rolled my eyes inwardly. I didn’t want to risk not being allowed to go due to eye rolling. But really, this wasn’t an 8th grade boy/girl birthday party. There probably wouldn’t be punch or cupcakes either.

“Will Emilia be there?”

I wondered how many questions I’d have to answer. I didn’t want to get too specific since I didn’t know the specifics at all. “I guess.”

“Who else will be there?”

“Kids from school.” I hoped there wouldn’t be kids from school. 

“And who are you going with? Emilia?”

“Isla. And Alejandro will be there.” That wasn’t a total lie.

Mom stopped what she was doing, squinted her eyes and looked into my soul to see if I was telling the truth. I smiled, eyes wide and full of hope.
Please, please, please, please
.

“Oh, fine.” Mom stood up and zipped her purse. “I’m just relieved that you’re leaving the house. I was about to call your father.” 

Uh-oh. When your parents are divorced, it takes a special effort for them to unite against you. 

“When will you be home?” she asked. 

“Um, I don’t know?”

“Call me if you need anything.” Mom picked up her back and left slamming the door behind her.

“Did I just get off without a curfew?” I asked the empty house. Whoa. History had just been made in the Hobart-Perkins household. My phone rang.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Meadow!” he shouted into the phone.  

I winced and pulled the phone away a bit. “Oh, hey, Dad.”

“You never called me back last night!”

I hadn’t. Totally forgot. “Oh right, it was kind of busy here last night. The HSA party.” 

“Oh geez, I forgot! How was it?” Before I could answer, he said, “Lots of pretentious artsy people talking about art and music and that kind of crap? I always hated that stuff.”

I laughed. “Yeah, me too.” I didn’t offer any more information because I was still avoiding the HSA conversation.

“So listen, next weekend is our weekend.”

I spent one weekend of every month at my dad’s apartment in the city.  

I sighed, relieved. “I know.”

“Bring something nice to wear! I’m taking you to a new Italian place,” he said. 

“Italian?” I said. That sounded suspicious, not fancy or experimental enough for him.

“Don’t worry. It’s not your typical Italian,” he said.

“Okay, I’ll bring something nice.”

“Listen, I gotta run. I love you and I’ll see you next weekend!”

“Bye, Dad. Love you.” I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. “It’s time.”

Chapter 4

My stomach vibrated because of the hyper butterflies bouncing around inside of me when I walked out the front door to meet Isla. She stood on the sidewalk in front of her house, looking at her phone, lips turned down in a frown. Her head popped up and she smiled when she heard me approaching.

“Hey! You ready for this?” She bounced up and down.

“I guess I’m ready.” I didn’t feel ready, not really. I wanted to be back inside wearing jogging pants. But I couldn’t go on not having experienced anything. I mean, the entire high school experience had been wasted on me so far. Isla exuded confidence. She probably liked going out. I was so nervous I thought I might faint.

We set off toward the comic book shop downtown.
This is not a date. It’s a group of friends hanging
out. I repeated my mantra as we walked.

“Do you know the band?” Isla asked.

“I don’t think so. Maybe I’ve heard of them, I’m not sure.” 

The sun faded behind the hills. I took a deep breath and repeated the affirmation my mom says all the time in my head.
All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good.

Not comparing myself to Isla and her effortless, heels-wearing self got harder and harder the closer we got to Alejandro. Next to her, I was just a little kid playing dress-up. I half expected someone to pinch my cheeks and tell me I was precious. 

Going to this party, my first ever, was like jumping into deep water with one water wing and zero knowledge of swimming. It didn’t matter that I had been friends with Emilia who was popular and partied on the weekends, I wasn’t allowed and I wasn’t the type to sneak around. Now I’m suddenly allowed and I guess it felt a little weird.

“So how was New Mexico?” I asked in an attempt to forget about my insecurities for a minute.

“Great. New Mexico was great.” Isla looked down at her feet.

“I went once with my mom. She went to a retreat in Santa Fe and I went with her. We went to a lot of art museums.”

“Uh-huh.” She didn’t appear to want to talk about New Mexico at all, or tell me anything about her life there. Isla was gone for years and I’d already filled her in on everything I’d done since 2007. 

We walked in silence, and I tried to push away something that had been nagging me all day. What if Alejandro had only invited me so I would bring her? What if that was his plan all along? He probably had no way of getting to her except through me. I imagined the whole scenario. Maybe he was just the kind of guy that had friends and liked to hang out with them. And where was Emilia anyway? He hadn’t mentioned her but then he hadn’t mentioned much at all. Would she be there? She might be waiting with him now!

Things were getting out of hand inside my head when we finally got to Telegraph Comics. I spied Alejandro and the other employees goofing off behind the counter and stopped short, turning my back to the windows.

“Should we go in?” I squeaked. 

“No. He sees us and he’s coming out,” she said, looking around me.

My knees got wobbly when Alejandro stepped outside and flashed a grin. “Hey, guys!”  

“Where are you taking us?” One side of Isla’s mouth curled up in a flirty grin and she flipped some long curly hair back over her shoulder.   

“It’s not that far away actually. Like three blocks,” he said and motioned for us to come with him. Somehow I ended up walking behind them both. Alejandro and Isla chatted and laughed while I struggled to keep up. I thought I heard him drop his band’s name. He was only in
the
band at HSA. And of course he looked like a guy from a band. Black skinny jeans, Vans, a rough-looking white T-shirt, sufficiently broody.  

Sidewalks are never wide enough. Someone always has to walk in the back. Then the back person can’t hear the two front people and the whole thing is pretty awkward. I was the one in the awkward position.

“Right, M?” Isla turned to have me confirm something I couldn’t hear.

“What?”

We turned from the busy sidewalk covered in people going out for the night onto a quieter side street. It was a nice neighborhood; big houses with lots of windows. A few other people were headed in the same direction as us.

Alejandro turned around. “We’re almost there.” He smiled. His whole face crinkled when he smiled. It was entirely disarming. 

Ahead, there were a bunch of kids outside of what was clearly the biggest house on the block. It also had the most windows of all the houses on the block. I almost turned and ran.

“So what band are we seeing?” Isla asked.

I had apparently gone mute. All I’d said was “what” since I’d said “hi” to Alejandro. Maybe I was dumb for thinking he could be into me at all when he could be into Isla. She could actually speak and had things to say.
Emilia
, I reminded myself.

“The Cosmos,” he said. “A couple of them just graduated from HSA. I played in ensemble with a couple of them.”

The mention of HSA caused me to freak out. The sound of my own heartbeat thumped in my ears. I’d known it was possible, but I’d sincerely hoped there weren’t any HSA kids there.

We climbed up about a hundred steps to get to the house, a result of living in the hills. I tried not to get out of breath. Once inside, the sleek, modern house brimmed over with kids drinking beer out of Solo cups.  

Isla and I followed Alejandro through the crowd to the kitchen, where the beer was. He pulled $6 out of his pants and handed it to a guy wearing a black beanie and a flannel shirt. Isla tossed her hair. Everyone noticed. 

The music was loud and the band wasn’t even playing yet. He waved us closer and handed us cups. “This is Isla and this is Meadow,” he told the flannel shirt guy. He was extremely cute and music-y.

I hadn’t seen any boys here that didn’t look like they belonged in a band. 

“Hi, I’m Tommy.” He didn’t smile while he handed us blue plastic cups.

“Hi,” I said. So far so good.

“The keg is back there,” Tommy said, pointing to the other side of the giant kitchen. 

Everything was stainless and bright white. We moved through the kitchen toward the keg and the line for the keg. I recognized a few people and my legs turned to jelly. It dawned on me that I was probably going to know a ton of people at this party and I’d been carefully avoiding people from school as much as possible because of my great shame at being a disappointment to the family name. I tried to slow my breathing. Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine sitting on the beach, but people kept bumping into me. I dug my fingernails into my palms. Nope. Not going to my happy place with all the commotion.

“You okay?” Alejandra asked softly.

I nodded and smiled. His genuine concern made me feel better. I stood next to him, our elbows touching while we waited.

We inched toward the keg.

“Is Emilia coming tonight?” I asked in my most nonchalant voice.

“She left yesterday.” 

You know how sometimes you are talking to someone and when you look at them, the rest of the world just gets fuzzy? That’s how I felt. I could no longer deny that I had a ridiculous crush on him. 

“Oh, okay,” was all I could get out. 

The line moved suddenly and the keg appeared in front of us. Ever the gentleman, Alejandro filled my cup with only minimal foam. 

I turned to Isla, but she was gone. She leaned up against the counter talking to Tommy, the cup guy. She fiddled with her bracelets while listening to whatever he was saying and tossed her head back and laughed when he finished. 

“Wanna go outside?” Alejandro nodded toward the glass doors that led out to the patio. 

I nodded and followed him through the crowd, trying not to spill my beer before I’d had a chance to even take a sip. The patio was a lot less crowded.

“Wow, there’s hella people here. The band won’t even start for a while probably.” Alejandro tipped his cup back and took a long drink.

I tried to follow suit, but the beer, coldish and bubbly, tasted terrible. It didn’t taste anything like the microbrews that my dad’s fridge was stocked with.  

I coughed a little from the bubbles tickling my throat while I searched for something to say. Honestly, I needed cue cards. “Do you know all these people?” I wanted to throw myself into the pool.

“Yeah, a few. I don’t know most of them. James probably doesn’t know most of them and it’s his house. Word tends to spread,” he said with a shrug.

I nodded then took another big gulp of beer. It was liquid courage, after all, and I might need some courage to get through this party. Did everyone have anxiety about drinking? Maybe just me. Everyone seemed fine, but I’d barely ever done it.   

A rush of people came outside.

“Hey, man!” A guy from the music department slapped Alejandro on the back. “This party is huge.” 

“Yeah, it’s great. You know Meadow?” Alejandro gestured toward me. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said, glancing in my direction.

“Oh yeah.” I played it cool. “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name.”
Ugh. Did I really say that?

“Tanner.” He nodded and turned back to Alejandro.  

I glanced around. Why did every single girl appear to be super stylish and confident and thin? I felt more like Cinderella’s stepsister who went to the ball in her place, accidentally. I sipped my warm beer again.

A sort of relief washed over me when my pocket vibrated. I stepped away from the group to the edge of the patio to answer the call. Alejandro didn’t turn around when I left the conversation.  

“Hi, Twist,” I said.

“Are you really at a party?” she asked. I could hear the shock in her voice.

“Yes.”

“Well, are you okay? I mean you aren’t exactly a party animal, Meadow.”

“I’m trying something new.” I put my hand on my hip. For the first time, I was at a social event as myself and not as Emilia’s chubby sidekick. I fervently hoped that I wasn’t Isla’s chubby sidekick either.

“I can respect that.” Twist was pretty supportive. “Hey, but don’t drink too much since you’ve never done it before. Wasted, puking girls are not cute.”

“Okay, I won’t.” I peered into my cup and decided that maybe I didn’t want any more beer. In the snobby part of my heart, I wished I was at a fancy party with nice drinks that taste nothing like alcohol with everyone in fancy dress. Here, the beer tasted like beer and the girls were, well not dressed in fancy dresses as much as short dresses.  

“Meadow, can I be perfectly honest with you?” Twist asked. I hate it when people say stuff like that. She didn’t wait for my permission. “You don’t sound like you are having any fun.” 

The infuriating thing about Twist is that she’s always right. Every single time.

“I don’t think I know how to have fun.” This was turning into a therapy session. I spotted Alejandro going back inside without even glancing around for me causing me to clench my teeth. “I gotta go, Twist.” 

“Call me if you need me!” I heard her say as I hit ‘end.’ 

Inside, a guitar broke through the noise of a hundred partygoers with one chord. As they warmed up, people filed into the house while I hung back. A sea of people was visible through the window
. This party is certainly against fire code.
It was very uncool of me to be worrying about fire code. Anxiety, in general, is pretty uncool.

The thought of going inside made me sweat. Trapped in the quicksand of panic, I tried to decide what to do. The cup of amber-colored liquid courage called my name. Making a very un-Meadow-like decision, I drank it down, sputtering near the end. Then I stood planted to the concrete and waited for something to happen whether the reappearance of Alejandro or my own sudden combustion.

When the band struck their first noisy notes, I rubbed the sweat from my palm onto my pants and went back inside filled with resolve.
I will have fun, damn it
. I hoped that two beers wouldn’t turn me into the star of
Girls Gone Wild
or land me in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. 

I made my way through the kitchen which appeared larger now that there weren’t so many bodies crammed into it. I threw my shoulders back and marched up to the keg. The nozzle was a mystery. Flipping it did nothing to force beer out of the keg and into my cup. I frowned.
Crap. I can’t even work a keg
. 

“You’ve gotta pump it,” a male voice said.

I looked up as he pumped the keg, took the hose out of my hand, and filled my cup in one incredibly smooth move.

“I don’t usually drink,” I explained with a shrug. I recognized him as Jack, a guy from school. His keg handling made me smile.
He’s cute and tall. Very tall.

“You go to HSA, right? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a party.” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Yes, I go there. I don’t usually go to parties, though.” Unsure of what to do with my hands, I jammed the empty one in my pocket and shifted from one foot to the other.

“That explains why.” He gestured toward the keg. “What’s your concentration?” he asked and filled his own blue plastic cup.

“Art. Painting.”

“That’s cool,” he said.

An awkward space fell between us. I tried to fill it up. “You’re from New York, right?”

“Yeah.”

A warm buzzy feeling started at my feet and traveled up. “I love, love, love New York. It’s so . . . glamorous!”
Glamorous?
I cringed at my own enthusiasm.   

He laughed one short laugh as though he was humoring me. “Not the city. I’m from Upstate. Want to watch the band?”

“Sure.” I squeezed through the crowd after him. I followed him even though I wasn’t sure he actually wanted me to go, or if a) he wanted to get rid of me, or b) he genuinely wanted me to go with him, or c) he just wanted to hear the band.
You might be overthinking this, as per usual.