Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice) (33 page)

“Yes.”  She looked down and stepped back.

“Then what is it?”  He demanded.

Elizabeth lifted her gaze to his.  “I want to be sure that your proposal is not to win a prize over your friend.  I . . .I want to be sure that the man I marry is . . .the one I hope you are.” 

Darcy closed his eyes, but felt hers boring into him.  He knew then that the woman he was marrying may be young, but she was no fool, and not weak.  She would challenge him just as strongly as she enticed and amused him.  She was no mindless beauty to fill his bed.  She was everything he hoped for and she was waiting for his honesty.  He opened his eyes to see that she had not shrunk away from his silence, if anything, she looked stronger. 

He nodded.  “Very well, yes, Stewart’s presence drove me to propose tonight.  I have imagined proposing to you countless times for years.  I knew that there was a chance that some lucky man might find you before I did and I would never have that opportunity.  Perhaps I am more confident in my feelings for you because through Stewart and Bingley, I am assured of who you are by two trusted friends.  Because Stewart clearly has thoughts of winning you back, I could not take the risk of him succeeding, and no, I am not questioning your commitment to me by supposing that he could.  This is my personal fear of losing the woman I love.  Proposing to you tonight prevents that possibility.  It is exceptionally soon, I know Elizabeth, but I swear; it was always intended.  I am a good man.  I know that over the past two years I have changed, and not for the better, but I hope that you will set me back to who I was.  I already am beginning to return to myself; ask Georgiana if you do not believe me.  If you wish for a long engagement to be sure of me, I will not object, but . . .I am already sure of you.”

Elizabeth listened to all that he said, then slipped her hands back into his.  “Thank you for your honesty, thank you for listening to me and treating me with respect and not as a silly woman, and thank you for not laughing at my concerns.  You have just proven to me that you are who I always knew you would be.”

Darcy lifted one hand to caress her jaw.  “Do you torture all of your suitors this way?”

Elizabeth laughed.  “I did not have an abundance of gentleman paying calls.  Perhaps this engagement
is
too hasty, perhaps I should try a few more gentlemen?”  She began to move away from him and he quickly pulled her into his arms.

“Do not tease me, Elizabeth.”  He said quietly.  “I cannot bear it.”

She looked up to him and he bent to first softly caress her lips, and then to kiss her cheek, along her jaw, down her throat, and finally to kiss the bare shoulders that had begged for his touch all that long evening.  Her silky skin was scented and sweet, and he brushed his lips down to gently nudge away the pearl and at last taste the suggestion of the soft valley that peeked from her bodice.  Elizabeth’s moan and her hands in his hair brought his lips back to hers and again they melted into each other.  A door opened somewhere and the clear sounds of the ball spilled out into the night.  Darcy forced himself away and straightened.  “Dearest Elizabeth, can you forgive me?”

“Forgive?”  She whispered and her hand lifted to rest over her pounding heart. 

Darcy smiled and shook his head, and again lifted his hand to gently caress her face.  “We must return.”

“Yes.”  Elizabeth said shakily and righted her dress, blushing when she noticed Darcy watching her fingers readjusting the placement of the pendant. 

Offering his arm he smiled, appreciating the glow in her eyes and the lovely flush in her cheeks. “Do not worry, nothing is amiss.”

“There is nothing to be done if it were.”  She smiled and he chuckled.  “Fitzwilliam, I know that outwardly I appear very calm and relaxed, but inside my heart is racing and I am bursting with happiness.  If we were able, I would be . . .”

“Like me and wishing to be proclaiming our news from the rooftops?”

“You feel the same excitement?  You hide it so well.”

He flushed and looked down.  “It is a habit.”  Elizabeth took his hand and squeezed, and he lifted it up to his lips.

She stared at his mouth and visibly sighed; Darcy could not help but appreciate the effect his touch had on her.  “I . . . I suppose that it would be prudent to be as formal as possible with each other when in public.”

“Very prudent.”  He opened the door and glanced inside to make sure they would not be seen entering.  They stepped in and just as they were about to emerge back into the swirling frenzy of the ball he leaned to whisper to her.  “I love you, my Elizabeth.”

“Ah there you are Darcy!”  Bingley smiled and joined them.  “I lost you in this crush!” 

“Yes, the supper rooms are hopelessly jammed.”  Darcy plastered a look of annoyance on his face.  “I am afraid that we have had nothing and I am certain there is not a morsel left.  Leaving the dance floor early was a useless exercise.  Forgive me Miss Elizabeth for the attempt to beat the crowd.” 

“Now I understand why my aunt insisted that we eat before leaving.”  Elizabeth pursed her lips to see his hauteur and caught the hint of a twinkle in his eye.

“Ah, that is where you two went: tongues were wagging when you disappeared.”  Bingley did not notice the glance between the couple.  Instead he pulled at his neck cloth.  “Blasted warm in here as well!”  He observed then started.  “Oh, forgive my language Miss Elizabeth; I merely noticed that you must be feeling the heat.”  Her eyes grew wide.  “Put my foot in it again.”  He sighed.  “If my sister were here I would never hear the end of it.”

“Where is Miss Bingley?  I am sorry that I did not think to ask when you and Mr. Darcy arrived to collect us.”  Elizabeth said quickly and peeked up to see that Darcy was smiling appreciatively at her blushing face.

“She managed to acquire a cold.”  Bingley laughed.  “She was dressed and ready to come tonight, but after the tenth sneeze I refused to let her out of the house.  I do not think that our hostess would have appreciated her presence.”

“I can assure you of that.”  Darcy said dryly. 

“So I am free to mingle!” 

“And have you found anyone to your liking, sir?”  Elizabeth smiled and he shook his head.

“Ah there is much to like, but I am afraid that I am still too new to be desired.”  He sighed and looked around.  “Perhaps next year.”

“Darcy, may I have a word?”  Lord Matlock appeared and bowed to Elizabeth.

“Certainly.”  He looked to her then to Bingley.  “Could you . . .”

“Of course!”  Bingley offered his arm and Elizabeth gratefully held on.  He looked down and smiled. “How are you holding out tonight?”

“This is overwhelming.”  She glanced around at all of the people and felt the eyes examining her closely.  “Now I understand the term
a fish out of water
.”

“Well at least you are not gasping for air.”  He chuckled and led her into one of the less crowded supper rooms.  “Are you hungry?”

“No, I am far too nervous to eat.”

“A drink, perhaps?”  Elizabeth smiled up to him and nodded.  He asked for two glasses of wine and brought them over.  “There, now we can both drown our nerves.”

“Are you as frightened of all of this as I am?  You look so comfortable.”

“I was thinking the same of you.  In fact, if I am not mistaken I would call you glowing.”  He lifted his glass in a toast and smiled.  “We are well-matched.”

“Mr. Bingley.”  She said softly and he laughed louder. 

“Did I do it again?  Forgive me, Miss Elizabeth.  I know my role is that of trusted friend.”  He saw her blush, and took her glass and set it down.  “Let us go and find your sister and aunt.”

She laughed and took his arm.  “I am so ridiculous tonight.  I do not know what is wrong with me!”

“I understand, Miss Elizabeth.”  He patted her hand and they walked through the crowd.  Elizabeth saw the eyes of guests trained on her and she clung to Bingley’s arm, trying to smile and meet the gazes bravely.  “Ah, there they are.”

“Lizzy!  Where did you go?  Were you ill?”  Mrs. Gardiner demanded and peered into her eyes.  “You are very flushed!”

“Mr. Darcy thought that I needed to move to a cooler location, Aunt.” 

“He should have spoken to me, I had no idea where you had gone, and the commentary that I heard was quite outrageous.  I know that you are courting dear, but you must keep in mind your reputation, even in a crowded room.  You are an interloper in this world.”

“Yes Aunt, I am very much aware of that fact.”  Elizabeth sighed then noticed that she remained an object of curiosity.  “Jane, how is your evening?  I am sorry but I have been too busy with my partners to speak to you.  I noticed that you have been dancing a great deal.”

Jane smiled.  “Yes, it has been very pleasant.  The gentlemen are so different from those of my experience at home.”

“Really?  How so?”

“They are very curious of home and family.  I suppose that in Hertfordshire everyone knows us, so those questions are not necessary.”  Jane looked around the room then back to see Elizabeth’s astonishment.  “What is it, Lizzy?”

“Jane, what have you been saying?”

“Nothing, I said that Longbourn is in Hertfordshire and that I am one of five sisters.”  She looked from Elizabeth to Mrs. Gardiner.  “It is not an untruth.”

“So everyone knows that we have no heir.”  Elizabeth sighed.

“Yes, I suppose they do.  I still do not understand the problem, Lizzy?”

“Jane, no heir, a small estate, and five daughters, have you forgotten that those were all very key reasons for Mr. Stewart’s rejection?  We walked in here as unknown ladies, and now I am very much afraid that the whispers behind the fans are about the two fortune hunters who have entered their midst.”

Mrs. Gardiner nodded.  “I was afraid of this, but it is inevitable.”

“But why did it have to happen tonight!”  Elizabeth cried.  She felt a presence beside her and looked up to see Stewart. 

“Miss Elizabeth, may I speak to you?”  He looked to Mrs. Gardiner who raised her brows to Elizabeth.  She looked around for Darcy, and he was nowhere to be seen.

She sighed and nodded.  “Yes, Mr. Stewart.” 

They walked away and he spoke softly so the ever present eavesdroppers could not hear.  “Miss Elizabeth, I have heard the talk in the house, I do not know how the rumour was spread, but the news of your . . .”

“Poverty, undesirability, mercenary scheming . . .”

“Please stop.”  He said sincerely

“Forgive me, sir.  My sister apparently has a loose tongue.”  Elizabeth spoke with bitterness.  “But no doubt they would know soon enough.  Have you added the news of my family to the litany against us?”

“I know that I deserve that, but I want you to know that I regretted you the moment I walked away.”

Elizabeth met his eye and said without emotion.  “I was told that you loved me.”

Stewart flushed with her direct statement.  “I discovered this after I was gone.  Darcy told you?”

“Yes.”

“I realize that you are courting him, and I understand that you have had a friendship for years . . .but it must not have been that strong for you to have accepted my attentions last autumn.  I do not believe you capable of playing with two men’s hearts.  You are not mercenary.”

“I thank you for that, sir.”  Elizabeth shook her head and sighed.  “I had no connection to Mr. Darcy when we met.”

“Then if I had not been such a prejudiced fool, we could have been married by now.”

She closed her eyes.  “Sir, do not torture yourself.”

He reached out and touched her arm.  “I cannot help it.”

Elizabeth’s newfound confidence born of her engagement drove her to speak plainly.  “Mr. Stewart, if you came to know your feelings as far back as December, why did you never act upon them?  Why was I left at Longbourn to feel the pain of rejection and the unending rebuke of my mother?  If you cared so deeply, you should have returned.  Was seeing me tonight in your world convincing enough to make me acceptable, especially away from my family?”

He was struck by the thought.  “I . . . I . . . suppose that it was.”

“But sir, the only reason that I am here is because Mr. Darcy, who did know of my family and poverty through you, brought me here.  If it were not for him, I would still be alone and rejected, and you would remain in your regret because you did not have the courage to come and bring me here yourself.”  Stewart stared at her as the truth sank in.  “Mr. Stewart, are you certain that you loved me?”

“I was.”  He looked down to his hands and shook his head.  “I feel such confusion, I do not know myself.”

“Sir, I believe that if circumstances were different, we might have made a very comfortable and happy couple, but my heart was taken by a dream, and yours was not allowed to care more for someone you could only dream about.  I think that you are a very good and kind man, but please do not wish for me any longer.  Allow your guilt for rejecting me to go.  I am happy, truly.”

Stewart smiled softly.  “We met at the wrong time and the wrong place.”

“We will never know, will we?”  She smiled.  “I want you to be happy.”

“Thank you for this.  But if you ever need me . . .”

“Miss Elizabeth.”  They both started to see Darcy looking unhappily at Stewart.  “Are you well?”

Elizabeth slipped her hand onto his arm and felt the tension in his muscle.  “Yes Mr. Darcy, I am.” 

He moved his eyes from hers and they rested on Stewart.  The two men remained silent for several long moments until Darcy spoke very quietly.  “The only man that Miss Elizabeth will ever need to rely upon is me, Stewart.  Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Darcy.  I want to assure you that Miss Elizabeth made that perfectly understood before you arrived.  If you had heard our entire conversation you would have realized that she has managed to chastise me for my behaviour most effectively, but in the kindest way possible.  I hope that we three may remain friends.” 

Elizabeth squeezed Darcy’s arm, and he looked down to her.  “You have nothing to fear, believe me.”

He studied her for several moments, and feeling the reassurance of her touch, turned back to Stewart.  “I would hate to lose your friendship.”  Stewart nodded and they both looked to Elizabeth who had startled by the approach of a determined couple.  Seeing that it was family, Stewart moved away.