Read Men After God's Own Heart Online
Authors: Dijorn Moss
Men After God's Own Heart (11 page)
Chapter Eighteen
Jamal
Jamal felt like he had snuck into a party, uninvited. There was not a single unfamiliar face in the room. He had broken bread with all of them and had referred to all of them as brother, but he was not their brother at this hour. He was an outcast, an emblem of freedom that some of them envied.
“Jamal, what are you doing here?” Brother Thomas asked.
“You know I'm about to be one of you, so Pastor Dawkins figured I needed to start coming to the married men sessions.”
Brother Thomas did not give a look of approval. He instead scratched his head, perplexed by the whole ordeal. “Well, Pastor knows what's best. Just know that marriage isn't easy. Good luck!”
“Luck? Luck has nothing to do with marriage. I mean, am I right?” Jamal asked.
Brother Thomas only snickered, and he made his way toward a group of brothers that were already locked into a deep conversation. Moments later Pastor Dawkins entered the conference room with Pastor Alder of New Covenant Christian Center. Pastor Alder reminded Jamal of the gospel musician Israel. He was light-skinned, a little on the chubby side, had short black hair, and wore glasses.
“Let's give the Lord a great big hand clap,” Pastor Alder said as he clapped.
Pastor Alder had visited Greater Anointing on several occasions, and it was customary that he would have a praise session before he began to speak. Once the men in the room started clapping and singing praise to God, Pastor Alder settled them down with his hands.
“Okay, it's time to feed our spirit man before we go and feed our carnal man. Amen.” Pastor Alder waited for the brothers to respond with an “amen” before he continued. “Job thirty-one, verse one, says, âI made a covenant with my eyes. Why then should I think on a maid?' Brothers, if we are going to be men of integrity, then we have to have this same mind-set. You cannot be a married man with a single man's eyes.”
Chuckles erupted throughout the conference room. What Jamal appreciated the most about Pastor Alder was that he did not mince words. He said what he believed, and did not care who he made feel uncomfortable as a result.
The pastor went on. “I know that sister at your job is fine, but please believe the problems you are having with your wife today that are causing you to look elsewhere, you will have those same problems and worse with that sister if you choose to leave your wife. And I say worse because right now God has His blessing over your marriage and can turn things around in your life.”
“But how is it possible for a man to not look at another woman? I mean, I'm a man, and I see everything from cleavage to thongs. How am I supposed to ignore that?” asked one brother, whom Jamal did not know.
“By yourself, you can't do anything, but with God all things are possible,” Pastor Alder replied. “You have to allow God to show you how that seemingly harmless look can open the door for the devil to destroy your marriage.”
Jamal allowed Pastor Alder's words to sink in. Jamal had to see the devil at work on trying to destroy a Christian family. It wouldn't be long before Jamal took his vows, and he knew that many of the men in the room wanted to shout from the rafters for him not to do it.
Jamal knew that Chantel was the right woman for him. He just did not know how his life would change after he said “I do.” He listened to brother after brother as they purged themselves of mental and emotional frustration. He prayed that he would not suffer the same fate.
Chapter Nineteen
Titus
The Shepherds of the Round Table was inspired by the tale of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. King Arthur's greatness lay in his ability to refrain from seeing himself as superior to his fellow man. The Shepherds of the Round Table was a group of local pastors who usually met quarterly to discuss different topics. It was an opportunity for the pastors to discuss whatever issues perplexed them the most, whether of a personal or a professional nature.
Titus had invited his fellow members of the prestigious group to this year's men's retreat. He had decided that it was best to have an impromptu meeting at lunch, a meeting that he would later regret.
“Yeah, Doc, you've been missing in action,” said Pastor Clemons, who reminded Titus of a black Santa Claus.
“I tell you about brothers that get married and start to do disappearing acts,” said Pastor Combs, a robust pastor who was the same age as Titus.
“Don't hate because I enjoy coming home to my wife,” Titus replied.
“So do we, but we haven't forgotten that we have a church to run as well.” Pastor Clemons's belly shook with laughter.
“That's true. I've had a lot of women join in the last year from Greater Anointing, citing that things are different,” Pastor Cooper said.
If there was such thing as an heir apparent to Pastor Dawkins's legacy as an eligible bachelor of the cloth, then Pastor Cooper had taken up the mantle. Cooper was young, good-looking, and a great practitioner of the Word. The news that Pastor Cooper had taken on some of Titus's admirers provoked in Titus both a little bit of envy and a little bit of relief that the temptation of provocative women had been reduced.
“I hear you guys belly ache about your wives wanting you to spend more time at home and less time at the church. That's not the kind of marriage I want. I would feel like I've failed as a husband if that happened,” Titus said.
“I understand where you're coming from, but you've got to remember that you have a great calling, and to be a shepherd to men and women is not a calling that you can punch a clock on,” Pastor Clemons said.
The waitress arrived and brought each man his respective meal. For a few minutes, Titus chewed on both his chicken cacciatore and the conversation. Prior to the meeting, Titus had chalked up most of the grumblings from his members as simple envy or codependence on the head pastor. This was the first time Titus had entertained the notion that maybe he was neglecting his flock while enjoying the warmth and pleasures of marriage. Titus's pasta grew cold as he mulled over his plight.
Pastor Alder, who had just delivered a great workshop, motioned to speak.
“What's on your mind, Doc?” Titus asked before he took a sip of his tea.
“I know you're having troubles with the sisters of your church, but just think about how difficult this has been for Grace. She married the elusive, enigmatic Pastor Dawkins, and most of the women in the church are wondering what's so special about her.”
“I can't begin to describe what it's like to be with a woman that can make you feel both vulnerable and secure at the same time. Everything has changed as a result of being with Grace, and I know that things cannot go back to the way they were before I got married,” Titus explained. “I'm not sure if I would want things to change if they could. I'm having trouble trying to figure out how to balance ministry and marriage.”
“Um, well, she understands it, because she married you knowing who you are, but you've got to keep your priorities in order, because according to the Word, your wife comes first. Now, you also have a successful ministry, so you have to balance that too,” Pastor Alder said.
Titus nodded. “I know, and I've been praying that God will help me to find that balance. I've done a pretty good job of fighting off the demons of my past. I come from a line of preachers who were womanizers. One would say it's in my blood, but I have fought and prayed hard for the Lord to deliver me from that lifestyle.”
“You better be careful. A couple of years of marriage and you won't resemble the good-looking Pastor Dawkins. Your stomach will resemble a tire from Pep Boys. Then that's when the devil will send your Delilah. A fine, pretty little thing that will make you feel young again. That's when you, my friend, will find yourself in an intense test,” Pastor Combs said.
Pastor Combs's words really resonated with Titus. Combs had been a leader of a ten-thousand-member congregation that seemed both unstoppable and invincible. Whenever he asked for his congregation to give, they would do it faithfully, and there was no building or project that they could not complete. Then his Delilah appeared, and the affair brought his ministry crashing down like a house of cards. Titus both revered and admired Combs, who was a passionate expositor of the Word.
“How have you been, Pastor Combs?” Titus asked.
“Well, my divorce was finalized this week. Twenty-six years.” Pastor Combs put his head down and tried to eat. Some of the other brothers put their hands on his shoulders for comfort.
“Don't worry, Pastor. This too shall pass, and God will restore both you and your family,” Titus said.
Titus's words were met with sobs from Pastor Combs. His heart ached for his fallen brother, and he prayed that God would restore Combs to the place he belonged. Titus also prayed that he would avoid the same mistakes that Pastor Combs had made.
Chapter Twenty
Quincy
Quincy needed to show Dwight that he was the man. At least that was what he told himself. In truth, Quincy was searching for some piece of control and power in an otherwise powerless situation. The boys skipped a heavy meal in exchange for fruit smoothies and a trip to the gym. Quincy added 305 pounds of weight to the weight-lifting bar, an amount that he had not lifted since college. Quincy, however, did not lack in the area of confidence. He pressed the weight-lifting bar up off the safety catch bars and felt its full gravity as it free-fell, until Dwight grabbed it just before it reached Quincy's throat. The results could have been either fatal or paralyzing.
Dwight possessed enough strength to return the bar back to its original position. “You all right?” he asked.
Quincy nodded. “Yeah, I'm good. It just slipped a little.”
Dwight went back to lifting dumbbells as Jamal entered the gym and made his way over to the dumbbell rack and began lifting. Quincy got up and walked over to the dumbbell rack and stood next to Jamal. He grabbed two dumbbells, and both men stared at each other in the reflection of the mirror.
“You know, Q, eventually you're going to have to give the boy a chance. He came here, and that says something.”
“What he does when he becomes a father will tell me all that I need to know.” Quincy winced from the weight of the dumbbells.
“I know you don't want to accept the fact that Sasha is not the only one that's going to need you. Dwight is going to need you too.” Jamal set the weights down and wiggled his arms as he loosened up.
“What happened to this generation?” Quincy set down the dumbbells and put his hands on his hips. He seemed to have asked the question in a rhetorical sense. “My great-grandfather passed down the building blocks of success. Educated and the Bible. More than half of the members of my family have college degrees and are successful entrepreneurs. Where did we mess up? What did we do to cause kids not to value a better way of life, as opposed to struggling?”
“Nothing. The scriptures says that life and chance happen to us all. The rain falls on the just and unjust. You've raised Sasha right, and I know she'll find her way back to what you and Karen taught her.” Jamal picked up the weights and started lifting again. “My grandmother instilled the Bible in me and the importance of making Jesus my Lord and Savior. When everything in the world failed, God was there to take me back in. God has not left Sasha, and you'll be amazed at how she will turn around.”
“We'll see,” Quincy said. Jamal's words did find a place in Quincy's psyche. If anyone could rebound from a setback, it was Sasha. She carried the same resolve as Quincy.
Quincy and Jamal both took a break from working out to grab water bottles from a nearby vending machine. They took sips from their water bottles and watched Chauncey attempt to run on the treadmill before he ended up getting a cramp.
“Oh, help me, Jesus,” Chauncey said as he grabbed his leg.
Quincy could not hold back the laughter, and neither could Jamal and Dwight. For once they were all in accord.
“God don't like ugly.” Chauncey winced as he took a seat on one of the benches.
“Well, how He explain you?” Quincy asked.
“Oh, Brother Page, I pray for you. I pray that the Lord is merciful and does not curse you for talking about His anointed,” Chauncey said.
Quincy wondered if a curse was the best explanation of his situation. Quincy's business had thrived while other businesses had collapsed. How come he could not transfer that success from his company to his home?
Chapter Twenty-one
Dwight
“You have been here long enough. Do you understand me?” Pastor Snow said. “You have been here long enough, and it is time to break up your fallow ground and march into your destiny.”
Dwight had never heard someone as powerful as Pastor Snow. He had heard Bob Marley sing, Tupac rap, and Farrakhan speak, but no one had ever captivated him like Pastor Snow did. Chill bumps broke loose all over his skin. They gave his tattoos an eerier 3-D effect. He needed to regain control of his faculties.
“Let me tell you why you've been going around in circles.” Pastor Snow paused to wipe the sweat from his forehead. “It's because you've been living for yourself. No one achieves greatness living for themselves. God created you for a purpose, and if you're not here to fulfill that purpose, then you're going to continue to live for yourself. You were called to impact a nation and a generation.”
Dwight had never seen himself as a great man. He didn't even think he had the potential to do anything great, other than make music. Even his aspirations with music had selfish motives. But as he sat in the chair, he felt his heart starting to enlarge. He felt his heart being filled with a capacity to want to do more.
He had been unsure about a lot of things, especially with Sasha's father being upset over his baby girl being pregnant, but as he sat and listened to the scripture, nothing else mattered.
“Don't wait,” urged Pastor Snow. “If you're man enough and bad enough to put the foolish things behind you, then persist and put the foolishness behind you. I want you to head down to this altar right here, and we are going to pray and give our lives to God. Don't surrender to the circumstance. Surrender to God.”
Surrender. He had always view the word
surrender
as a synonym for
weakness,
but the way Pastor Snow spoke with such conviction,
surrender
did not seem like a negative word. Pastor Snow made eye contact with each man, and though he stood only five foot, four inches, his intensity was that of an all-pro lineman.
surrender
as a synonym for
weakness,
but the way Pastor Snow spoke with such conviction,
surrender
did not seem like a negative word. Pastor Snow made eye contact with each man, and though he stood only five foot, four inches, his intensity was that of an all-pro lineman.
“When Elisha was working on his parents' farm and had an encounter with the prophet Elijah, he dropped everything, because at that moment he knew he had met his destiny and purpose. What will you do when you encounter your destiny? What will you give up to become the man God has created you to be?”
Dwight felt the desire that had started within his heart turn into a fire that ignited and spread throughout the core of his being. He had goose bumps that did not go away. Tears welled up in his eyes. Dwight was having a nervous breakdown, but it felt so good that he did not care. He wanted a destiny; he wanted a purpose. He wanted to be like the prophet in the Bible, to meet his destiny and not give it a second thought.
“Don't wait,” said Pastor Snow. “Come down here right now, and let's get on the path to becoming what God has always intended for you to be.”
Men started to fill the altar. Dwight's skin was still riddled with goose bumps. He felt two distinct hands touch each of his shoulders. He looked to his left, and there was Will. Dwight turned to his right, and there was Jamal. Both had a smile on their face.
“If you want to go, we'll go with you,” Jamal said.
Dwight could give only a head nod, and his feet felt heavy, but as long as Will and Jamal had their hands on his shoulders, he felt like he could make it. His knees buckled as he got closer to the altar and saw men already on the floor, praying. He arrived and locked eyes with Pastor Snow.
“Young man, do you surrender to God?” Pastor Snow put the microphone to Dwight's lips.
Surrender to God, not to circumstances.
That sounded like a powerful way to live, and Dwight was tired of running around, chasing the pipe dream of being a producer.
That sounded like a powerful way to live, and Dwight was tired of running around, chasing the pipe dream of being a producer.
“I surrender to God, and I want to be what God wants me to be.” Dwight collapsed to his knees under the weight of the words. Will and Jamal took a knee with him as he prayed.
“Lord, I know I've done messed up, and I ain't got much to show for with my life. But I'm here, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be close to you and make you proud of me,” Dwight prayed.
Dwight continued to pray until he could no longer kneel, and when that happened, he lay face down on the floor and prayed some more, until the conference room carpet was stained with his sweat and tears. He thought about his mother's, who loved him and had done the best she could for him, and how he had rejected her love for the sake of being cool. He thought about all those times he could've died at the wrong place and the wrong time. Nothing he had done up until this point was worthy of grace and forgiveness. Dwight did not feel worthy of a second chance, but he had one. He prayed through the pain, and it seemed like the more sweat and tears poured out, the more release he felt from his past.
He felt weak and powerful at the same time, but Dwight had been reborn without reentering the womb. Dwight felt like shouting. It was as if he had been born for the first time, and he knew that his life would never be the same.
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