Men After God's Own Heart (13 page)
Read Men After God's Own Heart Online
Authors: Dijorn Moss
Chapter Twenty-four
Titus
“Psalms twenty-two, one . . . âMy God, My God, why have you forsaken me!' Matthew twenty-seven, verse forty-six . . . âMy God, My God why have you forsaken me?'” Pastor Dawkins stepped away from the podium with his iPad in hand and walked in front of a packed conference room, which had also been the site of the circle of power about an hour ago. His mind was still stuck on seeing his father after thirty years. Titus looked at his message on his iPad and saw a sermon that he had connected with mentally but not spiritually. Deep within his heart and his spirit he knew there was something else he wanted to say. That sermon had remained aloof from Titus until his father entered the conference room and took a seat in the back.
“Forgiveness . . . ,” Titus said to his surprise before he handed his iPad to one of his armor bearers sitting in the front row. “I had a sermon prepared to rally the troops and get you guys stirred up, but I must yield to the Holy Spirit, which is telling me to talk to you tonight about forgiveness.” Titus paused to make sure he had everyone's attention. “There's nothing more toxic that can exist within a human being than unforgiveness. There is nothing it profits, and it does not even make the person that you're mad at suffer.”
Words and ideas came at Titus like a tidal wave, and he paused for a moment to calm the waves and smoothly convey God's message. “If I was to peer into your lives, I would see points where you were rejected by someone who was supposed to love you. Some of you had teachers, neighbors, and church members who spoke words of unworthiness into your life, and as a result, you built up walls. You allowed all your emotions to erode, with the exception of anger. Anger has grown, and it has spawned bitterness.”
Titus received a sprinkle of “Amens” throughout the room. This was not a sermon that was meant to elicit shouts. This sermon was meant to perform surgery. It was meant to cut through the flab and get to the heart of the matter.
He went on. “You cannot draw strength from anger. You can't find comfort in unforgiveness, because true power comes from being able to look both the offender and the offense in the eye and not trip.”
The “Amens” grew louder, and a few men even stood up and pointed at Titus. Titus noticed that his father had stood up.
“How you know you're walking in power is when you don't react when someone mistreats you. You just keep doing what God called you to do. I have a purpose, and I'm going to fulfill it whether you're in my life or not. If you're trying to pull me down, then that means you're already beneath me, and instead going down to your level, I'm going to pull you up to mine.”
Most of the men were out of their seats now, and the fire that had ignited within Titus's spirit was strong and vibrant.
“We have to become men after God's own heart. Make no mistake about it. In this life we will endure hardships, and you probably feel like God has forsaken you.” Titus started to pace back and forth along the front row. “You've lost your job, your house, and your marriage ended in a bitter divorce. All of these things are worthy reasons to feel like God has left you. You lost a child, and you're still grieving over the loss. But in all that you go through, if you don't give up, God will cause you to triumph. Let it go. Let go of the pain, and accept forgiveness.”
Men started to clap, and Titus got that feeling again. He likened that feeling to the taste of honey on wheat bread. It was sweet and healthy.
“If God can cause a shepherd that was ostracized and cast out of his own house to become a great king, then what is going on in your life that you can't overcome?” Titus did not expect an answer to his rhetorical question. He just wanted the brothers to think. “If God brought back Jesus from the grave, then what obstacle is in your way that you can't come back from?”
Now the men were on their feet, praising God and clapping and encouraging Titus to go on.
“When God created Adam and Eve, He gave them dominion, and they gave their dominion to Satan. When Jesus died on the cross and nailed your sins and my sins on the cross, He gave us back our dominion. You are meant to excel wherever you go. Don't give anyone power over you when God has given you the power to be more than a conqueror.”
Men started to cry and fall on the floor in praise. Titus even got teary-eyed when he thought about the goodness of God.
“When Jesus was on the cross, he said to God, âForgive them, for they know not what they do.' Forgive your teachers, for they didn't know who you were destined to become. Forgive your haters, because their hatred only strengthens you to become more like God and less like them.” Titus paused and looked at his father. Lemont's eyes were full of tears. “And forgive your parents, because regardless if they were in your life or not, your Heavenly Father has never left you.”
Titus summoned his deacons and ministers to come forth. Clyde, one of the musicians, assumed his position at the keyboard in the far right corner of the room and began to play a slow melody. Men started to walk from their seats to the altar for prayer.
Lemont made his way toward the front, and without a thought, Titus moved toward his father. They met in the middle of the room like two combatants about to do battle. Lemont did not say anything. He just extended his hands out for prayer.
“Pray for me,” Lemont said.
Titus nodded his head, and for the first time since Titus was a teenager, he and his father prayed together.
Chapter Twenty-five
Will
Will and Joshua came back to the hotel room on fire from the Word they had just received, and even more on fire that Joshua had decided to give his life to the Lord.
“Man, I can't believe this. That service was active,” Joshua said as he paced the floor. “Is this what you feel?”
“Yeah, bro. That's why I can't go back to the life I had.”
“So what do we do now?” Joshua asked.
It was a legitimate question Joshua had asked. What was a free man supposed to do?
“We go and get our family back, and we do it together,” Will answered.
“I'm scared,” Joshua said as he sat and slumped on the bed.
“There's nothing to be afraid of. We're going to find a way to get you out of that life, and we're going to find a way to help our parents and little sister.”
Joshua did not have a reply. He just dropped his head, conceding the point.
“Talk to me, Josh.”
“It's like you're a changed person. You're not the brother I knew.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“I don't know. It's just different. I know you love me and care for me, but I can't get with this. I don't know what happened.”
“What happened is I stopped following the devil's plan and started following God's plan. I'm not trying to force my beliefs on you, Josh, but I am trying to get you to see that the path you're on now leads to destruction. You can have more nights like tonight.”
Something else was wrong. The way Joshua's shoulder sank in, it was like he was spooked about something.
“What's wrong, Josh?”
“Last night I had a dream.”
“Okay. What about?”
“It was me, Uncle Tony, and Dad, and we were in this bad Camaro like the one in
Transformers,
all black and silver. So we were driving, right, and it seems like we're in a desert or something, because it's just open land as far as we can see, and we're driving as fast as we can without a care in the world. Then, all of a sudden. . .” Joshua's words drifted off, and Will could tell that his brother was transfixed on the vivid details of his dream.
Transformers,
all black and silver. So we were driving, right, and it seems like we're in a desert or something, because it's just open land as far as we can see, and we're driving as fast as we can without a care in the world. Then, all of a sudden. . .” Joshua's words drifted off, and Will could tell that his brother was transfixed on the vivid details of his dream.
“What happened?” Will asked.
“There was no more road. It was like a cliff came out of nowhere, and we were too busy having a good time to notice that we had gone off the cliff until it was too late.”
Joshua shook, as if a cold chill had come over him. Will did not consider himself a prophet. He was a simple man, but he understood exactly what that dream meant. A year ago he would have been a passenger in the ill-fated car. At times Will wondered if he was still on the edge or if he had escaped his fate.
“Josh, God don't make mistakes. Though there are some things beyond our understanding, other things are not. I believe God allowed you to see the road that you guys are headed down. You may feel like you got all this time in the world to mess up and then fix it later, but you don't. All things come to an end.”
“Bro, I messed up so bad that there's no way I could be saved.” Joshua started to cry.
“No one that is alive is beyond saving. You and I both draw breath, and we both can change.”
“I know God has forgiven me, but what about the Untouchables? They're going to kill me when they find out.” Joshua wiped his face with his midnight-blue T-shirt.
Will was heartbroken at the sight of his brother. The thought of Joshua being killed sent a chill through Will's body. “Joshua, who says that your life is over? If God is able to deliver me, then he's more than able to deliver and protect you. Do you understand?”
Joshua took an extra minute to wipe his face before he gave Will a head nod.
Will did not know if Joshua's silence was a result of what he had said to him or if Joshua was still thinking about the dream. One thing that Will knew for certain was that Joshua had experienced his own personal retreat.
Chapter Twenty-six
Titus
Titus found himself outside Jamal's door without an armor bearer. It was just him with his Air Jordan sweat suit on. He knocked on the door, and when Jamal answered, to Titus's surprise, he saw that the room was full. Will was in the midst of cutting hair, while Chauncey was reading his Bible. Quincy was looking through a magazine. Dwight, who, Titus knew, was the new young man who had accompanied Quincy to the retreat, lay on the bed, watching sports.
“What's good, Pastor?” Will said after he paused from cutting hair.
“Hey, now, I was coming to get my hair shaped up,” Titus replied.
“I got you,” Will said as he proceeded to cut Jamal's hair.
“Hey, Pastor!” Chauncey jumped up and made a beeline to Titus. Chauncey was a little uncomfortable to be around whenever he was overzealous. He shook Titus's hand and gave him a Christian hug. “I'm so glad to see you. I was just about to lead the brothers in devotion.”
“Sure you were,” Quincy said while he flipped through the magazine.
“Well, these brothers have had a long day, and that Word tonight will make anybody full,” Titus said. “I think it is important for everyone to relax. So what's been up?”
“Nothing. Just chilling,” Jamal said.
“How about you, Pastor? How are you enjoying married life?” Quincy asked.
“If I had known then what I know now.” Titus laughed as he and Quincy exchanged fist bumps. “It's been good, but it's difficult. The sisters of the church are giving me a hard time.”
“What do you expect? One of the most eligible bachelors in all of Southern California is married, and to an outsider, of all things. You know that's a tough pill to swallow.” Quincy said.
“I was surprised that you got married, Pastor Dawkins,” Chauncey said.
“Well, I was the type that was comfortable with just being alone and focusing on the gospel. It wasn't until Grace came into my life that I realized that something was missing,” Titus explained.
“Hold on. You mean to tell me, Pastor, that you ain't never . . .” Dwight, whom Titus did not know, made gestures to substitute for what he really wanted to ask him. Titus knew he wanted to know about his sex life but did not have a way to ask that would not be considered inappropriate. Titus decided to let the young man off the hook.
“Well, I haven't always been a pastor. I have had my youthful indiscretions, which is why when God spoke to me in a motel room, of all places, after I had just gotten high and had sex, I thought He was tripping. I did not want to be a hypocrite, so I told God that he would have to help, and you know what?” Titus waited until he had the attention of everyone in the room. “He did!”
“Praise God,” Jamal and Chauncey said in unison.
“So I see you guys are relaxing, so, Brother Will, if you wanted me to come back later for my haircut, I will,” Titus said.
“Oh no. I'll fade you up real quick,” Will replied.
“Yeah, Pastor, stay! We were just about to break out some cards,” Quincy replied.
“Well, I don't want to have to administer a beat down at a men's retreat,” Titus said as he chuckled to himself.
The other men in the room looked at each other with devilish grins.
Two hours later not only had Titus gotten his haircut, but he was still in Jamal's hotel room, enjoying a card game.
“Now, Pastor, I hope you don't take this whipping personally. I don't want to go home to a plague or locusts or anything like that,” Quincy said.
“You're doing a whole lot of talking for someone who didn't make his books last hand,” Titus replied.
“You talk a good one,” Quincy said before he turned to Dwight. “You're a pretty good card player. Too bad.”
“Brother Page, I'm not going to even pretend that I understand what you're going through, because I am not a father, but I do know this. If Dwight made the commitment to come here, then that's something,” Titus said.
“You know, Pastor, with all due respect, I get tired of you always asking me to turn the other cheek,” Quincy replied.
“It's because you're better than what your knee-jerk emotions are telling you. You are a great man, and I just want you not to allow your circumstances to cause you to think that you are anything less than that!” Titus pounded his fist on the table like a gavel.
“But that contradicts who I am. I am who I am today because I didn't bow down to anyone, and I'm not about to start doing that now. I'm sorry, Pastor, but I'm not that guy.” Quincy threw his hands up in surrender.
“But you are a new creature with God. He had a plan for success, and His plan never fails. Remember, you are the righteousness of God. Don't become bitter because others become bitter toward you. Don't hang your head down because of someone else's actions, either.” Titus noticed that the cards had stopped being dealt, and the side conversations had ceased as well. Titus had the full attention of his brothers, and the moment could not go to waste. “We have to stop blaming this generation for the mistakes they've made, and we must take ownership of it. Christians, we should be the first in line to offer compassion.”
Titus turned to Dwight. “You have some critical decisions to make in the coming months, before this baby arrives. You have a great resource in Brother Quincy, and you have decided to give your life over to the Lord, which means that you have the recipe to be a successful father. Do you understand me?” Titus asked.
“Yeah.” Dwight gave a nod. “I'm going to be a great father. I believe that now.”
“The games stop now. You played, and now it's time to be a great example of a man for your child,” Titus added.
“But, Pastor Dawkins, I would say that Jesus should be his greatest example,” Chauncey said.
“Deacon, we are a reflection of Jesus, and if our children see a form of Jesus that drinks, that's abusive and mean, then our children will not want to have anything to do with the real Jesus!”
“That's true,” Jamal said.
“We have to remember that we were all created to fulfill a purpose, and each of us has the capacity to accomplish much. But the choice comes down to what image you identify withâthe one that has been shaped by the opinions and views of our families and community or the one that is a reflection of who God says you are in the Bible.”
“That's a good word right there. We miss hearing that from you,” Jamal said.
“I don't understand,” Titus said.
“I mean, don't get me wrong, Pastor, and I respect your and Grace's marriage, but you have something that not every preacher has, and that is a finger on the pulse of men. Men come to Greater Anointing because they know that they are going to receive a Word that will help them deal with the circumstances of life,” Jamal replied.
Titus had heard this statement from his detractors, fellow pastors, and now from the men of his congregation. There was something about the way Jamal presented his concern that made it finally hit home for Titus. Jamal did not want anything from him other than to hear a Word that would help him to be a better husband and a better father.
“Listen, brothers, I'm sorry if I've been a little MIA as a result of marital bliss.” Titus's statement garnered a chuckle from Quincy. “Listen, I come from a long line of preachers who stepped out on their wives, and I can cite a host of other examples of pastors who can't keep their marriages together but can preach. That man you saw me hug and pray for tonight was my father, and that was the first time I've seen him in thirty years.”
Shock swept through the room. Titus was neither an open book nor a sealed document. He told personal stories as he saw fit, and he'd kept his childhood guarded until now.
Titus went on. “I decided that if I was going to get married, then I was going keep everything in the proper perspective and put my wife first.” Titus noticed how his thoughts were foreign to his brethren. “I would step away from the ministry to keep my marriage strong.”
“The devil is a liar!” Chauncey said.
“It's not the devil. The devil has fooled us for so long into thinking that we have to be slaves to our professions in order to succeed. God has blessed me with a wife, and through her, I will become everything that God has wanted me to be,” Titus said.
“That's heavy,” Dwight said.
“I will be more mindful of my pastoral duties, because I do have a calling and I don't want you brothers to feel like you're not getting all you need,” Titus admitted.
“Thanks, Pastor,” Jamal said.
“Hey, Pastor, you know, I was thinking that maybe we should have an event like this,” Will said as he shook some hair into a wastebasket.
“What do you mean, Will?” Titus asked.
“We should have an event kind of like a barbershop, but instead we talk about getting closer to God. I could see if I could get some of my friends from the college to volunteer.”
“That would be a great way to minister to guys outside the church. I could find a venue,” Quincy added.
“That sounds like a great idea,” Titus said.
“You could probably advertise it on Facebook or Twitter,” Jamal added.
“See, that's why you guys are my A-team, because you think outside the box, and that's what we're going to have to do to keep the church relevant,” Titus replied.
“And that's what's important, Pastor. What has helped your ministry stand out is that you have been able to minister to men,” Quincy said.
“You're right, Quincy. You're right!” Titus said, to which Quincy gave him a head nod.
And with Quincy words of wisdom, Titus knew what he had to do.
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