Messed Up (15 page)

“Hey Shawn, have you heard from Toby?” I asked as an afterthought, “He hasn’t answered my calls.”

“He’s a jerk. He won’t call anyone back,” she said not looking up from her phone.

“That’s weird,” I commented.

“You’re telling me! It’s usually impossible to get him to shut up, now he won’t even call my mom back. She’s freaking out. Thinks he’s in some kind of trouble.”

“What does your dad say,” I asked, feeling myself pushing the subject too eagerly.

“
His
dad, we have different fathers,” she looked at me with contempt, like this should be obvious to me.

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” I faltered, “What does
his
dad say?”

“Nothing. My mom has no idea how to get a hold of him. She didn’t even know Toby knew how to find his father. He’s a loser who’s never given Toby the time of day,” she paused for a minute, her eyes staring blankly out at the food court, “If you ask me,” she said quietly, “I bet Toby is nowhere near his father. Who knows where he is.”

“Well, if you talk to him, will you tell him to call me?” I said feeling the conversation coming to a close.

She nodded indifferently and went back to her frantic texting.

I began walking to my car, deep in thought. I was certain something was wrong. No one had heard from Toby since that night in Vistas. Where had he gone? According to his sister, it didn’t seem very likely that he was with his father. An overwhelming rush of anxiety washed over me as I stepped out of the main entrance to the mall. I was moving as if on autopilot as I placed one foot into the street. A loud squealing sound interrupted my thoughts. I looked up just in time to see a navy blue SUV screeching to a halt inches from me. I froze for an instant as my mind attempted to reconcile the scene before me.

Levi was suddenly by my side, smiling crookedly, “Hey Punky, what are you trying to do, get run over?”

“Levi,” I said confused, “Where did you come from?”

“Your dreams, Beautiful,” he winked, opening the car door for me, “Hop in, we’re stopping traffic.”

I looked back to see a long line of vehicles piling up behind Levi’s car. I followed his direction and found myself seated comfortably in his plush leather seats. My mind was pestering me to stay focused on my recent revelation about Toby’s disappearance, but my eyes were commanding me to enjoy the vision seated beside me. My eyes won. Levi looked just as perfect as ever. He had a slight smile on his heart shaped mouth. The emerald green t-shirt he wore had the effect of making his eyes look more brilliantly blue than ever.

“Hey,” I said smiling at him, “It’s good to see you.” My fears about Toby faded to the back of my mind as quickly as they had arrived.

Once clear of the mall, Levi pulled his car onto the side of the road and leaned over to kiss me deeply on the mouth. I felt my heart beat rapidly in response to his touch. He gently held my face in his hands, and as he pulled away, he looked into my eyes and smiled, “I’ve been thinking about doing that for two and half days,” he sighed. He kissed me again sweetly, softly.

“Was it all you had hoped?” I asked smiling back at him.

“You have no idea,” he whispered, kissing me again, “Did you get the flowers.”

“Yes. Thank you,” I said returning my lips to his.

“I hope you won’t hold it against me. I can be a jealous asshole.”

“I’ll get over it,” I said concentrating on the velvetiness of his mouth.

Eventually, Levi pulled his car back into traffic and began driving out of town. It took me several minutes to recover my senses, after our little reunion, before I demanded he tell me where we were going.

“Noah is having a party out at his parent’s cabin on the river,” he glanced sideways at me, “Don’t worry, I already picked up your bikini. I stopped by your house. Your mom helped me find it. You should really clean up your room.”

I blushed at the thought of the dirty underwear and socks that probably littered my floor. I quickly changed the subject. “So, I guess I should remind you about your promise not to get me in any more dangerous situations,” I said.

“Did I promise that?” he smirked.

“I believe you did.”

“Hmm… I think you should be relatively safe, as long as you stay in
shallow waters
.” What was that supposed to mean? He couldn’t know about my little brush with death yesterday. Unless…

“I think I saw your friend Calvin at the beach yesterday,” I said casually, watching Levi’s reaction out of the corner of my eyes.

“Were you at a beach in Italy, ‘cause that’s where Calvin is.”

“Oh. Guess not.”

“How did your little surf lesson go?” Levi asked with an edge to his voice.

“I’m sure I’ll be tearing it up at Maverick’s in no time,” I joked and then went on to describe my near drowning in detail.

Noah’s cabin by the river turned out to be less cabin, more lavish mansion. The house was built to look like something you might expect to see in Tuscany, but on steroids. Its stucco exterior was painted a light shade of coral. Exposed beams framed the windows and doors. The house was surrounded by vineyards on three sides. A row of olive trees lined a long drive way leading to the
cabin
. My eyes passed over a dozen or so cars that were parked alongside the road, all of which, I noted, were of the European luxury variety, and most with bumper stickers that said
Delancey
, in their windows. I figured Delancey must be a band or something, as Levi had the same sticker. Damn, I thought, my little Volvo would look out of place amongst this crowd of cars, probably as out of place as I was about to look in my off brand bathing suit and naturally colored hair.

I sucked in a deep breath as Levi and I walked toward the house. He pushed the door open without knocking, and we stepped into a huge entryway. From where we stood I could see that the entire back of the house was made up entirely of windows. Just on the other side of the glass was an impossibly green lawn that stretched about fifty feet before reaching the river. A row of tanned and toned bodies lay on white lawn chairs. I felt my stomach drop as my eyes rested on the figure I recognized as Camille. She was lying face down in one of the chairs with her bikini top undone so as to eliminate any possibility of tan lines. There was another group, guys mainly, diving off a huge boulder into the gentle current of the river. The way the rock stuck out of the water at the perfect angle for jumping, made me suspicious that it had been placed there by a landscape architect.

Levi lead me up a huge winding staircase to what I assumed was the master bedroom. It was sparsely furnished aside from an enormous four poster bed on one wall and an equally out of scale flat screen TV on the other. He leaned against the door shutting it with his back and reaching behind him to lock to it with a decisive
click
. His arms wrapped around my waist as mine found their way around his neck. Our mouths were tightly locked as he moved me backwards, falling on top of me on the bed. Levi rolled over and pulled my body onto his stomach. Just as he did this I saw something flash across his face. It almost looked like he was in pain. We continued to kiss, more deeply now, as his right hand made its way under my shirt, gently caressing my back. I pressed my body more firmly onto his, and then I saw it again. This time I was certain that something was hurting him.

I quickly rolled to the side, “Are you okay?”

“Perfect,” he said moving in to kiss me again.
“You look like you’re in pain,” I said pulling away from him and sitting up.

Levi sighed. He released me and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Carefully he pulled up his t-shirt to expose his chest. I barely managed to contain a gasp as I stared, horrified at his previously flawless chest. Starting about an inch to the left of his right nipple was a large safety pin, another was fastened to the flesh about three inches below, and the third was secured just to the side of his belly button. All three safety pins were surrounded by red inflamed skin. The area where the safety pins entered and exited his flesh was dark, almost black. I looked away, trying to extinguish the image from my mind.

“Oh my God, Levi,” I whispered, still not able to look at him, “What did you do? Why did you do that?”

He pulled his shirt down and rolled over wrapping his arms around my waist and putting his head on my thigh. “Punishment,” he finally said. His voice was so quiet that I could barely make out the word.

“For what?” I asked, my voice meeting his hushed tone.

He was silent for an unbearable thirty seconds and finally said, “I keep hurting you and fucking things up. I had to do something to keep myself in line.”

I was horrified that this could be my fault. Unadulterated panic streamed through me as I looked Levi right in the eyes, “Promise you won’t do that again. You need to get those things out of you,” I could tell my voice was frantic, but I didn’t care, “Promise me Levi! You can’t do that.”

He smiled at me then, almost laughing, “Hey Punky, calm down. It’s not a big deal. I’ve lived with worse pain than this.”

“You have to take them out,” I said, my voice still shrill, “Promise!”

“I’ll take them out right now if you’ll lie back on top of me,” he said with a guilty grin.

“Fine, but we should get something to clean you up with,” I said grabbing his hand and dragging him toward a bathroom which resembled a hotel spa. Levi sat on the edge of the enormous bathtub, “Take off your shirt,” I demanded. I knew I would feel like vomiting until all three of those safety pins were out of my life. He did as he was told, still smiling at me. I kneeled down in front of him and took a deep breath. I started with the bottom pin, carefully squeezing it between my fingers to release the clasp. Levi let out a cry. I jumped back about a foot in startled shock. He started laughing hysterically at my reaction.

“
You suck!” I said giving him my best evil eye.

“I’m sorry. I was just kidding. It doesn’t hurt. Keep going,” he begged, trying to look innocent.

I scooted myself closer and went back to work. I finished removing the first pin and was surprised and relieved to find that blood didn’t come pouring out of the fresh holes in Levi’s chest. The lack of blood made it easier for me to quickly remove the remaining two safety pins. I used a wash cloth and soupy water to carefully clean each wound. Levi watched me curiously.

“Thanks,” he said sweetly as I finished.

“Don’t think I’ll do it again,” I said, pointing my finger at his face and trying to look very serious and authoritative.

He pulled me to him, placing his face on my belly, “I love you,” he whispered and despite all three clothes pins, I’m certain that every cell in my body trembled with elation at those three words.

13

After the minor surgery and a pretty intense make-out session, Levi left me in the supersized bathroom to get my swim suit on. I stood in front of the full length mirror and considered my fate. I was about to be fed to the sharks. It would take the self esteem of a supermodel to be able to walk out, virtually naked, in front of a group of St. Jacobs piranhas who all probably coveted my boyfriend. How did I let myself end up in this predicament, you might ask? I am pretty sure that it had everything to do with the fact that I fell into a trance every time Levi was in the vicinity. Thankfully I had worn my denim skirt to work that day, so I pulled it on over my teeny tiny bikini. Now I was only half naked, I reasoned.

I made my way slowly down the stairs, as if walking to my death. To my great relief Sam Arns (Hannah’s ex) and Bryce Fanning were coming in the front door just as I reached the bottom step. I had never in my life been happier to see two people whom I would normally hide from.

“
Sam! How have you been?” I asked throwing my arms around him in a huge hug, “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“
Hey Chelsea. Good to see you,” Sam replied sounding surprised by my enthusiasm.

“
What’s up Chels,” Bryce said looking over my head at the scene of sunbathing beauties behind me. I followed them to the kitchen, which looked suspiciously like something out of my mom’s Sunset magazine. Bryce opened the refrigerator and pulled out a beer for each of us.

“
No thanks,” I said avoiding the bottle being shoved at me.

“
Oh yeah, I forgot. Little Miss Square Bear,” Bryce smiled at me, mockingly.

Unlike practically everybody I knew I very rarely partook in the alcoholic refreshments offered at parties. Occasionally, I’d sip at a drink to keep up appearances, but I was typically stone-cold sober. It wasn’t for any moral principles, but more out of self-preservation. I had been witness to countless instances of drunken mayhem and basically decided that I would rather not be the main character in any of those dramas. Like the time my friend Rachel Simpson drank so much rum she found herself naked in her boyfriend’s mother’s bathtub the next morning. I’m sure she is still getting over that humiliation. I figured I had enough trouble not embarrassing myself without the added influence of liquid courage.

Once holstered with their beer, Sam and Bryce headed out the back door toward the river, with me glued to their sides. I did not want to be spotted alone by my newest arch nemesis, Camille. We all sat down on the grass looking out at the bolder that was doubling as a diving board. Boy after boy took turns cannon balling off the end. Each splash was met with either cheers or boos depending on the volume of water being expelled from the river. I watched carefully, almost with pride, as Levi climbed to the top of the rock. Rather than simply plunging in like his peers, Levi did a perfect back flip landing gracefully in the water.