Mid Life Love (39 page)

“Me?”

I nodded. “I’ve missed you so much...I don’t know what
I have to do to make you believe me but—”

“Prove it...”

“Fine,” I whispered. “Kiss me.”

“In
public
?” His eyes lit up. He looked like
he couldn’t believe the words I’d just said. “Just because I’m about to kiss
you doesn’t change how angry I am.” He smiled as he pulled me closer. “You’ve
pushed me to a limit that I didn’t even know I had.”

“I didn’t realize how much you meant to me,
Jonathan.” My lips were inches away from his now. “Can we leave right now? We
can disappear before Damien gets back and before the lights go up so people
won’t know what’s going on. I just want to be with you and—”

“
Three
.
Fucking
.
Months
.” He
dropped his arms from around me and stepped back.

What?
“I—”

“You haven’t said a word to me in three months and
you’re still worried about being seen with me? Are you fucking serious? All
that stuff you just said about missing me and wanting me back and you’re still
stuck on this we-can’t-be-seen-together-in-public shit?”

“I’m sorry...I just thought that—”

“That I would come running after you like I always
do? That I would force myself to be in your life when you made it perfectly
clear that that’s not what you wanted? What the fuck
were
you thinking?”
He looked hurt.

“Jonathan, I’m—”

“Did you consider my feelings at all? Did you think
I wouldn’t believe you if you told me about my mother? I would have. And I
would’ve put a stop to it the second you told me about it.”

“I—”

“I’m done playing games with you, Claire. There are
a lot of things that I can get over rather quickly, but this bullshit isn’t one
of them. I want you to choose.”

“What? What are you saying?”

“If you want to be with me like you say you do, and
you really are in love with me like I’m in love with you, I need you to choose
me over Damien.”

“I do. I just did. Can’t you—”

“
In front of him
, with the lights
on
.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “I think you’re still scared about us being seen
together publicly, like you’ve been from the beginning. In the past, I was fine
with that because I’m sensitive to things you’re sensitive about, but...I’ve told
you that I don’t half-ass anything and I’m not going to put up with it anymore.
I’ve done everything to show you that I want you and that I love you. It’s your
turn.
Choose
.”

As if on cue, the lights in the room brightened to
white and Damien wrapped his arms around me from behind.

“I’m sorry again, sweetheart.” He kissed the back of
my neck. “You weren’t alone for too long were you?”

I shook my head. “No...”

“Oh, I see you’ve found my favorite person.
Again
.”
Damien shrugged. “Did you come to the conference alone, Jonathan? Where’s your
date?”

“I’m not sure.” Jonathan looked directly at me.
“Miss Gracen, have you seen the woman I’m supposed to be with?”

Everything suddenly fell silent. It felt like the
only people in the room were me, Jonathan, and Damien.

“Did you say something,
Miss Gracen
?”
Jonathan raised his eyebrow. “
Have
you seen who I belong with? The woman
who wants to be with me and only me?”

My heart was racing and my palms were beginning to
sweat. I swallowed, looking all around the room. “Yes...” I panicked. “She’s over
by the bar...”

He nodded his head slowly, saying “I’m done,” with
his eyes. “Thank you very much...I guess I didn’t notice her walk by us...All
differences aside,” he said as he reached out for Damien’s hand, “that was one
hell of a demonstration you put on this afternoon. I wish I had thought of that
wireless addition first.”

Damien shook his hand. “Thank you very much. That
actually means a lot coming from you. Wait, you’re not going to try and steal
it from me are you?”

“No. I already tried to steal what I wanted.” He
reached out for my hand and shook it. “It was very nice seeing you again, Miss
Gracen. I wish you both well.” And with that, he walked away.

“Hmmm. Maybe he is becoming classier.” Damien
laughed. “Would you like to continue our dance now?”

“Yes...” My voice cracked.

As he pulled me close and swayed me to the music, I
buried my head in his chest and held back tears.

––––––––

W
hy didn’t I just say “She’s right here?
I’m sorry Damien, but I’m in love with Jonathan...I want to be with him.”
Why couldn’t I just say that?

I’d been playing that scene in my mind all night,
wishing I could rewind time and take what I said back. I even went looking for
Jonathan after the ball ended, attempting to get a do over, but his security
guards wouldn’t let me get close enough. 

I sniffled against my pillow for the umpteenth time
and felt Damien moving his arms from around me. 

“Claire?” He stepped out of bed and hit the lights.
“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not...I’m not crying...” I choked back another sob.
“My allergies just make it look that way sometimes...”

“Would you like me to have room service bring you
something?”

“No...”

“I can make you some tea.” He sat on the edge of the
bed and caressed my hand. “Would you like some?”

I sniffled. “Sure... Um, would you mind if I went down
to the gift shop for a second?”

“What do you need? I can have someone bring it up.”

“Benadryl, but I could use the walk...Alone...”

He reached over me and pulled a few Kleenex off the
nightstand. “Come here.” He pulled me up by my arms so I was sitting upright.
“When you get back from the shop, I want you to tell me the truth about why
you’re crying, okay? Whatever it is, I want to know. I can fix it if you let
me.”

No, you can’t...
“Okay,”
I murmured as he placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

I slid out of the bed and grabbed my robe. I waited
until I saw him disappear into the kitchen and walked out of the suite.

As soon as the door shut, I ran down the
hallway—straight to the elevators. I knew Jonathan was staying in the
presidential suite—I’d overheard someone mention that at the ball, so I hoped I
could catch him before he went to sleep.

I pressed “PS” once I stepped onto the elevator and
tried to calm my shaking hands as it moved from floor to floor.

The doors opened and I prepared to run down the
hall, but I was greeted by a bellman in an all-white suit. “Good evening Miss.
How may I help you?”

“I need to see Jonathan Statham.”

“Do you have an access key for this floor?”

“No...”

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t let you go any further
ma’am. This is an access only floor. Perhaps if you called his handler and
asked to be placed on the approved visitors list...” His voice trailed off.

“I really need to see him. It’s
important
.”

“My hands are tied, Miss. I can’t just let anyone
beyond that door.” He motioned to the door that hid the rest of the floor from
view. “It’s for presidential suite guests and approved visitors only. It’s not
up for discussion.”

I broke down in tears. “
Please
, just...I know
you don’t know me at all, but I
have
to talk to him. It’s a matter of—”

“Would you like me to call him for you?” He looked
concerned.

I nodded and he pulled a phone out of his pocket.

“Mr. Statham, this is Mr. Collins. I’m the bellman
on your floor and I’m calling because—Yes, my daughter did receive those
chocolates you sent yesterday. Thank you very much...Ah, yes I’m calling because
I have a woman here to see you. She says it’s important, but we have a strict
policy on presidential suite guests...” He looked up at me. “What’s your name
Miss?”

“Claire Gracen.”

“Her name is Claire Gracen, Mr. Statham...Yes...Oh, I
see...Well, thank you sir. I apologize for interrupting your night. I’ll see you
in the morning.” He put his phone back in his pocket. “He said he’s not
familiar with you, Miss Gracen. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave now.
He’s a very valued guest and I don’t want to upset him any further.”

“He does know me! I’m his—”

“He said he’s never heard of you before, Miss. Those
were his words
verbatim
. Now, please leave before I call security.”

My heart crumbled.

I was speechless. I couldn’t even think. I stepped
back onto the elevator and rode it down to the lobby—inspired to get the
Benadryl more than ever so I could try to sleep this pain away.

He doesn’t know me? How can he say that?
Is he that upset about earlier?

I let more tears fall down my face as I stepped off
and headed towards the gift shop. I saw Greg ordering around a group of suited
men and rushed over. I blurted, “I need to speak to Jonathan and they won’t let
me up to the presidential suite.”

“Excuse me for one minute, gentlemen.” He pulled me
away from the group and raised his eyebrow. He reached into his jacket and
handed me a handkerchief. “Would you like me to deliver the message for you,
Miss Gracen?”

“No, I...It’s a really
personal
message. Can
you take me up there with you? I’m sure if the guard saw me with you he would—”

“He doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone for the
remainder of the conference, Miss Gracen. Those were his exact words to me.”

“Please, Greg...I need to—”

“He wants to be alone.” His voice was clipped.

“
Please
.” I cried. “I know we haven’t been
together for three months but he means a lot to me. You have to believe
that...Please help me...”

Sighing, he grabbed my hand and led me around the
front desk, greeting all of the managers, showing me a private elevator. He hit
the top button and the doors glided open immediately.

As the cart rose, he turned to face me. “When you
get off, make two lefts and his room will be in front of you. This is the back
entrance to his suite, so you’ll have to be quiet or the guard who stands in
front of the other elevator will alert me or the hotel’s head security.
Understand?”

I nodded and the doors opened seconds later.

“To the left, Miss Gracen.”

I rushed off the elevator and headed for his room.

I stood in front of the door for a few seconds,
running my fingers across the golden nameplate that bore his name in newly
painted cursive.

I knocked once. No answer.

I knocked twice. Nothing.

I knocked again and again, louder and louder with
each try.

“Hold on! Hold on!” A woman’s voice came from the
other side of the door. There was some shuffling, and then the door swung open.

“Oh...It’s
you
.” Stacy Rodriguez stood in front
of me wearing a light blue slip with her hair tousled all over her head.

Did he just have sex with her?

She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Jonathan!”
She glared at me before walking back inside. “He’ll be right out,
Claire
.”

I began to count the seconds with nervous taps of my
foot. I was on the verge of more tears when I realized that five minutes had
gone by. 

I took a step forward, tempted to step inside and
confront him, but I saw him walk across the room. He took a long sip from his
glass and slammed it down on the table. Then he turned towards me.

He came to the door and stared into my eyes,
expressionless. He opened his mouth to speak, but then he shook his head and
started to close the door.

“Wait!” I held my hand against the doorknob. “Please
listen to me, Jonathan! I am so sorry—I didn’t know what to say! You caught me
off guard and you know I’m—you know I’m not the public-type but that doesn’t
mean that I don’t love you.
I do
. And I want to be with you. Please
just...I’ll go get Damien, bring him here, and tell him that—”

“Miss Gracen, I don’t have time for any unscheduled
meetings. I have enough on my plate this week with seminars and tech
demonstrations.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his business card,
handing it to me. “Feel free to schedule a meeting with my secretary at your
earliest convenience. However, I’m booked through the end of the year so don’t
expect an immediate appointment.”

“
What
? Jonathan, you can’t be serious. Please
let me—”

“Security?” He held his phone up to his ear. “I have
an unapproved guest bothering me at my suite and I’m not exactly sure where she
came from or where she
belongs
.”

I gasped.

“Enjoy the rest of the conference, Miss Gracen.” He
shut the door in my face.

“Wait!” I knocked on the door again, as forcefully
as I could manage. “Open the door, Jonathan! You didn’t mean that! Come back!
Come back!” I started kicking at it, twisting at the doorknob, screaming at the
top of my lungs.

Before I knew it, Greg was picking me up and
carrying me back onto the private elevator. 

“Put me down, Greg! I need to talk to him! Don’t let
him do this to me! He said he doesn’t know me and you know that’s not true!”
I’d never behaved so erratically in my life. “Please! I need to tell him I’m
sorry again! He didn’t understand me! Please! Please!”

He set me down on the floor as soon as the doors
shut and hit fifty two—Damien’s floor. He ignored my pleas and kept his face
completely stoic.

When the doors opened again, he gently grabbed me by
my shoulders and walked me down the hall to my room.

He pulled another handkerchief from his jacket, and
as if he knew that I was too broken to do anything but cry, he wiped away my
tears as they fell—waiting until they’d completely stalled.