Midnight Ash (A Blushing Death Novel) (4 page)

I stepped up behind him, staring at the perfect symmetry of his back and rested my hand with a light touch on his shoulder. He turned on me, his face was filled with anger and fear that made his dark eyes swirl. I cupped his face in my hands and leaned into him, kissing him hard with everything I had in me. A crush of lips and tongue that made me weak in the knees as he clutched at me in what felt like desperation. He wanted the tranquility I brought his colony, the power he said I had, and he wanted to fuck me. The only thing I didn’t know was whether he wanted
me
, or if I was just convenient.

I loved him and told myself it was enough. I wanted him to know how much I needed him. In convincing him, maybe I could convince him to love me in return.

He wrapped his arms around me in an almost frantic grasp and kissed me back with fervor, thrusting his tongue into my mouth as if he wanted to devour me whole. He broke the kiss, pressing his cooling forehead against mine.

“You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon no matter what you do.” I turned, hating the feeling of his hands leaving my body. I scurried across the room to put some clothes on. I felt too vulnerable naked, like he could see all of me.

I went to the closet in the corner and pulled out a spare pair of jeans and a cardigan. I found my Henley T on the floor and slipped it back on with the black cashmere cardigan over it. He watched me with the practiced eyes of a predator as I dressed, making me feel even more scrutinized.

“You are so delicate,” he muttered. He stood by the fire with a satisfied grin, turning the corners of his full lips up, relishing the last flashes of flesh that I gave him.

“Yes, we mere humans are very delicate. One day I might even get old, if I live that long. In the end, you might leave me when I start to get wrinkled and feeble. Let’s hope for death first.” I’d meant it as a joke but there was a ring of truth in my voice and words I couldn’t hide. I didn’t know if I could be in his arms, his very firm, muscular arms looking into the perfection of his face and know that my skin sagged, my hair was gray, and my body was slowly dying.

I’d been thinking more and more about that possibility. Since I didn’t have an answer, I decided it was a problem best left for another day.
Who said I avoided issues? Not me.

“Perhaps Daniel’s your answer,” he whispered, almost to himself, but I heard him whether he wanted me to or not.

“What?” I snapped as I zipped up my jeans.

“You won’t allow me to make you mine forever, perhaps he’s what you really want. You can at least build a semi-normal life with him. You would be able to have a family,” he bit out. The quick tension in his shoulders and the suddenly sharp tone to his voice said more than he realized. I loved him more for offering than he knew.

We’d had several conversations about completing the mark. I just wasn’t sure about eternity. That was a damned long time. I’d seen what happened to Smarmy. He’d been a marked companion and when his vampire master died, he turned inside out while still breathing. It’d looked like it hurt. A lot.

I was already marked as Patrick’s and any vampire would be able to smell him on me and stay away, like a bug repellant, only for vampires. A complete mark would mean that I was his forever. It involved some serious blood sharing ritual and blood magic. I needed more time to think. Time was a different thing to Patrick than it was to me.

He was also convinced I wanted a family. I didn’t have the best model to base the whole family concept off of. My parents sent me to electroshock therapy at the age of 16 for Christ’s sakes. After that, our relationship changed quite a bit and destroyed my idea of what a family was. I didn’t necessarily see a family in my future. I wasn’t the maternal type anyway.

I wasn’t sure why I hesitated to be marked. Most people would jump at the chance of immortality. To me, forever seemed like . . . well . . . forever.

“You know that’s not what I want.” I had a tired edge to my voice that I hadn’t intended to be there. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this conversation.

“Then why do you continue to see him?”

I thought about that one for a moment. I liked Danny. I might even love him a little but there was something deep in my being I couldn’t explain that drew me to him. Something I couldn’t put into words.

“All right,” Patrick said when I didn’t answer. “Then at least tell me why you haven’t slept with Daniel yet? Are you saving that delight until you get me out of your system?”

I plopped down on the couch in frustration and thought for a few minutes about how I wanted to say what needed to be said. I was pretty sure I could answer this question. One out of two wasn’t bad.

Patrick dressed while the right words tumbled and turned in my head. He sat down beside me, probably feeling my tension in the silent room. We sat side-by-side with our forearms resting on our thighs in identical postures, not touching, not speaking. I didn’t dare, not yet. I couldn’t get distracted and say something I couldn’t take back. I twirled my fingers together into twisted knots. Some part of me needed to keep moving like a caged beast. I glanced at his hands out of the corner of my eye. His hands were clutched together in a white-knuckle grip between his knees, waiting.

“I love you. More than you know,” I admitted, not waiting for him to respond. I couldn’t bear it if he didn’t say anything so I didn’t give him the chance. “And I care for Danny.” I sighed.

He tensed at my words and became that eerie still of death that only the undead was capable. I had his attention at least.

“I care for him more than I would like to admit,” I continued even though my stomach clenched in anguish and my knees shook with the confession. I never thought I would have to say these things out loud and now that it was time, I didn’t want to admit it to him or myself. “I’m not the one for him. If I were, he’d know it by now,” I said, without ever taking my eyes off of my tension-filled fingers. Watching them fidget was safer than meeting Patrick’s dark gaze.

He slipped his hand over mine, stopping my fingers from twisting into painful knots. His skin was soft and cool on mine, clearing my mind, and allowing me to think. “He’s mine, though, mine to protect. I can’t explain it. I wish I could say it in a way that you could understand but he belongs to me,” I said with a quake of fear in my voice. Danny
was
mine and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t explain the feeling in my gut or that voice in my mind.

Patrick squeezed my fingers in comfort, not understanding. He couldn’t possibly understand. Hell, I didn’t even understand. I took his hand in between my own and enjoyed the quiet comfort he offered.

I finally dared to meet his gaze. Resignation filled his bottomless black eyes.

He pressed a chaste kiss against my lips, grazing his full, soft lips across mine. He caressed my cheek with long cool fingers and I breathed deep, reveling in his scent. All the memories I had of him flooded my mind with that scent and I wanted so much to change the subject.

“What’s Plan B?” I asked, my voice unsteady as I diverted his attention from me.

“When Alex and I come to an agreement, I’ll let you know.”

“Is that all I get?” I asked, teasing him. I wanted him to laugh. He very rarely laughed and I wanted to wipe the austere look from his face.

“Well, I suppose I’ll go find Alex and see what’s what,” I said, exasperated, knowing that our tender moment was long gone.

“By the way,” I said as an afterthought as I stopped in the door, “you should eat something. Your color doesn’t look right.”

He raised his gaze to me with a question furrowing his brow. I was uncomfortable with him feeding from others but I wasn’t capable of keeping up with his needs on a daily basis. So, I choose not to fight a battle I would lose anyway. I shrugged almost imperceptibly and left him to his work.

I searched for Alex but to be honest, my heart wasn’t in it. It was almost 3 a.m. and I was exhausted. I poked my head back into the office to tell Patrick goodbye. I needed to go home.

He wasn’t there.

The fire burned in the fireplace but everything on the desk was in neat little piles on the desk. I loved that even a vampire could be a neat freak. I smiled to myself and sat down in his chair behind the desk, sinking into the smooth leather, worn and comfortable in a soft chamois. I ran my hands over the arm of the chair feeling just a little bit naughty, like sitting in the principal’s chair. The thought of Patrick as a principal made me laugh to myself as another fantasy created itself in my mind.

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the desk drawer, a fountain pen, which, of course dripped a few stray drops of ink that stained the paper.
Why couldn’t he buy a Bic?

“I have no idea how to use this damned thing,” I hissed in frustration as I wrote in my most attractive penmanship with a dripping pen:

I went home. See you later. D

I walked from the office across the grand foyer. The house was quiet for so early an hour, still three-and-a-half hours before dawn. I strode through the front door into the black night of early morning.

My car, parked right outside the front door, was a welcome sight. As I slid in, I took a deep, calming breath. Something was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it though. The trash was all where I’d left it, all the coins that I threw in my cup holder were still there, all eighty-one cents, and my last parking ticket was still sticking out over the visor.

My car just smelled different. It wasn’t a bad smell or a good smell, just different. I didn’t have the brainpower to think about why my car would smell different. I started the car up and drove home. I was used to having weird shit happen to me but sometimes, even I got freaked out. I relied a lot on gut instinct and this didn’t feel right.

I parked my car in the garage and locked it down. As I crossed the yard, I stopped at the sound of a gasp of air behind me. I whipped around, peering into the darkness. I couldn’t see anything, but my night vision wasn’t as good as some, vampires, werewolves, all the dangerous creatures that hide in the night. A chill spread through me, making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I almost ran to my back door. My heart thumped harder with each passing second as I tried to fit the key into the lock like hell itself was licking at my heels.

Once I did, I flung the door open and flipped on the kitchen light, slamming the door behind me. I was alone, but I had the oddest sensation of being watched, even in the silence and emptiness of my own house. My heart raced and my palms were moist as I slid my hand over the handle of my gun in the holster under my arm.

Nothing was out of place but again it smelled different. I removed my gun from the holster and stalked through the house from basement to attic. I double-checked every window and door lock as I went. I even checked the secret room in the basement where I kept my weapons and training equipment but there was nothing out of the ordinary.

No one there but little old me.

No matter how many times I said it to myself, my gut just didn’t believe it. I went into my bedroom and changed my clothes, keeping the gun within reach. As I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost 4 a.m., I knew I was going to have a rough day at work.

I slipped Disney’s
Beauty and the Beast
into the DVD player to fool myself into believing the uneasy feeling in my gut was wrong. My stomach churned anyway. I slid my gun underneath the pillow with the safety on and waited for the sweeping music of the opening song to fill my room. I pulled back the covers and slid into the cold, clean cotton. I closed my eyes once Belle had her new book. With a twinge in my gut, I huddled beneath a mountain of covers in flannel pajamas and socks. I could still feel eyes watching me.

It had been a hard day at work. My coworkers had gone out of their way to avoid me. I’d appreciated it more than they knew. I plopped down on the couch and turned the TV on to the local news then crossed my legs underneath me and propped my head up on my fist in complete and utter exhaustion.

I opened my eyes. My heart raced in my chest, pounding a fierce rumba against my rib cage. I didn’t recognize where I was. I didn’t remember how I got there either. I stood in the center of a hall the size of a football field, maybe larger. The walls seemed to weave in and out on themselves. Every step forward I took reverberated on the marble, echoing through the space, like I stood in a tomb. Chills crept up my spine, spreading gooseflesh across my skin. The floor was covered in muted gold and beige checkerboard pattern that made the room seem warm as a chill seeped into my being. I couldn’t shake it. The faint scent of sweet copper, blood, lingered in the air. I balled my hands into fists to keep them from trembling.

The ceiling was covered wall-to-wall in frescos, vivid and gruesome. Angels falling to their deaths, gargoyles pillaging their damaged bodies as the angels cried out in anguish. I couldn’t help them and somehow it turned my stomach. The satisfied grimaces of the sated gargoyles made my skin crawl as one of them actually licked its lips.

“Shit.”

The walls were covered in deep burgundy velvet drapes and the room was lit with thousands upon thousands of candles lining the walls in standing candelabras, on the floor, on pedestals, and anywhere a free space could be found. Every candle flickered with the soft orange of flame, showering the room with a champagne glimmer.

I tried to breathe, to calm my rampaging heart, but my nose filled with that same
off
scent I recognized from my car and my house. The hair at the back of my neck stood on end as fear coursed through me, making my palms sweat and my feet itch with the urge to run. With each breath, the scent was clearer, more distinct as it, the burning candles, and the faint scent of blood filled the room.

I tried to think through the fear, to make my brain function beyond the scent of blood and burning tallow. I let my mind wrap around the lingering scent of something I couldn’t identify. Rotting flowers, the remembered scent of something sweet and floral, mixed with the harsh decay of death. I categorized that scent and filed it away in my mind as it tickled my nose and teased me with questions I couldn’t answer.

Something unseen moved as quick as light beside me, shifting the air and pushing my hair into my face. I spun on my toes, chasing the ghost in the room.

I stood face-to-face with a small Asian woman, solid, real, and very much the undead. Her icy power nipped at me, biting my flesh like a thousand little mosquitoes crawling over my skin. I glared down at her, meeting her eyes with my own brand of intimidation. We stood face to chest. She was short, but lovely in a porcelain doll sort of way. She had soft smooth skin, long black hair that flowed down her back in silky waves, and almond-shaped eyes that were the most penetrating dark midnight blue I’d ever seen. I felt as though she could look right through me.

Now, I was pissed. I squared my shoulders and glared at her, giving her my best cold stare.

I took a large step back from her, putting some space between us. I was pissed, not stupid. I wanted to look at her fully and get out of her reach.

The vampire was dressed in a form fitting white
samue
, not the black I’d expected of a ninja. A thick belt of the same soft cotton material was tied around her tiny waist.

I met her gaze and didn’t flinch. Eye contact with vampires had never affected me. Weaker individuals could be seduced, hypnotized, whatever you want to call it, but me, those powers had never worked on me. I couldn’t explain why. I put my best game face on and stared, letting the realization sink in that she couldn’t control me. She gave me a half bow at the waist without taking her eyes off me and gooseflesh rose on my arms in anticipation of a fight. I had a bad feeling I was about to get my ass kicked and I was no Karate Kid.

Just as my body was bracing for the pain, a large, snarling tiger stalked toward us in a calm and self-possessed stride. Its movements were grace mixed with the lithe roll of a predator. I wanted to bolt like any normal person would in the face of a fucking tiger but I didn’t. I stood my ground.

I couldn’t outrun either of them. My muscles tightened, filling my body with adrenaline as tension spread through me and my blood thundered in my ears.

Rationally, I should have been more afraid of the giant tiger standing at her side but it was the small woman in front of me that sent my pulse racing. Jesus Christ, she was scary and I couldn’t even say why.

A brush of heat pressed against my thigh in a long swipe of fur, power, and maleness. I glanced down, not daring to keep my eyes from the petite woman just out of reach in front of me. Hell yeah, I had my own little beasty, although not so little.

Fuck you, tiger lady!

A large silver-furred wolf sat beside me, prim, proper, with a snarl curling his jowls. My lips curved into a malicious smile I felt in my bones.

The wolf’s head, the size of a watermelon, reached my chest. He evaluated me with the clearest blue eyes I’d ever seen, filled with understanding and something human as he growled, a deep ferocious sound that reverberated through his chest. If he’d directed that growl at me, it would’ve made me piss my pants. The tiny ninja, however, didn’t even flinch.

Ours,
that other voice whispered through my mind.

The wolf’s silver coat shimmered in the candlelight, his silken fur was long and shaggy as if made for the harsh winter of the Siberian tundra. His blue eyes almost twinkled under the soft light and I was caught for a moment in their depths. They were the same blue of the Caribbean Sea, bright, clear, warm. I wanted to reach out to stroke his fur, feel its thickness between my fingers. I reached out toward him and found my knife already snug in my hand.

I’m dreaming. Oh, thank God. She can’t kill me in a dream. Right?
I hadn’t moved to grab my knife. I knew that in my gut. Good thing my subconscious came prepared.

The tiger plopped his large ass on the ground, swishing his tail back and forth as he sat next to the tiny woman, brushing his face against her hip. I thought for sure that he’d knock her over but she stood tall and firm, like a tree anchored in the ground. The tiger watched us, his eyes narrow slits of swirling orange, green, and black as he sniffed the air in front of him, sizing us up.

“You will not be so easy to kill as they suspect.” She spoke in a surprising high-pitched, very feminine voice that seemed disjointed from the power that still prickled along my skin. Her accent was sharp and halting, Japanese maybe. She looked from me to the wolf beside me with what I could only assume was annoyance. Good! I didn’t want to make the big baddie too comfortable.

“I’m sorry to disappoint everyone,” I said with a sarcastic bite to my words and a sardonic smile. One day that tone was going to get me killed when I pissed the wrong person off but for now, it worked.

The werewolf beside me huffed as if he agreed with me.

“Men underestimate us. I do not,” she said in an even, almost pleasant voice. She bowed again, the meet-and-greet over evidently. Her eyes never left mine. I took it as a sign of respect that she considered me dangerous enough to keep her gaze on me. I did the same.

She stroked the tiger’s head, scratching behind its ears like a pet. We stared at each other for a moment or two, our gazes locked in a badass showdown. I had no idea who was winning; I just knew I couldn’t lose. The wolf growled low in his throat beside me, rippling the fur along his back and vibrating against my leg as his haunches rose. A small smile crested my lips. My wolf was done waiting and so was I. I sank my hands deep in his thick, coarse silver fur behind his ears and let the fullness of it slide between my fingers.

Mine,
that voice whispered in my mind and she was right. I knew it in my bones as they hummed with power, connection, and something else I couldn’t place.

The ninja’s smile faded as my own eyes emptied into something peaceful, deadly.

The sound of my name from somewhere off in the distance echoed through the hall, making the candles flicker. I knew that voice; it was familiar and warm.

I was out of time.

I tightened my grip on the blade in my hand and took a backhanded swing at her throat. The angle wasn’t right and she was too small a target. She leaned back at her waist, avoiding my blade.

An antagonizing smile lit her dark blue eyes. She was having fun.

I blinked, once. I swear, it was only the once.

In a puff of midnight-blue smoke, she was gone. I turned, doing a complete 360 but she was gone. A high-pitched mocking cackle echoed from somewhere in the walls above my head, behind the curtains, and across my skin, filling the giant space with her bone-chilling laugh.

The sound of my name got closer. The silver wolf beside me padded off in a dead sprint after the tiger until the cat bound off into nothingness. He didn’t look back.

I was suddenly awake and very, very alert. My heart thundered in my ears and my breath was heavy in my chest.

Danny hovered over me with concern furrowing his brow and lighting his hazel gray eyes. I sat with my head propped up on one hand and the remote still clutched in the other. My feet tingled with pins and needles as I stretched them out. My neck was stiff from sleeping with my head crooked in an awkward position for what seemed like hours.

“I’ve been trying to wake you up for a few minutes but you were out. You all right?” he asked, his voice deep and assertive. Danny tried to be calm but I heard the fear around the edges of his words as his voice hitched. He sat down beside me on the couch and rested his hand on my back, never taking his eyes from me.

I brushed my hair out of my face and rolled my head around in large circles to straighten out the kinks in my neck. It cracked in several places as I moved.
Damn, that hurt.

“I’m fine. Weird dream, is all.” I shook my head to try and shake away the foggy feeling in my brain but it wouldn’t seem to leave.

It was dark outside.
When the hell had it gotten dark?

“What are you doing here?” I asked. Danny wasn’t on the schedule for tonight.

“I volunteered to come and check up on you.” He slid his hand down the small of my back and over the curve of my butt. I shot him a mocking, reproach-filled glance and he moved his hand back up my spine.

“Check up on me? Why?” After that dream, I was more spooked than I wanted to admit.

“Nothing’s happened. We
all
got a little worried when you didn’t answer your phone,” he bit out. His lips were pressed in a thin line of agitation and his hand stopped moving on my back. His shoulders tensed, making the broad line of his back much more imposing. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as if regaining his composure. I could always count on Danny to take the high road, especially when I couldn’t. I’d offended him though . . . again.
Damn it all to hell. Why couldn’t I get this right?

He opened his eyes and glanced around, anywhere but at me. I followed his eyes as he scanned the room, finally taking in the rest of roomy living room. The front door was still open, barely hanging off the hinges and the doorjamb was cracked with wood shards covering my floor. He’d broken down my front door to get in.

How long had he been trying?

“I’m sorry to worry everyone,” I said, ignoring the fire of anger in my gut from getting out of control at the condition of my front door. What if something had happened to me? I wanted someone to care, right? I should be glad that he cared this much to BREAK DOWN MY FUCKING DOOR! I rolled my neck again and tried to look at this logically, to push the anger away. Would I have broken down the door?
Yes. I can just replace it. It’s just a door
. I hadn’t used all the locks so I could still secure my house but fuck me running, I didn’t want to deal with this kind of shit.

“I guess I
really
needed some sleep.”

“You should come hang out with us more,” he teased, finally looking at me. “We keep more human hours.” Danny ran his hand over my thigh with a smile curving the corners of his mouth. He was pleased with himself and that little dig.

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and stood up, stretching out my sore, stiff muscles. I ignored quite a few of those types of remarks from both Patrick and Danny but it was getting old. Quick.

I wanted to freshen up, get out of my work clothes, and see if I could wash the smell of rotting flowers from my body. I couldn’t quite shake it from my nose.

I ran upstairs and brushed my teeth, took a quick shower, and darted into my bedroom to change my clothes.

“Hey,” Danny yelled up to me from the bottom of the stairs as I tugged a fitted T over my head.

“Yeah?” I didn’t have to yell. He would’ve heard me even if I’d whispered but I yelled anyway. Habit.

“Who was here?” he asked. “I don’t recognize ‘em,” His heavy footfalls echoed in the silent house as he moved through the living room, into the kitchen and finally the living room again. I froze with a blue fitted T-shirt half over my head. I finished situating my clothes and inched around the corner to the top of the stairs.

“I haven’t had anyone in here but the usual and Amblan. But you know Am—”

“Then who’s that smell?” His nostrils flared and he took another deep breath.

“You smell it, too?” I whispered, knowing that my voice shook with horror. He came back into view at the bottom of the stairs.

His face crinkled in disgust and he scrunched his nose up as he decided the scent wasn’t a pleasant one. I was afraid I already knew who
that
smell belonged to.

“What do you mean, do I smell it, too?” he asked with a dangerous edge to his voice. He took the first stair and then the second and the third, approaching me with purpose in the deep amber eyes of his wolf.

“I don’t know what that smell is. It was in my car last night too,” I said.

He kept climbing the stairs toward me with his eyes narrowed on me like I was caught in the crosshairs. I felt like prey and I didn’t like it. A low, fearsome growl permeated from his throat as each step brought him closer to me. My heart rate sped up in a primal, uncontrollable response.

Danny reached the top of the stairs and strode by me, into my bedroom. He stalked on light feet, dodging the dirty clothes on the floor like they weren’t even there.

“We have to go,” he snarled, taking me by the hand and dragging me down the stairs behind him. I stumbled down several stairs, slamming into his back before regaining my balance. We rounded the corner into the living room and he had my coat and hat in his hands before I could say a word, shoving me into them.