Midnight (McKenna Chronicles Book 1) (41 page)

Finally,
he says, “I’m afraid.”

I
shake my head, mystified. “You're the strongest person I know. You're not
afraid of anything.”

He
leans forward, reaching across the table waiting for me to reaffirm our
connection. I give him what he wants, unable to refuse even the simplest
request, even an unspoken one. Molly was right. He is an addiction.

“I'm
afraid to trust myself. On one hand it’s so easy to be with you.” A half smile
lifts his lips. Moving slowly, he weaves his fingers through mine again. “I
want so badly to have faith in my reaction to you and you to me.”

“You
doubt how I feel about you?” I ask incredulously, pulling back again but he
tightens his hold to prevent my escape.

When
he speaks I’m shocked by the answer. “Yes, that’s a part of it.”

He
stares at the rolling waves, crashing against the shore and it takes another
long minute for him to find my eyes, which are rounded in disbelief. I don’t
know what to say; should I tell him I love him or would that freak him out even
more? I’m at a complete loss and I know my face is a reflection of that
feeling.

“Charlie,
baby. Please . . .”

I
hold up my free hand for silence so I can think and respond. “I don’t know what
to say.” I pause again. “I’ve bared my soul to you, shared something with you
only three other people in my world know about me, but you can’t trust me? What
more can I do?”

“Charlie,”
he says again, hesitating as he struggles for words. “I can’t describe for you
the pain I experienced with Abby. I was devastated. When I’m with you, it’s
easy to forget all of it and dive into a true relationship again, not just
physical intimacy. We certainly have that.” His eyes darken at the thought. He
starts again in a rush, as if he has to expel it before causing more injury. “I
get lost in you, Charlie. I forget everything and I want you by my side every
day, all day. I want to be with you, really be with you. Tell the world we’re
together and then reality crashes, weighing me down. The reality is I’m a lot
to take on.” His voice is laden with pain. “I can't get over the past and give
you everything you deserve, but I won’t give you up.” He’s staring at me with
more intensity than I’ve seen from him.

“What
brought this on?”

He
glances in Billy’s direction and then he continues. “Instinctively wanting you
in the picture and forcing you to stand by my side when it was taken. The next
six months are going to get more and more challenging: the press, the
people . . . I’ll be instantly recognized and my privacy, our privacy will
become non-existent.” He takes a deep breath. “I thought we were safe here.” He
looks around the quaint, eccentric beachfront restaurant. “I was wrong. It
doesn’t matter where we go, from here on out there will be interruptions and
the spotlight will focus on us both—if I’m elected it will only get worse.” His
eyes remain trained on my hand as he shrugs with a sad smile on his lips.

“Are
you having second thoughts?” I ask with a tremor. “Are you ashamed to be with
me?”

“No,
Charlie, God no.” He’s emphatic. “I’m asking so much from you. From this moment
on, your world will change. At any time in the foreseeable future your picture
could be on the cover of every magazine in the country, the world for that
matter. And with all of that, the only commitment I can give you is I can’t let
you go. I won’t let you go.” He shakes his head as if he can’t fathom the
words.

I
think about it for a moment while staring into his forlorn eyes, stunned our
conversation and night has taken us here. I’m amazed that for the first time
he’s really talking and it’s about a future with me in it. On the other hand,
he told me he can’t commit. I haven’t thought about a commitment at all because
I wouldn’t let myself move beyond day to day thinking, so I answer him
honestly.

“The
interruptions, the pictures don’t bother me. I’ll get used to them.” I pause
for a quick breath and to ensure my eyes are connected with his so he can see
the truth within their depths. “I want to be wherever you are, Colin. I’m not
afraid of that, whatever it brings.”

His
eyes close for a moment, allowing my words time to sink in. Opening them, he
continues. “I don’t want to hide anymore, Charlie. Yesterday at the school I
wanted so badly to hold your hand, to laugh freely at your flavorful strawberry
seduction.” He chuckles, but his eyes remain heavy, laden with worry. “I’m an
honest man; I don’t like to hide and I don’t want to hide you, waiting for
someone else to figure out we’re together and try to sensationalize our
relationship. I want you to do it, Charlie. Tell the world we’re together,
write an article for the magazine or put it on the blog. You have carte-blanche
to do whatever you believe is right.”

Wow,
I’m not prepared for this. “You’re sure, Colin? Have you taken time to think
this through? Have you thought about your goal for the presidency? I’m not
exactly the type of woman America will envision by your side.”

“The
world will fall for you just as I have. You’re irresistible.” He smiles his
dazzling, all American
I can make you believe anything I want for you to
believe
smile and I do. I believe him, because I want it so badly to be
true.

“I’m
sure, Charlie. Are you?” His gaze is searing, intense, channeling his unspoken
hopes as if by sheer will he can make his dreams my own.

Staring
into his blue eyes, a future I have rarely let myself dream of flashes through
my mind: a future with Colin I so desperately want. “Yes,” I breathe without
further consideration of the complications I could cause for him or what it
will mean for me. He’s more important than anything else.

Colin’s
grin widens, and we share a silent yet intensely beautiful moment as we both
contemplate what’s happened. We’re going to be together, really be together.

Billy
approaches, extinguishing the affection passing between us. “Come back again
soon, both of you.” He turns and smiles warmly in my direction. I nod my
goodnight to Billy as Colin slips gracefully from his stool, holding his hand
out to help me from mine. He doesn’t let go, leading me out to the beach where
we walk silently, hand in hand, toward the hotel. The evening waves roll in
close enough to tease our feet and sometimes coat them with the coolness of the
ocean. A light breeze comes in off of the water, sparking goose bumps to cover
my arms. I lean into Colin for his warmth. He releases my hand, wrapping his
arm around my waist, and I slip my hand into the back pocket of his loose,
low-slung jeans. I shiver again, but I’m not sure if it’s from the cooling air
rolling in off of the bay or from Colin and his touch. As always, his nearness
ignites a passion in my blood.

We
walk in companionable silence until we’re on the beach in front of the hotel.
Colin stops by a lounge chair and asks, “Sit with me?”

“Of
course,” I say and he bends, stretching long legs in front of him before
pulling me onto his lap, my limbs entwining with his. His arms wrap around me
and I press my nose into the crook of his neck inhaling deeply, a sweet mix of
Colin and the saltiness of the ocean. Relaxing against him, I replay our dinner
conversations in my mind over and over. I want to be with him at whatever cost
to my personal privacy. If he can forgive my past then I have to find a way to
reconcile with it too. Now my biggest obstacle is to figure out how I can help
him do the same. 

In
a moment, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, rhythmic and
soothing, becomes my focus. The ocean and Colin’s heartbeat are a romantic
calming lullaby.

When
I wake, the night is dark, stars shining in the night sky. I peek up at Colin,
his eyes finding mine, a small smile touching his lips. Leaning down, he
brushes a sweet kiss against my mouth, his arms wrapping around my waist to
keep me warm. The air has chilled considerably since we first sat down.

“How
long was I asleep?”

“Only
about an hour or so.”

“Why
didn’t you wake me?” I ask while snuggling into him.

He
takes a moment to answer, so I look at him to gauge his mood. “I like to watch
you sleep, Charlie. It brings a certain sense of peace.” But his eyes
contradict that statement, tormented by dark, rolling storm clouds. Moving
quickly, he places his hands on either side of my face, leaning in with a sense
of desperation, an unwavering power in his voice.

“I’m
going to miss you, baby. Very much.” And then his mouth takes mine with an
intensity I haven’t felt from him until this moment. His lips worship, his
tongue strokes the desire flaring brightly between us.

Panting,
I pull away. Our eyes lock, and the passion I feel for him is mirrored in the
depth of his. After a heartbeat I scramble off of the lounge chair, holding my
hands out. “Come with me.”

COLIN’S
INTRIGUED BY
my invitation, slipping his hand in mine. I pull him from the
lounge chair, dragging him behind me to our room. When the door to the suite
swings shut and the click of the lock seals us in, I turn to whisper, “I have a
surprise for you.” I escort him into the bedroom until he stands before the
plush king-size mattress. His eyes are curious and sensual at the same time, a
small smile playing on his lips as he reaches for me. Blocking his advance, I
smile shyly, but my voice holds an ounce of authority. “Lie down and wait for
me here.” 

His
right brow rises with curiosity, but I don’t wait for his commentary before
stating my next command.

“Take
your shirt off.” I leave him standing with wide eyes and head to the bathroom.
Grabbing my bag, I pray the newest edition of
Cosmo
is giving good
advice on how to seduce a man. Not that Colin needs any seduction; he’s always
very willing and ready. Laughing, I pull out the black and magenta teddy I
bought the day I went shopping with his mom. While she was in the fitting room
trying on dresses, I saw this in the back of the store and quickly bought it
before she was done. I haven’t tried it on and suddenly I’m having second
thoughts.

What’s
the worst thing that could happen? I guess laughing would be it, and I can deal
with humor if that’s where this ends up. Stripping out of my sundress, I take
time to freshen up before slipping into the barely there bra top. It’s made of
delicate black lace with a magenta ribbon woven under the cups, tying in the
center of my breasts. The lace cascades from the cups in a flyaway cut,
exposing my bare belly and floating around my back.

I
hold up the second piece to the outfit—I hesitate to call them panties, because
they’re so small they provide little coverage. They’re also made from black
lace, with the magenta ribbon woven throughout the top of the small triangle in
front and around the back holding the G-string in place, the ribbon tying on
both sides into delicate bows. My final accessory is Colin’s magenta tie lying
around my neck.

Glancing
in the mirror, my face flames at the woman standing before me. I wouldn’t call
the look demure in any way. This woman is a libidinous creature, wild waves
tumbling over full breasts, eyes wired and wild with desire. My body has
changed subtly over the last months, the curve of my hips still ever present
with a clear hourglass indentation between them and my chest, yet I have become
firm, lithe even. Turning to look at my butt in the mirror, I’m pleased to see
it’s rounded and smooth, leveling into the small of my back in a soft curve.

Breathing
deeply, I take one last glance in the mirror, steeling my resolve to open the
door and step into the room. He’s lying on the bed as instructed, naked from
the waist up, hands folded behind his head as he waits patiently. His feet are
bare, and the fly of his jeans is unbuttoned—stunning and ready, just how I
like him.

His
lips part on a sharp inhale of breath and he brings his hands down, propping
himself onto his elbows for a better view.

“Charlie.”
His voice is a gruff whisper as he hungrily looks me over from the tips of my
toes, taking in every detail of my legs and catching on the apex of my thighs.
My heart thrums to a new beat under his scrutiny. Dark, mesmerizing lust rolls
off of him while he finishes the lengthy perusal, hovering over my breasts
until they pebble into tight points. Finally, our eyes meet; his are hot and
tempting, and I’m tempted. I have been for a long time. He seduced me long
ago—everything about him bewitches me. His spell was cast and I’m caught. Now
the temptation is more than I bargained for. A future with Colin, but will we
stand a chance if he doesn’t trust how I feel about him? If I can’t say the
words, tonight he’ll feel it in every action, in every breath I breathe into
him.

I
begin a slow approach and my pulse quickens.

Standing
by his feet, I grab the tie from my shoulders, stringing it between my fingers.
“Do you want to play with me?”

Mouth
open and unmoving, he remains silent, speechless, and I know I’ve got his
undivided attention. “I’m a greedy woman. I long for you. I ache for you to be
inside me. When you’re absent—I’m empty.” Bringing my knees onto the bed, I
crawl up the length of his legs, pausing at the bulge already evident underneath
his unbuttoned jeans. Grazing my teeth next to the zipper, his body jerks in
reaction and he growls, a low rumbling in his chest. Looking at him through my
lashes, I watch his face flush with a heavy need. “When you come to me, come in
me, I’m full and satisfied.”

"Christ,"
he groans and reaches out, but I press his hand into the bed.

“No
touching.” My tongue flicks and teases through his happy trail and up to the
rippled plane of his abdomen, sucking and kissing as I make my way to his neck
and finally his face. His nostrils flare as I pull up in front of him, our lips
an inch apart.