Mila (Heartbreaker #3) (8 page)

Chapter Eight

Mila

Over the past couple of days, I’ve felt myself falling further and further for Brian. I’ve tried to stop it from happening, but it’s impossible. He’s such an amazing man, and he makes me feel so special when we’re together.

After our shower together the other morning, we’ve pretty much been together every day. I know I told him we could only be friends, but what I’m starting to feel is so far from friendship. Oh sure, he’s become one of my best friends, but there is just so much more there.

I’m on my way to meet Nico for lunch so I can talk to him about the stuff going on with me. Maybe he’ll have some advice for me about what to do with Brian. I know he struggled with his relationship with Jill for a long time thanks to all of the hang ups he had after the crap with our dad and Nico’s ex-wife. I’m hoping he can tell me that I’ll just magically figure it out and I’ll have the answers.

I pull into the parking lot of the Mexican restaurant and spot Nico’s Navigator. I park next to it, climb out, and make my way inside. Nico calls out to me when I step up to the hostess’s stand. I quickly make my way toward him.

“
Ciao,
big brother. How are you?”

He kisses my forehead before we both take a seat and I order an ice water. “I’m good. I’m just anxiously waiting for my little girl to enter this world. I missed out on all of this with Nicola. The baby loves when I sing to Jill’s belly. It’s fascinating to watch her belly move.” His joy is palpable. “We’ve decided on a name. We’re going to call her Martine.”

“Really? I bet
Mamma
is so happy to hear that.” My insides twist and I just want to cry, but I won’t break because this isn’t about me. It’s about my brother finally having some joy in his life: his beautiful wife, his gorgeous daughter, and the soon-to-be baby girl that will be drowned in love by her
papa
.

Nico reaches across the table, grabbing my hand in his. “Tell me what’s going on, Mila. What’s going on with you and Brian?”

I squeeze his hand in mine. “First, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.” The tears build in my eyes. I try to stop them, but one slips down my cheek.

“What is it? Jesus, Mila, you’re scaring me. You don’t have cancer like
Mamma,
do you?” Last year our mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, but luckily she was able to beat it.

“No, oh God no. I’m healthy. It’s just five years ago, I was having a lot of woman issues and I went to the doctor. They told me I had lots of fibroids in my uterus. They suggested that I have a procedure done called a myomectomy.
Mamma
didn’t want me to have it done because of the risk of having to have a hysterectomy.”

He tightens his grip and I know he knows where this is going. “Any way, I decided to go ahead and have the procedure done, but I did it while
Mamma
was on that cruise. Gaia was the only one I told and was there. There was extensive bleeding and they had no choice but to do a hysterectomy. Nico, I can’t have babies.”

The tears are flowing freely now. He sits down next to me, wrapping me in his arms.

“My God, Mila. Why haven’t you said anything? Does Mom know?” His arms are wrapped around me tight.

“I didn’t tell her because she didn’t want me to have that surgery in the first place and I would have to admit that she was right. Nico, I wanted to have lots of babies and now I can’t.” The waitress interrupts us to take our order, and as soon as she walks away, I wipe the tears away with my napkin.

“
Dio mio
, we’ve been all about the baby and talking about it and now Gabe and Jasmine are expecting too. I’m so sorry.”

“No, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m so happy for you. You deserve to talk about it and be excited. You lost so much with Jill and Nicola and you deserve to have all of this joy in your life. I mean it; I’ve accepted the consequences of my actions.” The waitress brings our food, but neither of us makes a move to eat.

“Sweetheart, you can adopt. You have options.”

“I know. I have my ovaries still, so I could always hire a surrogate, but then that brings up my next problem, or not problem. It’s more of a situation. Let’s eat first.”

We’re both quiet as we eat our lunch. I hate that the mood is heavy, but I needed to tell him and eventually I’ll have to tell
Mamma
. The waitress takes away our dishes and brings the check.

“Okay, now tell me about Brian. Just so you know, you have my stamp of approval. He’s a great guy.”

I grab Nico’s hand from across the table. “How did you get over the stuff with Dad and Ava? I know for a long time you were in bad shape, but then you got sober. Did they help you in rehab?”

“It wasn’t easy. I know I haven’t really talked about my time in treatment, but they made me face the betrayal. The drugs, alcohol, and women were just my way of self-medicating and numbing the pain I’d refused to deal with. My counselor made me face the intense awful feelings I had toward the two of them. I almost signed myself out of treatment twice, but then I remembered what happened to Jill because of me and I turned right back around and headed back into my room. I don’t know what finally clicked and helped me get over it, but I did. After treatment, I had to figure out who I was again. Ava and I were together a long time before that day and then I was drunk or high a lot, so I had no clue who I was anymore, but luckily I found myself. Even when Dad died, I was able to move past it because I knew that here in America were my reasons for living, which made it so much easier.”

My brother is truly an amazing man. To come back from something so awful is truly astounding. “I told Brian that I could only be his friend, but I don’t want to just be his friend. I’m scared. I saw what it did to you and
Mamma
when they cheated on you. After that, I dated men I thought were safe, men that were the complete opposite of myself. I didn’t want to be hurt like you were. I admit when I first saw Brian I thought he was one of those men, but he’s not. Nico, he’s amazing. He’s so sweet and romantic. He lost his parents and a sister when he was a little boy and was in foster care, but then he met the people who adopted him and they’re amazing. They love him so much and he loves them.”

“Okay, I’m not really seeing the problem here,” Nico says.

“What if I hurt him? What if we fall in love and he wants babies that I’m not capable of giving him? I don’t want him to feel like he’s wasted his time on someone like me.”

My eyes drift toward the window, and I stare blindly out of it. I know my thoughts are irrational, but I’ve seen what love gone wrong can do to a person.

“Sometimes we hurt those we care about. It may not be intentional, but sometimes it happens. Jill and I have a wonderful relationship, but we fight. Gabe and Jasmine fight too. You can’t be afraid, Mila. I know he’s a great guy, and if I had to pick anyone for you, it’d be him.” He clasps my hand. “You deserve to be happy, like we are. If it gets serious, then tell him. I don’t think he’d walk away if he knew that you couldn’t have children. There’s more than one way to have kids.”

We skip to lighter conversation as we get up to leave. Of course he won’t let me pay. When we reach the parking lot, Nico pulls me into a bear hug. “Whatever you decide to do about Brian, we’re here for you. Thank you for telling me your secret. Would you like to tell Jill yourself?”

“No, you can tell her, and please let her know that she doesn’t have to hide her excitement about the baby from me.” He kisses my forehead. I watch him get into his SUV and drive away.

As I head back to my house, I feel lighter, even though I know when I get there I’ll need to make the call to my
mamma
and tell her everything. I’m not sure how she’ll react, but I need to do it.

***

“Oh, my sweet girl. Why didn’t you tell me?” my mom says. I decided I needed to call her as soon as possible so I wouldn’t chicken out.

“I didn’t want you to say I told you so.”

“Honey, I would never say that. I love you and would’ve been there for you. I can’t believe you went through all of that alone.” Her sniffling makes me wish she were here so I could hug her.

“Okay, no more tears,” she says. “Now, tell me about Brian.” Ugh, I bet Jill told her about him.

I spend the next twenty minutes talking to my mom about him and hearing almost the same stuff Nico told me. When we hang up again, I feel lighter. I don’t know why I carried that inside of me for so long, and now that it’s out, for the most part, I don’t have to pretend to be okay when I’m not, except maybe when I’m with Brian, and I’ll tell him when it’s the right time.

We say good-bye. I walk into my studio and set up my blank canvas. I go through my pre-painting ritual and stare at the canvas. Closing my eyes, I envision the piece in my mind. The colors start to swirl around in my mind’s eye. When I open my eyes, I grab my tubes of paint, squeeze the colors onto my palette, and then I put brush to canvas.

I’ve been known to lose hours, even days, to my art. It’s been that way since I was little, back when I strictly used Crayola crayons and construction paper. Then it turned to watercolors and colored pencils. When my parents sent me away to school, I was in heaven. I was surrounded by people who loved to create as much as I did. There is just something about creating beauty on canvas or in a sculpture.

I grab my phone off of the tray next to my stool and see I’ve been at it for three hours and I’ve missed two calls from Brian and one from Jill. There are also texts from both of them.

Brian-Hey you I haven’t heard from you since this morning. Call me when you get a chance.

Jill-Mila you need to call me ASAP! I love you girl!

Who do I call first? Brian or Jill?

Deciding I’d rather get the call to Jill over with first, I pull up her number and put the phone to my ear. She answers on the second ring.

Our conversation goes well and she only starts to cry once. She feels guilty for all of the talk of babies between her and Jasmine, but I tell her not to feel guilty at all. It is what it is. I cut the conversation short because honestly I’m tired of talking about it. Of course, I cut it short with the promise of having lunch with her sooner rather than later.

Next I pull up Brian’s number.

He answers, “Hey you. I haven’t heard from you. I admit I was a little worried.”

My heart flutters a little at the thought of him being worried about me. “Sorry. After lunch with Nico, I started working on a new painting, and I’ve been working on that for the last three hours. What are you doing?”

“Just watching some TV. Do you want to come over? I’ll make us dinner.”

A grin forms on my face. I have a better idea.

“Actually, why don’t you come over here and I’ll cook for you. I make my own pasta.” My
mamma
taught me and all my siblings how to cook when we were young. We spent a lot of time in the kitchen together.

“That sounds great. I’ll bring some wine and dessert. I’ll see you in an hour?” Brian asks.

“That sounds great.” I hang up and then clean up my paints and brushes before jumping into the shower.

While I’m getting ready, I decide I would like to tell Brian tonight that I’d love for us to be more than friends. Butterflies flit around in my belly at the thought of it, but it’s what I want so much. I want to give us a real shot and see if we could have something long-lasting.

By the time Brian is knocking on my front door, I’ve already finished preparing the dough. I’m just letting it rest before I put it through the rollers. When I answer the door, I can’t help the giddy feeling that fills me. His hair isn’t styled like it usually is. It’s more tousled and messy. He’s wearing his glasses and just jeans and a t-shirt, but damn if I don’t salivate as I watch him smile as he walks through the door.

“Hey, thanks for coming over.” I look at the box in his hand and back up at him with a raised brow. “What’s this?”

“I grabbed those cupcakes you like. I got red velvet for you and chocolate for me,” he tells me as we head into the kitchen. He sets the box down on the counter and I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tight. A sigh escapes my lips when his arms slide around me, squeezing me tight. He always smells so delectable; his scent is woodsy and fresh, but not overpowering.

Brian pulls back and looks down at me. “Are you okay?”

“
Si
, I am. Thank you for the cupcakes. Will you pour us a glass of wine and keep me company while I finish dinner?”

He washes his hands and then grabs the bottle of Pinot Noir and pours both of us a glass. He offers to help, so I have him start preparing the garlic bread while I run the noodles through the roller. I feel his eyes on me as I prepare to run the dough through the part that slices it into the thin strips.