Miles Apart (The Not So Bad Boys of Rock Book 2) (5 page)

BOOK: Miles Apart (The Not So Bad Boys of Rock Book 2)
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“Why
are you looking at me like that?” she asked, coyly. The lilt in her voice told
me that she already knew the answer and just wanted to hear me say it again.

“Because.”
I teased, and she crinkled her nose. I kissed the tip of it before continuing.
“I love you.” I trailed my lips to kiss along her jaw, ending with a nibble on
her bottom lip. “And, I’ve really missed you.” She moaned softly with each
spoken word.

“I’ve
missed you too. And, I love you.” She pulled my piercing between her teeth,
tugging lightly, smiling against my lips. “I’m sorry for hurting you. Hurting
us.”

“I
won’t lie, it’s been really hard living without you. I’m sorry I didn’t call, I
was just so hurt.” I threaded our fingers together, wanting to keep her close.
“I was going to propose, I had it all planned, then that damned doorbell rang
and rocked my whole world.” I laid my head against her chest, listening to her
heart, finding comfort in the soft rhythmic beat. “I felt betrayed.”

An
audible groan escaped her throat just before the soft sobs began. I lay there
quietly, allowing her to let it out, holding on to her tightly as her body
shook against me, and heaven help me, but I couldn’t hold back tears of my own.
Hearing her let go, telling me how sorry she was, her body heaving against
mine, it changed something within me. My own tears were a way of letting go of
the hurt, allowing me to fully forgive.

Later,
when we were lying in bed, lips swollen and tender from making up for lost
time, I held her in my arms and sang her softly to sleep. I didn’t want to
move, afraid of ruining the moment, so I just kept singing until I fell asleep
beside her. It was the first night of restful sleep I had gotten since the
night before my birthday.

 

The next day was
dedicated to spending
time with Brooke. After last night’s breakdown, for both of us, nothing else
mattered except spending quality time reconnecting. I rolled over to find her
awake and watching me.

“How
long have you been awake?” I asked groggily, reaching for her hand, and pulling
her into my warmth.

“Not
long, I’m just enjoying being this close to you. It’s been too long." Her
hand cupped my cheek and she offered a small smile. "Can you ever forgive
me?”

“Honey,
I already have. I just need you to tell me why you made that decision without
talking to me.” I urged, gently rubbing my fingertips up and down her spine.

She
sighed, resting her forehead on my shoulder. “I’ve never had to ask anyone’s
permission to make decisions. I’m not wired that way, so it wasn’t my first
reaction. But, I can’t say that it didn’t cross my mind soon after, then I
didn’t know how to tell you. I was afraid of how you’d react.” She replied,
nervously. “I’m still scared.”

“Babe,
I don’t expect you to ask my permission, that’s not what this was about. I need
you to see this from my perspective, just for a moment. I had a ring in my
pocket, and I was going to ask you to marry me. To be my wife. To share my
life. Our life. Knowing that you made a decision that was going to change all
of that just threw me for a loop. I freaked out. I’m sorry that I didn’t let
you explain yourself, and I know that I probably jumped to conclusions. I assumed
the worst. I was afraid that you didn’t love me the way that I love you.”

Her
body tensed as I spoke, and she hesitated before speaking again. “And what about
now? Do you still feel that way?”

“No,
I don’t. For the record, I never doubted your love, just the extent of it. I
want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything, regardless of how I’ll
react. I’m not always going to like what you have to say, but I will always try
my best to be supportive. I think we both deserve that.” As I spoke those words
I began to realize that time apart may have been a good thing, no matter how
much it had hurt. Standing on the other side of the issue, where the pain
wasn’t as raw, I was able to maintain a sense of calm. If we’d have had this
conversation four weeks ago, or even three weeks ago, this may have gone
another way. There’s an old saying about time healing all wounds, maybe in this
case it actually worked.

She
lifted her eyes to meet mine, and I could see the pain that she’d been through.
This separation hadn’t only been hard on me, it had nearly destroyed her as well.
The physical distance wasn’t something we were unfamiliar with, we’d damn near
mastered that. It was the emotional distance, the uncertainty we both felt
every time we would pick up the phone, only to put it down because we were
afraid that no one would answer. I never wanted to feel that way again, not
with her. I leaned in to kiss her but she pulled back, covering her mouth.

“What?”
I asked, puzzled by her response. She never pulled away from my touch,
especially when it came to kissing.

“Morning
breath.” She let out a soft giggle, sounding completely adorable. Man, I was in
deep.

“I
don’t care, I still want to kiss you, so I will.” I grinned mischievously,
capturing her mouth with mine. The glide of her soft tongue against mine
elicited a low moan from her, further igniting my desire. By the time I finally
pulled back, we were both breathing heavily, and a crimson flush had spread
over her cheeks. I didn’t care, morning breath or not, that kiss was hot. When
it came to foreplay with Brooke, one thing was certain, we’d definitely perfected
the art of kissing. I recalled the first kiss we'd shared, in my parent’s shed.
I told myself then that I could kiss her for the rest of my life, even if that
was all she could offer me. Don’t get me wrong, the physical contact is amazing
and the best I've ever had, but kissing her still rocks my world in the best of
ways.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

CHAPTER
FIVE

 
 

“So, are you going to tell me about skydiving?”
Brooke asked, gazing lovingly at me from across the table. We’d spent most of
the morning locked away in the hotel room, but after awhile we both agreed that
food was in order. We had walked around town for a bit, taking our time as we
strolled hand in hand. It felt nice to move at a slower pace. I’d spent the
past month in high gear, moving from city to city, stage to stage. I had
already grown weary of it, and still had four months to go. This was one stop
where we had a buffer of down time built into our schedule, and I was grateful
to be able to share that time with the woman I loved. So far the reunion had
gone smoothly, even with the tears, but then her question came out of the blue,
it hadn’t even dawned on me that Chris would have told her where I was
yesterday afternoon. Between last night's reunion, and again this morning, I'd
almost forgotten the jump entirely.

“Chris
told you about that, huh?” She nodded, a small smile filled her perfect face.
“Ahem,” I started, suddenly nervous. “Well, Dek thought I needed to unwind, so
it seemed like a perfect way to cut loose.”

“I’m
sorry, but how does jumping out of a perfectly good airplane at 15,000 feet
help you unwind? I would think it would have the opposite effect.” She seemed
bewildered by the fact that I would do something so dangerous.

“13,000
feet.” I corrected her.

“Excuse
me?” She responded, brows fully raised.

“We
jump at 13,000 feet, you said 15,000. I was just correcting you.” I mumbled.

“Oh,
I’m sorry, my mistake.” She quipped, somewhat sarcastically. “You still haven’t
answered my question. How did it help? And what were you so wound up about?”

“Us,
mainly, and the tour. Traveling and staying in strange places isn’t always the
easiest on me, but last night and this morning were good.” I winked, and reached
for her hand. “Let’s see, how do I answer your question? I guess the best way
to describe it is that when you suit up and board that plane, knowing all the
while you are going to be hurling yourself out an open door, it takes all of
your focus, eliminating all of the other junk weighing you down. Dek and I
started jumping out of planes right after the band was discovered. We’ve always
been adventurous, it nearly drove our mother’s insane with worry.”

“When
you say adventurous, what kind of things do you mean? And why am I just now
learning about this?” She tilted her head innocently, and a large chunk of hair
fell over her eyes. I leaned forward, tucking it behind her ear. I skimmed my
thumb over her lips and she kissed the pad tenderly.

My
free hand nervously dragged across my neck, and I pulled on the metal rings
with my teeth as I thought about what details to offer her. This wasn't a topic
that had ever come up, I wasn't really sure why. I guess it was mainly because
once I had slipped into the drugs and alcohol I wasn't in the right frame of
mind to be performing dangerous stunts. “Let’s see, drag racing, repelling,
parasailing. We did some mountain climbing, but it wasn’t really dangerous. There
was a bungee jumping excursion, motorcycle racing, and cliff diving in Italy.
Yeah, I think that’s about it. We used to dare one another, always seeking the
next thrill, the next big rush of adrenaline. We haven’t been in two years,
until yesterday that is.” I nervously rolled the piercing between my teeth,
uneasy about how she would take this new revelation.

“Wow,
those all sound really dangerous. I’m not sure how I feel about you putting
your life at risk. You say you hadn’t sought out the thrill in more than two
years, would that have anything to do with the accident, and Charlotte?”

“Yeah,
it had everything to do with it,” I said, quietly. “After the accident I wasn’t
in the right frame of mind to do anything dangerous, although there was a
period of time that it appealed to me. I found new ways to reach the same high,
different danger level, but nearly the same euphoria during and afterwards.”
It’s hard to look directly at her, we’d never really discussed my addiction
before, and we’d just recently opened up a line of communication. I was
terrified that she would shut down on me if she learned the ugly truth. “I was
in a really bad place. The guilt and shame that I carried nearly destroyed me.
We talked before about not feeling worthy of living, remember that day? We were
on the couch?”

“Yes,
I remember that day. So, with the drugs and alcohol you were essentially trying
to kill yourself? Is that what you’re saying?” Her question is timid, but the
look in her eyes is strong, though fearful.

“I’m
not sure. I don’t think so. My rehab counselor seemed to think that I was just
angry that I survived and she didn’t. I believe that it was mostly guilt
driven, but the need to push the limits has always been there. Believe me, if I
had wanted to end my life I could have. I have too much to live for, even in my
darkest moments I never forgot that.” I paused for a moment, clearing my throat
before I continued. I held her gaze, not wanting to break this moment of
honesty. “Now, I have so much good in my life, thanks to you, I never want it
to end. I want to be able to love you forever.”

“I’d
like that very much,” she whispered, taking my face in her hands and giving me
an openmouthed kiss. “I love you, Sebastian Miles, and I want you to be able to
do things that make you happy, but the thought of you doing something as
dangerous as cliff diving or motorcycle racing scares me to death. I’m probably
the most unadventurous person you’ll ever meet. I’m scared to death of most
things.” She huffed. “I‘ve lost so much in my life, I can’t stand the thought
of losing you too.” She whispered against my lips.

“I’ll
stick to the safer stuff,” I chuckled.

“I
can’t imagine anything on that list being considered safe, but I’ll have to
trust you. If you ever get the wild urge to go thrill seeking again just pull
out a photo of us together, maybe that will serve as a reminder of what you
have waiting for you at home.”

“Speaking
of home, does it still look like you’ll be in London the full nine months?”

She
sighed and sat back in her chair. “For now that’s the way it looks, but things
are going really well so you never know.”

“Will
you be coming back to L.A. when you’re done?” I asked, silently hoping that the
answer was still yes.

“If
I’m still welcome, I would love to come back home to you.” I held out a hand to
her, and she took it. I guided her over to me, pulling her into my lap, where
she placed her head on my shoulder.

“Honey,”
I smoothed a hand down her hair. “You will always be welcome in our home. I
just hope we don’t have to wait the full nine months before we’re back there
together. I hate being without you.”

“Well,
we’ve got four days together, I think we need to make the most of it.” She
lifted her mouth to mine and gently tugged on my bottom lip, signaling that she
needed me, so we spent the next few minutes doing what we did best, not stopping
to care about who might be watching.

 

Brooke~

 

The flight back to London had been hard,
reminding me of the times Sebastian and I had said goodbye at various airports.
It never seemed to get easier. When we parted this time, we promised to talk
more often, like we used to do. We both seemed to be committed to making this
work, no matter how hard it may be. The remaining time I spent in Berlin had
been filled with rehearsals and the concert. I was still floating from seeing
them perform live, it had been unbelievable and so much more amazing than I’d ever
imagined. The after party was loud and entertaining. We managed to sneak out
early, partly due to the excessive amounts of alcohol present, but also because
I had an early flight the next morning and we wanted to stay up all night
talking. We’d almost made it, except we both dozed off at some point, and by
the time we woke up this morning we had to scramble to get me to the airstrip
on time.

I
slept through most of the flight, dreaming of our time together and what it
would be like to spend the rest of my life with him.

 

I stopped by the
bakery to pick up some
chocolate filled croissants and coffee for the morning staff at work. I hadn’t
heard anything while I was away, so I assumed that service had run smoothly in
my absence; a fact that left me with mixed emotions. Part of me was glad they
could manage without me, making it easier for me to depart at the end of my
term, but another part of me was saddened by the reality that they could now
run things efficiently without me. I guess that said a lot about my strong
desire to be needed. That realization led me to another question. Why was it
that I craved being needed by my work, and would I ever be able to find the
same contentment if the only one that needed me was Sebastian? If that were all
that I had, would it ever be enough?

“Well,
well, look who’s back. Hello Brooke,” Max exclaimed, pulling me into an embrace.
“How was your time in Berlin? You seem lighter, like maybe a weight has been
lifted off your shoulders. How is Sebastian?”

I
laughed, shaking my head at his rapid fire questions. Only Max could pull off
the supportive boss and concerned, self-appointed grandfather role, all at the
same time.

“My
time away was amazing, thank you so much! The flight there and back was beyond
anything I could have ever wished for. We had a really good visit, got a lot
off our chests, and I think we’ll be able to move forward with our
relationship.” I moved to take a seat in front of the desk. “Sebastian seems to
be doing well, although I am worried about his safety.” I sighed, thinking
about all of the dangerous stunts he’d taken part in over the last five years,
silently praying that his recent skydiving jump hadn’t sparked a sudden desire
to chase after the thrill high he’d spoken of.

“Why,
is he in a dangerous area? Surely they have security with them.”

“No,
it’s not other people I have to worry about. Apparently, I have to worry about
him hurting himself. I’ve recently learned that my boyfriend is a thrill
seeker. He and his best friend like to chase after the high they receive performing
dangerous stunts. I still can’t wrap my head around it.” I went on to tell him
about the various acts that he’d taken part in.

“Oh
Brooke, boys will be boys. That’s how most of us were when we were younger. I’m
sure he’ll grow tired of it, eventually.” He chuckled, heartily.

“He’s
not a boy, Max, he’s a grown man!” I argued.

“He’s
twenty-five, in my eyes that’s a boy. Hell, I didn’t feel I had fully become a
man until I married Laura and had a family. Let him have his fun, but it never
hurts to remind him of what he has waiting at home.” He winked.

“Don’t
tell me you were a thrill seeker too?” I groaned, finally realizing why I had
lost this argument.

“Guilty,”
he shrugged his shoulders. “Jumping out of airplanes was always a favorite of
mine. Maybe I’ll have to look Sebastian up when he returns to the states.”

“Ugh!
You two will be the death of me.” I grabbed a pastry, pulling it apart to
reveal the gooey chocolate center. Max reached over and grabbed a half out of
my hand. “Hey, there’s a whole box of these on your desk.” I balked, guarding
the other half.

“I
know, but you’d already done all the hard work, and it looked too good to pass
up. Yum.” He rolled his eyes, licking chocolate from the corners of his mouth.

“Boys
will be boys,” I mumbled, making him throw back his head and laugh heartily,
showing his newly chocolate covered teeth.

“Don’t
you forget it, kiddo.”

 

It was pouring rain
by the time I reached
the door to my apartment building. I made a left turn to stop at the row of
mailboxes and ran into Reid as he was leaving the laundry room.

“Brooke.”
His eyes warmed, and he shifted the basket of clean laundry to one arm in order
to hug me with the other. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all week.”

“I
know, I’ve been away in Berlin visiting Sebastian. How have things been around
here?” I turned to unlock my mailbox, sensing a shift in his mood at the
mention of Sebastian’s name.

“Oh,
you know, same as always. Hey, you missed a great party last Friday. We all got
together in 4D.”

“4D?
Isn’t that Vincent’s apartment? I thought he was out of town.”

“No,
he’s back, and we’re all meeting there again this Friday for drinks if you
don’t have plans.” He leaned against the wall, basket braced on one hip. He
really was an attractive man, and I definitely felt that he harbored an
attraction to me, but I needed to set him up with one of the girls at the
restaurant. I needed to help him realize that we would never be more than just
friends.

“Maybe,
I know I have to work that night. Hey, I have an idea. Would it be okay if I
brought a friend?” I asked, sweetly.

“What,
is Sebastian coming to town?” He asked sarcastically, making what I was about
to say that much more important.

BOOK: Miles Apart (The Not So Bad Boys of Rock Book 2)
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