Authors: Stacey Kennedy

Mine (16 page)

BOOK: Mine

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She watched his every move, noting how tense his body language seemed underneath the casual weekend outfit of gray T-shirt and plaid shirt. Suddenly it became clear that she and Josh had the same doubts. “Is it that? Or do you not want to marry me?”

His chin jerked up, eyes pained. “You know I love you, Chloe.”

“I know you do. And you know I love you, too.”

Their fingers tangled together, and the heavy silence stretched out, speaking of so much while saying nothing at all. She supposed she could ignore the giant elephant in the room and continue to live her life with Josh. They shared a strong love, but passion didn't exist in their lives. She could count on one hand how many times they'd had sex in the last yearâand whenever they did that particular deed, it began with an alcohol-fueled night. That sort of life seemed unfair to both of them.

Don't we deserve passion?

He tightened his fingers around hers and she shut her eyes, willing herself strength. At last she reopened them, finding his warm gaze on her. “I'm happy with you. I'm comfortable. But sometimes I wonder if we're staying together because it
is
comfortable and it's what we've always known.”

He paused. Then said, “I feel the same way.”

“You do?”

A couple of young girls passed by their table, laughing. Josh waited until their laughter faded away before continuing, “It seems too easy.”

“Too comfortable. Like best friends?”

He gave a small nod.

Chloe smiled in return. She was grateful that Josh understood where her heart lay. When Sawyer had entered her life, even for a brief moment, things ignited in her bodyâpassion, lust, and intensity. Her entire soul had stood up and taken notice of Sawyer in a way she'd never noticed any man.

Yetâ¦she trusted Josh. That was something special, too. She'd lost her virginity to him when they were sixteen years old. They'd stuck together for more than ten years. But after meeting Sawyer, she felt like she could have
more
.

Josh ran his thumb across Chloe's hand, pulling her into the present. “Have you met someone else?”

“No.” She didn't even know Sawyer. Not really. But that night he'd changed something in her, making her wonder what else she'd been missing by choosing the safe path. “There is no one else.”
But I'm hoping there will be
âthough she didn't say that. “I don't want life to be too easy. I want to take chances. We should want more for ourselves, don't you think?”

Josh watched her for a long moment before he nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I want you to know that I haven't met anyone else, either. I've never cheated or anythingâ”

“I know you haven't. But you've been curiousâ¦?”

“I've sometimes wondered why I haven't wanted to get married.” A strand of his dark hair fell over his brow, and he brushed it away. “But I guess it became confusing, because I do love you. I can't imagine not having you in my life.”

Relief settled deeply in her chest. Not because their relationship was coming to a close, but because Josh understood what she was feeling. “Let me guessâyou wondered if I would be better in your life as a friend than your wife?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, hanging his head.

“That's okay, Josh.” She squeezed his hand, forcing him to look at her. “I feel the same way. The more I've thought about it, the more I've realized I wasn't ready to get married, either.”

Josh reached for her other hand, holding both of hers in his. “So, are we, I don't know, breaking up?”

“No.” Tears welled in her eyes, and they filled his, too. “I don't ever want to break up with you.”

He frowned.

Chloe added with a smile, “We're deciding we're better off as friends. I need you in my life, Josh. I can't have it any other way.”

She meant every word. Yet she also longed to experience the part of herself that Sawyer had awakened, a part of her soul that seemed foreign, as if it belonged to a perfect strangerâa man she'd met who'd disappeared quickly from her life. Still, his effect remained like a desire she couldn't escape. With one look, he'd offered emotions, sensations that she couldn't ignore. The promise in his shadowy eyes had dared her to go after something
more.

Josh gave her his boyish smile. “You'll always have me. Promise.”