Mine to Fear (25 page)

I can't help but giggle, not mentioning we
have kissed. Oh lands, have we kissed. “My, you've sure grown up
since meeting Lukas.”

“
And you're about to grow up just as
much.”

I laugh harder before sobering. “It's hard
to think about a relationship with everything else going on.”

“
Trust me, I know. But I think we all
need extra love while the world is so bleak.”

The thought turns me silent. Maybe, just
maybe, she could be right.

“
We should go. A certain someone will
turn grumpy if we don't show up soon, and we both know when he
turns grumpy, you turn grumpy.”

I chuckle. “You have a point.”

We head out of the room and into the large
cavern to meet with all the people. Its large space isn't covered
even a quarter of the way with people. The people here are eager
and willing to help, but it's just not enough.

We hurry from the room to a smaller cavern
where we leaders meet. Jack is there. I can't help but blush
remembering everything Cynthia said about him.

“
We need more people. This group isn't
enough. Not if we're going to save people from the power plants.”
Frustration bubbles in me. “There has to be something we can
do.”

Cynthia stands. “There is. I will go around
the country and find more people loyal to our cause.”

“
You can't,” Serena says, jumping to
her feet as well. “It's too dangerous.”

“
What do you think I've been doing for
the last several months?”

Serena looks to me. I shrug. “I agree that
it is dangerous, but we're running out of options. We either give
up now or give it everything we have now because that's what it's
going to take.”

The silence that encompasses us is heavy,
wrought with the unknown of what's to come. We're barely surviving
this rebellion. I don't want anything bad to come of anyone, but
without more help, it will be a lost cause.

“
You're correct,” Serena says. “And
I'm coming with you.”

“
You needn't risk you're life too,”
Cynthia counters.

“
We’ve seen how the people react to
both of us. It will be more effective if I come with you than if
you go alone.”

“
I can't argue with that,” Cynthia
says. “And it will be good to have a sister with me.”

“
It's settled then,” I say, trying not
to think on how Zade would react to this all. Maybe he'd surprise
me and be in support. If anything, he'd insist on going with them,
but I can't afford that luxury, not to mention all the people I'd
scare off. “But you two had both better stay safe. Don't you dare
take any more risks than you absolutely have to.”

Cynthia shrugs. Of course she won't be able
to guarantee that.

“
We won't,” Serena says, solidifying
the fact that Cynthia needs her as much as she needs to go with
Cynthia.

“
I think we need more than just who
you two can gather,” I say. “I think we need someone to go gather
those we've sent back into society. Someone they'll trust to know
it's time to come back and fight.”

“
I'll go,” Chadwick says.

“
Or I can,” Theodore says. “I should
not only be a familiar face, but a familiar countryman.”

As much as I want to send Chadwick, Theodore
has a point. Besides, I can't decide why, exactly, it is that I
want to send Chadwick, and I need to be sure it's for the good of
the people. “Theodore, I think you'd be the best fit for the
job.”

“
Thank you. I will send back as many
warlocks as I can to help.”

“
We should pack our things and move
out before the day is over,” Cynthia says.

I grab Serena and Cynthia with one arm and
pull them into a group hug. “I will miss you both so much.”

“
And we'll miss you,” Serena
says.

Chapter
Forty-Five

I
t's quiet
without Cynthia to share a room with. Or what passes for our room
in any case. It's quieter still when I help at practice. Without
Cynthia and Serena, nothing is the same.

The week moves slowly. Training others.
Helping with chores around the place. An uneventful trip for food.
Everything falls into place, as long as it's contained within our
own little world.

I stare at the target my group of trainees
are trying to hit, and it blurs into mush. There's no excitement
around. No fun. Nothing but everyone taking a deep breath in the
hopes that soon we will win this war.

I shake myself out of it. I can't ignore
those who need my help as much as I'm tired and ready for a break.
As much as I wish my friends were back, with all the help we
desperately need.

I walk down the line of girls and one
warlock. He didn't have anywhere to go, so he stayed here when most
others were sent back into society. He doesn't need much
encouragement. He hits his target every time with a different type
of spell.

The next girl is doing all right. I give her
a few pointers, which she quickly takes. The next in line is
Phyllis. She's standing, staring at the target like I was doing
only moments before. Hopefully, her thoughts are more pleasant than
mine, but judging by the frown on her face, it's unlikely.

“
How are you doing?” I ask
her.

She glances up at me before looking back at
her target. “I'm fine.”

I move a little closer and lower my voice.
“Are you sure? Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Anything
I can help you with?”

She mumbles something I can't make out.

“
What was that?”

She shakes her head. “I don't know that I
like practicing magic. It feels…wrong.”

“
Wrong how? Maybe we just need to
adjust the way you're doing something.”

“
I don't think that's it.”

“
What do you think it is,
then?”

She lets out a long breath. “I know what you
all say, and I know what I've seen all of you do, but magic is
meant for warlocks. Men. Not someone like me.”

“
You're worth more than you think. You
can do this. I know you can.”

She says nothing, her mouth making a thin
line.

“
Why don't you show me a spell?
Nothing fancy, just a burst of pure magic?” Not only will it help
me gauge how she's doing with her spell casting, but the color of
light might give me a better indication of her mood.

She holds up her hand like she's getting
ready to cast a spell, only nothing happens. A moment later, she
drops her hand. “I'm sorry. I just can't do it.”

I put a hand on her shoulder. “That's all
right. We can try again later.” Though I think we'd better not take
her on any fights. Not if she can't bring herself to do even a
simple spell here.

“
Do you really think we can do it?”
she asks.

“
Do what?”

“
Win the war against the Grand
Chancellor?”

Though I'm questioning it myself, I don't
dare say anything of the sort to her. “Of course we can.”

“
What will happen to us if we can't?
Will we be tarnished?”

I look at her, really look. I can't sugar
coat it any more than I already have. She's been punished before,
and she knows what this country is like better than I do. Why else
would she have spied on Serena instead of befriending her? I know
she would have been tarnished if she hadn't told on Serena to
Stephen. She's faced it before and came out better than she went
in. She can do it again.

“
I'm afraid being tarnished would be
the least of our worries if we lose,” I say. “But honestly, I don't
know exactly what will happen to us.”

She nods, more solemn than when I first
started talking to her. “If you don't mind, I think I'm done
practicing for the day.”

“
Of course,” I reply. “Please let me
know if there's anything you want to talk about.”

She nods, but the way she presses her lips
together makes me wonder if she really will.

After she leaves, I continue helping the
others for another hour. Finally, I release them all, and Tawny
goes with them to hopefully do something relaxing. I can't bring
myself to move. After talking to Phyllis, I'm feeling extra
downtrodden.

Chadwick walks over, bringing me a drink.
“Care to talk about it?”

“
Talk about what?”

“
Whatever it is that's bothering you.
What's making you act so un-Waverly like.”

“
What good will talking about it do?
Those people will still be trapped in power plants across the
country. The Grand Chancellor will still be in power. Cynthia and
Serena will still be gone. I just don't see how talking
helps.”

“
Coming from the girl who used to love
to do nothing but talk.” When I don't respond, he sighs. “I just
want you to be happy, and I don't know how to help you get
there.”

“
I don't know how to get there either.
It's like some unobtainable thing.”

“
Do you ever miss the days before we
joined Sanos? Back when we were in Chardonia, just me you, Zade and
Tawny?”

It's a hard question to answer. “Of course I
miss it. The peace and freedom. But not so much I wish to go back.
I wouldn't change helping these people or knowing Serena and her
family.” Or Jack. Why did that thought just pop into my head? Guilt
pings inside me knowing I thought that when Chadwick was sitting
right here. But why should it? It's not as if Chadwick and I have
an agreement. And there definitely isn't anything going on between
me and Jack. Or is there?

“
You look very concerned,” Chadwick
says. “What are you thinking about?”

“
Just the weather.”

“
In other words, you're not going to
tell me.”

“
Nope.”

He chuckles. “Some things never change.”

“
But most things do.”

That sobers him. “Tell me. Did you not send
me to gather the warlocks because I'm Envadi or because of
something else? Something that's not going on between us?”

The question stabs at my emotions. “It would
have been hard because you’re an Envadi.”

He steps closer. “But?”

I step back. “I'm sorry, Chadwick. That's
all.”

“
Oh. I see,” he says. “It's because of
Jack, isn't it?”

Heat immediately creeps up my face. “No. At
least not entirely.”

“
And what is that supposed to
mean?”

“
It means that while yes, I care for
Jack—” Just thinking about him sends my heart pounding harder. “It
wouldn't have worked between us anyway.”

“
Waverly, I was wo—” Tawny comes to a
halt several feet from us. “I'm sorry. Am I
interrupting?”

Chadwick looks at me, his face tight with
pain. “No. Apparently there's nothing to interrupt.”

He leaves, steps heavy as he goes. Once his
footsteps have faded, Tawny says, “I did bother you two, didn't
I?”

I shrug and wish there was a way to
disappear at this moment. “I'm grateful you came when you did.”

“
And why is that?”

“
It was getting very uncomfortable.
And now he knows how I feel.”

“
Don't feel too bad, Waverly. Even
back in Envadi, when everyone was pushing you two to get together,
it felt like the pull between you two was coming only from his
side.”

“
Really? I always felt so confused
about it.”

“
And being confused is exactly what
the problem is.” She gets a sly grin. “You don't seem confused
about Jack.”

For the second time today, my face heats.
“No, I'm not confused by him. More like confused by the situation
we've been put in.”

She sighs. “It's not easy. Hopefully with
all the help Serena, Cynthia, and Theodore are rounding up, it
won't be much longer before we're out of this situation.”

“
And what if it is? What if this whole
plan falls apart?”

“
We'll deal with that if it
comes.”

I give her a hug. “Thank you for all of
this. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't come with
me.”

“
You would have done a lot more
training by yourself and not known nearly as many
spells.”

“
That's all too true,” I say. “It's
what I get for slacking off in class.”

“
You weren't the only one. I just had
tutors that wouldn't leave me alone until I got something
down.”

“
Spoiled.”

“
Hey, now. That's a low
blow.”

“
But a true one.”

She laughs, and I join in, feeling good to
get everything out.

“
Do you think they'll be able to find
enough people to help?” she asks.

“
They'll have to.”

Because if they don't, our lives will be
forfeited.

S
erena,
Cynthia, and Theodore's return isn't just a joyous thing, it's a
celebration. The people they've been sending home, plus the people
they brought with them, will go a long, long ways to helping defeat
the Grand Chancellor. There are more people than I expected. Our
caves are so filled with people. It’s getting hard to find places
to put them all.

Best yet is just knowing this many people
want the Grand Chancellor out of power. When I first came to
Chardonia, I never thought it would be possible. These people are a
surprising joy.