Mine to Fear (24 page)

“
Knock, knock,” a male voice sounds
just outside my shared room.

Inwardly, I groan. The last thing I want
right now is someone else around. “Come in.”

Jack rounds the corner and leans against the
archway leading into my room but doesn't say anything. My heartbeat
quickens. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“
I was just wondering if…”

I sit up. “Yes?”

“
If you would like to talk. About what
just happened.”

The ache deep within me grows heavier, like
a rock pile that just keeps having more and more rocks added to it.
It's something I want to ignore and never think on again. But
something about his manner, his presence leaves me wanting to speak
despite myself. “Why don't you come in? Have a seat. Cynthia won't
mind if you borrow her bed. I'm sorry we don't have any
chairs.”

“
We don't have much of anything in
here.” He moves to the very end of Cynthia's bed, the end closest
to me, and sits on the edge. I expect him to say something more,
but he doesn't. He just waits.

“
I don't know if I'll ever forgive
myself for leaving them behind,” is what finally comes out of my
mouth.

Even though he's already on the edge of the
bed, he scoots closer. “We didn't have a choice.”

“
I know that. I do. But they don't
have a choice either. They're chained to a machine that sucks their
magic from them even as they make it. It's horrifying, and we left
them there. I just left them there.”

“
Because I dragged you
away.”

“
You had to. Otherwise I wouldn't have
left.”

“
Which means if anyone is at fault,
it's me.”

I scoot to the end of my bed, closer to him.
“You saved my life.”

“
So you can try to save theirs again
someday. Hopefully soon.”

“
You're right.” But still I feel
deflated. “We just don't have enough people or magic behind us to
defeat the Grand Chancellor and his men.”

“
Don't you dare give up
now.”

I flop back down on my bed. “But how can we
not? This was a hopeless task before it even started.”

“
You don't really mean
that.”

“
But I do. If I and the other Sanos
hadn't interfered with Chardonia, things wouldn't be this
bad.”

“
Yet, where would I be?”

I sigh and shake my head.

“
No, I mean it,” he persists. “Where
would I be? What type of person would I be like?”

I can't help it. I sit up and give him a wry
grin. “You'd be ornerier than an old man.”

He laughs. “Not just that, but I'd not
respect women like they deser
ve
.”

“
Plus, Serena would have never met
Zade and would be under the control of some horrid warlock, and
Cynthia would never have shown so many Chardonians she could do
magic in the first place. She may have even been caught doing magic
and been sacrificed and had all memories of her erased by those she
cared about.”

“
Exactly,” he says. The tone of his
voice becomes more serious and deeper. “And I wouldn't have met
you.”

My heart flutters. My stomach becomes light,
giddy. Is this what falling in love feels like?

We lean closer to each other. And closer.
Are we going to kiss? I want to kiss him. I want to know what it
feels like to have a man's lips pressed against mine. To feel my
heart soar higher than the clouds.

Is this what falling in love feels
like? Sunshine in my chest, lighting to a fire at the thought of a
kiss and roaring into a heated passion as our lips meet? This is
more than I ever hoped I would feel. I pull Jack closer, not
wanting the moment to e
nd
.

There are footsteps
before I even have time to register them. Someone is coming.
Cynthia appears. Drat this place and it not having any
privacy.

“
I'm, uh, interrupting I think,”
Cynthia says. “I'll just go.”

She's gone before I have a chance to tell
her to stay. It's just as well. I probably wouldn't have said it
anyway, despite all the politeness my mother drilled into me
because the last thing I want right now is someone else around.
Even if the mood is already gone. We've both pulled back. No
finding out what it's like to kiss him. At least not right now.

It's just as well. Kissing a man is serious
business. If I'm going to kiss him, I want to make sure it's what
we both really want. Though it's hard to think that right here and
now with us both leaning back in toward each other. With the way
he's gazing at my lips like they are the most important object in
all the world.

Forget thinking about things. I want that
kiss.

I stand, and he does so as well, only I move
the few paces to him, put a hand on each side of his face, and kiss
him. It happens so fast, I almost don't believe I actually did it.
But his lips are pressed to mine and mine to his. His arms wrap
around me, pulling me in closer.

I never knew a kiss could feel like this.
Warm and good, with the flutters from earlier racing up and down my
entire body. I never want it to end. And it doesn't. It just goes
on with burning heat.

Someone clears their throat. We yank apart
with sudden coldness. It grows even colder when I see who
interrupted us. Chadwick.

“
Um…hi.” Most awkward moment.
Ever.
“How can I help you?”

He glances at Jack, no, more like a glare,
and then looks back at me. “I just wanted to make sure you’re well
after everything that happened. But I can see I shouldn't have
come. I'll talk to you later.”

He turns to leave. I call after him,
“Chadwick, wait.”

But he's already gone.

“
I should be going as well,” Jack
says.

Oh lovely, now he's upset too. I'd
rather kiss more than deal with two ornery men. But Jack's already
gone as well. Everything feels all twisted up. Wrong. Why can't
things be simple? Love is hard. Anything is easier than romance.
All I know anymore is that Jack's right. Helping the Chardonian
people is the best thing I could be doing
.

Chapter
Forty-Three

T
he natural
spring running through what we've turned into the kitchen has icy
cold water. Katherine scrubs pots next to me. She returned just
this morning and is already helping with chores. She doesn't even
have to be doing any since she's only visiting and doesn't live
here, yet she's jumped in to help anyway. If only it was as easy to
get the people who are supposed to help to do so. Not that they
don't. Most of them are pretty good, but a few stubborn ones don't
seem to understand what we provide for them.

“
Only three more to go,” Katherine
says, heaving the large pot to me to dry off.

“
So, tell me a little bit about this
Charles you brought with you.”

Her cheeks instantly redden.

There's a blush if I ever saw one. “I knew
it. How did you two meet?”

She sombers, the red leaving her
chee
ks
and making them look
whiter under the torchlight. “I ran away from home and met him on
the streets. He saved me from a fate worse than death.”

“
Dare I ask what that fate might have
been?”

“
Marrying a wretched old man who
smelled rancid.” She shivers.

I put a hand on her shoulder. “I'm glad you
found him.”

She gives me a soft grin then hands me
another pot. We quickly finish up the last of the dishes and put
them away. We walk toward the main cavern.

A girl of about nineteen, just older
than me, says, “Hello, Waver
ly
.”

“
Are you doing well today?”

“
Grand. Cynthia just showed me a hex
that knocks warlocks asleep.”

“
That one is useful. Can I introduce
you to my friend, Katherine?” I nod in her direction.

The girl's face goes blank. “I'm sorry. I
don't see anyone here but you.”

They start to walk away, but I stop her.
“You can't just walk away from someone like that.”

“
There's no one here but you, and I
thought we were done with our conversation.”

“
But I just introduced you to
Katherine.”

Her gaze scans over her very briefly, so
quick I almost missed it. “She's less than a shadow, not worth
noticing.”

She storms off. I move to go after her, but
Katherine grabs my arm. “Don't. It's not worth it.”

“
It is. They shouldn't treat you like
that. Not after all you're doing to pitch in and help.”

“
No, they shouldn't. But there's a lot
of things that shouldn't be. Besides, being less than a shadow has
its advantages.”

Still, she shouldn't be treated that way.
But I guess after dealing with so many bad things, it's hard to
believe in the good. At least I assume that's what's holding them
back because there's no other reason for them to ignore Katherine
so thoroughly, especially when she's only trying to help.

“
They'll come around,” I say. “It took
a while with me. They probably just need more time with you as
well.”

“
I wish they would. There's so much
more help I could offer if I knew they would trust it.”

I give her a quick squeeze. “I know. Why
don't I introduce you to our leader? He was gone last time you
visited. He should be happier to see you.”

I take her to find him, asking around where
he is to discover he's outside. We find him, back to us, sitting on
a fallen tree trunk.

“
Jack,” I say. “I have someone I'd
like you to meet.”

He stands and turns, but before I can say
anything, he drops the piece of wood he was whittling and stares at
Katherine. She stares back, face pale between her inked lines.

“
Do you know Katherine?”

Still, neither say anything.

After another moment, Jack finally says,
“This is my sister. The one I told you about.”

“
Katherine?”

“
It's true,” she replies and then says
to him, “What are you doing here?”

“
Trying to help. Trying to make amends
for the way I treated you growing up. Can you ever forgive
me?”

Her brows knit together like she's
lost. “I didn't expect to ever see you again. And if I did, I
didn't expect you to recognize me like this.” She motions to her
face and bald he
ad
.

“
Your image is engrained into my
memory. I could never forget someone I so cruelly
mistreated.”

“
When did you decide that it was
cruel? You used to think it was normal.”

“
After I came to work for Councilman
Daniel. I began to see that even though he was a councilman, he
treated everyone with respect, including his wife. It made me
wonder if I was taught wrong all those years. If I mistreated you
for no purpose. Then I met Waverly. She quickly convinced me that
women are of much greater worth than I ever knew.”

The silence that follows is only broken by
the chirping of a bird.

“
It's not an easy thing to forgive,”
Katherine finally says.

“
I understand. I will work to earn
your forgiveness the best I can.”

She steps closer to him. “You already have
it.”

I can't help but smile as I watch the two
reunite.

Chapter
Forty-Four

J
ack should be
rounding everyone up for a meeting any minute now. Jack,
Katherine's brother. I wouldn’t have guessed it, though I don't
think either of them would have either. At least some hopeful
things are coming out of all this mess.

I flash a mirror spell out, a reflective
silver that smooths out before me, shinier than a real mirror but
just as effective. I run a second spell, which turns out a bright
red, to brush through my hair. The long locks are stubborn but
probably only because I so badly want them to behave.

Once my hair's done, I bite my lips,
reddening them, and then add the faintest bit of a spell to my
eyelids. A faint white one that shimmers in the light. Not that
there's much light here in the cave. There's the echo of footsteps
approaching.

I zip my mirror away and stand. Nerves
flutter through me like firework spells. I've never been so
affected by a warlock before. Who knew it would be a Chardonian
warlock that would be the one to do it?

The echoes are closer now. I take a deep
breath, hold it, and slightly part my lips. The steps turn the
corner.

“
Expecting someone else?” Cynthia
says.

I let out the breath in a huff and zip the
glitter off my eyelids. That was going a bit far anyway, especially
for someone like Jack. “Of course not.”

She laughs. “I'm sure you weren't. Jack sent
me to get you.”

“
Oh.”

“
Don't sound so deflated. He got
trapped into a conversation with Theodore. I'm certain he would
much rather have come for you himself.”

Heat tickles my cheeks. “It's just a
meeting.”

“
Where you two will pretend it's all
about business, while the rest of us wonder when you'll finally
just kiss. I swear, the tension between you two almost needs to be
dealt with as much as this war.”