Minecraft: Diary of a Minecraft Zombie Book 4: Zombie Swap (An Unofficial Minecraft Book) (Minecraft, Minecraft Books, Minecraft Books for Kids, Minecraft Diary, Minecraft Handbook, Herobrine) (2 page)

Tuesday Morning

I was really weirded out by what I saw yesterday.

I mean, all those humans in one place gave me the creeps.

Not to mention, the smell!

Not one kid smelled like rotten flesh, or stale mucus, or moldy gym socks.

Except for one kid…he smelled like all three. I really liked him.

But, I decided that today, I was going to get through it.

I mean, Steve is probably having a tough time too.

Being a Zombie is really hard, you know. Especially trying to keep up with the cool lifestyle and reputation I’ve built for myself at school.

I feel real sorry for him.

The cool thing is that Steve gave me his extra cellphone so we can call each other in case we get in a sticky situation.

I’m probably going to call him like fifty times today.

Well, here goes another day of craziness at human middle school…

Tuesday Night

Today was the worst day of my life…

Man, I thought there was drama in being a Zombie.

These humans have drama, times ten!

As soon as I got to school today, all the other kids were looking at me and saying stuff to each other.

I wanted to be friendly, so I went up to one kid to say “Hi.” He did something with his eyes and walked away.

I didn’t know you could roll your eyes into your head like that….

Then when I was walking to class, I tripped and accidentally dropped my books on the floor.

I was still getting used to walking straight.

I went to go pick my books up, but then everybody started kicking them down the hallway.

Somehow they ended up in the toilet bowl in the boys bathroom.

The good thing is that now they actually smell like my books back home.

My first class was called “How to Annihilate Mobs and Eradicate Them From Existence.”

It was taught by a former army sergeant that fought in the previous Zombie Apocalypse.

His name was Master Sergeant Fuller B. Loney.

All I can tell you is that all through class I was shaking like a leaf.

He talked about how to chop Zombies into little bits with a pickaxe or axe. But, he said, the best weapon is a sword. You can cut off arms and legs real easy with a sword.

I was about to hurl in the middle of class.

He said with creepers, you need to be really careful. The best assault is to knock them into other mobs so that they can blow up the whole lot.

Slimes are easy, he said. Just lure them into a lake and drown them.

But skeletons are the worst. He said you’ve got to either use TNT to blow up a bunch of them, or chop them down to size with a sword.

“And if you ever find yourself out of food…” He said. “ You can use rotten flesh to make some great beef jerky. Zombie Jerky, I call it.”

I blew out of class so fast, I left the door swinging behind me.

Right in the middle of the school hallway, I hurled.

All of the other kids started laughing at me…Especially when I slipped and fell in my vomit.

I actually didn’t mind the vomit…

The laughing, though, I didn’t like very much.

The one good thing that happened today was that a really nice girl helped me and took me to get cleaned up.

“Are you OK, Steve?” She said.

“You know who I am?”

“Steve, it’s me. Alex.” She said. “You must’ve hit your head harder than I thought.”

“Hi Alex.” I said.

She took some paper towels and started cleaning the vomit off my face and clothes.

I asked her to leave a little on my shirt because the smell reminded me of home.

She just looked at me…Confused.

Well, after all that drama, I decided to go home early again, today.

Maybe tomorrow I can make it through a whole day of human school.

I seriously doubt it…

Wednesday

The villagers I live with look pretty smart with their long robes and big noses.

So, I thought I would ask them what I could do to fit in at school.

One of the villagers told me that if I wanted to fit in, then I need to find a group of kids that like what I like.

He said that’s what all of the villagers do. The Farmers stick with the Farmers, the Librarians stick with the Librarians, the Blacksmiths stick with the Blacksmiths, the Priests stick with the Priests, and the Butchers stick with the Butchers.

He said that they all even dress the same.

That made a lot of sense, I thought.

So, today at lunch time, I decided to find a group of kids that like what I like.

The problem was that there were so many groups to choose from!

I was thinking of joining the FOOT-BALL players. But they were too big, and not very smart.

I thought about joining the girls with the painted faces. But they kept doing that “rolling your eyes” thing that really creeps me out.

I was thinking of joining the group of weird kids with glasses. But they were too busy playing with their mini-computers and protecting their pockets and stuff.

I know, I thought. I’ll join the group of Zombie kids!

I heard they called themselves, “Goths.” I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew the living dead when I saw them.

That’s it! I thought. That’s the group I’m going to be part of.

I decided to sit at the table where the Zombie kids were eating their lunch.

Oh, man. I thought. Maybe they have some cake!

But as soon as I sat down, they all got up and moved to another table.

I decided to follow them.

Every time I sat down they got up.  Kind of reminded me of the musical Zombie chairs game we play at home.

When they ran out of tables, one of the Zombie Goth kids stopped me and asked me, “Why are you following us?”

“I want to be a Zombie, like you guys.” I said.

She just looked at me…Confused.

“Zombies? Look, we’re just expressing our own individuality and non-conformity to the norms that society is trying to force upon us.”

Now I looked at her…Confused.

“Do you have any cake?” I said.

“We’re outta here.” And they all got up and left the lunch room.

I guess they didn’t like cake, I thought.

Man, being a kid in middle school is really confusing…

Thursday

I only had two classes today, so I thought getting through school should be pretty easy.

Today I had Warrior Class and Human Gym Class.

Warrior Class was pretty easy, because they needed stand ins for the Zombies that the warriors had to battle.

So I volunteered and pretended to be a Zombie for the whole class.

The kids gave me a lot of high fives, because they said I was really realistic.

The teacher looked at me with a weird, worried look on his face for some reason, though.

After lunch, we had Human Gym Class.

It was a lot like Mob Gym Class.

They had a gym teacher, a court, and they played Dodge Ball.

The only difference was that the gym teacher here had a lot of extra meat on him… Especially around his mid-section.

After gym class, they said we had to go the LOKKER ROOM, to get cleaned up.

It was the most horrifying place I had ever been.

Seeing so many human kids without their clothes on really creeped me out.

I just wasn’t used to seeing so much flesh, without it being rotten.

What really creeped me out was when they started twirling their towels and snapping them at each other.

All the kids started turning bright red, and swelling up like balloons.

Woooooooh. So disturbing…

At the end of Human Gym class, I was so happy because I finally made it through one full day of school.

I ran into Alex as I was walking on my way home.

“You’re not the real Steve, are you?” She said.

“What do you mean…He, he…Of course I’m Steve. Steve the warrior!”

“Nope. You’re a Zombie, and you switched bodies with Steve, and you’re just acting like him for a few weeks until the full moon, so you can visit the Swamp Witch, and she can turn you back.” She said.

“Wha…How did you know?”

“Steve called me and told me.” She said. “He thought you might need a friend to show you the ropes on how to fit in around here.”

Good Ole’ Steve, I thought.

“Plus, I could tell you weren’t Steve. Steve is one of the coolest kids at school. You act like it’s your first day in middle school.” She said.

What! Steve is one the coolest kids at school? He never told me that, I thought.

Man, I can only imagine what kind of trouble he’s getting me into at my mob school…

Friday

Oh, man! I just remembered that my ghoulfriend Sally gets back from Spring break this Sunday!

I’ve been so preoccupied with fitting in at human school that I forgot about her.

What am I going to tell her? Should I tell her the truth that Steve and I switched bodies? What if it scares her away?

And, what am I going to say when I see her? “Hi, Sally. My name is Steve. I’m your new human boyfriend. And I’m a warrior, and one of the coolest kids at my school.”

Who knows, maybe she might like me more.

Anyway, today at school, they announced that they were going to have a PVP Hunger Games Death Match Tournament in a few weeks.

PVP Death Match! What’s that?!! I thought.

I asked one of the kids in class what it was.

“It’s when all of the kids at school play each other in a game to the death. Kinda like Hunger Games but in middle school.” He said.

Hunger Games? Battle to the death? Man, what did I get myself into?

“Yeah, all of the kids at school are talking about it. It’s the biggest event of the year.” He said.

Man, he talks about it like if he’s going to a party to beat piñatas or something.

Wow, human kids are so weird…

Saturday

Today, I went to go meet Steve at our usual place, but he wasn’t there.

Alex came instead.

“Hey Zombie.” She said. “Steve said he was sorry he couldn’t make it, but he went on a camping trip with your Mom, Dad and little brother to the Swamp Biome. He sounded really excited too. Steve really loves camping.”

Oh brother, I thought. Now my family is going to totally love Steve.

“Yeah, Steve told me that he’s having a really great time being a Zombie. He said he’s made a ton of Mob friends, and the Principal of your school even made him the president of the Event Committee at school.”

“Wha…?!!!”

“I think it’s because he convinced them to have a big Dance Party in a few weeks. They really liked that idea.”

Mobs dancing? I didn’t even know that mobs knew how to dance. I know I can’t.

“Steve wanted me to give you a message, too.” She said. “He said, your friend Sally was attacked by a Snow Golem. He said when they found her, all that was left of her were her tonsils.”

“What?!!!!”

“Naw, just kidding. Steve said Sally’s not coming home for a few more weeks because she and her family got snowed in at the Snow Biome.”

“Wow. That’s just cold.” I said.

Since I couldn’t ask Steve about the PVP tournament, I decided to ask Alex about it.

“Alex, I was going to ask Steve about the PVP Hunger Games Death Match Tournament.” I said. “What in the world is that?”

“Oh, that. Yeah, that’s a tournament where all the kids at school fight to the death. We have it every year.” She said.

“Huh?!!”

“Yeah, we start out with the entire group of kids at school, from 6
th
grade to 8
th
grade. Then we start killing each other off one by one. The person who survives is the winner.” She said.

“What?!!”

“Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. I can’t wait for it to be here in a few weeks.” She said.

I couldn’t believe my new ears. These kids are just going to pick each other off, one by one, and she says it’s fun.

Man, I need to be careful around these humans.

I thought about asking Alex what kind of attendance problems they have at school after the tournament.  But I didn’t want to cause any trouble.

Wow, human middle school is serious hostile territory…