Minimize Me: 10 Diets to Lose 25 Lbs in 50 Days (13 page)
Read Minimize Me: 10 Diets to Lose 25 Lbs in 50 Days Online
Authors: Andy Leeks
Tags: #Health; Fitness & Dieting, #Diets & Weight Loss, #Other Diets, #Humor & Entertainment, #Humor, #Diets
Real or fake, that seems to be the main
debate at the moment. Fake ones look great and they never droop, but they just
don't feel the same, do they?
I'm talking about Christmas trees of
course and this weekend saw us buying our annual 8 foot tree before cutting it
down to six, so that it fits. Real Christmas trees tend to get a bad press.
Like naughty teenagers they are often charged with being temperamental and
messy. Well, like teenagers, if you get the right one, they can be totally
worth the effort. Ok, our Christmas trees have never tidied up after themselves
or made us a cup of tea after a hard day, but they do tend to stay fairly mess
free and they always produce a pleasant smell; far nicer than the dusty aroma
that I associate with a fake one.
People often say "It's just such an
effort! Going out, choosing one, bringing it back, dragging it through the
house, getting pine needles everywhere....." That sounds a lovely day out
compared to the rigmarole involved with setting up our old fake tree. My mum
and dad have never got around to installing a proper loft ladder. Not the crime
of the century you might think, but they never got around to buying more than a
four foot step ladder either. The loft hatch in my mum and dads house hovers
dangerously over the stairs and only a highly trained acrobat from the Moscow
State Circus would attempt an entry via the step ladder. Every year however, my
Dad would come back from the pub and announce that it was time for the tree to
come down. This happened every year until my brother was old enough / tall
enough to take over and he had two main advantages over my dad in that he was
20 years younger in age and 20 units lighter in alcohol.
On a slight digression, while talking
about my dad insisting on doing things while under the influence, I remember
one year where my Mum had gone Christmas food shopping. She had gone out in the
morning and come back late in the afternoon and the car was full of festive
food. Dad had been to the pub to meet a few old friends and had consumed, shall
we say "A festive few."
My mum had spent ages trying to
rearrange our freezer to fit in all of the frozen food, but it wasn't any good,
it just wasn't fitting in. It was one of those combination fridge/freezers that
stood about six foot tall, with the freezer compartment at the bottom and the
fridge on top. She had noticed that the freezer was thick with ice and if it
could be defrosted, she would be able to fit in all of the food.
Step forward my dad, with a hammer in
one hand and a pallet knife in the other. The reason that he had a hammer just
lying around was simple; dad always put all of the decorations up with a
hammer. I am certain that we were the only family that had no use for blue-tac
at Christmas. The tree was hammered together with a mallet and everything else
from lights to stockings were attached to the wall with a hammer and nail.
We heard a combination of banging and
swearing for just under an hour before it all went quiet. After a few minutes,
we decided to go and check to see if everything was ok and what we witnessed
was like a scene from a Laurel and Hardy movie. My dad was sitting on the floor
holding his head, completely dazed, while our dog was running around the
kitchen gobbling up a floor full of pickled onions.
It didn't need Colombo to work out that
while dad was getting to work with the bottom compartment of the freezer, the
catering sized jar of pickled onions on top of the fridge/freezer was slowly
making its way towards his head. The thought of my dad being nursed by my mum;
who was holding up a combination of fingers while the dog gagged in the
background still makes me laugh today.
So our Christmas tree is up and the
decorations are in place and I haven't once had to use any carpentry tools or
acrobatics. I just need to make sure that I defrost the freezer before the food
shopping arrives.
End of Preview
If you would like to read more, the
series is split into 4 books, Parts 1 to 4 As they are in a diary format, they
can be read in any order). Each are available for £1.99 ($2.99) or you may wish
to consider As They Slept – A Year in the Life of a London Commuter, which
comprises all four parts and includes some additional pictures; available for
just £3.99 ($5.99)
Depending
on your e-reader, you may get prompted at the end of this book, but I’ve
provided links to them below, just in case.
http://hyperurl.co/astheyslept
http://hyperurl.co/astheyslept2
http://hyperurl.co/astheyslept3
http://hyperurl.co/astheyslept4
http://hyperurl.co/astheysleptallparts
Right, that’s the shameless plugging out
of the way, apologies for that; we’ll talk no more about the books that I’ve
written.
I did say that we’ll talk no more about
the books that I’ve written, so how about a quick recommendation for a book
that I haven’t written? If you liked this book then you might also like to
consider the offerings of fellow author George Mahood. His debut book 'Free
Country' has received well over 1,000 glowing reviews and his latest release
'Life's a Beach' is out now.
Join George and his family as they pack
their bags to begin an exciting new life down south. Picking up where Every Day
Is a Holiday left off, George continues his celebration of the weird and
wonderful calendar days in this laugh-out-loud adventure where life’s a beach.
Minimize me –
10 Diets to Lose 25 lbs in 50 Days has received some fantastic press to date. On
top of countless radio interviews and the odd TV interview, the book has been featured
in The Daily Mail, on Yahoo.com’s home page and has even been endorsed by the
NHS in the UK. If you were interested in reading the articles, I have provided
links to them below.
https://www.yahoo.com/health/i-tried-10-diets-in-50-days-heres-what-actually-108173225142.html
I'd firstly like to thank Louis Bedwell
for all of the expert advice he has provided throughout the last 50 days.
Without him this book would not have been possible. He is genuinely one of the
nicest people I have ever met and I urge you to follow him on Twitter
@louisbedwell and check out his story here
www.louisbedwell.com
I'd also like to thank my long suffering
wife, Emma. How she puts up with me and my stupid challenges I'll never know.
She is an amazing Mummy to our two little girls and the most supportive wife I
could ever hope for.
Kevin Harris for providing the artwork
and design for the front cover. A genuinely fantastic guy to work with, so
knowledgeable, professional and flexible. Feel free to contact him at
[email protected]
Coffee. I know, it's a strange thing to
thank, but without coffee, I would have given up on the challenge around day 7.
It's thanks to you, dear coffee that I made it to the end.