Miranda (18 page)

By the time sanity returned to our rooms, it was too late: there were only traces of what we had done without crossing the dividing line. We found ourselves on the floor, on our sides, each with a pillow, sharing Eliezer’s bed comforter on the carpet of desire, exhausted, speaking in silent glances, letting regret rest between us, right on the dividing line.

***

I woke up in my bed, clothed.

The door that connected to Eliezer’s room was shut.

“She fell in your game. Or did you fall into hers? Dummkopf
²
!
”

The warm air of Christmas Eve overwhelmed Medika and the city. Many had said their goodbyes the day before, others were lucky enough to be on vacation for a week, and a few worked until mid afternoon. I was not among any of those people. It was seven in the evening and there was still no end in sight to the list of emails that I had to send out before taking a few days off. I didn’t want to leave anything pending.

I looked away from the monitor to rest my eyes when I noticed a circle of light that lit the area outside my office. By the position of the light, I figured there was someone in Eliezer’s office.

Forgetting about my email, I tiptoed that way and found him at his desk, reading documents and reports from who knows what companies. He looked tired. His shirt was unbuttoned half way down the collar, the sleeves were rolled up, and his forearms were exposed. My memory was playing pranks on me, and suddenly I remembered how those forearms had held my hips and prevented me from crossing the dividing line between two rooms at a hotel in China.

I turned to return to my office and his voice called out to me. I shut my eyes.

“Hello, Wise. What plans do you have for tomorrow? Something special, I imagine.” I turned and Eliezer put down the papers. He looked at me. It took me a few seconds to process the question and respond.

“Nothing.”

He shrugged.

“May you enjoy doing nothing.”

He smiled and went back to his pen and papers. I was about to make a mistake: to invite him to anything or for him to be part of my Christmas Eve routine, but I overcame the impulse because, somehow, I knew it was one of those potentially life altering moments. I let his answer stand–an answer like that did not deserve any more thought–and I returned to finish my tasks.

As long as I can remember, I always connected Christmas season with sadness. I couldn’t help a feeling of envy in my heart, though I was not proud of that. I knew that I should be happy for those who could celebrate big, surrounded by family and friends. Be that as it may, my heart cried out year after year: my family circle was diminished and consisted of strangers, namely Norman, Margaret, and Alex.

Perhaps my eternal feeling of loneliness was the reason I did the things I did on Christmas Eve and Christmas: looking for new meaning in those days, always spending Christmas Eve alone at home after dinner with whomever invited me, and Christmas lunch with Norman.

***

The thought of having Eliezer as my companion during my Christmas tasks was with me all night. I could barely sleep. What persistence!

He was the perfect candidate for the position of “suitable company.” There was nothing between us, at least not as long as we lived in the real world. Once outside of it, alone and separated from our daily affairs, we would transform into other people. It wasn’t that he was a different man, but it did take a huge effort to silence his demons, his traumas, that hunger to be unfaithful to the terrible loneliness that haunted him for so many moons.

At nine in the morning I took the cell phone, looked for his number in the directory, and mustered the courage to touch the screen and start dialing.

“Miranda.”

“Clausell,” I said, greeting him and taking the necessary time to repeat the sound of his voice saying my name in my mind. When I spoke again, my voice was high-pitched, “Good morning!”

Eliezer’s response made me think that he had installed hidden cameras in my room and in my mind.

“Very good morning. Was it
that
difficult for you to call?”

I could not allow him to think that he was right, that I had been thinking about him for so many hours, so my response was quick and clear, although not very convincing.

“No, no. I pulled my telephone out of my purse and I accidentally dialed your number. It’s not polite to hang-up on a call without saying good morning.”

“Is that the best excuse you have, Wise? Let me tell you that you are not very creative.”

I took a deep breath and by the slight, odd noise I heard at the other end of the line, I imagine that Eliezer was smiling. I took off my armor.

“Would you like to go with me somewhere?”

“And what makes you think that I would be interested in going anywhere with you?”

I smiled and bit my lip.

“The fact that you still have not ended the call.”

Eliezer laughed.

“Should I wear my pants?”

This time, I was the one laughing.

“If you feel more comfortable, yes.”

My eardrum caught the muted snort of his muffled chuckle.

“Will we get into trouble, Ms. Wise?”

More than we have already would be difficult,
I thought, but I said, “Worried, Clausell?”

“Not at all. Time and type of clothing?”

“I’ll pick you up in 60 minutes.” I was about to hang up when I remembered another detail. “Clausell!” I yelled so that he could hear me and not press the darn red button.

“I’m still here, Miranda,” his voice calm.

“It may not be prudent for you to not have your pants on, and on tight, with a belt.”

I pressed the button to end the call before hearing his laugh or his declining the invitation. I got out of bed and while I showered and put on my make-up, I fantasized about possible scenarios during the day. All of them, absolutely all of them, led me to two versions: either the day would turn out fine, almost perfect, or very bad, a tragedy. It was that simple.

With Eliezer nearby, there was a rule: every event that involved both of us began and ended badly…
usually, in bed, Miranda Wise
.

It was Christmas Eve, for heavens sake. Something out of the ordinary would be appropriate. I put on my favorite jeans and a blouse with pink shades that I had not worn yet.

***

I dialed Eliezer’s number while parked in front of his imposing residential high rise. It rang three times when someone suddenly tapped on the window next to the passenger’s seat of my car. My heartbeat quickened.

Outside, Eliezer was waving his iPhone at me, showing me the display where there was only the letter “W” to indicate an incoming call. I smiled and ended the call.
So “W” is how he labeled me on his cell phone. At least it wasn’t International.

Just as I was opening my door to get out and greet him, I could see Eliezer’s expression change. No more smile. There was a woman on the sidewalk facing him. He turned around and walked over to her. They spoke for a few minutes. It appeared as if they were smoothing out a disrespectful conversation. At first, they were both talking at once, but then he was silent and listened. While the woman talked and talked, he sneaked a few furtive glances at me. It seemed as if his eyes were telling me that he had been surprised by the situation. He tired after a few minutes, and left the woman mid-sentence, abandoning the unfinished conversation. He walked back to my car, I unlocked the door, he opened it, and sat down. He fiddled with the side buttons on the phone. He put it in his pocket, sighed, and turned towards me with the same smile as before.

“Hello, Miranda. Where are we going?” He rubbed his hands together–an expression of enthusiasm in the face of uncertainty.

I looked out and around. The woman had disappeared. I turned to look into Eliezer’s green eyes and I thought, that if he didn’t give me any explanations about what had happened, there was nothing to worry about. I moved the stick shift without disengaging the brake.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Didn’t you have anyone better to keep you company?”

With a quick head movement I threw my hair back and gave him a flirtatious look.

“Options one and two didn’t accept. They weren’t available.”

The smile that had accompanied his suggestive questions vanished.

“So, I’m number three,” he remarked with a grim voice, tasting the feeling of not being my first choice. “You know, next time invite all three of us ahead of time. Something that involves four promises to be very interesting.”

I continued his game.

“I’ll take that into consideration.”

He continued the game.

“So plan the next invitation.”

“That depends on how you behave today, Clausell.”

“I’ll wait for that invitation, Wise.” He had the malevolent look that transported me to other encounters where there were no inhibitions between us.

I let my foot off the brake.

***

It wasn’t very far to where we were going: about ten or fifteen minutes with traffic. I stopped at the gate that guarded the building entrance and we were quickly allowed to enter. The car slowly neared a large house with toys in the front yard. Surrounding it were swings and huge plastic castles where children pretended to be knights and princesses. Eliezer didn’t smile, say anything, or react at all.

“Welcome to the Santa Maria Home, Mr. Clausell.”

Eliezer looked around and lowered his head.

“Did you grow up here?” he asked cautiously, his voice sounding somewhat intimidated.

“Bingo!”

There was confusion on his face. I don’t know if it was because of my outburst or my cheeriness. I tried to explain why we were there.

“I do this every year, Clausell. I bring these children a small Christmas party… some happiness. I like to share with them.”

“Don’t you think that if I, a complete stranger, had the need to be with children, a visit to the park would have been sufficient?”

Before I could respond, he exited the car and slammed the door.
This is going to be difficult,
I thought to myself. I exited and asked him to help me with the boxes that were in the trunk. When he approached me, I looked him in the eye.

“Listen to me, Clausell. Your needs don’t matter here, just theirs. If you want to leave, go ahead.” I took the things, turned and walked towards the home. “But you’ll have to find your own transportation because I just got here.” I wouldn’t let his stupid words ruin my day, nor my excitement.Why did he always make my life more complicated? And why was he determined to do it so often?

“If I wanted to, Wise, it wouldn’t be difficult to find a way to leave,” he whispered at my side with four boxes in hand.

***

Don Jose greeted us. He had worked as handyman at the home for as long as I could remember. He could do plumbing, carpentry, cabinetry, and construction. The years had not treated Don Jose well. At sixty something, his walk was slower, his hands were shaky, but his mind and memory seemed to be unaffected. We affectionately called him “Grandpa Jose.” He was the father figure to our Santa Maria family and home.

Grandpa Jose hugged me and squeezed my cheeks – a gesture of affection that he had for me and all the other children he had seen grow-up.

“Wow, my love! You’re so handsome!” I flirted.

“I look younger every day. Don’t I?”

We hugged each other again in a happy embrace.

“Grandpa, this is my friend Eliezer.”

There was no reason to give him details. Grandpa looked intently at whom I had introduced as my friend. I know he was doing an instant profile of him. He half-closed his eyes.

“Eliezer, son of Moses? Do you know that your name means, ‘God is help’?”

“Yes, but this Eliezer is son of Norman,” I offered that bit of information. In my mind, a joke that was not very funny:
and to deal with this one, I sure need God’s help...

“Oh! This one is more handsome than the last one you brought!” he said with a smile, satisfied with his comment.

I couldn’t help thinking,
swallow me Earth! How could you say something like that?

“Grandpa, please!”

Eliezer didn’t take Don Jose’s indiscreet announcement too well but he was able to disguise it. When he spoke, he did it tactfully and courteously.

“Don Jose, it’s a pleasure.” They shook hands. “It’s good to know that Ms. Wise’s taste is improving.” He looked at me with a sneaky look. “And thank you for the info. When we least expect it, we learn something.”

The men shared some chuckles that eased the uncomfortable tension. As they moved away, Grandpa adjusted the shoulder straps of his overalls.

“Well, no more formalities. Come in. Come in. The children are waiting for you.”

We met in the playroom. There were dozens of them. More than when I was there. Some of the older ones ran toward me when they saw me. They smothered me with hugs and kisses… each time pushing and jostling forward more. Each one of them wanted a moment with me.

Eliezer almost yelled out, startled when the children wrapped around his legs. He didn’t know what to do. He gave me a pleading look and I came to the rescue.