Miriam's Secret (18 page)

“Talk to me, Miriam…”

Ivan's voice had lingered in her ears as she'd rushed into the kitchen.

A few of the girls looked up in surprise at her flustered appearance, but thankfully Ivan hadn't followed her. “People will think what they wish,” Miriam told herself. That they didn't know Ivan had spoken with her was
gut
enough for now. But sooner or later someone would put two and two together—probably Laura Swartz. Now, if there was a repeat performance by Ivan tomorrow after church there would be trouble for sure.

Miriam sighed. Now was not the time to be distracted by Ivan Mast. Shirley was upstairs hard at work. It was time to get upstairs if she didn't want awkward questions asked of her. Miriam took the steps quickly and found Shirley in Lee and Mark's bedroom.

Shirley had the dusting brush in her hand. She looked up when Miriam entered. “You don't have to rush about. I'll finish up here, Miriam.”

Stopping in front of her sister, Miriam felt compelled to ask the question on her mind. “Shirley, what happened between you and Jonas? Tell me the truth about last night.”

Shirley looked away and didn't say anything.

“I want to know,” Miriam persisted.

Shirley turned her head and regarded her sister with a steady gaze. “You make it sound as if I did something wrong. It was the most
wunderbah
night of my life!”

“I was afraid of that.” Miriam sat on the bed and groaned.

Shirley's voice took on a dreamy tone. “We walked under the stars, Miriam. I thought I would die from joy. And, oh, Miriam! Then it happened. We kissed! I've never kissed a man before and never want to again—unless it's Jonas, of course. It was perfect!”

Miriam knew something like this had happened. Her voice caught as she said, “You know this can't go on. You can't marry a Mennonite, much less someone who goes to a far different church like Jonas Beachy does. You
have
to stay Amish!”

Shirley's face darkened. “I know that, Miriam. Jonas and I both know we're from different worlds.
Yah
, any relationship between us will eventually end, but until it does I'm going to enjoy Jonas while I can.”

Miriam stood up and busied herself with the broom. Should she trust Shirley? Giving Shirley a sharp glance, Miriam said, “This sounds like another one of your empty promises to me.”

Shirley shook her head. “I saw this one written in the stars, Miriam. We were talking out in that open meadow, and Jonas pointed out how far apart the stars were…and yet how close they looked.”

“I think you're trying to cover your guilt.” Miriam tried a glare to see if it would rattle Shirley's obstinacy.

Shirley didn't back down. “I know I'm right, even if I can't fully explain why.”

Miriam sighed. “Then we'd better pray that we find a solution to our problems.”

Shirley lifted her eyebrows. “What problem have you got?”

Miriam swept with greater vigor. “Believe me, I have plenty of my own—with Ivan.”

“Ivan?” Shirley said. “What about Ivan? I thought he was going with Laura Swartz. Is he coming back to you now?”

“Trying to,” Miriam said. “But it's not going to happen.”

The sisters worked quietly for a few minutes, each lost in her own thoughts. Then Shirley glanced out the window.

“We have a visitor,” she said with a sly smile.

Miriam clutched the broom handle. “Surely not Jonas!”

Shirley laughed. “
Nee
. He's driving a buggy, not a Porsche. And besides, Jonas wouldn't be so bold as to come without my knowing beforehand.” She stared out the window. “I believe it's Ivan, which would be your concern, not mine.”

Miriam crept over for a peek past the dark-blue drapes.
Yah
, it was Ivan. He was sitting in his buggy while deep in conversation with Lee. Had Lee heard him drive in and come out of the barn to meet him? Or had Lee known Ivan was coming? Either way, what business did Ivan have here? Hopefully not her! She glanced at Shirley. Was she putting two and two together? If so, soon her whole family would know Ivan was interested in her, and they too would assume it was because of Mr. Bland's farm.

Shirley whispered in her ear. “What's going on? Is this the trouble you referred to?”

“Probably,” Miriam whispered back. The truth was she didn't know why Ivan was here. Maybe he really had come to see Lee.
Nee
, whatever reason Ivan would give for the visit, he'd really come to see her.

The two young women headed downstairs and found
Mamm
with Elizabeth and Cheryl. The little girls had their hair freshly washed and combed. Both girls chimed at the same time, “There's someone here!”

Are visitors so scarce at our house that it's such a major event? Miriam thought with irritation. But her anger was better directed at Ivan and not at her family.

“He's coming in!” Elizabeth and Cheryl both glowed as Lee and Ivan appeared on the front porch.

Miriam almost fled back upstairs, but that wasn't practical.
Mamm
would call her back if Ivan wished to speak with her, and that would add embarrassment on top of embarrassment.

Shirley opened the door before Lee could. “What a surprise!” she sang out. “Ivan Mast in person.”

A deep chuckle from Ivan greeted her welcome.

Mamm
whispered, “I don't know why Ivan's here, but you'd better go greet him.”

Spurred into action, Miriam pasted on a smile and crossed the living room floor as the two men came inside.

Ivan's face brightened even more at the sight of her. “Good afternoon, Miriam.”

Lee took Shirley's arm. “I guess we'll make ourselves scarce then.” Lee pulled Shirley along as he headed for the kitchen.

That left Miriam and Ivan face-to-face by the front door with
Mamm
and the younger girls looking on. Miriam didn't want another word with Ivan when the others could hear, so she brushed past Ivan and went onto the porch. He followed. She took the first rocker she came to and waited for him to sit in the other. Then she burst out, “You do have your nerve, Ivan! Coming here uninvited. How am I going to explain this to my family?”

His smile was broad. “I think it's the most natural thing. You can tell them that Ivan Mast has come to his senses. Now tell me the truth. Haven't you wished for this moment many times?”

Her face burned. How did Ivan know her heart so well? Yet he had still spurned her for Laura Swartz.

“If my dating Laura bothered you, well, I'm sorry about that.” His tone softened. “That'll be over soon, Miriam. I came to tell you that and ask if you could forgive me for my misjudgment in that matter.”

She stared at him. No words would come out of her mouth.

“
Yah
.” He nodded as if she'd asked a question. “You have a right to ask. I will be speaking with Laura at length on Sunday night, and we will part ways.”

“Then why are you speaking with me now?” Miriam asked.

Ivan had a pleased expression on his face. “I can see that you care, and that's
gut.
I'm here to tell you what my plans are because you wouldn't let me speak to you earlier this week when
you so abruptly cut me off. That's why I've come over now—when we would have more time without the fear of anyone walking in on us.”

Miriam wanted to roll her eyes. It was too much. She couldn't imagine that Laura would give up so easily. Ivan was a catch, and any young woman would jump at the chance to date him and, perhaps, marry him. And what made Ivan think she'd take him back if he did break it off with Laura? Didn't he realize she would never accept a date that depended on the farm as bait? That Ivan thought so made anger run all the way through her.

Ivan watched her carefully. He must have read her thoughts because he hastened to add, “I hope you don't think that in my heart this has anything to do with the farm you inherited from Mr. Bland. I heard about it, of course, and it does make you a more attractive prospect, but that's simply not the real reason I'm here. I still care about you, Miriam. I should never have dated Laura in the first place. You're a decent woman and will make a real jewel of a
frau
. I hope you will give me a chance to prove myself.”

Before she could think of a proper answer, Ivan was on his feet. “I don't want to bother you long, Miriam. But I did wish to say that. I'm willing to wait a few weeks until you think things over, and then I will officially ask you home for a Sunday evening together. After I've spoken with Laura, of course.”

Miriam really didn't want to agree to such a thing now…or later, but Ivan was already on his way down the steps. She couldn't find her voice to call after him.

Ivan briefly turned toward her. “Thanks for the time, Miriam.” He lifted his hand in a quick wave. “The best to you and to us.”

She watched him until he climbed into his buggy and drove down the lane. He had a big smile on his face when he drove past her.

Chapter Eighteen

S
upper was over that Saturday evening, and the younger children had been sent to bed. Lee and Mark were in their rooms for the night when Miriam took a seat on the couch. She hadn't discussed Ivan's visit this forenoon with anyone, and her family had respected her silence. But now was the time to speak in private with
Mamm
and
Daett
. And this conversation might well lead to Shirley's involvement. She was upstairs but could be called down at a moment's notice. Shirley might not be happy, but if necessary she'd be included.

Miriam glanced at
Mamm
sitting in her rocker beside
Daett
. “I need to speak with the two of you.”

Silence hung heavy as they looked her way and waited.

A lump caught in Miriam's throat.

Mamm
seemed to understand and spoke first. “Is this about Ivan?”

“
Yah
,” Miriam managed.

“Ivan is a member in
gut
standing with the church,”
Daett
said with a pleased expression on his face.

Miriam decided to get right to the point. “
Mamm, Daett…
I need to get away for a while. I need to be somewhere else.”

Daett
's look turned to surprise. “Because of Ivan?”

“I suspect that's only part of the problem,”
Mamm
offered. “Maybe you'd better explain, Miriam.”

Miriam gathered her thoughts. How much should she say? She couldn't go and accuse Ivan, and yet…Her words came slowly. “Ivan says he's going to end his relationship with Laura Swartz. He wants to bring me home from the Sunday-night hymn singings. But I think he's only paying me attention because…well, because Mr. Bland gave me the farm.”

Daett
's pleased expression returned. “Maybe Ivan's finding out that Laura makes a poor substitute for my daughter.”

Miriam forced a smile. “That's nice of you to think,
Daett
. But Ivan's not coming back because he's tired of Laura. He's after the farm. I'm sure of it.” There! The words were out.

Mamm
didn't appear too shocked, but
Daett
lost his pleased look. “You don't really think Ivan would do such a thing?”

“
Yah
, I do,” Miriam said, now on the verge of tears.

Mamm
didn't show too much incredulity, but
Daett'
s opinion of Ivan was too innocent.

“I'd take some time to think about this, Miriam,”
Daett
said. “Surely Ivan is offering you some space if you have doubts.”

Miriam nodded.

Daett
's pleased look returned.

“I'd like to leave for a while to ensure that space. And I'd like to take Shirley with me.” There! That had also been said even if she had no idea how such a thing was possible. She didn't mean to hurt
Daett
by the implication that she didn't trust his advice. Her instinct to flee was strong, and she trusted that more. What
she didn't trust was her heart if she stayed here. What if she gave in to Ivan's pleas? The years when she'd longed for his attention might simply overwhelm her. She needed a place away from him…and even away from Mr. Bland's farm. A place where she could think everything through.