Miriam's Secret (7 page)

Miriam reached over and touched Shirley's shoulder. “Maybe we'd better get some sleep. A good night's rest will be good for both of us. Morning will come soon enough.” She blew out the kerosene lamp and was soon in bed under the covers.

Shirley lay fully dressed on top of the quilt on her bed. The day had been a long one for all of them—Miriam especially. Long day or not, Shirley had no desire to sleep. Thoughts of Jonas wouldn't stop. And the awful truth was that she didn't want them to stop—even though she knew that in the long run the life
Mamm
and
Daett
had together was what she wanted. Yet, at the same time, she wanted what Jonas and his
daett
had. She couldn't have both, that was for sure. But making the choice still lay far ahead. Why should she have to make it right now? She was only seventeen and had just entered her
rumspringa
.
What was
rumspringa
for if not to try new things and entertain thoughts that she could not after joining the church? The contradictions seemed to fill the room. She simply couldn't let go of Jonas. Not just yet. She wouldn't marry the man, of course. That was impossible. Jonas lived in a world she would never fit in with. He knew that, and she knew that. So why the guilt? If she'd simply kept her mouth shut most of the pain today would have been avoided. And…she hadn't been completely truthful. She hadn't given up her deepest, darkest secret. Jonas had given her his cell phone number. Not even in the midst of her promises had she been tempted to reveal such a thing.

“Call me anytime,” he'd said. “I'd love to chat with you.”

Jonas had given her the number after she refused his offer to pick her up some evening at home. That was a sign he must really wish to see her again. She hadn't planned to call him because she'd expected to see him tomorrow in Berlin. Now she wouldn't be there. Alarm flashed through her. She sat up in bed. What would Jonas think if she didn't show up at the usual time? Would he come to the house? That would be a disaster!
Nee
, that couldn't happen. She had to call Jonas! But how? The phone booth was down the road. She'd have to sneak out of the house, and she'd never done that. Was it even possible? Miriam would hear her, wouldn't she? And what about
Mamm
? Shirley stared into the darkness, her heart pounding. She would face this.

She looked over at Miriam, who was sound asleep. Shirley quietly got up from the bed and, with both hands outstretched, felt her way down the stairs. Her soft knock on her parents' bedroom door was followed by a soft rustle inside.

Mamm
opened the door in her nightclothes. She slipped out and shut the door before moving to stand near the window. Soft moonlight revealed her concerned face. “What is it, Shirley?”

The words gushed out in a whisper. “I have to speak with Jonas. I must,
Mamm
. I have his phone number.”

Mamm
's fingers dug into Shirley's arm. “You can't! Not after your
daett
's words tonight and your promises!”

A sob rose in Shirley's throat. “I can keep that promise later, but not now. Please,
Mamm
.” Shirley pushed forward with her argument. “I have to call him. I have to tell him I won't be there tomorrow. He's expecting me. If I don't show up, what if he comes to the house?”

Doubt filled
Mamm
's face as Shirley continued. “I'll be really careful,
Mamm
. I will.”

Skepticism was written large on
Mamm
's face, but finally she consented. “Go then, if you must, but I don't approve.”

Before
Mamm
could change her mind, Shirley grabbed her coat and left through the front door.
Mamm
's shadowy figure was still by the window when Shirley glanced back.
Mamm
would, no doubt, still be there when I return, Shirley thought—and in a way she was glad.
Mamm
's presence was comforting even in her disapproval.

Shirley ran down the side road of Possum Valley in the moonlight. Her feet kicked up pebbles along the edge of the pavement. When the headlights of an car bounced in the distance, she dove for the ditch and hid behind a bush until the vehicle passed.

The next dash brought Shirley to the phone booth. She caught her breath before she dialed the number by heart. It was as if the numbers had been burned into her brain, as had most everything about Jonas.

“Text me,” Jonas had told her when he wrote down the number. He'd laughed at the perplexed look on her face. “Of course! You don't know what that is.”

“I do so,” she'd protested.

“Just call,” he'd said with sweetness in his voice.

Well, she hadn't planned to make the first call, let alone one at ten o'clock at night, but here she was. Jonas probably stayed up till all hours anyway. Didn't rich people live like that?

“Hello!”

Her voice squeaked when she responded, “Hi, Jonas. This is Shirley. Shirley Yoder.”

“Oh, Shirley!” His voice brightened. “I didn't recognize the number. So how are you doing?”

“You can't imagine.” Her breath was short, she knew, but she was in a hurry. “Look, Jonas, I can't be in Berlin tomorrow and maybe not for some time. My parents found out about us…and there's trouble.”

“I see.” He sounded troubled himself. “Is there something I can do?”

“I wish.”

“You're not cutting me off, are you?”

“Of course not!” The denial rushed out of her mouth almost involuntarily. “I just don't know how to…well…keep in touch.”

“We'll figure out some way.” His voice was tender. “Call me when you can, and I'll see what I can do.”

“Don't come by the house, okay?”

“I won't. I promise.” There was a crackle on the phone. “I'll see you later, Shirley. Don't worry, okay?”

“Okay.” Shirley hung up. She tried to quiet the pounding of her heart. Oh, this was such a mess, but she couldn't let Jonas go. Later she would try, but not now.

Chapter Seven

O
n Thursday morning the sun shone through the open upstairs bedroom window as Miriam changed into her black Sunday dress. She'd mourned for Mr. Bland often in the past few days and at the viewing last night. She missed the relationship she used to have with him. He'd been almost like a second
daett
to her, although she would never mention such a thing here at home. Mr. Bland was
Englisha
. She shouldn't have such feelings about him. Still, their relationship had grown deep and, like Shirley, she couldn't control how she felt about certain things. At least her affection for Mr. Bland hadn't been wrong like Shirley's was for Jonas.

The dark-blue drapes moved in the morning breeze as Miriam put in the last of her dress pins. Mr. Bland's sister, Rose, had said last night she'd be here at nine to pick her up for the funeral. It would be best if she was ready ahead of time. It wouldn't be
decent if Rose had to wait. Thankfully, there'd been time to wash and dry the breakfast dishes downstairs. She'd also been able to help Shirley with some mending. That was one
gut
thing that had come out of her few days off this week. She had time to help catch up with the household work, which always seemed to pile up in a house with ten children.

What hadn't helped was the tension in the house over Shirley's attraction to Jonas Beachy. She'd even gone to call him on Monday night right after the lecture
Daett
had given her! So far the older ones had kept the situation from the younger
kinner
, but that surely wouldn't last long. Sometimes Miriam despaired for Shirley and her
gut
intentions that often didn't pan out. Why couldn't Shirley just do what was right? But one must not give up hope. With the Lord's help they would make it through Shirley's troubled time. At least Shirley could be kept away from Berlin until this was safely over. Miriam had taken care of the shopping on Tuesday, and she would continue to do so after she began work tomorrow in the Berlin Gospel Bookstore.

A dark cloud passed over Miriam's face. The pay at the bookstore would be considerably less than what Mr. Bland had been giving her. How would her parents deal with this drop in income? No one had said anything so far. Maybe Shirley would have to take a job earlier than they'd planned. But then the trouble with Jonas would take center court again. Shirley wasn't safe out of the house at the moment. From the looks of longing that often came into Shirley's eyes, any meeting with Jonas would lead to more meetings, more rides in cars, and more…well, only the Lord knew where all that might end.

Surely her sister wouldn't actually marry the man? Shirley had assured them all she had no such intention, but she wasn't known for keeping her promises. Hadn't she called Jonas the
same evening she'd promised
Daett
she'd get over him once and for all?

A rattle of car tires in the driveway came through the open window. Miriam jumped. She tucked the last bit of stray hair under her
kapp
and dashed down the stairs.
Mamm
was seated on the rocking chair with a letter in her hand, so Shirley must have picked up the mail. From the smile on
Mamm
's face the news must be
gut
. Miriam glanced at the return address on the envelope sitting on a little table by the rocker.
Mamm
's sister Fannie had written from the Clarita, Oklahoma, community. Fannie and her husband, William, had moved there several years ago. That was also where the Swartz family had come from. Miriam shoved that thought aside. She didn't want to think about Laura or Ivan right now.

“Fannie's first child is due soon, right?” Miriam guessed.

Mamm
's smile grew larger. “
Yah!
After all these years of waiting, the Lord has finally blessed them. The midwife thinks there will be no problems.”
Mamm
gazed out the living room window. “Oh, how I wish I could be there for this
wunderbah
moment! Fannie is to be a
mamm
after all.”

Miriam paused by the front door as the thought hit her. “I could go to her and be her maid for a while.” She'd like that better than working at the bookstore. But the idea was impossible. They had no extra money for a bus ticket to Oklahoma, and she needed work that paid. Besides, Aunt Fannie had probably arranged for one of the local Amish girls in Oklahoma to live with the family and help after the birth.

“Will you be back for lunch?”
Mamm
asked.

“I would think so.” Miriam pushed open the front door. “The
Englisha
have fast services—if last night at the viewing was any indication.” She'd been surprised how fast the small crowd
moved through the viewing line. Miriam was glad she'd attended. Rose had asked her to be there as a “comforting presence.” That was understandable with the few family members who showed up. Mr. Bland and Thelma had never been blessed with children, so mostly there were cousins, aunts, uncles, a few family friends, and some business acquaintances in attendance.

“Maybe Rose will take you out to eat afterward,”
Mamm
suggested.

“I hadn't thought of that.” Miriam glanced at Shirley, who was still working on the large mending pile. Shirley's eyes shone. No doubt her sister wished she had this opportunity to get out of the house.

“Well,”
Mamm
continued, “either way is okay with us. If you don't show up by lunchtime, we'll eat without you.”

Shirley cleared her throat. “Maybe I should go with Miriam?”

“You'll do no such thing!”
Mamm
replied.

A hurt look crossed Shirley's face, but she offered nothing more.

After giving Shirley a look of sympathy, Miriam wondered why she hadn't thought to include Shirley earlier.
Mamm
might have consented if she'd had time to think about it. The excursion would have done Shirley
gut
, and she wouldn't have gotten into trouble with so many people around.

Miriam dashed out the door. She would have to remember this in the future and include Shirley whenever possible.