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She couldn't bear the thought of losing him, but she knew she had to pay
the price of their lie now.

"I don't believe you, " he said coldly. "I don't want to hear anything
more from you, or your sister."

"And then I did it for me, " she said sadly. "Father was right.

" She decided to throw all her chips in. She had nothing to lose now.

"I was always in love with you, right from the beginning, and when he
asked you to marry her, I had nothing left, except a lifetime with him.

It was my one chance to be with you, to be yours." Tears were streaming
down her face as she looked at him, but he wouldn't look at her now.

"Charles, I love you, " she said in utter agony, but he looked at her
with equal fury.

"Don't tell me that. You made a fool of me. You seduced me, you lied to
me, you fooled me. But you're nothing to me, " he said cruelly,
"everything you did and had and got was a lie. We're not even married.

You mean nothing to me, " he said, as she felt her heart break in a
thousand pieces.

"Our children are not lies, " she said gently, pleading with him
silently to forgive her, if it took a lifetime.

"No, " he said, with tears choking him, "but thanks to you, they're
bastards." He turned away from her then, into the men's barracks, where
she couldn't follow him. And she went back to sit next to her sister.

Victoria was asleep by then, and a nurse put a finger to her lips and
asked Olivia not to wake her. She was exhausted, and the fever was
higher.

Olivia didn't see Charles again that day. She didn't know where he went,
but he never came back to the hospital tent, and she wondered if he was
planning to leave now without her. If he did, she'd have to deal with
it. She was planning to stay until she could bring Victoria home with
her baby. Olivia slept in a chair beside her all night, trying to block
out the noise of the men who were suffering and dying.

Her sister woke once or twice, and whenever Olivia walked around to
stretch, people spoke to her, thinking she was her sister. It was
particularly unnerving since they called her by her right name, as
Victoria had been known as Olivia here, to everyone but Edouard.

Charles appeared at Victoria's bedside again finally the next morning.

She was awake, and Olivia had just left to get some coffee.

"That was quite a performance yesterday, " she said to him, looking
tired, but still mean enough to fight him. And he smiled at her, some
things don't change. He could see now what she had said, that they could
never have been married. He had done a lot of thinking during the night.

"You took me by surprise. That was quite a revelation, " he said and she
narrowed her eyes at him. She didn't believe him.

"I don't think so, Charles, not really. Are you telling me you never
knew, never even suspected, that she was never any different than I am?

Look at us, she's gentle and soft and loving and would lay down her life
for you even now. You and I would kill each other, given half a chance.

We're like the French and the Germans." They both smiled. It was true
and they knew it. "Don't tell me you never knew, never wondered, never
thought it. You must have, at least once .. . maybe twice .

.. or more .. . but you chose not to know it."

"You may be right, " he admitted, which surprised her. "Maybe I didn't
want to know. It was so easy and so comfortable, and so good. I wanted
it so much to work between us, and maybe Olivia was the answer."

"Don't forget that now. Don't destroy her because you're angry.

" She was very firm with him. She didn't want him to hurt her sister.

"You're amazing, you two, " he said with a sigh, admiring her in a way.

She was so strong, so willing to do anything for her sister, just as
Olivia was for her. "I'm not sure it's a relationship I'll ever
understand. It's like two souls, and one person. Or maybe it's the other
way around, " he smiled. "I don't think outsiders ever understand it."

"You could be right. I feel her in my heart sometimes. I know when she
needs me." As she did now. Olivia was in a terrible state over the
things Charles had said to her the previous morning.

"She says the same thing, " he said quietly. And then he remembered
something and it all came clear now. It was right after Olivia had
supposedly left for California. Were you on the Lusitania, by any
chance? " he asked with a strange look, and she nodded.

"I don't have much luck with ocean voyages, " she said ruefully, and he
smiled.

"She kept dreaming she was drowning. I had to call a doctor for her."

"It took me three days to send her a telegram, things were crazy in
Queenstown. I could never tell you what all that was like.

Compared to that, " she remembered the woman giving birth in the water
next to her, before she passed out, "this is nothing. The children were
what made it so awful." She closed her eyes then to block it out, and he
touched her hand. He could sense that she was fading.

"What about you now? What do you want me to do? " He had come here to
make peace with her. For him, despite his shock initially, the war with
her was over.

"I have a child. I want Ollie to take him home with her, " she said
clearly, her eyes filling with tears as she thought of him and his
father. She hadn't seen her baby in two weeks now, and she ached to see
him.

"How did that happen? " He looked surprised, and she laughed through her
tears at the man who had once been her husband.

"Same way it happened to you and Ollie. I wish I could see your little
girls, " she said wistfully.

"You will, " he said, forgiving her for all she'd done, though he wasn't
sure why, but it didn't seem to matter anymore. It was over.

He had come here to tell her that, that it didn't matter. And if she
wanted, he'd divorce her. "You'll see the girls when you come home, " he
said, willing her to believe it, but she shook her head with a look that
said she knew better.

"No, I won't Charles .. . I know it .. ." She didn't look frightened,
only wistful.

"Don't be silly. That's why we're here. To take you home ..

. and your baby." Life was never simple. Where's his father? " Charles
asked gently, wondering if he'd ever known her.

"He died .. . that's when I got wounded." "Well, get better, so I can
take you home and divorce you." He smiled and bent to kiss her, and she
looked up at him strangely.

"You know .. . in my own crazy way, I suppose I did love you.

It just wasn't right for either of us .. . but I meant to do it right in
the beginning."

"So did I, " he said wistfully, "I don't think I'd gotten over Susan."

"Go find your wife .. . or your sister-in-law .. . or whatever she is ..
." She tried to laugh but it hurt too much and she was getting woozy.

"Good-bye, crazy girl .. . I'll see you later, " he said and left her
then, with a very odd feeling. He didn't know what it was, but he was
beginning to feel like Olivia, with all her premonitions.

He went back to the mess tent then, to look for her, but he couldn't
find her. And she wasn't at the women's barracks either. He managed to
miss her all that afternoon, and he realized as he walked around that it
was his wedding anniversary that day. Their second. The question was
with which woman? He had to smile at the absurdity of it all, and when
he went back to check on Victoria again, he saw Olivia sound asleep in a
chair beside her, and Victoria was sleeping too. The two were holding
hands as they slept and looked almost like children.

"How is she? " he asked the nurse, and she only shrugged and shook her
head. The infection was moving slowly upward. It was hard to believe.

She was so coherent at times, so outrageous and still so feisty, and so
fuzzy at others. Olivia had seen both sides of her as she sat there.

Charles disappeared without waking either of them, and at midnight,
Olivia called the nurse. She herself was having pains in her chest, and
she could see that Victoria was having trouble breathing.

"She can't breathe, " Olivia explained for her, but her twin looked
mostly sleepy.

"Yes, she can, " the nurse insisted, "she's all right." As all right as
she could be under the circumstances, but Olivia knew better. She put a
damp cloth on her brow, and propped her up a little bit, and when
Victoria woke up again, she smiled at her sister.

"It's okay, Ollie .. . don't .. . Edouard's waiting."

"No, " Olivia said furiously, suddenly panicked at the look on her face.

She was slipping away, and no one was doing anything to stop it.

"No .

.. you can't do that, dammit. You can't quit." Olivia was crying as she
held her.

"I'm so tired, " she said sleepily, "let me go, Ollie."

"I won't." She felt as though she were wrestling with the devil.

"Okay, okay .. . I'll be good .. . go to sleep, " she said to her older
sister. And Olivia held her for a long time, watching her, and then
finally Victoria slipped into a peaceful sleep, and Olivia felt easier
about her. Victoria opened her eyes and looked at her once, and smiled
at her, and Olivia leaned down and kissed her. Victoria kissed her back,
and whispered something to her, and when Olivia listened to her she
heard her say she loved her.

"I love you too." She lay her head down on the pillow with her and slept
for a while, and dreamed that they were children.

They were playing in a field in Croton, near their mother's grave, and
their father was watching them and he was laughing. Every one looked so
happy.

And in the morning, when she woke, Olivia looked down at her, and she
was gone. There was a small, sweet smile on her lips, and she held her
sister's hand. But there had been no holding her back from it.

Olivia had tried everything she could, but Victoria had gone to play
with the others.

Chapter 33.

When Olivia came out of the hospital tent that day, she was reeling.

It was the twenty-first of June, 1916, and her twin was dead, half of
her life, half of her soul, half of her being. She couldn't imagine
being alone without her. Even though they had been apart for the past
year, Olivia always knew she was there somewhere and she would see her.

Now she would never see her again. She was gone. It was over.

Finished.

She had lost Charles, would have to give her children up, and now she
had lost her twin sister. She couldn't imagine a worse fate than hers,
and she wanted to scream at Victoria to take her with her. She didn't
want to live another day without her. And then, as though she could hear
her sister's voice in her head, Olivia remembered her promise to take
her baby.

She walked into one of the office tents, and asked if it was possible to
get a driver to take her to the chateau. She explained what she wanted,
and a young French boy smiled at her and offered to take her.

He had known Edouard and Olivia, as he called her, though he didn't know
yet that she was dead. And Olivia couldn't bring herself to tell him.

He said it was only a short drive away, and she thought of telling
Charles, but she knew she couldn't tell him anything anymore.

She had lost her right to. He had told her she meant nothing to him now,
she was nothing to him. And he didn't even know it yet, but at that
moment, he had been widowed.

Olivia was already on her way to the chateau when Charles went back to
the medical tent to see Victoria. And when he got there, the nurse shook
her head and pointed at the empty bed, and he stood there gaping.

He didn't even feel sad for her suddenly, he had known that she wanted
to be released, he had sensed it easily, but all he wanted now was to
find Olivia and console her. Despite how he felt about her deception, he
could only begin to imagine her grief that morning. It was unthinkable,
and he knew he had to find her quickly.

"Have you seen my wife .. . my .. . er .. . her sister? " he asked the
nurse. It was still all too confusing, but she shook her head, and told
him she had left, after her sister had died, sometime around seven.

He looked for her in the mess tent, but couldn't find her anywhere.

By then Olivia had been to the chateau, and been told where the
chatelaine was. She was in Toul, which was a two hour journey, and
Marcel, the boy who had driven her there, had agreed to take her.

She said very little to him on the trip east, he glanced at her once or
twice, and saw that she was crying softly. He offered her a cigarette,
and she shook her head, and finally looked at him. He was so young,
barely eighteen. They talked about the war for a while, and ben finally
they were in Toul. Olivia met the countess, at the little house they'd
been sent to, and then, as the countess offered her sympathy, she showed
Olivia the baby. He was beautiful and round and blonde and happy.

There was a feeling of Victoria about him, even more than his looks.

In fact, her own children looked more like her sister than he did, but
he was very lovely, and he cooed happily when she held him. It was
almost as though he knew she had come to take him, and he made her
lonely not only for Victoria, but for her own children.

The countess was sad to say good-bye to him, but she was glad he was
going home to safety with his aunt, and then she urged Marcel to be
careful. The lines had been shifting for weeks and there had been
snipers in the hills daily, as Olivia knew only too well. She held the
baby on her lap on the way back, and he slept most of the way, and then,
halfway back, Marcel saw something he didn't like on his left, and
swerved away, as bullets narrowly missed them.

"Merde! " he said without hesitation. "Get down, " he
told her, and she crouched on the floor of the car, holding the baby.

The snipers shot at him again and he sped away, but then he heard
gunfire again, and shells up ahead, and he drove down an old country
road, into an old, deserted farm, and hid the car in the stable. He
pointed to the loft, and they hurried up the ladder leaning there, as
she carried the baby.

This was not what they had planned, Olivia thought to herself, trying to
assess the situation. Things did not look good, as she sat in the hay
with an eighteen-year-old French boy with his gun drawn, and her dead
sister's baby.

No one came after them, and they sat there all day, unable to go
anywhere, as little knots of Germans moved all around them. They never
came as close as the barn, but the barn was in an open field and there
was no cover for them to leave it. There was no way they could go
anywhere, and they had neither food nor water for themselves or the
baby.

"What are we going to do? " she asked nervously. The baby was beginning
to cry, and she was not nearly as brave as her sister. She had only come
here to get her. She had never expected to do anything like this, but
for Victoria and her child, she had been willing to be somewhat heroic.

"We'll have to try it again after nightfall, " Marcel said with a
worried expression. There was nothing else they could do. By that night,
they could hear heavy shelling closer to them, and the whistle of
mortars. She just prayed there wouldn't be a gas attack, she hadn't even
brought her gas mask. In the shock of leaving Victoria at the hospital
when she died, Olivia had lost it somewhere.

"We have to feed him, " Olivia said finally about the baby. He hadn't
been fed for hours and by then little Olivier was screaming. He wanted
his mother, or someone he knew, or at the very least some dinner.

But at least in one way, Olivia had an advantage. He looked at her, and
thought he knew her. But familiar or not, she had nothing to give him.

She had stopped nursing months before, and she never even thought of
trying.

It was nightfall when they came out of the loft at last, and Marcel
suggested she stay there and wait, and he would go back to the camp on
foot through the bushes. He wanted to get help, but he didn't want her
to take the risk of coming with him. He insisted it wouldn't take him
more than two hours, and then he could send help for her. It sounded
reasonable, but terrifying to her anyway. She knew that if the Germans
captured him, they might come back looking for her and shoot her. Or she
and Olivier might never be found at all, and they might just simply stay
there and starve. But even if they killed her, she hoped that at least
the Germans would spare the baby. But Olivia had no other choice, and
twelve hours after they'd set out from camp, Marcel left her in the
farmhouse, and she watched as he sprinted away toward safety. He was
almost to the trees at the end of the field when she saw them shoot him
in the head and the back. She saw him go down, and lie facedown at the
edge of the field. There was no hope of his being alive, he lay
completely motionless and the snipers never even bothered to check him.
They knew he was dead, just as Olivia did, and they moved on to other
pastures, leaving Marcel dead in a field somewhere in France, and Olivia
trapped in a farmhouse with her sister's starving baby. This was not how
it was meant to be, and she had no idea what to do now. The only thing
she could do was wait and see if anyone ever came by, Allies preferably,
or even farmers, or get in the car and drive hell for leather. But she
had only driven once or twice before, and she wasn't at all sure she
could even start the car, let alone drive it.

"So what do we do now? " she asked Olivier, who had finally cried
himself to sleep in her arms, even without dinner.

But he was awake again at six o'clock the next morning. He was desperate
for food or drink, and Olivia cried as she listened to his angry
wailing. She had nothing to give him, and felt as though she were
failing her sister. He hadn't seen food in eighteen hours, and neither
had she, and she was afraid he would get dehydrated if she didn't get
him some milk or water quickly. She thought about walking back to camp
with him in her arms, or even telling the Germans she was American if
they stopped her, but she was afraid they might shoot first and ask
questions later. In the end, she did absolutely no&g, she just sat there
praying the baby would fall asleep again at last. And finally in
desperation, she lifted her shirt and nursed him. She had no milk, but
at least it seemed to offer him some small comfort,
and she no longer had to worry that passing snipers might hear him.

At last at four o'clock in the afternoon, she heard two trucks roar by,
and when she looked out the tiny window in the loft, she could see that
they were Allies. She let out a shout and waved a hand through the
broken panes and they stopped and circled back, as she came quickly down
the ladder, holding the baby, and she was surprised that Sergeant
Morrison was in one truck, with a driver, and Charles was being driven
in the other. When she and Marcel did not return, at Charles'
insistence, they had sent a convoy for her "Thank God, " she said,
looking at all of them at once, relieved beyond belief that they had
found her. She had been sure they never would and she and Olivier would
die. She had just about given up hope when they found her. But Charles
said not a word to her, as he sat in the truck, staring at her.

And to Olivia he still looked extremely angry.

"You could have gotten killed, " he said icily, his voice and hands
shaking. This whole experience had been beyond the worst of anything he
could have imagined. Their revelations to him, Victoria's death, the war
itself, the wounded boys, and Olivia nearly getting killed now, trapped
in a farmhouse, trying to save her sister's baby. It was all too much
for him to stomach, and he could barely speak as he watched her.

"I'm sorry, " she said quietly to him, trying to brace herself against
the force of his hatred. But oddly enough, to him it made her sound like
her sister. He didn't even get a chance to tell her how sorry he was
about that, before Sergeant Morrison whisked her into the truck with the
baby, and they went back to camp as quickly as possible before
nightfall. Olivia had told them about Marcel, but they'd had men in the
area the night before, and already knew it. They were going to come back
with a detail later, for his body, and five others. It was awful.

"I'm so sorry, " she said to Sergeant Morrison, about Marcel, about the
war, about Victoria, about the look in Charles' eyes when he looked at
her now. She knew now that he would never forgive her. And as soon as
they got back, she went to the mess hall to feed the child, and he went
to the office to try to arrange passage on a ship out of Bordeaux.

They were burying Victoria in the morning, and Olivia felt almost numb.

It was all too much to absorb now.

Her burial, such as it was, was small and strange. A priest intoned a
few words over her, and a dozen others. They buried her in a plain pine
box with no name and no marking on her grave. She was just a small white
cross on a hillside in France. Olivia just hoped they had put her
somewhere near Edouard. But she was so shocked, she could barely cry.

She was too dazed to feel anything as she stood there. She felt as
though they were burying part of her, her heart, her soul, her mind.

Olivia felt like loose parts with no mind at all, as she watched them
lower her sister into the ground, and held her sleeping baby. He had
eaten and drunk his fill again, but in order to comfort him, Olivia had
continued to nurse him.

Charles watched her face at the graveside, aghast at what she must feel,
but out of sheer pride, she didn't let him anywhere near her.