Moon Racer (20 page)

He drew in a shaky breath. "I needed to hold you
in my arms this one time."

He hadn't really told her anything. He had merely
left her feeling more confused than ever. "I don't
understand."

"How could you?"

He traced her lower lip with his finger, and she
closed her eyes against the powerful emotions that
one simple gesture created inside her.

He clasped her face between his hands. "Abby, I
have been trying to think of a way to tell you that
I'll be leaving at dawn."

She had known this time would come, but not so
soon-what would she do when she could no longer
see him? "Will you be going back to Fort Fannin?"

"Not at this time. Victorio is on the warpath again.
The army needs all the men we can muster to protect
the settlers in that area. My troops will be joining the
others that are massing near the Mexican border." He
was quiet for a moment, his gaze settling on her
mouth. "I want to kiss you in the worst way. I want
you in every way a man can want a woman, but I'll
never know the sweetness of your body."

Tears gathered in her eyes, and her head became
so heavy it fell weakly against his shoulder. "You
are going into battle."

"That's what I do, Abby."

She was so afraid he might be killed. She wanted
to hold on to him to prevent him from leaving. But
instead she had to let him go. She asked in a choked
voice, "Would it be so very wrong if you kissed me
good-bye?"

With an urgent groan he lowered his head, his
mouth so near hers. "When I leave here I will be
saying good-bye to ... what we could have had."

His lips were soft and gentle at first, conveying
sweetness and tenderness. Their need built swiftly.

Her breath became trapped in her throat, and she
felt the awakening of something beyond
tenderness-she felt the first unquenchable flames
of desire.

Jonah ran his tongue softly across her lips, and
she opened them for him. She felt him quake when
her tongue tentatively touched his, and searing heat
rushed through her when he deepened the kiss.

She wanted to pull him back to her when he
suddenly broke off the kiss, but she closed her eyes as
his mouth slid down her neck. His hand gently moved
up her ribs to slide over her breast, and Abby thought
she would die from the longing that shook her.

At that moment Jonah's horse stomped his
hooves and whinnied, making his presence known.

Jonah drew his head back and looked into
Abby's luminous eyes. The sweet honey smell of
her hair, the cool smoothness of her skin beckoned
to him, but he stiffened and pulled away. "I want to
have you, and damn the rest of the world. Letting
you go will be the hardest thing I have ever done in
my life. But it is the right thing to do."

They stared at each other for a long moment, and
then his hands dropped away. Silently he picked up
the reins, and the buggy jerked forward.

Abby laid her head against his shoulder, knowing
that one kiss was all they would ever have.

His hand found hers, and their fingers laced
together. He raised her hand to his lips and placed a
kiss on her wrist.

They were both silent as the horses clomped
along at a steady pace. After a while Abby
withdrew her hand from his and moved to the far
side of the buggy. She turned her head away so he
would not see how badly she was hurting.

When they reached the house, she stepped out of the buggy as Navidad came out of the barn to
unhitch the horses.

"Did you have a fine time dancing, Senorita
Abby?" he inquired, smiling at her.

"It was... the dancing was lively." She turned
away and hurried into the house, knowing Jonah
and Navidad were both staring after her.

She ran inside with her heart pounding. When
she reached her bedroom, she closed the door and
leaned against it so she wouldn't be tempted to
open it and run into Jonah's arms.

She wanted to go to him, to beg him to love her,
but she couldn't do that. They had already said
good-bye, and that was the right thing to do.

But if it had been the right thing to do, why did it
hurt so badly?

Abby was restless and unable to sleep. She tossed and
turned, trying to find a comfortable position. Finally,
in frustration, she grabbed up a blanket and wrapped it
around her, not bothering to put on her dressing gown.

She moved silently out into the hallway, pausing
only a moment at Jonah's bedroom door, wishing
she could go to him.

She quietly opened the screen door and closed it
with only the creak of hinges to betray her exit.

The barn and bunkhouse were dark; everyone
had gone to bed hours ago. Her father wasn't home,
and she didn't know where he was-she hoped he
hadn't started drinking again.

She leaned her head against the porch post and
closed her eyes, reliving the moments when Jonah had kissed her and confessed that he had feelings
for her. She could almost feel the pressure of his
hand as their fingers intertwined. She looked dryeyed at the moon, wishing she could-

"You couldn't sleep either, Abby?"

She turned, startled by Jonah's voice. She could
barely make out his outline because he stood in
shadows at the other end of the porch; he must have
been there all the time.

"I... no. I was restless." She took a step
forward as if drawn to him like a magnet. "Why
couldn't you sleep?"

He was quiet for a moment, and she heard a deep
intake of breath. "I couldn't stop thinking about
how you felt in my arms."

Her footsteps were measured, her actions
cautious as she moved closer to him.

He advanced a step and studied her face to judge
her mood. "Abby!"

There was an urgency in the way he uttered her
name. It was a tormented cry from deep inside him,
and her heart answered.

She dropped the blanket at her feet and flew into his
open arms. He lifted her to him, and at the same time
their bodies met each other, their mouths fusing together
in a kiss. The fire that had been smoldering between
them all evening now burst into a roaring flame.

The tight restraint he had been keeping on his
emotions was released in a rush. His hands moved
over her body, pressing her against him, holding her
tightly to him. He could feel her lips part and soften.

She groaned a protest when he broke off the kiss and set her on her feet, dropping his arms to his
sides and tightening his hands into fists.

"You are too young and innocent, Abby. I can't
do this to you."

Without hesitation, she reached for his hand and
pulled him toward the door. "I'm old enough to know
what I am doing. I want to give you something of
myself to take away with you. Something to
remember just before you go to sleep each night."

"AbbY~
T'

"It's what I want."

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her
into the house, his hunger for her so deep it tore at
him. He did not even remember the short walk to
his bedroom. He kicked the door shut and lowered
his head, his mouth finding hers. Her lips were soft
beneath his, and he had no will to resist.

Her arms wound around his neck and the passion
spilled out, washing over them both.

"Jonah," she whispered, laying her cheek to his.
"I want to be with you this one time. This is
something I can give you of myself."

He should have resisted; he'was stronger, and he
knew what it could mean for her later on. But her
body was like silk, and the smoothness of it jolted
through him as he held her and drifted down on the
bed.

Abby had very little memory of Jonah undressing,
but she could see his wonderful lean body in the
moonlight. She lifted her nightgown over her head,
then held her arms out to him, and he came to her.

His hot flesh seared her, and she quivered when his hand moved from her ribs to her stomach.

She was perfect, from the top of her black satin
hair to the bottom of her delicately arched foot.
"You are beautiful, Abby," he murmured, his hand
sweeping across her skin, and his gaze taking in
each soft curve.

She dug her fingers into the mattress when his
mouth touched her nipple in a kiss so soft it was
like velvet. She could hear his ragged breathing,
and it fueled her response.

They had gone too far to stop. Her arms went
around his neck, and she looked into those dynamic
blue eyes that were half-closed and heavy with
passion.

His mouth found and covered hers hungrily.
Gently he slid his body over her, hurling her into a
need so deep, she cried out to him. He opened her
mind to powerful emotions that rocked her to the
core of her womanhood. He guided her through a
world of aching need.

Abby touched her lips to his so she could convey
her willingness.

While he kissed her, he gently parted her legs.
With raw passion he probed her inner folds and
entered her slowly.

She gasped and closed her eyes when he filled
the emptiness with such wonderment that a tear slid
down her cheek.

She threw her head back to keep from crying out
his name when he sank deeper into her, stirring wild,
hot desire. She had dreamed of this moment, ached
to be a part of him, needed his touch. His movements were gentle, and she felt he was holding back,
keeping a tight restraint on his desire. But she
wanted more of him, so she arched her back to take
him deeper inside her.

With a soft groan his mouth came down on hers,
plundering her lips, and he drove into her body with
such force she gasped. He raised passion-bright
eyes to her and eased some of his length out of her.
"Don't tempt me like that again, Abby. This is your
first time." His lips touched her breast, and he
murmured, "I don't want to hurt you."

Her body throbbed and ached, but not with pain.
She could feel him surround her, filling her, making
her his. Love poured out of her heart and washed
over her like waves on the ocean. He stared into her
eyes, filling her heart even more.

"Abby,"he breathed against her lips, holding her
while her body shook and trembled. Moments later
his arms tightened about her, and his body rocked
with his own fulfillment.

He rolled over and they rested side by side,
reluctant to move. Her leg was thrown over his as
she rested her head on his shoulder.

Then she raised her head and touched his cheek,
feeling a slight stubble where he needed to shave.

Th e was no false modesty in Abby, and it delighted
him how readily she had thrown aside her innocence and
accepted his lovemaking. She had matched his passion
in every way, and now she allowed him to touch her
body, sliding his hand over every curve.

"I will never forget tonight," she said, her eyes
shining. "And I don't want you to either."

"How could I?" He gathered her close, touching his
lips to her throat. Now that the flame of passion had
been satisfied, he felt the first prickle of guilt. "But I
should never have allowed it to go this far, Abby."

She raised herself up on an elbow. "You didn't
have any choice. I wanted this to happen between
us." She looked at him uncertainly. "Are you sorry?"

He drew her head back to his shoulder. "l am
only sorry that I didn't consider what my actions
might mean for you." His hand glided across her
hip and up her back. "For myself, I have never felt
as alive as I feel at this moment." He turned her so
she fit against the length of his body. "My mind is
so clear. Something happened between us that
borders on the miraculous. Do you feel that too?"

"Yes."

"But what have I done to you?"

She pressed herself tightly against him and felt
him swell. "It will be dawn soon, and you will be
leaving... love me again before you go."

Her soft plea swept away the last of his willpower.
He could not resist the sweet body that offered him a
fulfillment he had never known. He touched her,
stroked her, kissed her, and entered her.

She urged him on, and he drove deep. He was
putting his brand on her-he was taking her for his
own.

Abby slid off the bed, her hand lingering in his while
his gaze moved over her body. She was so beautiful,
with her dark hair falling tangled about her face.

"You will be leaving soon," she said, slowly and reluctantly withdrawing her hand from his. She
would have to let him go.

He was out of bed beside her, holding her tightly
to him. "How can I leave you now?"

She smiled sadly. "Because you must. Nothing
has changed, Jonah. You still have your duty. I
offered myself to you asking nothing in return, and
I still don't."

He stared into her eyes. "Abby, I can't just go
away and leave it like this between us."

"I won't have you eaten up with guilt. I knew
what I was doing, Jonah. You did not lure me into
your bed; I went willingly."

He glanced at the window and saw the first
streaks of dawn hit the ebony sky. With a feeling of
frustration he traced her backbone and cupped her
buttocks, lifting her to fit against his hardness. How
could he tell her that he had never felt this way with
a woman before, and he never would again? How
could he make her understand that now that he had
been with her, he would never stop wanting her?
The need for possession was deep and insatiable,
and it tore at him even now. But time was his
enemy-he had to leave. "We will talk about this
when I get back."

She nestled her head on his shoulder for a brief
moment. "Be safe, and take care of yourself. Don't
let anything happen to you."

Before he could say anything, she picked up her
gown and slipped it over her head; then she went to
him again. "I want to say good-bye to you now and
not when anyone else is around."

He took her in his arms, wishing more than
anything that he could take her back to bed. "Wait
for me?"