More (36 page)

“Jesus, Richard, I have to pay for something.” Matthew shoved his chair back and carried his barely eaten dinner to the sink. The plate and silverware clanked on top of the spaghetti pot. Any harder and it would have broken.

The perplexed look on Richard's face almost had me laughing. Except it wasn't funny. “You can't control everything.”

He turned the puzzled look on me. “What?”

“Matthew's got to decide this stuff for himself.”

“I just want to help.”

“I know. I want him to let you help. But it's his decision. If he doesn't feel right about it, then he'll figure something else out.”

“But I have the money.”

“Everything isn't always that simple.”

“Why not?”

“Dammit, do you ever hear yourself?”

“What the hell— ”

“Just ‘cause we call him kid doesn't mean he's not a man.”

Richard jerked back and crossed his arms. “I know exactly what he is. I've had his dick up my ass.”

“He's standing right here.”

Richard looked up at Matthew, and the two held the stare for several breaths.

Matthew took his seat. “I shouldn't accept it, but I'd appreciate the loan and the help with the bills. I'd like to hold off on getting a job until I get into the swing of things, get a few classes under my belt. I don't want to mess this up. After a few weeks, I'll get a part-time job.” He stretched his arm across the table and pressed two fingers over Richard's half-open mouth. “I won't be able to work enough to pay my share of living expenses and go to school. I know that. I can at least pay for groceries or the electricity or the gas bill. Have my own money for books and lunches when I'm at school. And I will pay my mom the same I've been giving her. That part's not up for discussion. I've gotta be the one to help her. By living here with you, you're helping me do that.”

Richard kissed Matthew's fingers. “Okay. I like the idea of you taking some time off, though. Get yourself used to the classes. But don't be afraid. You'll do great.”

“Thanks.” He sat back. “I guess after Jake, I'm afraid I'll lose my focus.”

Richard glared at Matthew. His eyebrows drew together to form one line across his forehead.

I put a hand on Matthew's knee. “You learned from the experience. This is important to you. You're taking it seriously. You're letting Richard help you. You're taking it slow instead of piling a bunch of shit on top of yourself. There's no way you're gonna mess up.”

He gripped my hand. “Thanks.”

“The only thing we'll have to monitor is the sex. You know, Richard can be pretty demanding, and you'll have a lot of studying to do. I'll be glad to keep him occupied for you at any time.”

Matthew rolled his eyes and smacked my arm.

Richard snorted. “Me? He's the one who's years younger than us. He's insatiable.”

The incredulous expression on Matthew's face had me laughing. I kissed him and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “So, tell us.”

“Tell you what?” He grabbed my fork and ate a bite off my plate.

“Matthew. What are you going to study at school?”

He looked off into the kitchen. “You'll think it's stupid.”

“No, we won't.”

“I want to be a vet technician.”

Richard leaned forward and grinned. “It was the puppies you rescued when you were a kid, wasn't it? The little beasts got to you.”

Matthew's gaze returned, lighthearted and happy.

“Hey, I ordered Chinese,” Richard said as he came into the living room. “Should be here any minute.”

I was sitting on the floor against the couch with my laptop open on the coffee table. Matthew had gone to his mom's for dinner, and Richard had been working in his office for the past couple of hours.

The doorbell rang.

“Great timing,” I said.

“What can I say? I'm organized.” He answered the door.

“Organized is not what I'd call you.”

Richard paid for the food and came back in with two bags of takeout in hand. “What would you call me?” He dropped the bags on the table and flopped onto the floor, stretching out on his side.

“Well, since Matthew hates Chinese, and I love it, I'd say someone who's trying to get lucky.”

“Could be.” He winked and ran his hand up my inner thigh.

Even through the jeans, his hand sent a fire racing through my body, building need and want where thoughts of work had been a moment before.

He lightly passed over my dick and moved down my other leg. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch.

“I was thinking about Matthew,” he said, still exploring me.

“Wish he was here.”

“Me too. But I had an idea. We should get him a laptop as a good luck gift for school. He'll need it for all the papers and research and shit.”

I opened my eyes and smiled at him. “Good idea.”

“Great. You can pick it out if you don't mind. You'll know more about what to get than I would. Just let me know what you decide on and the cost.” He removed his hand from my leg and settled on his back, his arms folded behind his head. “He's telling his mom he's going back to school.”

“That's good.”

“Yeah, but I think he's afraid of what she'll think about me paying for it.”

“You mean about you loaning him the money?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Right.”

“He's not gonna accept you paying for it. You know that, right?”

“That's why I said it was a loan.”

“That's not what you meant.” I swung my legs around and lay beside him. I tickled his underarm. He smirked and returned the playful touches until we were rolling around on the floor.

He gripped my wrists and stilled me. “Let's let him get through school first, and then we'll discuss the money. Okay?”

I leaned over him. “Have I ever thanked you?”

“For what?”

“Asking two strangers to live with you.”

He reached up and stroked the side of my face with the back of his fingers.

My breath quickened at the soft caress. I'd fucked a lot of men in my life, but I'd never known such affection. Not even Tim had shown his love for me with his hands the way Richard did. Now... I needed more than the slamming together of bodies. I needed a caress. A touch to my cheek. A hand in my own.

He dropped his hand to his chest. “It was the best decision of my life.”

“Knowing what you do now, you'd do it again?” A part of me needed to hear his answer after all my father had done.

“Hell, yes. I'd have asked the first night if I'd known it'd be like this.” He smirked. “But you'd never have said yes.”

“It was better you got me addicted to your dick first.”

He laughed and kissed me with his warm lips. He gripped my ass with one hand, fanned the other across my back, and tugged me in tight. “I remember how you thanked me when you left at the end of our first night.”

“I thought I'd lost my mind. You were like no men I'd ever been with.”

He rolled me over in a quick flip that knocked the breath from my chest. He flattened his body over mine and kissed me again. The force of it filled me with an ache for more.

“I love you so damn much, Luke Moore.”

I held his face in my hands and pressed my forehead to his. “I... ”

His eyes scanned mine. His chest heaved with each breath.

“Richard, I— ”

He brought a finger to my lips. “Not yet. Not now. He should be here.”

I nodded.

We kissed and touched. Neither of us rushed to get off or make the moment about sex when it was about much more.

Eventually, Richard's hands stilled. He cleared his throat.

“What has he done?” I asked. I couldn't look at him.

A large thumb pushed at my chin until my eyes met his. “I like that you know me so well, but it makes it hard to break news to you gently. Sort of irritating in a way.”

I rolled us over and straddled his thighs. “I need to know. You're not the one who's hurting me. He is.”

“I know.” His tongue wet his lips. “Well, he's been busy.”

“Great.”

“There's some people who don't want to work with me anymore. They were interested before he talked to them.”

It was inevitable, but hearing it pissed me off. I had more to lose than ever before. My body shook, and the dread gripped my heart. I collapsed onto his chest.

He ran a hand over my back. “So what if he takes away some business? Big deal. I don't want to see him hurt you like this. It isn't worth it. I have you. That's what matters to me. You and Matthew. We're not letting him come between us. If I lost you that would be... ” Richard didn't finish his prediction.

I wrapped my arms tighter around him. “And if he killed his college friend?”

“Let's let Walter deal with that.”

“Maybe he'll come after us. You. Matthew.”

“I won't live my life in fear. If he's guilty of something, we have to have faith the police will handle it.”

“And until then?” I sat up. “I should go.”

Richard's hands tightened on my hips. “No.” He spat the word out in a curt, definitive tone. He wasn't going to argue with me on that point. “And no more investigating your father. He's dangerous. That's obvious.”

“All right.”

We held each other, my body draped over his, the Chinese food long forgotten, until Matthew came in the front door.

“Hey,” Matthew called out from the hall, his voice tense.

I lifted my head.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

“My father's messing with Richard's business again.” And then I saw it in his eyes. The light and fire were muted. “What's wrong with you?”

Richard reacted to my words. He rolled over as I moved off him.

Matthew shifted on his feet, and his body vibrated. Anger. I'd seen it once before.

Richard stood. “Matthew?”

I went to him. “What is it?” I placed a hand on his arm and tried to calm him.

“My mom had a visitor yesterday. He said he was a friend of mine. He told her I was going to hell, said he knew how to make me better, make me see how wrong I've been. He told her about a place where I could get healthy again.”

“Goddammit.” I headed for the door.

Richard grabbed my arm. “Where do you think you're going?”

“This has to stop.”

“Let's give it some time. See what Walter can find out.” He steered me to the couch. They sat on either side of me.

Matthew wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. “I'm not going anywhere. Nothing he says or does will make me leave you.”

Nothing?

I trusted Matthew, but I'd never trust my father. What could he do to make Matthew leave me? I didn't want to know.

Richard placed a hand on my thigh. “He was at your mom's?” he asked Matthew.

“Not his father. When I asked her what the man looked like, it didn't sound like him. This was someone else. Younger, tall, dark haired. She said he was good-looking, even pleasant at first.”

I pulled back from Matthew's embrace. “Fowler. My father's assistant.” I waved a hand in the air. “Lackey. Dirty-handed messenger. Call him what you'd like. He works for my father.”

Richard snorted. “Makes sense. Send someone else, never get his hands dirty. What did your mom say to him?”

A slow, satisfied smile spread across Matthew's face. “She threw his ass out, of course. She might be small, but she's tough when it comes to people telling her there's something wrong with me. She's a member of PFLAG for God's sake. He had no idea what he was up against.” He paused. “It pissed me off is all. I know he was after you with this stunt, but she's my mom. This has nothing to do with her.”

“I'm sorry.” I feared I'd be saying those words more and more over the coming months, maybe years. The realization pressed heavy on my chest.

My father could not run for president. He didn't deserve it. And we didn't deserve the agony.

Matthew took my face in his hands. “Don't ever apologize for him. You didn't make him who he is. You didn't ask for him to hurt you and everyone else in the process. He can try to get rid of us all he wants. We're not going anywhere.”

“That's what I said.” Richard kissed Matthew and then me.

Matthew nuzzled my cheek. His eyelashes brushed over my skin. “I love you. It'll be okay. I promise.”

All I could say in response was, “I'm afraid of what he'll do next.”

I glanced at the printout once more, tucked it in my pocket, and smiled. I hadn't had anything to be excited about since my father's threats came to light. It felt good to think of something positive instead of the anger looming over every other moment.

Matthew's laptop would arrive in one week. I couldn't wait. It should shock the shit out of him.

“Luke.”

I glanced up.

Matthew weaved through the crowd on the train, smiling as he made his way to me.

“Hey,” I said. “Where were you?”

“I had problems signing up for classes online. I went to the school to get it worked out.” He gave me a quick kiss and slipped his hand into mine.

The public display of affection would have bothered me a few months back. But with Matthew, it wasn't the flagrant display I expected it to be. He was subtle and sweet. I accepted his hand in mine.

A man in a business suit sat across from us reading a newspaper. There, on the first page below the fold, was a story about my father's potential presidential bid. The man behind the paper glanced our way. I'd seen that look of disgust too many times in my life.

Matthew gave my hand a squeeze and let go. Subtle and sweet, but not crazy.

It hit me then, how different Matthew would be if being gay wasn't something that could still get the shit kicked out of him— or worse. He'd have been happy to hold my hand the entire ride home. Hatred had turned that impulse into something he had to hide, something he had to remember to hold back on.

Sometimes the world just plain fucking sucked. There was not one thing wrong with Matthew, certainly nothing worth hiding. He didn't deserve any of it.

For once in my life, I wanted to fix things. I wanted to join every group aimed at making the world more tolerable. If the ACLU had given me a call right then, I'd have signed over my savings.

Matthew gave me a smile and I relaxed. He chatted about his classes, showing me the catalog descriptions and times he'd signed up for. He couldn't hold back his enthusiasm, and by the time we walked in the front door, my smile was as wide as his.