More Than Fashion (24 page)

I was exhausted, yet once again I couldn’t sleep. I was the only one in the women’s bedroom and I should have been happy to finally have a minute to myself, but I only felt more alone than ever. I missed the company of the other girls, even the annoying ones like Nika. I missed Trina whispering to me from the bed next to mine long into the night. I even missed Molly’s snoring. Sure, they’d been my competition, but they’d become my friends, too.

I went to the bathroom to get away from all the silent, empty beds. When I emerged, Gavin was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. A glass of water sat beside him on the granite, but he stared off into space. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and the lights from the city cast shadows across his smooth, bare back.

“Couldn’t sleep?” I asked.

He tensed at my voice, but then turned to face me. “No. You either?”

I shook my head and moved toward him. I wasn’t sure how things stood between us after last night, but he opened his arms, and I fell into his comforting, warm embrace.

“Thank you for taking Carla. I know you did it to save her from Jeff, and I’m sorry I got mad.”

He kissed my forehead. “You’re welcome. I only wish it didn’t have to come to this.”

“I hate this competition. I hate that another one of us is going home in the next challenge. And I hate that only one of us can win at the end.”

“I do, too. But whatever happens tomorrow, it won’t change how I feel about you.”

His words sent a pang through me, and I tilted my head up to him, whispering his name. He gave me a long, slow kiss, gently teasing at my lips, and I couldn’t stand the thought of going back to my bed without him.

“Sleep with me tonight,” I said.

“I don’t think that’s allowed.”

“I’m the only one there.” I dug my fingers into his shirt. “Please. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Anything you want, love.”

We returned to the women’s bedroom and climbed in bed together. I rolled on my side, and he spooned me from behind, his arm draped over my waist. His tattooed hand skimmed my hips, across the thin shorts I’d worn to bed. I leaned back against him, enjoying his warmth and support behind me. He swept my long hair to the side and kissed my neck and shoulder. I closed my eyes and relaxed, letting his presence envelop me, and for a second I was able to forget all the sadness, all the stress, all the worry over what was to come.

I’d been tired, but now that he was pressed up against me, my every nerve ending woke up. And judging by the hard bulge pressed against my ass, he was rising to attention, too. Just being this close, our bodies fitted together, our skin touching, sparked the desire between us. I’d meant for us to sleep, honestly, but as he kissed my neck, I wanted more.

I turned my head to kiss him, moving my hand behind me to stroke his hip. His touch became more insistent, our kiss deepening, our heartbeats quickening. His fingers slipped under my T-shirt and found my breasts, cupping them, stroking them, kneading them. I rubbed my butt against his hardness, gripping his hip, clutching his clothes.

His flannel sleep pants had that slit in the front, although it was buttoned up. He helped me undo it, and then I wrapped my fingers around him with a sigh. He felt so good, so smooth, so hard and big in my hand. He let out a soft moan as I stroked him and dipped his own fingers inside my shorts, searching me out. He found me already wet for him, and his touch sent bursts of pleasure shooting through me. He worked me with his thumb while his fingers slipped inside, rubbing me while he fingered me, slowly moving in and out. I stroked him with the same tempo, and my hips jerked to meet his fingers, my butt rubbing against him.

His hand left me so he could finish tugging his pants off, then do the same to my shorts. My T-shirt was still on, but whatever, we were too desperate to care. He moved behind me again, and I hooked a leg back over him, spreading myself wide. He positioned himself and easily slipped inside from behind. At this angle he couldn’t go too deep, but even with just the head inside, it felt so good. Almost like he was teasing me, making me beg for more.

My butt pressed back against him as I took him deeper, and it felt amazing without a condom. His arm wrapped around me, holding me against his chest, his hand moving between my legs again. He started a slow, deliberate pressure, circling and rubbing me, while our hips rocked back and forth together. I wanted him to move faster, deeper, harder, but I got the sense he wanted to take this one slow and sensual. And I couldn’t argue with that, not when it felt so good like this.

We didn’t say anything. The room around us was completely dark. The covers were pulled over us. Yet a part of me knew the cameras and microphones were probably getting a little of it. Just a hint of what was happening in my bed. I didn’t care. Especially not when he increased the speed and pressure, nipping at my ear with his teeth, kissing the spot just below it.

But then he stopped and pulled out of me. I was so close, and I ached with the loss of him. I let out a little whimper, but he rolled me onto my back and moved over me. There was enough ambient light coming from the windows and the bright city outside that I could just make out the shape of his face in the dark. Enough that I could see his look of pleasure when he entered me again and knew he could see mine.

I wrapped myself around his body, getting us as close as possible. Arms around his neck, legs around his hips, moving as one body instead of two. His fingers moved down, rubbing in just the right way as he thrust in and out. Warm tingles spread all over me, and he swept me away with him, our eyes locked on each other the entire time.

I loosened my tight hold on him, but he didn’t move off me or leave my body. He kissed me softly, tenderly, making me feel like I was the most loved girl in the world. Like nothing could ever hurt me, not when he kissed me like that.

He stroked my face, brushing back my hair, staring into my eyes. He looked so serious, so impossibly handsome, it made my chest ache.

And then it hit me: tomorrow might be the last time I ever saw him. Our fake relationship was no longer necessary. After this challenge, it would all come down to who was the best designer, and no amount of drama would change that. And the thought of not seeing Gavin again, of not being with him, terrified me more than anything.

I pushed on his shoulder, squirming out from underneath him. I sat at the edge of the bed, legs dangling off it, and took deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart. I was feeling so much I worried my heart might burst, and I didn’t know what to do with all of that emotion.

He sat up and trailed his fingers down my back, making me shiver. “Are you all right?”

I groped around on the floor until I found our clothes, then tossed his back to him. I couldn’t look at him, even in the darkness. “You should go.”

He got dressed in silence, and I was grateful he didn’t ask me any more questions. If he did, I might confess things I had never confessed to a guy before.

He moved to the door, the city lights framing his dark silhouette, his hand lingering on the doorframe like he hoped I would ask him to come back to bed. But I said nothing.

Finally, he left.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I 
woke with the heavy realization that Trina was still gone and that this was the end. Not all of us would make it to Fashion Week. It had to be me, Gavin, and Dawn at the end. It had to be.

But then what? Only one of us would win. Maybe it would have been better if we’d never become friends. My heart was so conflicted I thought it might tear in two. I wanted them to succeed, but for
me
to succeed, they had to fail. I wanted to win, but I wanted
them
to win, too. And if they won, it would mean I had lost.

I never should have let myself get close to anyone. My plan had been to not make friends, to stay focused on the show. But I’d bonded with Trina and Dawn. And Gavin… I didn’t know what I felt for Gavin, but I felt too much.

No matter what, I was not going home.

We had a few hours to finish our revamped garments before the runway show, and we spent most of those in a silent frenzy. The design room had never been so quiet before. All I heard was the brush of fabric, the hum of the sewing machines, and the occasional sighing from someone around the room. I had no idea if my new dress was any good or not. At this point, I just wanted to get it done in time.

Dawn and Jeff went on the first lunch shift together, and I heard Gavin muttering under his breath. He leaned against his table, elbows resting on it, his head in his hands. “Bollocks,” he said.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, placing a hand on his back.

“I’m out of fabric and money, and my dress doesn’t fit Carla. I’m properly fucked.”

His dress form did look a bit bare. I could help him, but if I did, that might lower my chance of making it to the finale. I should want him to fail, but I cared too much about him to do that. Stupid emotions.

“I have money left over that I’m not going to use. You can have it to buy more fabric.”

“No,” he said, turning away from me.

“No?”

“I don’t want your help. I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“Is this because of last night?” I asked, dropping my voice. “Because I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sent you away like that.”

“It has nothing to do with last night. I have to do this on my own, without your help or anyone else’s. If I win, it will be because of my own talent and skill. And if I lose, then it will be my fault and mine alone.”

“But—”

“I don’t want your help! How many times do I have to say it?”

“Fine!”

I stomped back to my table. He was so stubborn he would turn down free money to buy fabric, possibly costing him a spot in the finale, and for what? His stupid pride?

His words reminded me of what Jeff had said yesterday, about how I’d had help getting where I was and how I wouldn’t have made it to the end without Carla and Gavin. I had to prove to everyone that I deserved to be at the finale. I didn’t need or want help anymore. And obviously, neither did Gavin.

We were on our own, as it should be. This was the end, and there was no reason to keep pretending there was anything real between us.

During our lunch shift, Gavin moved behind me and slid his hands around my waist. “I’m sorry, Julie. The pressure got to me. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

I spun around, twisting out of his arms. “No. You were right. It’s better if we do our own thing from now on.” I dragged my bracelet off my wrist and handed it to him. “Here. Take this back. I don’t need it any longer.”

He stared at the bracelet in the palm of his hand. “I don’t understand. You don’t want it?”

“You only made it for me so it seemed like we were together. We don’t need to do that anymore.” Everything we said and did was being recorded, but I didn’t care. If this was over, we might as well go out with a bang.

“Is that what you think?”

“We both know this was just a game. And now it’s over.”

His fingers tightened around the bracelet. “No, it’s not. Not for me. And I don’t think it is for you either.”

“We made it to the end of the show. We don’t need to keep pretending.” It was hard to get the words out, but this had to be done. For me and for him.

“Julie, I’m not pretending. This is all real for me. It has been from the very beginning.”

“Don’t say that!”

“It’s true,” he said. “All I want is you.”

“That’s not true. You want to win, too.”

He sighed. “Can you forget about the show for one minute?”

“No, I can’t. And neither can you. Because only one of us can be the winner.”

“You don’t know that. We might both lose.”

“Oh god, don’t say that. Knock on wood,” I said, rapping on the table.

He brushed his fingers next to mine. “Touch wood.”

I jerked my hand back. We were silent for a minute, staring at each other. He looked more vulnerable than I had ever seen him before, and it was hard to not try to comfort him.

“It’s better this way,” I finally said. “Neither one of us can afford any distractions.”

“You’re not a distraction! I care about you, Julie. Why can’t you see that?”

“Gavin, stop, please.” I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t. Not now, not when we were so close to the end. If one of us was kicked off during this challenge, things between us would be over anyway. We’d return to our lives halfway across the world from each other. But even worse, if we both made it to the finale, we’d have to compete against each other.

Whatever happened, this thing between us had to end today.

He took a step closer. “No, I need to tell you. I need to get it out, even if you don’t want to hear it.”

I turned my head away, unable to look at him any longer, but he cupped my chin and turned my face back to him.

“Julie, I love you.”

Oh god. Why would he say that? Especially now, of all times. I squeezed my eyes shut. “Please don’t.”

He released me and sighed. “Not the response I was hoping for.”

“What did you expect me to say? We’re in the middle of the final challenge. You didn’t think this could have waited ‘til a better time?”

“No, because there might not
be
another time. One of us might be gone today, and I didn’t know if I’d get another chance.”

I shook my head, trying to clear it. “I can’t do this. I have a dress to finish.”

He gave a sad little laugh. “I confess I’m in love with you and you don’t even care.”

“I care. I just…”

“You just care more about winning.”

“No!”

“Tell me the truth. Do you feel anything for me? Or is this really just sex to you?”

I sucked in a ragged breath, my shoulders shaking. “It’s just sex. Like I said, I don’t want a relationship.”

“Of course.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I thought you might actually care for me.”

“Gavin…” My heart was breaking into a million pieces. I didn’t know what to do.

“No, I should have listened to you from the beginning. All you want is to win, and you’ll do anything to get there.”