More Than Lies (42 page)

Sam’s been hanging around a little more lately. Her and Tara have been really good friends and I’m pretty certain my best friend is banging her.

I stop at my station. Once I have everything gathered that I’ll need for the next client, I place it on the tray next to my chair. When I turn back around, Tara’s standing in front of me.

“Hey, babe.” Why does that voice have to be so damn enticing?

“You about to head out?”

“Yeah, I’m going to run home to shower and change. Do you want me to come back here and pick you up? I’ll be your designated driver tonight.” She smiles, but I can tell it’s forced. She knows something’s up. Either she can see it written on my face or she can feel it.

“No, its fine. I’ll meet you at Level when I’m done here. We can cab it home if need be.”

“Okay, well see you in a bit then.” She’s reluctant for a second, but when I don’t say anything, she turns and leaves.

Something’s up with Shawn, I just don’t know what it is. He’s been acting different for over a week now. It’s like he’s drawing away from me and I don’t like it. With the exception of last night, we’ve slept in the same bed every night for the past few months, but we haven’t had sex in going on five days. Maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot, but for us it is. Last night, he never crawled in my bed with me. The night before that, I fell asleep in his bed trying to wait up for him.

He’s been drinking more, too. Before we started dating, I would never have thought anything of it, but after he made us official, going out clubbing was something we’ve done maybe twice in the last two months. We’ll still hang out at Mac’s a few nights a week after he gets off work, but even that’s increased this week. He’s been there every night and hasn’t gotten home until early in the morning.

 Samantha and I arrived at Level close to an hour ago. I spent extra time getting dressed tonight, perfecting my makeup, and making sure my hair looked good. Its Shawn’s birthday and I want him to remember tonight. I want him to remember me so I made more effort than I usually do, for him.

A few days ago I came across the hottest dress I’ve ever placed on my body. It’s not a dress that I’d normally wear, but I’m not wearing it for me. I’m wearing it for Shawn. It’s all white, clings to my body like a second skin, the scooped neck line comes far down, so far that there is way too much of my cleavage on display for my liking, and it’s short, really short. So short that I have to keep pulling down on the hem to make sure it’s not riding up my butt.

I can do a little uncomfortable for a few hours. I got this. I hope.

This dress is so not me, but even I have to admit I look hot in it. It didn’t help that Samantha took one look at me in it and screamed. She said if I didn’t buy it, she would buy it for me and dress me herself if she had to.

So here I am, in a dress I hate-love, while my boyfriend is walking away from me. Something is definitely wrong with him and I don’t understand why he is shutting me out. Why doesn’t he just talk to me?

When he saw me, his eyes practically bugged out of the sockets. I instantly knew the dress had the affect I was looking for. Then when I sat in his lap, I could feel the proof pressing into my butt. What I don’t get is why he got up and left. Not just left, but walked off and left me sitting in the seat he vacated.

There’s this uneasy feeling in the back of my head. I don’t like it, but what can I do about it if he refuses to let me in?

“Taralynn, what’s with the look?”

I glance in Matt’s direction. He’s sitting to my left inside a booth drinking a beer. The guys were already here when Samantha and I arrived. She and Mason are inside the booth too, on the opposite side of him with heads bowed in each other’s direction and talking quietly to each other.

“It’s not me.” I turn my attention back to my bestie. We’ve been getting closer again. He’s been distancing himself from Mandy. I’ve noticed it, but he hasn’t said why. I think that may have something to do with our friendship improving. “Something’s going on with Shawn, has been for about a week now, but I don’t know what. Have you noticed anything?”

“Not really.” He looks at me confused. I know it’s not all inside my head. I know I’m not reading too much into this. Something is way off. I’m not imagining this. “Maybe the guy is just having a bad week.”

“No, Taralynn’s right. I have notice his moods this week.” Mason chimes in, turning to face us both.

“See.” I tell Matt then turn toward Mase. “What do you think is up with him?”

“No clue. Have you asked?”

“No, not outright.” Okay, not at all, but I was hoping he’d want to tell me. I’m his girlfriend. He’s supposed to tell me if something is bothering him so I can help him work through it. Isn’t that what people in a committed relationship do?

“So, maybe you should.”

He makes it sound so simple. Is it that simple? Maybe it is, but I’m being a wuss, afraid it’s something to do with me.

I grab one of the shots of tequila from the table and shoot it into the back of my mouth before swallowing it down. I’m going to go talk to him. I’m going to act like that woman I know I am deep down and I’m going to find out what’s wrong with my boyfriend. Then I’m going to fix it.

“There you are.” Locating him doesn’t bring the relief I was praying for. Shawn is standing against the wall next to the men’s bathroom with his head bowed. I have to get him to talk to me. I know we can fix whatever is wrong, together, if he’ll simply open up to me and tell what’s wrong. Keeping me in the dark is freaking me out. Can he not see that?

His head snaps up and his eyes bug for a split second before he masks his expression. He looked guilty for a moment. Okay, Taralynn, stop this. Now you are overreacting.

His eyes grow cold. I don’t like it, but I don’t know what to do. Before I realize what’s happening, Shawn grabs on to me and pushes me through the door leading into women’s bathroom that’s directly behind me. When I enter, he swings me around until my back meets an icy cold title wall.

“What are you doing?” For the first time ever, I’m worried while I’m in Shawn’s grasp. His leg goes between mine where he pushes my thighs apart. His hands go to my waist and he moves in closer. “Shawn.”

“I’m doing exactly what I’m known for doing. I’m going to fuck you in this bathroom.” The way his eyes scan my body is disgusting. This isn’t my Shawn. This isn’t the way Shawn looks at me and it certainly isn’t the way he treats me. I don’t know who this man is, but I want him gone. I want my boyfriend back. Why is he doing this? Treating me like…

“No, you’re not.” I squirm, but he has a firm grip on my waist keeping me in place. “What’s really going on? Why have you been acting off lately? Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk, Taralynn.” I hate the way my full name sounds rolling off his lips. I’m not Taralynn to him. I’m Tara, damn it. “I want to fuck.”

“Not in here we’re not. I’m not some whore, Shawn. I’m not having sex with you in a bathroom at a night club.” I push harder this time and he releases me, but he doesn’t back up. Instead he places his arm above me, bracing it on the wall. His body is crowding mine.

“You’re right, Tara. You’re not a whore and I want a whore.” My chest heaves as I try to suck in oxygen. He doesn’t mean that. “This was never going to work.” He points between the both of us. “All I’ll ever offer a woman is a quick fuck.”

“You don’t mean that.” He can’t mean that. We’re great together. He’s said it over and over to me. I’ve seen the way he looks at me in and out of bed. It couldn’t have been a lie, could it?

Was everything he’s told me these last few months, been all lies?

“Oh, he means it.” That voice. I hate that voice. I look over to see Holly sauntering out of one of the stalls. She walks toward us. Shawn takes one step away from me. When she gets close enough, she wraps not only her arms around Shawn’s free arm, but practically her whole body, I want to come unglued. There is something inside of me that wants to be freed and wants to hurt her. “You didn’t really think you’d be able to sustain this one did you?” She squeezes on him and he does nothing to stop her. I look up at him silently telling him to push her away. He doesn’t seem to like her being here, but again he isn’t doing shit to make her leave.

I want her to stop touching him.

“Leave us, alone.” I bark the word at her ugly face. She laughs.

“Oh, honey, he wasn’t asking me to leave him alone a little while ago when he was fucking me against the very same space you’re standing against now.” My heart shatters. That’s what her words do to me when they fully penetrate. I look to Shawn. I’m begging him with my eyes to tell me she is lying.

He’s silent.

His eyes are void of any emotions. They’re blank.

Is that why I thought he looked guilty? He cheated on me? He didn’t even have the decency to break up with me before screwing her?

This isn’t happening. I trusted him. I loved him. I do love him.

I’m about to break. I can feel it crawling up inside me. I won’t give either of them the satisfaction of seeing me fall. I duck under Shawn’s arm and leave the bathroom as quickly as my heels will move.

When I’m out of the door, I run. I don’t know where I’m running to, but I run through the club. I need to get out of here, now. I can’t be here.

How could he do this?

Somehow, I end up back at our booth. My friends are sitting around laughing and drinking. I just need my purse. When I see it, I snatch it up. That catches everyone attention causing them to look up at me.

“Taralynn, what’s wrong. You look—” He doesn’t finish his sentence before he’s out of the booth and standing up. He scans my face. I shake my head. I can’t speak. If I talk, I’ll cry. I can’t cry until I’m alone.

“Did you find Shawn?” Mason questions me as he scans my eyes. I nod.

“He’s in the bathroom, probably screwing Holly as we speak.” I turn to leave and run into a body. When I look up I see Jared standing there. It’s evident by the look on his face that he heard me. “Please get me out here.”

“Come on.” He reaches for my hand.

“Taralynn, what the fuck? He wouldn’t.” Mason defends his best friend.

“He already did, Mason.” Jared pulls me forward. In less than a minute we are outside and walking toward his motorcycle.

This wasn’t how I saw tonight ending.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Tonight was supposed to be a good night. A fun and happy night celebrating his birthday.

Jared was right all along. I’m in love with someone who isn’t capable of being in love with someone else. With me. Realization hits and that’s when it happens. The seams come loose and I stumble. If it weren’t for Jared holding onto me, I would have landing on my knees in the gravel.

“You were right.” I cry out. He pulls me into his chest and I let it go. “What did I do to deserve that? Why did he do that and with her of all people?”

“Nothing, Taralynn. He’s an asshole. You did nothing wrong except fall for the wrong guy.”

I never thought until this moment, even before Shawn and I started seeing each other that I fell for the wrong man, but clearly I did. Clearly, I’m a stupid woman, in love with a stupid man.

He carries me the rest of the way. When he sits me down, the tears are still coming only they aren’t stopping, if anything they pour harder as each minute passes.

“Shit, I need to go back in and get Cole’s helmet.”

“No. I want to leave now. Let’s just go, I’ll be fine.” He hesitates. I don’t know why, he’s never cared before. I’ve ridden with him several times without wearing protective gear. At the moment, I don’t care. I want the wind to hit against my skin. I want to feel something beside the pain that’s taken over every inch of my body. A pain I’m terrified will never go away.