More Than Lies (44 page)

“Tara?” He says my name in more of a question that makes me look at him a little harder. When I take in his face, what I see looking back at me is a wreck. Shawn’s been crying, but I don’t ask why. I don’t care. I won’t care any longer. He broke me and not just my heart. Shawn broke all of me.

Looking around the room, it looks like a tornado tore through damn near every inch of my room. My bed is disheveled. The contents that were once on top of my dresser are now on the floor. The mirror is broken and if I’m seeing straight, which isn’t one hundred percent with the amount of alcohol I’ve downed tonight, Shawn’s knuckles have blood on them.

“What the hell have you done in here?” Disbelief and shock, that’s what I’m feeling. Why would he do this? What did I do to deserve any this? Hasn’t he done enough tonight? “Why?”

Shawn doesn’t answer me.

One minute he’s sitting on the floor, fisting a bottle of booze, the next moment he looks like he’s the one in shock and disbelief. And now, I’m pressed against the wall with his lips against mine. Everything happened so fast I never saw him coming toward me.

“I thought…God, baby, fuck tell me you’re real.” What does that mean? I don’t have time to give it much thought. I’m pressed harder into the wall as he presses more forcefully into my body. His lips smash down on mine in a bruising manner.

“Get off,” I manage to get out, but that only grants Shawn access inside my mouth. His tongue dives into mine. It’s unwanted. I never thought I’d say that. I never thought, not for a second, not until tonight that I wouldn’t want him. Not anymore. Not ever again. I can’t. I just can’t. “Stop.”

“Baby, I’m sorry.” His voice is a plea. I don’t care. He doesn’t get to play games with my heart.

“Get off me, now.” I didn’t think it was possible to hurt more, but this, him pressed again me as though he wants me, is too much. My body is shattering all over again. I can’t take this. I can’t take him near me.

“I can’t, Tara. I just can’t let you go. You have no idea, baby. I need you, all of you. Please, Tara.” His begging comes out in raspy gasps.

I shove. I shove as hard as I can and I keep shoving. Raising my knee, I slam it into his crotch. Shawn goes down to the ground cupping himself between the legs.

“Son of a…fuck” His fist pounds into the carpeted floor.

This was a bad idea. I should have never came home.

After Jared dropped me off at Mac’s, I drank more trying to stop the pain, but nothing worked. This isn’t a pain that alcohol will ever ease. This is pain that isn’t going away anytime soon. The longer I’m here, the longer it’ll take for me to get over him. I have to leave. I have to get out of here.

I rode to the club with Samantha tonight so I had to have a cab pick me up from Mac’s and bring me home.

“Tara.” Shawn’s breathing is labored. “Listen, baby. I’m sorry.”

He’s still lying on the ground from being kicked in the balls by me. I know if I’m going to get out, I have to leave now. So that’s what I do. I break for the door, and run until I’m down the stairs and out the door. Within seconds I’m behind the wheel inside my car. I don’t wait, I start the ignition and back the car out of the driveway.

There’s a little voice inside my head telling I shouldn’t be driving, but I don’t pay it a lick of attention. I can’t be here. I can’t be around him.

Not when I still love him.

Even after everything, I love him.

That doesn’t make any sense. How can I love someone the cheated on me? Used me, I guess. If he always knew he’d never make a relationship work, then that’s what he’s been doing the whole time we’ve been together.

He used me.

For sex? He could have gotten that from anyone. I don’t understand.

I press the gas pedal harder.

She’s alive, that’s all that matters.

How is it even possible? He told all of us, she was gone. But she isn’t. She was here and I saw her with my own eyes, I felt her, and then I let her go.

My relief is shorted lived. One thing I know, when I kissed her, the alcohol on my own breath wasn’t the only thing I tasted. She’d been drinking tonight, too. I was there, I witnessed it, but I’m also pretty damn sure she drank more since leaving the club a while ago.

I can’t wrap my head around Jared’s crash. Why would Cole say she was dead if she wasn’t? There wasn’t a scratch on her body. If she had been on that bike when he wrecked, she would have been hurt. She would have been killed.

She’s not and after I find her I will pray and thank God for her. I have to find her though. She left in her car, she might be alive now, but she could easily wreck and kill herself if she’s drunk.

If. Really Braden. You tasted her. She tastes the same as you do.

My gut is in knots.

I grab my own set of keys and start to head toward the door when it opens and my roommates fly inside. I have to grab the railing at the bottom of the staircase so I don’t lose my balance from them entering the house so quickly.

“Oh my God, dude. It wasn’t her. Tara. The chick that was killed it wasn’t her.” Mason is talking ninety to nothing.

“Great. See ya.” My equilibrium returns, but when I go to pass. Matt grabs me by the arm.

“Great? That’s all you have to say?” I don’t have time to explain to Matt or anyone that I already know Tara is alive and that I need to find her now. I shouldn’t have let her leave.

Tara’s father walks inside the door when I shrug out of Matt’s hold.

“Where’s my daughter?” His face mirrors the one I had not long ago. His world ended tonight too, I see. So that’s what it takes to get Jacob Evans’ attention. She had to die for him to show emotion toward daughter. A little too late if you ask me.

“I’m going to find her.” He’s blocking my path when I come to the door.

“You knew?” Mason chimes. I nod, but I don’t go into any details.

“Shawn, the smell of vodka is pouring off you right now. You’re not getting behind the wheel of that truck outside or any other vehicle. I lost one son because of an idiot drunk, I won’t let it happen to someone else’s. Let’s go, you’ll ride and I’ll drive.”

He doesn’t look like he’s in any shape to drive, but I don’t say that. He has a point that I can’t refute.

“Fine.” I brush past him heading in the direction of his Mercedes SUV. The door is unlocked, when I pull on the door handle. It opens and I get inside. Jacob joins me after a minute.

“What happened tonight? Your goddamn roommates won’t say shit.” I turn looking at Tara’s dad. I’m taken aback I guess. I’ve never heard Jacob speak like that. I thought curse words in his mind, were only used by lowly people like me. “Speak, Shawn. I need someone to explain why I had to come identify a body that I was told was my daughters because she was dead.”

Damn. I’m not over hearing someone tell me Tara was dead, but I really haven’t given much thought to other people feeling similar things that I had before I laid eyes on her again.

“I messed up, okay? I really don’t need to hear it from you how I’m not good enough for her.” I turn away, looking out the window.

“No, not okay. I’ve been through hell tonight. The same hell I went through less than six months ago. This has nothing to do with you being good enough or not good enough for my daughter. We can have that discussion later. Now, where do you think she is?”

“My parents would be my first guess.” He starts the car and pulls out seconds later.

“It’s a forty-five minute drive. Tell me what happened tonight and by tell, I mean tell me everything, Shawn.” And here I thought only my own father could make me feel like a five year old in trouble.

I breathe in, pulling one long stream of air into my lungs before forcing it back out. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to admit to him or anyone else what the kind of pain I caused her tonight.

During the drive, I do what I do best by telling more lies. I don’t tell him jack shit really. Only that we had a fight that caused her to leave. She was seen leaving with Jared, but that’s all I know because I didn’t see her actually leave with him. That part is the truth.

My finger hesitates over the round button I’ve been staring at for at least four, maybe five minutes. The doorbell. It’s late or extremely early depending on how you look at it. I shouldn’t be here, but I don’t know where else to go. I can’t go to my parents’ house.

I press the button. It’s either that or go to a hotel. I don’t want to be alone. I shouldn’t have driven from Oxford to Tupelo as it is. I know I’ve been drinking. If I had gotten pulled over. I don’t think I would have been able to pass a Breathalyzer test.

Truth is, I need Pam. It’s wrong. She’s Shawn’s mother, not mine, but Pam has always been there when I’ve needed a shoulder to cry on, to bandage my cuts, and teach me how to cook. Shawn cut me deep tonight. He stabbed the knife into my chest and ruptured my heart. He didn’t just break my heart, he broke me into so many pieces that it’s likely I’ll never be whole again.

The light from the foyer comes on. Seconds later I hear the alarm being disabled and the door opens. Bill is in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a navy t-shirt with the Ole Miss logo across the chest.

“Taralynn, what’s wrong?” His brown eyes scan my face. Bill might as well be an older, uninked version of Shawn. I want to burst into tears at the sight.

As if he knows I’m about to turn the water works on, Bill reaches for my wrist, takes it with his soft hand and pulls me through the door and into his fatherly arms.

“Sweetheart?” It’s a question. He’s asking me to explain.

“Pam?” I request through my cracked vocals.

“Honey, I’m right here.” I go to move out of Bills hug but I don’t get far. He cups my face and looks into my eyes with concern.

“I’ll give you over to my wife, but first I need you to answer something for me.” I nod my head in agreement. “Are you physically injured?” I shake my head, telling him no even though I feel as though I am. “My boys?” Again, I shake my head from side to side. Bill comes off tough when it comes to Shane and Shawn, but I know he loves them hard.

Bill releases my face, but grabs both of my wrists not allowing me to move from in front of him. “Darling, will you go make all of us some coffee?” He doesn’t turn to face Pam when he asks her this. Bill continues looking into my eyes. I feel as though I want to run up to my room and bury my head under the covers. He’s always been able to look at you in a way that tells you, you’re in deep shit. This is a first for me. I’ve seen it with Shawn a lot and on occasion his brother, but never me.

“Sure, I’ll have it ready in a few minutes.” Pam leaves. I don’t see because I’m still looking up at Bill. My eyes are frozen, locked with his.

Once Pam’s presence is gone his eyebrows scrunch together.

“How much have you had to drink tonight? I can smell it on your breath, Taralynn.” He’s mad, like super mad. I can tell just by the look in his eyes. There is concern, but there is also disappointment.

“I—” Hell, what am I going to say? The truth is probably best in this circumstance. I’ve never felt the need to embellish a lie with Bill or Pam. They’ve already accepted me for me. I don’t have to be someone else or act a certain way when I’m in their house. I can be me. I’m comfortable being me.

“I’m going to take that as too much to be driving. What in God’s name were you thinking? You know, or you should know, I would get up at any time of the night to come get you should you need it.” Damn, he really is disappointed. This is different from the way I disappoint my parents. This feels worse. So much worse. “Here’s what you’re going to do. Go upstairs, put on something else, pajamas, anything but what you’re wearing now.” Crap, I didn’t think about the short, really short dress I wore for Shawn’s birthday. A dress that did not pay off the way I had hoped. “Then I want you to come back down and tell us what’s wrong.”

“Yes, sir.” My voice is weak. Trust me yours would be too if you were the one standing in front of this man. Bill releases my wrists and I head toward the stairs. I don’t take but a step or two before Bill adds on to his demands.

“If you ever get behind the wheel of a vehicle after you’ve drank too much alcohol again,” I don’t turn to look at him. I can’t. “You won’t be able to sit for a week.” I nod my head so he knows I heard him. Apparently being an adult is not a factor here.