More Than One: A Novel (6 page)

I looked at the doctor to take in his expression. It still hadn’t changed.

“I don’t know why I started having these nightmares and I just want it to go away. I close my eyes and I see these people all the time. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore. How do I stop it?”

His face turned apologetic.

“Well, Miss Smith, there are studies on the reason for dreams and nightmares. Some say nightmares are a way for your unconscious to get your attention about a situation or problem that you have been avoiding. Something must be troubling you on a deeper subconscious level. Has something dramatically changed in your life recently or have you had problems resolving an issue of some sort?” he asked.

“I’ve tried to think through all the events that have taken place in my life and there is nothing that I can think of that would cause stress or depression. I have no unresolved issues and there hasn’t been much that has changed that is major,” I said.

“In your dreams, you are the one committing the murders. Is there any difference between the person you are in your dreams and the person you are in your waking life? Other than the fact that you’re killing people, of course.”

“Yes, a huge difference. It looks like me, except for the eyes, they are black or dark brown, which, as you can see, my eyes are hazel. Then my attitude is totally different. It’s more menacing. It’s hard to explain, but I’m tense during and after these nightmares. I feel everything happening around me just as clearly as seeing it. The dreams are lucid, because I know I’m dreaming, but I can’t change the outcome or even so, that I want to while I’m in this state of mind. I’m stalking people in these dreams and wanting to kill them. That is nothing like who I am when I’m awake.” 

“Are there any characteristics about this person that you want to possess? Like for instance, is she fearless, is she bold? Doesn’t matter how small you think it is, just try to think if there are any.”

I sat back in the couch and ran through the dreams, trying to find something about this other me that I would consider making a part of my personality. I knew there wasn’t any. Bottom line, she was a murderer. I would never want to be like that.

“I can’t think of anything. Everything about the person in my dreams is wrong,” I finally answered.

He got up and walked to the bookshelf. He started searching for a book while Rach and I looked at each other. I wanted to ask her what she thought about all this, but I knew there would be plenty of time to talk after we left.

“There are many theories about why we dream and what they all mean. For example, Sigmund Freud, who was the father of psychoanalysis, believed nothing occurs by chance; that all of our actions and thoughts are motivated by the unconscious on some level. Carl Jung believed that dreams are more spiritual, another way of communicating with your unconscious state of mind. His theory is that all things are paired. In other words, good and bad, man and woman, love and hate,” he explained while he pulled a book down from the shelf.

The book had symbols of a moon and stars, from what I could tell. I didn’t get a good look at the title. I was hoping he would tell me so I could do some research of my own.

He went on about the different theories from the original researchers like Alfred Adler to Frederick Perls. By the end of the conversation, which was an hour and a half later, he figured my subconscious was trying to help me put an end to an old habit or former way of thinking. He also said that the meaning of death in a dream aspect was the end of a cycle; that something was finally over.

I didn’t want to tell him that my dreams were related to the murders that were taking place in Rome. I felt that was too much to tell at that point. I know Rach wanted me to say something, but she knew how I felt about it.

“Now the dreams about you being hypnotized could represent a feeling or fear that you have, in reference to giving yourself over completely to someone else in your waking life.

It could also mean that you have a tendency to live life without truly being aware of your surroundings. You don’t relish in the moment or appreciate the little things. If so, you should try to make an effort to be more present and aware in each moment. You need to look beyond the obvious. A dream is often about something other than its obvious meaning. Physical events in the dream commonly represent mental or emotional matters.”

For some reason, what the doctor was telling me somehow made sense. I needed to look a little deeper into what was going on in the dreams.

“There are steps that can help stop the nightmares from coming so often. You took the first step today, by coming and talking to me about this. Next, you should write it all down. Make sure you’re being very descriptive in your words. Like I said before, even if you think it is something small, still acknowledge it. It might help you realize feelings that you may have overlooked or buried,” he said as he settled behind his desk.

“The next one might seem a little silly, but it has helped a lot of my patients understand their dreams better. You should act it out, play different roles from the dream and try to see the situation from another person’s point of view. And I know that you said your dreams are already lucid, and it is hard for you to do anything other than the murders, but try to visualize a better more positive outcome in the dreams. You have the power to turn the dreams around. Also, if you have any more of the dreams where you're being hypnotized, try to remember everything you are saying. This might help uncover some latent problem that you never knew existed within you.

When you have more time, try to do your own research on dreams and maybe it will put you at ease knowing what you’re up against. I know it's a clique, but it is true what they say, knowledge is power, and the more you know, the easier it is for you to disarm the problem.”

“Thank you so much for your help today, Dr. Silverman. I think this session really helped me and hopefully I will rest better since I have an idea of what I need to do,” I said standing up to leave.

“Here’s my card,” he said putting it in my hand, “call me if you need to talk more. I will do what I can to help you get through this.”

“Thanks again.”

“Bye,” Rach said, speaking for the first time since we walked in his office.

“Bye ladies and try to enjoy the rest of your afternoon,” he said.

We walked out and went back to the waiting area. I walked to the counter to talk to the receptionist, preparing to pay for the doctor’s services.

“How much do I have to pay for this?” I asked.

“Today’s consultation was free. If you wish to see the doctor again, this is the list of our fees and payment plans if needed,” she said handing me a paper.

“Okay, thank you,” I said.

“I hope the doctor helped you today dear. Please call if you need us,” she said.

“I will,” I said and turned to leave.

We walked outside and got in the car.

“How do you feel?” Rach asked.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll follow his instructions, take the steps, and do the research and see if that helps. But I won’t know for sure that any of this helped until I go to sleep.”

“Why didn’t you tell him about the news report we saw? Maybe he could have gotten a better understanding.”

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. If there is a need, then I will tell him the next time I come back. If I come back,” I said.

“Okay, well, I really hope this helped.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said and then let out a deep breath.

Rach leaned forward on the steering wheel and I leaned all the way back in my seat. I closed my eyes and thought about all the things Dr. Silverman suggested. I rubbed my temples and prepared for the rest of the day.

Chapter Six

Rechel

              I want to go see Derrick, but I don't think I should leave Jamie alone with her thoughts. She is pacing the floor right now and its making me nervous.

              I'll just have to spend time with Derrick later, Jamie needs me now and I have to figure out a way to get her to open up to me.

              “So, okay,” I said way too loudly, trying to get her attention. She jumped and looked at me. “What did the doctor say we should do? I hope you were really listening because I started tuning him out when he started the snooze fest about the geniuses of the olden days.”

              She stood there trying to hold her laugh in, but I knew it wanted to explode out of her, so I kept going.

              “Yeah, like who gives a rat's ass about all that, we need answers like yesterday dude. Seriously Jay, I wanted to put him in a choke hold. I know you did, too.”

              She finally cracked up and it seemed to ease some of the tension that was heavy in the room. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to the bed.

              “I don't think you understand me at all. You keep trying to push me away and all I'm trying to do is help you. Why is it so hard for you to accept that? Once you do, the easier this will be for both of us,” I said.

              “I know Rach, and I really have no words to express how much this...”

              “Blah, blah, blah. I know this means a lot to you and it does to me, too. We will figure this out, but you can't go at it alone,” I said wiping the tears from her face. “Now doctor whatshisname said you should write everything down, so we got that covered. What else did he say, something about acting it out.”

              “I seriously don't want to do that. I don't think that is going to accomplish anything.”

              “Well, you won't know unless you try, so get up.”

              I pulled her up and she went to her nightstand and grabbed her journal. She started flipping the pages and I could see how the fullness of the book was affecting her. It was a lot of entries. I had to keep her from dwelling on it.

              “You know what, you're right, we don't have to do that right now. How about we try something different, something that wasn't on the doc's list.”

              “What did you have in mind?” she asked returning the journal to the nightstand.

              “I'll be your therapist,” I said grinning.

              “Um, you're not serious are you?”

              “Uh, yeah I am,” I said clearing my throat. “Miss Whitlock, I need you to lie back and relax. We are going to discuss your feelings and your dreams and see if we can find the root of this madness.”

              She let out a deep breath and scooted back on the bed. She finally laid back on the pillow and turned to me.

              “So we’re really doing this?” she asked.

              “Yes. You act like you have somewhere to be or something to do. We are definitely doing this. I think it'll be good. So, close your eyes or something. You know, whatever makes you feel comfortable and we can talk about anything you want to. Just get everything off your chest.”

              She closed her eyes and started rubbing her head. I noticed she did that a lot when she needed to think or when something was weighing on her. I know this might seem silly to her, but I think it might help if she got everything she was feeling out in the open. I was hoping it would anyway.

              “You can tell me anything, whatever is on your mind,” I said.

              “Well, I've been going back and forth about this whole situation, how the dreams started and why. I'm coming up blank. What if, this whole time I've been dreaming some other person's memories? But since it's always me in the dream, how do I decipher which dreams are mine and which dreams belong to this other person?” she asked. “Do I have a twin I don’t know about or something?”

              “Do you really think there is a person out there that looks just like you? It just seems unlikely.”

              “I don't know. It might sound crazy, but I can't think of anything else. I could be projecting my image and this person actually doesn't look like me. I mean, if you think about what Dr. Silverman said about having nightmares, he was pretty much saying that my mind is conjuring up all this to tell me something; something that is hidden in my subconscious. Don't you think that me projecting what I look like in the dreams could be a part of it?”

              “I guess that makes sense. It's the only logical thing we've come up with so far. Let's keep going,” I said writing this all down.

              “What if this is all a coincidence? Maybe the murders aren't connected to me at all. Is it plausible that I might have some type of weird sixth sense thing going on here? Like, um, what's that word...” she said snapping her fingers. “Precognition, you know, having the ability to see things that are going to happen.”

              “I don't know about that. Does that even exist? Do you really think you have ESP or something?” I asked.

              “I'm just throwing this all out there. It might not make any sense right now, but what if that is the case,” she said sitting up. “Okay, just think about this. I'm having these dreams and I see myself because there is something going on with me on a deeper level that apparently I can't understand or grasp right now. Now as far as the murders actually happening, that's where my precognition kicks in.”

              She seemed so focused right now. While I wrote down everything she said, it started making sense to me. Maybe she was on to something. Even if that wasn't the case, maybe it will help her function better at least. She was rubbing her temples again and I knew she had to be brainstorming.

              “Okay, so far we have you projecting and having ESP,” I said.

              “Is that all you wrote down?” she asked.

              “No, I was just summarizing for you. But think about this though, if that is what's going on, if you can see the future, then maybe you can stop these murders from happening.”

              Her eyes got wide and she stood up and started pacing again. Since she hadn't said anything yet, I didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad one. I've known her long enough to know that when she starts walking and not talking, something serious was going on in her head.

              “What do you think? Maybe that is the purpose of you having the dreams. What if that is the something that your subconscious is trying to tell you, that you need to help these people.”

              “But how would I go about doing that? I don't know what the murderer looks like, because I keep dreaming that it is me. Then, the murders are in Rome. Who would I contact and what would I tell them?”

              I leaned back in my chair. She was right, but I knew we had to at least try to find a way to help the victims in her dreams. Who would we call and how could we explain the dreams and the connection to the actual murders? No one would believe that.

              “I see your point, but I think we still should try to figure out a way to warn them. We’re two smart people…” I paused trying to think of something to say that would make her chuckle a bit. “Well, at least one smart person and me,” she roared with laughter, “we should be able to come up with something.”

              “Is it selfish of me to just want this to all go away? I don't want to know about people being killed. I don't want to have these dreams anymore. This is not for me. I'm not that type of person. You know, the ones who know they have a gift and accept it. I just want to be normal Rach, that's it.”

              “I know it sucks that you have to go through this, but I don't think it's something you can just turn off. And if you truly have been chosen to have that type of gift, then it might be easier on you if you just accept it. It might not drive you as crazy if you stop letting it control you,” I said.

              “I hear you and I know that's what I need to do, but I really don't want to accept this. When I sit up at night and analyze things, I'm also praying that everything would just go back to the way they were. Put yourself in my shoes and try to imagine what I am going through. This is not easy for me.”

              “I guess I can see your point. I don't know what else to say.”

              “Me either.”

              We sat in silence for a while. She finally laid back down on her bed and I kept writing. I really didn't know what to do at that point. I don't know how she feels inside and I hope I wasn't being insensitive when I suggested she just accept it and move on.

              “Thanks Rach. This really did help me. It was nice to get that off my chest and it helped me think clearly about some of the things that didn't make sense to me.”

              “I told you it would help. Maybe I should change my major. I'm pretty good at this,” I said with a giggle.

              “You're just really good at being a friend,” she said.

              “Thanks, I think. Wait, are you saying I was no good at the therapy thing?”

              “No, I'm just saying that you rock as a best friend.”

              “Okay, I'll take that.”

              Jamie closed her eyes and she looked so peaceful. I was hoping her mind wasn't wandering, but I knew it was, especially after the conversation we just had.

              About a half an hour later, I got up and checked on Jamie. She was asleep and so far, she seemed to be okay. I turned the television off and texted Derrick to tell him I was on the way to see him. I grabbed my keys and silently left the room.

              Derrick wasn't that far from my dorm, but I drove slowly still thinking about the things that were going on with Jamie. I hated to see her like this. I wanted to tell Ash, but I promised her I wouldn't say anything. Besides, it's not my place to tell him. I know she will fill him in when she was ready.

              I pulled up in front of Derrick's house and turned my car off. Derrick opened the door when I made it all the way up the steps. I loved spending time with him and when I was away from him, I thought about him the whole time.

              He embraced me with a hug and I stood there taking in his smell. I finally pulled away and walked around him inside the house.

              “I missed you today,” he said kissing me on the cheek. “How is Jamie, is everything okay?”

              “She's resting now. I think she'll be okay. Maybe I should text her and tell her to let me know when she wakes up.”

              We walked to the couch and sat down. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close. I was so glad to be here with him.

              “Baby, what's going on with Jay? You seemed stressed out lately and you have me worried,” he said.

              I didn't know what to say to him. I didn't want to violate Jamie's trust by telling him what was going on. I know he would never say anything or mention it in front of her, but it was the principle.

              “Well, Jamie is going through a lot of things right now. I'm just trying to be there for her the best way I know how.”

              “What is it though? You can't tell me or something? You know I would never say anything. I just want to know what's been bothering you. Obviously, whatever is going on with Jamie is taking its toll on you, too.”

              I didn't want to lie to him and I knew I had to tell him something. He wasn't going to let this go. While I was trying to figure out what to say, he was playing with my fingers, like he always did when we were together.

Maybe I should just tell him. I keep telling Jamie she can't keep things bottled up and now I was. I needed to vent, as well. I would just tell him about the dreams, and just leave out the extra stuff.

              “Okay, but you have to promise me that you will not slip up and say anything. And don't act different around her or she will definitely know that you know. Ash doesn't even know what's going on,” I said.

              “I promise.”

              “Jamie has been having these nightmares and they have literally been driving her crazy. She doesn't sleep, she's been missing class, and now her grades are slipping. I'm so worried about her, but I don't know what to do.”

              “Nightmares? Isn't she a little old to be obsessing about some scary dreams?”

              “That's not it. She is dreaming that she is murdering people. She has dreams of being hypnotized and being trapped in rooms. Then she says when she doesn't have those types of dreams, she doesn't dream at all, like nothing but darkness in her mind.”

              “Well, tell her she needs to stop watching scary movies or reading horror books,” he joked.

              I wanted to be mad at him, but since he didn’t have all of the facts, I couldn't fault him for taking this so lightly. To him, this was just Jamie being scared to go to sleep because of some nightmare, but I knew that they were really happening.