More Than Scars (28 page)

He gently patted my back. “I know.” He drew in a breath too. “I live through that too each time I think of that night I found Liam. But I deal with it by talking about it. Not with Liam…it’s too much for him and he still feels guilt. But I do see someone every week for it and it helps.”

I thought of the girls he chased. He coped in more ways than one. I didn’t say that out loud though. We all had our scars. Some were on the inside and some were on the outside.

“I’m just glad nothing came of this. I know I still have issues yet Ian and I appreciate your concern but I will find some way to deal with this.” I leaned back to wipe my tears and took his offered handkerchief. It reminded me that I still had the one Liam gave me on our first meeting. That was mine!

“But you don’t have to worry now! It was all a hoax. The guy has been charged and he won’t be bothering you!” He patted my knee. “It was just enough to drive Liam a little mad too. He had to face some demons too.”

“Because he couldn’t protect Jade when they were attacked so he’s trying to make it up in everything he does,” I sighed, drying my eyes.

Ian shook his head.
“No, different demons Nerissa. They got threatening letters from Jade’s lover before the attack. Liam chose to disregard them. Things seemed to be coming together for them. If he had taken it more seriously…” He shook his head.

“Jade would have still left him…but she’d be alive,” I whispered.

He nodded. “He lives with that. So it scared him pretty bad.”

I leaned my head back on the sofa.

“I haven’t seen him so worked up in a long time. This is a good thing. Nothing has disturbed his little bubble and made him think about change. Granted this was a scary thing and I do not wish a repeat but it was a blessing too. It made Liam realize he can’t always stay within the confines of this home to protect what he cares about.” Ian leaned back too and folded his arms. “I should take you out more often. Maybe one day we will lure him out into the open.”

I opened one eye and gave him an incredulous look. “Baby steps Ian. The masquerade is going to be a big one. It is being held here?”

He nodded. “Triple the security.”

“I can’t believe he is going to allow others in like that.”

“He trusts this home and its security. Buying out a hall or renting out another home opens up holes.”

“You guys own a million buildings,” I reminded him.

Ian chuckled, “He also thinks it will seem more welcoming to our partners to invite them into his home.”

“I’m not going to argue. It’s perfect here.”

He nudged me with his elbow. “You have a dress?”

I sat up so quickly I almost made myself dizzy. “No!” I slapped my forehead. “I hadn’t even thought of it!”

Ian laughed. “You have a credit card to Liam Byrne’s account and you forgot you have access to buy whatever your little heart wishes?”

“I did!” I felt panicked now. “I don’t even know what color I should wear!”

“It is winter themed…around Christmas…I’m sure there will be reds and greens…blacks. You better look good! You’re going to be my date…remember?”

I smiled. “You won’t let me forget!”

“You will look beautiful no matter what color you choose.” He laid his hand over mine and squeezed. It was as if his whole mood had changed. “Take your Mom and help her get a gown. My treat. My brother isn’t the only one with money.”

I shoved at his hand. “Ian, you have been too good to me already.”

“You are worth it Nerissa.” He captured my hand and set a kiss to the back of it. “Now, I’m thinking I’m being summoned by my brother.” His blue eyes twinkled at me.

I hadn’t noticed the figure standing in the doorway. I noted it in my peripheral now. I didn’t look his way, only lowered my gaze. I knew the rules.

“Just need another word before you leave brother,” Liam said softly and then left the room.

I tilted my head at Ian, trying to gain control of my heart beats. That voice.

“He’s been there all of thirty seconds,” he explained softly. “I think he just needed to lay eyes on you to make sure you are okay. It will help him sleep tonight.” He smiled his beautiful smile. “Sweet dreams friend.”

I smiled, replaying the thirty seconds prior. Ian was good at his games. “Sweet dreams Ian.”

“You going right to bed?” He stopped in the doorway.

I nodded, and then thought of the rose from the other night. “Thank you for leaving the flowers. I’ve meant to mention them before now.”

He frowned.

“The white rose…on my pillow?
In my purse? Did you leave them?”

The corner of his mouth turned up. “When would I have done that?”

I thought for a moment. He had said goodnight with me before we had gone downstairs to play cards that first night. I worried my lip.

He grinned.

“I wonder who could have gone into your bedroom after we went down the stairs?” He peaked over his shoulder to make sure we weren’t being observed. “Maybe someone saying goodnight to his little ones?”

“But this morning…he didn’t know we were leaving…”

“Stewart did…Stewart does a lot for my brother.” He shrugged.

I blushed.
“Really? Why would he do this?”

His grin grew.

My cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“What does the white rose stand for?”

“I always thought it was purity…a new beginning…reverence.”

His blues danced. “Maybe my brother is a romantic after all.”

I drew in a breath. Getting flowers from Ian was one thing…getting them from Liam was a whole other matter.

“I’m going to tell him you thanked me for the flowers and I took credit for them. If that doesn’t get his competitive spirit revved up…I don’t know what will!” He gave me a wink. “Ah, this game is fun! Good night sweet friend!” And he was gone.

My heart was beating a quick tattoo on my chest. He’d left the first flower the day he’d gotten the letter. Was it his sign that he was thinking of me without actually saying he was thinking of me? He hadn’t left a note. Had he expected I would know it was from him? My thank you text and his questioning text made sense now. He thought I might be thanking him for the flower!

I pulled in a breath and made my way out into the hall. Stewart was there. He gave me a kind smile.

“I’m glad you are okay Miss,” he said gently. “Not just for your sake, but Liam’s sake. You don’t know what these last days have been like for him.”

“I wish he would tell me…but I am giving him his time.”

He nodded. “It would be good for the both of you to discuss it. I agree with Ian.”

I offered him a smile.

“The two of you have been through much of the same. Maybe different sides of the attack…one viewing, one protecting. But if he could tell you what he went through…maybe you could better accept why your father did what he did. If you could explain what you went through…maybe he could better accept that his living fighting for his child is far better than what you went through.”

I froze a bit on the inside. I knew Stewart’s words were meant as a kindness, but they caused that trembling. “Thank you Stewart…I’m sure you are right,” I whispered and hurried past him. I was just happy to make it up the stairs without stumbling over my own feet.

I pushed through my door and flipped on my light, leaning against the door to catch my breath. I opened my eyes to the room and had even more issue pulling breath into my lungs. Sitting on my nightstand was not a single white rose as I had left from the night before but a whole vase of white roses. There was a note sitting beside them this time.

Nerissa,

             
Your safety has become my safety

             
                            Liam

I smiled. I let the tears come. Relief swept through me now and I allowed it. These last few days I had let the fear build up in me. My safety was here. Liam was part of it. If anyone could understand me…it would be him. When we were able to talk…we would. I would be a safe place for him too.

I admired my flowers for a bit longer and then tucked my card into the drawer alongside his handkerchief. I couldn’t help the bubble of joy in my tummy.

I checked my phone and didn’t want to answer the missed call from Al. I didn’t want to talk about this anymore tonight. I had dealt with the past enough the last few days. I had come dangerously close to a break…and I had thankfully kept the nightmares at bay! Talking to my brother about it now could break it all loose.

My phone buzzed. I peaked at it and smiled.

He didn’t seem worried when I said I took cred for flowers

I laughed.
No he wouldn’t be

Why?

Looking at a vase full now…with note

Signed?

Signed.

Damn, my brother is a romantic.

Yes he is

He doesn’t play fair.

I smiled again.
I’m glad he doesn’t!

Night friend!

Good night my friend!

I set down my phone and dressed for bed, happily glancing at my flowers. I closed the door to the girls room so that my teeth brushing and face washing would not wake them up. I couldn’t resist peaking in on them. They were sound asleep.

I was going to crawl into bed to read for a bit before calling it a night. The wind outside had picked up a bit and it did sound like the makings of a good storm. I considered picking out a thriller to read to add to that mood. Just didn’t seem like a good idea considering the situation and my already raw mood. I picked out an easy read.

My eyelids were soon drooping and I set the book aside, took one more look at my flowers and turned out the light.

I heard the screaming. It echoed in my head, echoed through my body and was echoing through the room. It was me. It came from me. I hadn’t imagined it or dreamed it. It wasn’t my father’s agony. It wasn’t Brianne’s cries! It was my own voice making that wretched sound.

I was shivering. My blankets were
gone, my hair was thrashed upon the pillow. My whole body shook and I felt another scream ready to break free when I was surrounded by a whole other being and my mouth was covered. I arched away from the confining arms. I struggled against the strong legs that locked around mine from behind. I tried to pull away but the being was stronger. The arms tightened as I cried out against the hand at my mouth. Tears squeezed past my closed lids.

I lost the breath in my lungs for a moment at the tightening. I felt the imprisoner also drawing in deep breaths, struggling to keep me still and quiet as I fought. I was flipped onto my back and pinned under a powerful body. My heart wanted to give out from fear. Fear from the dream…fear from this unknown attacker! But he wasn’t unknown! I pulled in a breath and I knew him. And he wasn’t attacking me. He was restraining me!

“Quiet, it’s me, it’s okay, don’t wake the girls. It’s okay…you were dreaming.” Liam’s voice washed over me like a soothing balm. “I heard you scream…I’m sorry to have scared you…I didn’t want you waking them…” His body shifted gently to allow my lungs room to breathe. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

My body was quite okay…too okay. But my mind wasn’t there. It was still in the dream. His hand left my mouth and he gently began to lift his body away from mine. “No,” I whispered, and tugged him back down, wrapping my arms around him. “Don’t leave me alone yet.”

His warm body covered mine and he sighed. “I won’t leave,” he murmured gently. His voice sounded strained now. “But I have to move away from you.” He sat up then, carefully disengaging my arms from his neck. He rolled to his side and scooted a bit away. I wanted to follow him. His body was comfort and I needed comfort.

“Don’t leave,” I whispered. I reached a hand out and found his. “Stay with me.”

Liam cleared his throat. “Until you fall asleep,” he promised. His voice was rough and lovely. He didn’t pull his hand from mine.

I was still shivering. I felt him shift and draw the covers up. We were beneath them together now, but the only contact was the hand we held.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His warm voice touched me. “I understand if you don’t…”

“No,” I whispered.

His thumb brushed over mine. “Okay.”

“But I will with you.”

I was pulled against his chest. His lips pressed against my hair. “It was that night, wasn’t it? You relived it.”

I nodded, pressing my face into his shirt. “I’ve never told anyone the whole story Liam. I told the police what happened but I’ve never described the sounds, the smells, the feelings of that night. No one would ever understand.” I shook as they flooded back now.

“I would,” he whispered. His arms wrapped protectively around me. “You tell me your secrets tonight Nerissa…what you’ve shared with no one and I will share mine. It will be between us…do you understand? This is ours.”

Tears wet the front of his shirt and I nodded.

“You have made me break so many of my rules,” he murmured. “I break them willingly, but I trust you to keep my thoughts…my feelings secret. Will you?”