More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (26 page)

(Customer is scraping his shoe along one of the display tables)

BOOKSELLER:
Sir, please don’t do that; you’re making the table dirty.

CUSTOMER:
But where else do you expect me to scrape this gum off my shoe?

Anonymous

CUSTOMER:
I’ve got a lot of books that I want to look through, so I’ve ordered a pizza to eat while I do that. Should I have them deliver it straight to the second floor, or should I meet them at the front desk?

Anonymous

MAN:
Do you have a rest room?

BOOKSELLER:
No, I’m afraid we don’t.

MAN:
Well, then, I’m peeing right here.
(He does so.)

Anonymous

CUSTOMER:
Do you have any books on flying?

BOOKSELLER:
Sure, the aviation section is right over here.

CUSTOMER:
No, man, I can already levitate; I need to know how to fly.

BOOKSELLER:
You can levitate?

CUSTOMER:
I’m doing it right now. My shoes are hollow, so it looks like I’m standing on the ground.

Anonymous

CUSTOMER:
Do you ... um ... pay, like, more for signed books?

BOOKSELLER:
For some books, yes, a signed copy would certainly be worth more.

CUSTOMER:
What would you give me for ... um ... like, a signed copy of, like ...
The Diary of Anne Frank
?

BOOKSELLER:
I would give you something like a billion dollars for that.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, awesome!

(It’s just after 6pm. There’s a sign on the desk asking the customers to ring the bell if a bookseller isn’t at the till.

A man rings the bell. The bookseller comes out from the back room.)

MAN
(looking from the bookseller to the bell in his hand)
: Wow. Just like in a brothel!

Nina Grahmann:
Thalia Bookshop, Europa Passage, Hamburg, Germany.

CUSTOMER:
You do have a lot of books, don’t you?

BOOKSELLER
(gently)
: Well, it
is
a bookshop.

Susan Edgar:
Magill Book Exchange, St Morris, Australia.

CUSTOMER
(angrily)
: I want to return this
Great Speeches in History
audiobook. It’s not read by the original speakers!
(Speeches include those by George Washington, Abraham Lincoln & Julius Caesar.)

Marc Murray:
Borders, Bondi Junction, New South Wales, Australia.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have that play by Hitler?

BOOKSELLER:
...

CUSTOMER:
It’s called
Titus Andronicus
. Apparently everyone dies.

(Two girls wander through the Medical section and find a copy of
Gray’s Anatomy
)

GIRL:
Oh God, I can’t believe they named that book after the TV show ... They’ll do anything to get people to buy books these days!

HER FRIEND:
Yeah. That’s so, so sad.

Claire Fitzgerald:
John Smith’s Bookshop,
Aras Na Mac Leinn, University College Cork, Ireland.