More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (29 page)

CUSTOMER:
I’ve been using the library a lot in the last six months to take out books about losing weight ...You should, too!

Susie Kerr:
East Grinstead Library, West Sussex, UK.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have that book by that guy, the one whose brother is on the radio and has a moustache? I think it’s blue.

BOOKSELLER
(jokingly)
: The moustache?

CUSTOMER
(seriously)
: No. The book.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have a book that will teach my dog how to speak English? ... Or French. Either will do.

Hellen Mani:
Collins Booksellers, Moonee Ponds, Melbourne, Australia.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book about the Holocaust; my daughter’s very interested in World War II. But I don’t want it to be a sad book.

BOOKSELLER:
... Not a sad one?

CUSTOMER:
No. No sad bits at all.

Madeleine Dowd:
Gertrude & Alice Cafe Bookstore, Bondi Beach, Australia.

CUSTOMER:
When is your next Book Club?

BOOKSELLER:
In two weeks.
(Hands over a flyer.)
Here are the details. You’re welcome to come along.

CUSTOMER:
Oh good, and what will you be doing?

BOOKSELLER:
We have a group discussion about the book nominated that month. It’s all a bit of fun.

CUSTOMER:
Ah. OK.

BOOKSELLER:
Did you want a copy of this month’s book?

CUSTOMER:
Oh no. I don’t read books.

Katherine FitzHywel:
The Grumpy Swimmer Bookshop,
Melbourne, Australia.

CUSTOMER:
Hi, I’m looking for a bookshop that sells antique door handles.

BOOKSELLER:
Would you like a bag?

FRENCH CUSTOMER:
No no no no.

(Pause.)

FRENCH CUSTOMER:
Can I have a little baguette?

CUSTOMER:
Do you have Harry Potter’s wand?

Tom Smith:
Waterstones, Amsterdam, The Netherlands.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for
The Blonde Assassin
.

BOOKSELLER:
Do you mean
The Blind Assassin
by Margaret Atwood?

CUSTOMER:
No, she’s blonde, I’m sure!

FRENCH CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book by Marten Toonder.

BOOKSELLER:
Is he a Dutch author?

FRENCH CUSTOMER:
No, no – he is Hollandaise.

BOOKSELLER:
Hi, can I help you?

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for my friend; he’s supposed to be at The English Bookshop. Are you The English Bookshop?

BOOKSELLER:
We are
an
English bookshop.

CUSTOMER:
Then why is my friend not here?

Anne Van Dam:
Waterstones, Amsterdam, The Netherlands.