Mrs. Lilly Is Silly! (8 page)
Read Mrs. Lilly Is Silly! Online
Authors: Dan Gutman
“Hey, A.J.,” said Michael. “Did you really eat your nose?”
“No!” I shouted.
I wanted to go run away to Antarctica and live with the penguins. Then I looked at the other headlines on the page:
Everybody was yelling and screaming and freaking out. And nobody was more upset than Andrea.
“That's a lie!” she shouted. “I never got less than an A plus on any test in my life!”
“The teachers can't print these lies about us!” shouted Neil the nude kid.
“Sure they can,” said Mayor Hubble. “Did you ever hear of freedom of the press?”
“That's not fair!” we all shouted.
At that moment an announcement came over the loudspeaker. We had to report to the all-purpose room for an assembly.
“It's time to go,” said Mayor Hubble.
“Is it time to go,” I asked, “or is it time to
go
?”
“It's time to go,” said Mayor Hubble.
“What if we don't have to go?” asked Ryan.
“We
all
have to go,” said Mayor Hubble.
“At the same time?” asked Michael.
“I don't have to go,” I said.
“Me neither,” said Alexia.
“I just went a few minutes ago,” said Emily.
“I'll go later,” said Neil the nude kid.
Well, that's pretty much what happened. Maybe the teachers will get out of jail soon. Maybe we'll publish another edition of
The Ella Mentry Sentry
. Maybe Mrs. Lilly will stop grabbing people's eyeballs. Maybe Tony Eagle will stop running into doors. Maybe they'll get that tree out of Mayor Hubble's bathroom. Maybe Andrea will explode. Maybe Mr. Klutz will stop pulling his pants down in school. Maybe we'll all get invited to one of Mrs. Yonkers's barbecues. Maybe Mr. Macky will stop kissing his wife in public. Maybe everybody will stop having to go all the time. Maybe we'll finally get through page twenty-three in our math books.
But it won't be easy!
Dan Gutman
has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.
Jim Paillot
lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn't that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.
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Cover art © 2011 by Jim Paillot
Mrs. Lilly Is Silly!
Text copyright © 2011 by Dan Gutman
Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Jim Paillot
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-0-06-196921-8 (lib. bdg.)âISBN 978-0-06-196920-1 (pbk.)
EPub Edition © SEPTEMBER 2011 ISBN: 9780062093394
11 12 13 14 15Â Â Â CG/CWÂ Â Â 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
FIRST EDITION
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I guess a trench coat is a coat that you wear in a trench.
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Not one of those curly lightbulbs. That would be weird.
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Grown-ups always say “Hmmmm” when they're thinking. Nobody knows why.
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They didn't actually come into class holding files. My dad has a file in his workshop down the basement. It would be weird to file in class.
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That's a prize they give out to people who don't have bells.
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Any time your parents ask what happened at school during the day, you should always say “Nothing.” That's the first rule of being a kid.
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But not in my cubby. That would be weird.