Mrs. Lilly Is Silly! (6 page)

Officer Spence behind bars
.

When she's not teaching, Mrs. Yonkers enjoys setting fires
.

The front page of
The Ella Mentry Sentry
looked great.

“I say this paper is done,” said Mrs. Lilly. “Let's print it!”

Andrea hit the PRINT button, and the printer started printing. Because that's what printers do. But you'll never believe who ran into the door at that moment!

Nobody. Why would anyone run into a door? That would hurt. But you'll never believe who ran into the
doorway
.

It was Michael! He was wearing his backpack, and he was all out of breath.

“Did you get a scoop?” Mrs. Lilly asked him.

“I got the best scoop in the history of the world!” Michael replied.

“STOP THE PRESSES!” shouted Mrs. Lilly. “Michael has a scoop!”

Andrea stopped the printer. We all looked at Michael.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking the same thing I was thinking. You're thinking that Michael pulled a plastic scoop out of his backpack. You're thinking that we all yelled at him, “Not
that
kind of scoop!”

But Michael
didn't
pull a scoop out of his backpack. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.

“What did you find out, Michael?” asked Mrs. Lilly.

“Mr. Klutz … doesn't wear underpants!” shouted Michael.

Everybody gasped! We were all freaking out!

“No!” shouted Alexia.

“It can't be true!” shouted Neil the nude kid.

“This is the scoop of the century!” shouted Andrea.

“Wait a minute,” said Mrs. Lilly. “Calm down, everyone. We have to make sure we have our facts straight. Michael, do you have any proof that Mr. Klutz doesn't wear underpants?”

“Uh, not exactly,” Michael said. “But I don't have any proof that he
does
wear underpants either. So I figure there's a fifty-fifty chance that Mr. Klutz doesn't wear underpants.”

We all looked at Mrs. Lilly. She was a grown-up, so the decision would be up to her.

“Hmmm,” she said. “Fifty-fifty, eh? Well, that's good enough for me. Andrea, put that on page two!”

Andrea typed this into the computer:

MR. KLUTZ DOESN'T

WEAR UNDERPANTS!

Finally,
The Ella Mentry Sentry
was finished, and we were ready to print it. Mrs. Lilly told us we had all done a great job.

“Can I print out some extra copies so we can take the newspaper home and show it to our parents?” asked Andrea.

“Of course!” said Mrs. Lilly. “We'll print a copy for everyone in the class.”

Andrea hit the PRINT button again, and the printer started printing a bunch of copies of
The Ella Mentry Sentry
. But you'll never believe in a million hundred years who came walking into the door at that moment.

Nobody. It would hurt if you walked into a door. I thought you would know that by now. But you'll never believe who poked his head in the door.

Nobody! Why would anyone in their right mind want to poke their head in a door? That would hurt too.

But you'll never believe who came walking into our classroom.

It was Mr. Klutz!

“I just wanted to see how you kids were making out,” he said.

“Ewwwwwwww, disgusting!” we all shouted. “We're not making out.”

“No, I mean, how is your newspaper going?” asked Mr. Klutz.

“See for yourself,” Mrs. Lilly said as she took a copy out of the printer and handed it to Mr. Klutz.

As he read the front page of our paper, his eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped open. He was white as a ghost!

“Are you okay, Mr. Klutz?” I asked him.

“STOP THE PRESSES!” he yelled. “Officer Spence was in jail? Mrs. Yonkers sets buildings on fire? Mr. Docker beats his wife? Mrs. Patty kills dogs? You can't print this stuff!”

“Why not?” asked Mrs. Lilly. “Those are great human interest stories.”

“They're a bunch of lies!” Mr. Klutz said. He was really mad.

“Are you calling us liars?” asked Mrs. Lilly.

“If the shoe fits, wear it!” said Mr. Klutz.

“What do shoes have to do with anything?” I asked, but everybody ignored me.

“Where did you get this information?” demanded Mr. Klutz.

“I'm sorry,” Mrs. Lilly told him, “but we cannot reveal our sources.”

Mr. Klutz turned to page two of our paper and let out a scream. I guess he must have read the story about himself. He was freaking out.

“I don't wear underpants?” Mr. Klutz yelled.

Everybody started giggling because Mr. Klutz just admitted out loud that he didn't wear underpants.

“How could you possibly know what I wear or don't wear under my clothes?” Mr. Klutz demanded.

“We only print the facts,” said Mrs. Lilly. “We had no proof that you wear underpants, so we had no choice but to assume you don't.”

“That's ridiculous!” shouted Mr. Klutz. “I most certainly
do
wear underpants, and I can prove it.”

With that, Mr. Klutz pulled down his pants.

“EEEEEK!” Mrs. Lilly screamed. “Children! Don't look!”

But we all looked anyway. Under his pants, Mr. Klutz was wearing pink boxer shorts with red hearts on them. It was hilarious. You should have been there.

“Your underpants are adorable, Mr. Klutz,” said Alexia.

It was a real Kodak moment. So Andrea quickly picked up Mrs. Lilly's camera and snapped a picture of Mr. Klutz with his pants down.

“We can use this in the
next
edition of
The Ella Mentry Sentry
!” Andrea said.

“There will
be
no next edition of
The Ella Mentry Sentry
!” Mr. Klutz shouted. “This newspaper is—”

But he didn't get the chance to finish his sentence, because you'll never believe in a million hundred years who came running into the classroom at that moment.

I'm not going to tell you.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you.

But you have to read the next chapter first. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.

The person who came running into the classroom at that moment was Dr. Carbles, the president of the Board of Education! He was the one who came up with the idea of Career Day in the first place.