Music Notes (Heartbeat #3) (5 page)

Reminder to you Rand, make certain you shut your phone completely off I need not hear what you do with your lovely bride. By the way, you will be heading on tour for about three months after you return from your honeymoon, to several cities and they have brought in an opening act for you. They think that this act will complement your style of music. The band is called Meila and The Erratics. It was them or the Seven Sins, but the Seven Sins they believe will be too wild of a start for you
.

The buzz on Meila and The Erratics is she is a true crowd pleaser and she delivers great music. The story behind her latest CD titled, “Stolen from Me,” is the real life story of some other girl stealing Meila’s fiancé just days before the wedding. It appears she put all that hurt and anger into her music. I have listened to it, and it is really good, but let me warn you she appears to carry a large chip on her shoulder. I have been told that she is out to rip apart any other person’s happiness at any costs. Rand you are a big boy and I know you can handle yourself. I think she will be so glad that her and her band will open for your shows that she will calm her destructive ways, that is if the rumors are even true. You know sometimes that kind of thing is just made up to generate attention.

I am not looking forward to breaking this to Madison. She will say she is happy, but I can imagine her expression when she hears the news. A shadow will cover the beautiful brightness in her eyes. I decide to look up the opening band, really just to avoid breaking the news for as long as possible. My eyes are frozen on the phone screen. Meila, well she is unbelievably stunning. Way too beautiful, and far too sexy. There are a lot promotional pictures of her and her band, The Erratics. What stands out most is that she looks so much like my Madison. They could totally pass for sisters, and now I am so fucked. Boy, I really wish Killjoy was available for my shows since Madison would have no issues with her. I clicked on some random songs just to listen to her lyrics and Maxwell was right, she is one scorned chick.

Even as the worry starts to take root in me, I remind myself that we are married. I’m about to be a dad of two little squirts and I don’t think there is anything I need to worry about in the days ahead. Madison leaves me breathless every single time she enters a room. I feel my heart sink the more I think about telling her I’m leaving. The old me would be heartless and not give this tour and a hot opening act a second thought. Looking back to those days, I am thankful of one thing. I always kept a condom in my pocket. I usually would have tapped most of the attractive girls, and felt nothing. It was not an even exchange. What I have with my Madison now is the complete world handed to me on a silver platter. I awake each day and end each night in bed with her. I am having a hard time getting ready to tell her about the tour. Maybe I can soften her up with a song before I give her the news. As she brings out her coffee through the door, I pat her ass. “Listen I want to sing you something, you good to hear it?” Her eyes light up and she rubs her lips together as she nods her head anxiously. I hit the background music I have on my computer and then tell her, “Love, this is just one of the many songs that bring you inside my head and heart.”

Secret Music Note

A soft sounding note heard in the air

A silent secret location where it is bare

I know where it hides tucked away

I see it clearly in my eyes

I look at you and know just below

there dangles a shiny gem of song

Covered by your shirt’s soft fabric

Keeping it safely hidden away

I play to you with vision of that note

My heart full of words and song

Keep veiled that secret music note

because I don’t wish to share

I will look away

and still know its sound

I will pass you by

and know where it was found

I will be pulled by you

listening to the unknown

I will remember the fear

your hesitation and the moan

My thumb rubs across its metal

I feel you move under my touch

I tug at the jewel that is pierced through you

I create the music that touches my soul

Music carries me to another existence

My heart beating strong with anticipation

I move the secret music charm side to side

my blood pumps for you an incredible sensation

Music carries me to another existence

My heart beating strong with anticipation

I move the secret music charm side to side

my blood pumps for you an incredible sensation

Secret music note you keep me in beat

where my love of you and music meet.

Where my love of you

and my love of music

will forever meet.

When I am done I see she’s got tears in her eyes. This is not the reaction I was looking for. “Love I’m so sorry, what did I sing wrong?” I question.

“Rand you did not make me cry entirely. I’m pregnant and emotional, and what you sang in the final verse of your love for music and me…it is so true. We are your life.” Madison smiles so warmly and happiness frames her face.

“Madison I am so glad you’re thinking like this because I wanted to tell you…” I trail off as I don’t know how to get this conversation over with.

“Oh no. What? What are you not telling me? Rand?”

“Love, get this, a record company has just signed me. Maxwell just let me know that I go on my solo tour in a few weeks, for about twelve quick weeks. It’s really no big deal.” I figured that the weeks sounded better in delivery to her than telling her three months. I was so trying to down play the enthusiasm that stirred within me, as I’m waiting for the coffee cup to fall from her hand.

“Babe you are an awesome musician and I want you to take this to whatever level you want. I am with you, by your side now. I don’t have those past insecurities I once had.” I look past her eyes. I can see the sincerity in her eyes, but her hand is shaking. I try not to notice as she places her coffee cup to rest on her knee holding it steady, but I still see the liquid sloshing. I hear what she says, but I know inside she is thinking a thousand thoughts and scenarios as all women do. Shit, what am I thinking? If I go on tour can I still be here for her? Can I be all of these things—a musician performing and traveling and partying with the band,
and
fulfill my role as a husband and father?
Shit, shit, shit
.

She must notice that I’m starting to panic. “Rand, look at me. It will be fine. You’ll see. We will work all the tour dates out. I will come along on some and your fans will love you.” Still smiling, but not forced, Madison laid her coffee to rest on the side table. She tucks her legs up under her retreating in a safe position. I have seen her do this protective, cool, calm barrier before when she didn’t know I was watching. She curls up and smiles at me, trying to convey that everything is fine, but she is frightened of the unknown. I have watched her evolve so much and gain a voice and show actions that make her so much more than that insecure woman I first fell in love with. Since she is a writer, she could stay in a room for days in a bubble stroking keys for endless hours. That is the farthest thing from what is about to happen with me throwing myself into a solo tour—fully exposed to all.

“The good news about all this is that I’m keeping the band. There was talk of me having another band to go with me but the guys and I talked it out and Rolling Isaac’s will be my band for this solo gig. When they aren’t with me they can keep performing where they want as the Rolling Isaac’s. They have already been looking for a vocalist to join them.” I knew this would make her feel a bit relieved. She loved my band mates, and it seemed so did her girlfriends. We were a tight bonded group. I had her full attention now, and she seemed to calm down, some of her nervousness fading away. I wanted to continue to make her feel this way.

“Love, if this tour with the guys gets too much or I am away from you too long I will give it all up. You hear me? I would—no,
I will
—walk away to be with just you. Do you feel me?” I can see Madison physically relax from my words. She has brightened up at my willingness to walk away from the tour if it is too much for her. It was as if saying it out loud, that she was the most important thing to me, was all it took to bring her back to the moment with me and away from her worries about the tour. I moved over to her and I knew she began to get it because when I bent down and lifted her halter top over her head without having to untie it, she was right there with me. Madison gave me access by bringing her arms straight up. I then moved to kiss her belly first where the most important present was cushioned inside. “Breathe my love, it will all be okay, I will never jeopardize you or my kids.” My lips and tongue stirred her, and I kept kissing my way up her body. I took my time on each of her nipples, knowing the effect it had on her—I was happy to spend as much time as she could stand. I was ready for more, but not here. Not out on the balcony where everyone at the resort could see. I pulled her top back into place and turned away.

“Oh, I feel you Rand. I want you so don’t start what you aren’t going to finish.” Finish? I was just getting started with her for the day, and hell the sun could set on this beautiful strip of beach and I would still not be finished with my love. Not in a lifetime. Madison has not one clue that when I look at her that I’m dreaming with my eyes open.

Chapter Four – Simply Mad Release

We hadn’t even hit the front door of our home and I could see too many cars lined up in the driveway. There were so many, they were also parked in the spaces over at the barn. I had no idea what was going on. Maxwell had told me he and the guys were getting things together for the tour. There were too many cars though. Madison is seated in the limo on alert, already wondering what this flurry of activity is about. As the driver takes our luggage out, I look toward the house and catch the slight glimpse through the window of the pink and blue balloons. Oh shit. This is about to shock the hell out of her. Madison is exhausted from the entire day of airport travel. Her thoughts were set on a B&B—a bed and bath.

I reach out and take her hand, “I love you so much.” Her eyes question not my love, but my sudden tenderness. We were together the past weeks on our honeymoon, and she is clearly suspicious as to why I’m saying this. Just then the front door flies open, and the party begins. Grace is the first through the door, coming at Madison with excitement written all over her face.

“Honey, why didn’t you tell us sooner? This is such great news. We are all so very excited!” Grace shouts.

“Mom, sorry but we planned to tell you now when we got back and here we are.” Madison doesn’t want her mother upset, but surely by the smile on her mother’s face that is the last thing that is happening. Suddenly everyone is outside greeting us and hugs are going around our entire home.

“Hey man this is great news. Twins!” Raeford slaps me, but I see a slight sadness in his eyes. Jillian is next to him and she pulls me in for a hug. I watch her go to Madison and smile, and give her a hug but after they separate and the next well wisher steps to Madison, I notice Jillian stare out across the yard sadly.

Heading into the house I realize that there were two parties going on. First, half of the room was decorated in pink and blue. The other half was a
Simply Mad
release. There is the cover fully blown up on foam board. It’s the photograph of Madison that appeared weekly on her newspaper column. Her looks haven’t really changed a bit over the years. The only difference is that now—after marriage and with kids on the way—she is really glowing, fucking glowing. I had heard that women do this but just seeing her here today, she is radiant. I will have to remember that and write about her later. I grab the napkin off the bar and I write across it,
you are so fucking hot, you are radiant, I can’t keep my eyes off you…I am mesmerized by your radiance
. I stuffed the napkin in my jacket pocket to pull out another time and write more lyrics to it. I guess this is really happening—twins coming and going on a tour. Taking inventory of all the people in the house now, I decided to never give out good news and house keys while you are out of town. You will return to a party whether you want it or not.