Music Notes (Heartbeat #3) (7 page)

Where does time go? I was just enjoying a tender moment—one of so many with Madison—and I blink and here I am weeks later. My bags are packed and I’m heading out the door with all the guys. They are truly pumped to go on tour. I am incredibly torn about this venture. Madison’s eyes were the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning. Just watching me and waiting until I opened mine. There was such softness in her look, but she couldn’t hide the trace of concern. For so long she gently ran her fingers along my face. I wanted to just tell her I would stay. I could do that, but I didn’t want to let my band down, and I wanted her to be proud of me. This was a dream of mine that I never thought would become reality, just like having Madison. I was heading out to tour and hoping that she would come to one of the shows with Cecile; I did not want her to travel alone. She had asked Jillian, but she was burying herself in her work more and more. Although she and Raeford were still together, they appeared more distant than ever.

“I think I have everything.” As I picked up my jacket I realized I didn’t need another one to carry, so I tossed it down onto a chair.

“Well, I don’t think you have everything. As a matter of fact I know one thing you are missing.” My attention immediately turns to Madison. In her hand, she is waving a piece of paper and it looks like an invitation.

“What is that?” I move in to grab it from her fingers. I give her a completely dumfounded look as I wrinkle my forehead giving it a second look. It doesn’t look like anything I have ever seen.

“Babe, it’s a photo from my ultrasound of our babies for you to take with you and keep close to you. I also wrote you a love note.” I looked at the swirling images on the picture and now could pick out the image of babies within the photograph. I tucked that safely into my travel bag, and put her love note right on top to read on the way to the airport. I kissed my wedding ring, and then brought her left hand to my lips to kiss hers.

“Nothing will come between us and I will be home real soon, our best days are yet to come.” I had to pause, as with my last words I felt a horrible stab in my lower back. The past few weeks I have felt more fatigued than I had in a long time and especially after coming from a long restful honeymoon. I guess I was just feeling the pressure as I had been rehearsing more.

Madison doesn’t miss my wince. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing Love. I just must have slept wrong. I have a slight twitch in my back.” So I try to grab her and twirl her as if nothing is bothering me, but I bite my lip so hard I taste blood. Just before I release her, I take hold of her hand and bring it up under my shirt and as my heart is pounding. I ask her, “You feel this? It’s all you. My heart is completely yours.” I didn’t need her to comment as I felt her touch and the tears welled in the corners of her eyes. I too got that slight wetness in my eyes but couldn’t let it get the best of me… the band was here and ready to go. I won’t cry in front of them. I cried enough over Ashley’s death. This was a happy time, and I’m going with that. I pull her in tightly, not wanting her to move her hand from my chest. This separation is going to be fucking brutal on me.

Once downstairs, we are surrounded by the guys waiting to leave. I kissed my lovely wife and whispered in her ear, “Every day. Every single day, we will reach out to each other. I want every moment that I am missing with you and our babies…except morning sickness—
that
I can miss an update on. Madison you mean everything to me.”

I pull her in tighter and hear her whisper “I love you.” I grab my stuff knowing I had to leave now or I wouldn’t be able to. Once seated in the limo to head to the airport all the guys are talking loudly, excited about playing in much bigger venues. My phone buzzes and I glance at the screen and there is a photo of my wife’s beautiful breasts all swollen from her pregnancy and her text caption read –
waiting for you to return
. I had to immediately close my phone screen. My body was already reacting, and now was not the time for that. I’d definitely be spending a lot of lonely nights with that picture. Her confidence in her body has really grown. She has come so far. I leaned back in the seat and could not get comfortable. My back was still bothering me. My fingers found the note she had given me and I thought I would read it now to take my mind back to her.

Rand –

I need not tell you that I will miss you because I hate to be apart from you, and you know that. You have to do this. You have dreamed of doing your own music all your life. It is what you do so well, besides being a husband, my lover, and the father of our children. Really, I will be there with you in spirit in every song you sing if I cannot physically be there. I will watch all the video feeds of the shows just like I am in the front row. You have my heart and it will beat to the tunes that you show to all your fans. I have gained so much confidence in our relationship that I want you to know that I am fine with you traveling. I do not second guess that you are totally committed to me. I am your wife and I am your life, and nothing will come between us. I am sending you a hug, wrapping you in the warmth of my arms, to carry you from city to city. I will be here when you come home anxious to have you back for myself. I love you so very much. Play your heart out, but save some of if for me and I will be with you soon.

Your loving wife xo

As I folded her note up and placed it carefully with the ultrasound, I close my eyes for a moment, and the loud voices of my band mates seemed to fade away. I was really tired even though I slept in late. I was dozing into dreamland, feeling wiped out.

Just like so many shows before, we had all the traveling and hotel accommodations and everything else handled by Maxwell. I think he enjoyed setting everything up for us almost as must as we all enjoyed playing the music. Our tour kicked off in Chicago. After that California, Texas, and then it would be finally wrapping up in New York. The next several months of my solo singing career totally planned out.

Our flight from Philly to Chicago was uneventful. The guys were so eager to play again and be on the road. Kent and I began to bond over the fact that he was also missing his girl. Connor was in the area while he was away, and that shit didn’t settle too well with me. I knew it could potentially harm my man Kent if Cecile and Connor ran into one another. At least I didn’t have any of that to worry about. I knew anything with Madison and her ex-husband Thomas was long over with. In fact, she used to mention him in conversation here and there, but I really can’t remember hearing his name in a long time. That’s just fine by me. My thoughts were totally consumed by Madison from take off to grabbing my bags from the luggage carousel when we landed. As I wrapped my fingers around the suitcase handle, my memories flipped me back to our honeymoon.
Our flight wasn’t that long, but Madison wanted to go freshen herself up once we arrived at the Julianna Airport on St. Martin. She had been sleeping in my arms on the plane, and was worried about her hair. I had just pulled the last of our bags off of the carousel and stood next to the pile waiting for my wife. My eyes drifted around the tiny airport and then they stopped and it was as if I hadn’t seen her in a long time. Madison walked out of the ladies room with her hair tucked up into a beach hat and she had changed out of her jeans and top into a very short white beach dress with very thin straps holding it up. I took in her legs first and then my eyes traveled up to her smiling face and I felt like I was going to lose my shit that very moment. She had such a simple way of totally captivating my very soul.

“Come on Rand,” Kent yelled tugging at my arm. “How long does it take you to grab and carry two pieces of luggage?” I was so lost in thought that all the guys had been outside waiting on me.

Our first stop before hitting the hotel was a radio station for an interview. I wanted to hit the bed and rest at the hotel. When we arrived at the station, there were already a bunch of fans snapping photos. They were first directed at Meila and the Erratics as they were already leaving the radio station. I couldn’t get over to her or her band to say hello, but I did catch a glimpse of her as she ducked her head into the van. Damn, she looked just like Madison. I needed to get that out of my mind quickly. As the fans noticed us arrive they began to swarm around me and the guys. I looked past the crowd of fans toward to the van where Meila was now departing, and I saw that she was looking in my direction. I wasn’t sure if her eyes were focused on me through the dark lenses of her sunglasses until she tipped them down and blew me a kiss. I knew at this moment that Meila was going to be a handful…of trouble.

Visions of leaving Madison back in Pennsylvania flood through me like Madison was the one that had just blown a kiss to me. I smile back at her, and then she shot me a wink. Oh, I better get a grip. I think she thought I was sending her a message. I was thinking of Madison, and I need to remember to watch my actions around Meila. The last thing I wanted was for her to take things wrong, and expect things that are absolutely
never
ever going to happen. I tore my gaze from her departure and it was easy to get my mind back on track as I signed some items for the excited fans. Maxwell was yelling for us to get inside, and when Isaac mimicked Maxwell we all started to crack up laughing. We were still laughing when we headed off to follow Isaac’s shouted orders to get this afternoon promo done.

Once inside, we all got comfortable. This scene wasn’t new to any of us. What threw me was the first statement from the interviewer. Right out of the box, live he said, “So Max, how does it feel to be married? We all got the news you recently tied the knot.”

I thought about my precious wife and responded to him proudly and confidently, “My life just got so much better from the moment I met her, and even greater since I have married her.”

Then to my surprise our conversation took a turn. “Max, I want you to know that when we announced you and the band would be here today for this show, the studio was swamped with calls and e-mails from old “flames” wanting to pass on messages to you.” He smiled back at me. I hung my head as I was so embarrassed by his live comment on the radio airwaves. He was making me sound like such a jerk.

Isaac shouted out, “You can pass those messages on to me, I’m still very single.” I raised my head and gave a nod to Isaac. He took the pressure off me and everyone broke out in a laugh. The rest of the airing went really well and focused on my music, my upcoming solo launch which was the real reason we had come here.

With the interview at the radio station done, we arrived at the hotel. The guys went to explore the city. It is a new city for us, and they always go out to get a look around. It used to be for girls, but lately the only one on the prowl was Isaac. All the rest of us are quite settled. Raeford and Jillian are still on this week, but they are not quite solid. Ron and Dahlia keep their relationship quiet, but it seems it is working out well. Kent, I worry about. Although he thinks Cecile is totally on board with him in a committed relationship, I know all the other baggage that she is carrying around even if he doesn’t, so I’m not convinced. Also, I know that he is beginning to get frustrated that although they are only seeing one another, they still had not really had sex. They haven’t closed the deal. They mess around a lot but haven’t made it to the main event. Only time will tell for them. For me, I’m newly married, and on top of the world. At this moment though, I pass on joining them in their quest of the city.

I had just enough energy to push myself into my hotel suite and hit the bed. Just before I was going to drift off, I call Madison to hear her voice. “Hey, Love, we’re here. I would have called you earlier, but we had to go straight to the local radio studio for an interview. I thought about you from the moment I left this morning. I miss you already.”

“Babe, I keep running my fingers across my lips and imagine yours feathering across my mouth. I don’t want to lose that feeling or visual. I’m so glad you arrived safe. Remember you are going to kill this tour and you deserve all this.”

“I’m excited about it but wish you were here with me.”

“I am always with you. Didn’t you get the photograph I sent you?” Madison then got silent.

“Yeah, I opened it and thanks for that. Now I’ll have something other than my memory for the times I’m really missing you.”

After a few moments of still air, she asked, “Are you still tired?”

“Yeah Love, I’ve been wiped out.”

“Maybe you’re anxious and your head has been over thinking the tour, being a married man, and now becoming a father.”

“I’ll be fine. I think I just need to really get some sound sleep. I am way too young to be suddenly feeling so old.”

“Rest and know that I am there with you in your heart for the entire tour. I’ll be watching you online with a smile. I am so proud of you. I love you.”

“Love, you are the world to me. Love you back.” I closed my eyes and shut my phone after that and slept for a long time. I awoke to legs—yeah beautiful legs—pretty sexy ones at the edge of my bed. Madison. I smiled so large and said, “Come here Love, now this is a nice surprise.”

As she approached me, she said, “Now that’s a welcome I want to hear.” She leaned in to wrap her arms around me and I suddenly pull away. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“You’re not Madison, you’re Meila.” I was now completely awake and focused.

“Last time I checked I was Meila, and always have been,” she smiled.

“Well I’m sorry I just woke up and you caught me off guard. You look so much like my wife.” I was confused at her being in my room.

“So I’ve been told by everyone lately. But Rand, no worries. It’s such a pleasure to meet you.” Meila sat on the edge of my bed.

“How the HELL did you get in my room?” Clearly she made me feel uncomfortable. Having such a beautiful girl seated an arm’s distance from me would never make me nervous before, but her presence now made me feel awkward.

“Well, Rand you will come to learn that I have my way with men and the hotel staff was quite accommodating in letting me in. So are you ready for your tour?” she continued.