My Beautiful (The Beautiful Series) (8 page)

I blinked in surprise. “Nine? When did you do that?”

“I have my ways.” Kyle smiled. He paused for a second. “That is what you wanted, right? If not, I can call her back.” His voice turned sincere.

“Yes, I’m ready. I just didn’t realize you had made calls.”

He shrugged. “I just called Abbey and asked her to do some research in our area. We’ll check the realtor out tomorrow and see if she’s a good fit.”

He set me down to my feet gently and turned to reach for the soap. He quickly washed his body and then rinsed off under the water. He lathered more cleanser in his hands and rubbed it across my shoulders, down my arms, up my stomach, and across my breasts, lingering on them.

I closed my eyes and moaned, tipping my head back against the cool tile. “Mmhmm,” I murmured.

Kyle chuckled. “Mmhmm, what?” He knelt down to the floor, and then his hands began massaging my calves.

I gripped his shoulders for balance. “Mmhmm, to the realtor tomorrow.” I absorbed his every touch, not wanting to be distracted from the sensations his hands were creating. His touch felt like gold against my sensitive muscles.

Kyle moved up and washed my thighs and then lowered to my feet, cleaning them one at a time. I was too tired to feel ticklish.

He stood and turned me around to face the stream of water. His hands slid up and down my back as he massaged my shoulders and the nape of my neck while scrubbing my skin. I leaned my right side against the tile, now feeling the warm water trickle down the opposing side of my body. I groaned in complete bliss.

Kyle chuckled behind me. “Feel good?”

“Too good,” I breathed, lost in the feel of his hands on me.

“Your muscles are tight. Today really wore you out.”

“It did, but it was great,” I replied, masking my thoughts.

I was sore and tired, but it had been a lot of fun and well worth it. I was happy that I had been able to show Kyle that part of my past. It had given him a happy memory instead of hearing all the bad. There was just so much bad.

Kyle noticed my quietness and turned me around to face him as he rose to his feet. He eyed me skeptically. “Are you alright?”

I nodded. “Yes.” I took a deep breath. “I’m just glad that you were here today and that you got to see a happier side of my life. It was great before…three years ago. I want you to know about the good, too. Today reminded me of that part of my life. You bring out the good in me.”

“You bring out the good in you, Lily. You just have to believe that it’s there.”

I leaned forward and kissed him once on the lips before returning to my former spot. “I know. I’m working on it.”

After he rinsed me, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a big brown towel around my shoulders. I pulled it tighter and blinked, taking in my surroundings.

I didn’t have my brush or toiletries. They were still downstairs in my suitcase by the door. I walked over to the sink and glanced at the drawers.

Kyle watched me intently before realizing my apprehension. “I’ll go get our bags.”

“It’s okay.” I continued to stare at the cabinet that was haunting me. “I should have a brush in here.”

Kyle eyed me warily as he wrapped the towel tighter around his waist. “It’s okay, Lily. I’ll go get the bag since we still need our clothes anyway,” he said before leaving the bathroom.

I barely heard him as my attention was now glued to the countertop in front of me.

When we had first come into the bathroom, I hadn’t had much time to take in my surroundings as I had been otherwise occupied. But now, the full force of being upstairs…in my house…in my bathroom was starting to sink in. I took a deep breath and let it out.
Other people go through this, Lily. You can, too.
But my subconscious was taunting me.

The dark cherry wood cabinets looked the same as I remembered. The countertops were a light-colored granite, mostly running the full length of the wall. The room was painted a dark lavender color with white floral accents.

I opened a drawer, knowing that it had brushes inside, and I grabbed the brown one. My sister and I had had an adjoining bathroom to our bedrooms, so both of our belongings were in here. We had each had our own little side rack with cubbies in it for makeup and other personal items. We had always fought for space, so when my parents had remodeled the upstairs bathroom, they had put in a double sink and drawers to account for two teenage girls living under one roof with one shared bathroom.

I brushed my hair from the bottom up, trying to work out the knots, while letting memories flood my mind.

My mom had wanted us each to have our own space. She had really loved having the chance to alter this bathroom. Since the modifications, the only thing we had fought for was who would take a shower first.

I sighed, wanting to cherish the memories. At the same time, I wanted to get rid of them along with the pain that seemed to come hand in hand with them. It was an internal battle between my heart and mind.

Tears filled my eyes. I was angry at myself for wanting to forget all the great remembrances of my family. I loved my family and missed them so much, but the memories were agony. Every time I thought of a great memory, an excruciating sense of pain and loss washed over me like a tidal wave, drowning me. Sometimes, I felt like it would break me.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I had not even noticed when Kyle had come back into the bathroom. Wordlessly, his strong arms enclosed around my waist, and he hugged me tight. I turned in his embrace and reached my arms around his neck, pressing my nose against his chest.

Tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably. I tried to be brave and hold them back, but I was too overwhelmed to fight. I couldn’t keep them at bay when I was in this house. Each room, each piece of furniture—it all held a memory. It was devastating, and it hurt.

After my breathing started to calm, he pulled back, and I noticed the clothing in his hand. I silently put on my panties, and then Kyle slipped one of his large T-shirts over my head. I looked up at him questioningly.

He shrugged shyly. “I couldn’t find your white T-shirt, so I brought you my favorite shirt,” he said tenderly.

My heart swelled in my chest. “Thank you,” I said softly. I was careful not to say any more, or his thoughtful gesture would send me into tears again.

“Where to?” he asked hesitantly.

I released a shaky breath. I was thankful that there were very few lights on inside and that I was bone tired.

I pointed in the direction of my room. “That way,” I breathed.

Then, I realized that I was steps away from Annie’s room, a room that I hadn’t been this close to in three years.

I blocked the terrifying thoughts from my mind as Kyle picked me up into his strong, sturdy arms and carried me into the dark bedroom. The bathroom light served to be a night-light as he tucked me into bed. He climbed in behind me and pulled me against his chest.

“You did it, Lily.” He kissed my hair tenderly. “You’re one day closer.”

The realtor, Elena, was very kind as she walked around and asked questions. Kyle was actually much more helpful in that department than I was. I hadn’t realized how much went into selling a home. I hadn’t even considered a selling price either. I had viewed the house as more of an emotional tie than a financial one.

Even though Kyle didn’t know the Colorado market very well, he still knew many other cities around the U.S., and he was able to make a pretty accurate estimated value.

I was happy when all of the technical parts were out of the way, but it didn’t seem to get easier from there.

“Lily, what are your plans for all the furniture and personal belongings in the home?” Elena asked as we made our way back into the living room after the tour.

“Um, I haven’t figured that part out yet,” I said, feeling overwhelmed from the tour. There were so many more details that I hadn’t given much thought to. “There will be some belongings I’d like to keep.”

“I’d recommend going through what you want to keep, like family heirlooms and such. Since the house is completely full, I suggest hiring a service to remove the rest. I can give you a list of what can stay and what usually goes.”

I nodded. “Okay, I will be here for at least the next few days, so I’ll work on that first. I don’t plan to take that much with me. Then, can we go from there?”

“Sure. Let me know when you are ready. I will also leave phone numbers for movers who can help you.”

We thanked Elena, and I promised to be in touch with her soon. I was relieved that part was over.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pad of paper and pencil. I wrote Kitchen on the first line. I glanced around the room.

When I was a child, this had been a very popular space for my family. There were only two things from this room that I knew I wanted for sure, and those included my grandmother’s china set and my mom’s mixer that we had used so often together, so I wrote them on the list.

Kyle walked silently next to me as I went from room to room on the lower level of the house, only adding a few more items to the list.

I was down to the bedrooms. All three terrified me. I did not know which one to start with. I decided on my parents’ room first since it was the only room on the main floor. I held my breath as I opened the door.

My mom had painted the walls an ocean blue. A wrought iron king-size bed was in the middle of the room with a nightstand table on each side of the bed. Her blue-and-white comforter beautifully matched the décor of the room. A big desk sat on the opposite wall with its lid closed.

Kyle leaned against the door frame, remaining in the background for moral support. I knelt on the chest in front of my parents’ bed. My attention went back to the bedspread. I remembered my mother getting into trouble with my dad over her splurging their money on a silly bedspread. My mom had stood her ground, saying that it was what she’d envisioned, so she was going to have it, no buts about it.

My mom had had a talent for decorating. She could look at the dullest room, and with little resources, she would turn it into something beautiful.

I lowered my head and closed my eyes, trying to fight back tears. I wanted this comforter so badly, but I wondered if I would feel this way every time I looked at it. Surely, that would not be a good thing.

Kyle came up and sat behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, snuggling me against him, with his chin on my shoulder. “Lily, you can take anything from here you want. We can store it or ship it…whatever you want to do,” he said, trying to soothe me.

“I want this comforter,” I cried softly.

“Then, we’ll take it,” he answered tenderly. He kissed my shoulder softly, trying to ease my aches and pains.

I shook my head. “But I don’t want it.”

Lifting his head off my shoulder, he turned slightly to look directly into my eyes. His eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. His hands caressed up and down my arms, trying to comfort me. “I thought you said you wanted it?”

I ran my fingers over the soft material. I exhaled, feeling frustrated with my indecisiveness. “I really do want it.” I sniffled. “But part of me doesn’t because it will be a daily reminder…of what I’ve lost.”

Kyle reached for my hand. I dropped the comforter as he took my hand in his, and my eyes traveled down to our fingers that were now interlocked with one another. His hand was so much larger than mine, and it reminded me of his strength. His thumb caressed a path along the top of my hand. I loved the way his skin felt against mine.

I felt so lost and confused.

“With this and any other belongings you want to keep, we’ll store it until you’re ready,” Kyle offered.

I looked up into his warm, loving eyes, full of compassion, and I nodded in agreement. I felt the coolness of the tears that had stained my cheeks just moments ago.

“Okay,” I whispered, knowing it was the best decision.

One day, I truly hoped that I could have this blanket in my home and find solace within it, but right now, the wound was too fresh and raw. I wanted to believe that I would feel that way someday.

Leaning forward, Kyle kissed my nose and then my forehead. His kisses were soft and sweet, and they were just what I needed. Strength and courage radiated off of him in waves, and I silently prayed that I could take some, lock it away inside me, and use it at my will.

I wanted it to be that simple.

He pulled back and glanced at the tears on my face. Slowly, he ran his thumb across my left cheek and wiped away the tears, and then he did the same to the right side. A shaky breath left my lungs. I was here, trying to accomplish what needed to be done, and by some miracle, I was doing
it…all because of Kyle.

Wanting to feel his lips on mine, I leaned forward and kissed him. His lips were soft and full. The simple kiss made me forget where I was, and I wanted more of him.

I gently nibbled on his lower lip, seeking entrance into his mouth. As I deepened the kiss, I felt his groan beneath my hands that had made their way to his chest. Then, the kiss ended all too soon for my liking.

Kyle smiled down at me. “Let’s finish up, beautiful, and then we can move on to your room.” He sounded like he was looking forward to that.