My Immortal

By Anastasia Dangerfield

ISBN: 9781301224487

Published by Smashwords

Copyright 2013 by Anastasia Dangerfield

This book is a work of fiction. Name's,
characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and
incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are
used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or
dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may
be used or reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any manner
whatsoever without the author's consent, except in the case of
brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is recommended for mature young
adults, 17+ for it's sexual nature. If you are sensitive to the
subjects of rape, neglect, and abuse, this book may not be for
you.

I want to thank you for reading this book and
I hope you enjoy it! I would really appreciate your reviews on the
website you purchased it from as well as
www.goodreads.com
. Thanks, from the
bottom of my heart!

I would like to think
Erika Swensen, for her help of my cover design; she just has magic
at her fingertips.

I would also like to
think one of my avid readers and reviewers from good reads, Sammie.
She read and reviewed Eternally Yours for me and I cannot thank her
enough! Also, I cannot wait to read the sample of her very own
novel that is still sitting nicely in my inbox stack (I promise to
get to that soon, now that I am finished with this!)

And lastly, but
definitely not least, all of my Goodreads followers, reviewers, and
fans, you all are literally what pushes me to finish these books
when I have scare little time to do them. I think you guys and hope
that you enjoy my books. Thanks for your kind words and support, I
much appreciate it!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter
One

Chapter
Two

Chapter
Three

Chapter
Four

Chapter
Five

Chapter
Six

Chapter
Seven

Chapter
Eight

Chapter
Nine

Chapter
Ten

Chapter
Eleven

Chapter
Twelve

Chapter
Thirteen

Epilogue

About The
Author

• Chapter
  One
  

My dearest Gabe,

It's been six miserable months, twenty three
hours, and way too many minutes since Shadow was taken from me.
That's over one hundred and eighty days that I have suffered. I
know that life isn't fair and that things don't always go right,
but I feel that I have been given more than I can cope with.

I'm not telling you this to hurt you, only
to help you understand how I feel.

I have tried so hard to forget and let go,
to just accept his fate…and mine, but I can't.

Whatever gods are up there, if there are
any, seem to absolutely hate me. I am nothing to them.

Nothing if not a pebble in their shoe.

Nothing.

It doesn't even affect me to know that I am
the absence of anything.

I am numb.

Depressed.

My heart aches every single day. And every
single day I get myself through somehow. Maybe I have had some
infinitesimal spark of hope that we would find Shadow, but that
little spark has long since burned out.

But thank you for helping me look.

Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy. Maybe I
just made him up inside my mind and all of these memories I have of
us are a figment of my cruel imagination. Maybe I am punishing
myself subconsciously for something. Perhaps for not loving you, my
own mate, like I should.

If not that, then definitely for all those
times I disobeyed the authorities or questioned things I'm not
supposed to.

But those times that I had finally convinced
myself that he was just a figment of my imagination, you would
mention him to me. You would tell me that you heard something about
his whereabouts or that you, yet again, heard nothing whatsoever
about where he could be.

Or worse, you would say that he is probably
dead by now. Especially since he is…was…a half-breed.

My stomach would drop every time it was the
latter.

I tried so hard to tell myself that he's
really gone. But I still feel him with me, inside me somehow, so
it's no use.

His presence lingers everywhere. Constantly
it is here…haunting me.

His memory is always with me, in the day and
at night in my dreams… no matter where I go I cannot escape it.

I still remember how my hand felt in his big,
masculine hand. Warm and tingly and safe. I remember how soft and
full his lips felt against mine and the hunger that they stirred in
me. The ripples of desire that raced through my body.

I remember how good it felt to smell his
cedar and spice scent when he held me in his arms…

I shake myself to clear my head. I wouldn't
want to write all of that in my letter to Gabriel.

I continue…

My shrink used to tell me that time would
ease the pain and I would eventually get through it, but these
wounds just don't heal and there is too much that time will never
be able to erase from my memory.

I will always be a whisper of who I once
was.

Who you remember me as.

But I am not that girl anymore and I never
will be again.

My eyes have been opened to this ugly world
and what we will suffer if we stay here and let them control
us.

I know you tell me that I am on auto-pilot,
and I have finally opened my eyes to see that you are right. I have
been nothing but an empty shell of who I was once. I have also been
unfair to you, my best friend.

You speak to me less and less but you still
take great care of me. You feed me when I should eat, not that I am
ever hungry, you tell me when I smell bad so that I can remember to
bathe, and you tell me when to report to work so that I don't get
in trouble.

I appreciate all of that, Gabe, and it
doesn't go unnoticed or unappreciated.

I know this is hard on you, especially since
you once loved me, but you should really let me take care of
myself. You don't owe me anything.

I think he is finally over me though. I made
it crystal clear that I love him as my best friend, but not my
mate. I know that I am damaged goods but it's convincing Gabe of
that, that takes all of my energy. Despite my best efforts, it
still took him a while to give up on us, but I think he has finally
accepted it.

He, like everyone else, figured that I would
get over Shadow with time. He was the one here to comfort me for
these painstakingly long days and nights and I know he took
advantage of the situation and tried to win me over. He tried
everything to make me fall in love with him, but Shadow still has
every part of me, so I have nothing left to give.

Back before the Guards took my reason to live
and dashed my hopes, dreams and spirit, we had planned on escaping
this prison. We were going to fly over the wall that keeps us
"protected" from the Hell Horde and whatever other "evil" is
outside of the City.

As an angel, I'm not supposed to have a
deceitful or dishonest bone in my body. However, I must be the bad
seed, because since I turned eighteen and came to the City, I have
been nothing but questions and problems.

What I really am is screwed up.

I was once lucky.

And now I am really, really stupid.

I am a nobody, an angel from a poor family
that got lucky enough to be arranged to marry the Overlord's son,
Gabriel.

All of the girl angels wanted to be with him
and all of the boy angels wanted to be him.

And I married him (without a choice) and it's
caused nothing but problems for both of us.

But still, that is all my fault.

Most things are, I feel.

The night before Gabe and I were forced to
consummate our marriage and complete the bond, linking us to only
each other forever, I promised Shadow that I wouldn't do it.

I promised him I would save myself for him
because I loved him.

We were going to escape early the next
morning to avoid it on both sides.

I still don't know if he completed his bond
with Lillith, his arranged mate, or not because when we met the
next morning, Gabe caught us, and well, it wasn't pretty.

I think Gabe followed me because he was
getting so suspicious of my refusal to be with him sexually.

That morning they tried to kill each other,
literally. I tried everything I could to break them apart but I
couldn't choose a side and condemn one of the boys I love so much
to death. No matter what I did it was a lose-lose situation.

After all, the reason they were fighting was
because of me, and there I was, for them to constantly see why they
were fighting in the first place.

It was just fuel to the fire.

Luckily, before Gabe was about to stab Shadow
with a knife that none of us were unaware of except for him, the
Guards came.

Of course, they sided with their Commander,
Gabe.

However, instead of putting any blame on me
where it belonged, my beautiful husband put the blame on the
half-breed…or monster…or whatever hateful name Gabe could think to
spit out at the time.

Since it's forbidden to be involved with any
kind other than your own, this is of course unforgivable for me and
Shadow.

Unfortunately, he is part angel
and
demon, which is the worst of the worst and considered complete
blasphemy in our world, so they are going to try him for death. I
worry over that of course, but I also worry for our society. We are
supposed to have come a long way since the Dark Days when they
burned his parents alive for the very same crime.

He has been terrified of fire since then…

At the time, my bright idea was to keep my
mouth shut about my involvement so that I could rescue him from the
dungeon. If we were both taken, there would have been no chance of
rescue. Shadow also knew this because he kept giving me this look
that dared me to say anything.

Now I have regretted that decision for six
long months because I haven't been able to find him. I was in the
hospital for five weeks recovering from the poison arrow that the
Hell-Hordian shot me with, that should have killed me.

I thought five weeks was a long time.

I thought wrong.

We still can't imagine why they singled me
out to kill and shot at no one else. Nothing makes sense in this
stupid place anymore. Not the letter the Hell Horde left after the
attack at the costume ball, not the presumed deal the Overlord had
made with them years ago, not Shadow's disappearance, and not why I
am in no trouble whatsoever for trying to escape with a demon.

The bond that Gabe and I were supposed to
form when we had sex didn't work. I feel connected to him
somehow…maybe, but we have no telepathy or new powers that I am
aware of. Also, I still pine for my long, lost love and that would
definitely not be happening if the bond formed.

I haven't had any lustful thoughts about him
or anyone else and nothing has happened between us in bed. He holds
me close every night and he used to kiss me, but after a while his
kisses would turn hungry and I would retreat into the recess of my
mind and turn over.

I guess he got tired of being rejected and
it's all well with me because I got tired of rejecting him.

I am brought back from my reverie by my
fingers subconsciously tapping my pen on my paper.

I continue my letter.

Anyways, I can't handle the uncertainty of
knowing whether Shadow is still alive or not. The constant
wondering is taking what little sanity I have left.

So I am writing this letter to you.

I'm sorry it has to be like this, but I am
leaving to find him. I can't wait any longer.

I used to feel him in my thoughts, in my
mind; during my dreams I would see him and his surroundings.

It's some kind of on again off again
telepathy I have shared with him for a while now. But it stopped
eight weeks ago.

A sob bursts loudly into the room and I
realize it's me.