My Immortal (8 page)

The second thing I notice is that instead of
that making me panic, my heart swells with relief.

And have they ever been so bright?

I try to speak but my voice lets out a rough,
hoarse squeak and I clear my throat.

"Yeah?" I manage.

"How do you feel?"

I close my eyes and smile.

Pretty good as long as you keep petting my
head.

"Oh gods, you scared me, baby," his voice
comes out thick and broken.

I frown and try to sit up. He pulls me into
him, putting my head on his chest with his arms around me.

He rocks me and I am shocked at his
tenderness. I feel so secure here in the strength of his arms that
I don't speak to ruin the moment.

It's been so long since he showed me any
affection.

He kisses my forehead and rocks me,
continuing to stroke my hair. I feel so feint and sluggish that
it's hard to wrap my mind around what's going on.

But I do finally manage to do that.

Oh.

I grab the hand that was stroking my hair and
bring it to my lips before resting it over my beating heart. I look
him in his amazing, fiery eyes that seem brighter than ever right
now, and show him with the proof of my beating heart that I am
okay.

Shadow needs evidence, not words.

"I'm okay," I whisper.

He swallows and glances away from my sincere
stare.

I notice his body trembling all over.

"Why are you shaking? What's wrong?"

He tries to downplay the concern in my voice,
that's how I always know he is hiding something. He never wants me
to worry.

"I'm not sure. I feel so…
good.
"

I raise an eyebrow. "How so?"

He takes a deep breath and runs a hand
through his already disheveled hair making me want to drool. He
stands up and starts pacing, putting on display his nice form now
that my eyes have adjusted to the dim light.

And I am floored. Absolutely shocked to my
core.

Not only because his muscles are magically
back and very defined and large, but his wings don't look broken
anymore.

He stretches them out to their full length on
either side of him and pauses mid-stride to look at me with a smirk
on his face. "I know right?" his sexy, deep voice rumbles.

"What…in…the…world…? Your not thin-looking
and...and you wings, they were broken?"

He resumes his pacing. "Well, they weren't
broken but they were too heavy for me to lift, and I haven't been
able to retract them for a long time now. Since they ripped them
out the third time, but other than that I feel charged and just so
antsy. I have so much pent up…
something
…that I just feel
like I'm about to explode!"

I try not to comment on the ripping out of
the wings for the
third
time, because I don't want to take
him back there now that he seems happier. But wow, I am glad that
they grew back, it's pretty much a miracle. That's unheard of.

"Do you…do you think it's my blood?"

Don't smile, don't smile, don't smile.

"Yes, I do," he laughs, "and you should smile
because it suits you."

Despite the blush creeping into my cheeks, I
smile.

"So much for ever having a private thought
again, I suppose."

He smirks. "You're probably right. So you're
going to have to shut down all those dirty ones."

"I can't believe it," I say with mock
seriousness. "You made a joke." I look around dramatically. "Where
is Shadow and what have you done with him?"

He scoffs.

"So back to the discussion," he holds up a
finger and begins to tick things off. "I think I was closer to
dying than I knew. I think that all those experiments they were
doing to me weakened me, and I think that your blood I just drank
strengthened me because I was away from you."

I scrunch my face up in confusion.
"What?"

He contemplates. "I think we may have had a
partial bond, Alexia." He faces me, hands on hips and I try to keep
my eyes on his, not drifting down.

I glance at his chest a second later and
curse at myself.

He doesn't seem to notice and he continues on
while I struggle to focus and listen.

"It makes perfect sense! Your bond with
Gabriel didn't form because we had already formed one! Whether
partial or otherwise we will find out, but that's something! I
couldn't keep anyone's blood down or form a bond to anyone they
threw at me in here because once demons form a bond to someone they
can't keep anyone else's blood down!"

I think on this for a moment, letting it all
sink in, wondering how I did not see this myself. "But that means
that you were starving without me."

"Well, yeah but don't you see how crazy this
is? What this means?"

"So you were dying. If I hadn't had the crazy
last minute thought to come try one LAST time to find you, you
would have died. DIED."

I cross my arms, willing the unpleasant
thought away.

"Well, most definitely. But I didn't. You
came for me, Alexia. And the point is that I am alive and I feel
amazing right now! I feel my strength back and maybe even more!
Something's different and I just can't put my finger on it."

He certainly looks different. I must say,
it's very pleasing to the eye. "Your eyes are the brightest red
that they have ever been, and you were emaciated before I passed
out. Now you're…you're…"

He smirks arrogantly, waiting for my answer
to his toned physique. "I'm…?"

I purse my lips. "You're healthy
looking."

He makes a show of looking down at his torso
and flexing his solid eight-pack.

I roll my eyes.

"A little more than healthy looking, I
think," he smirks as he runs his finger up his well defined abs one
by one as if playing keys on a piano.

"Well at least your sense of humor is back,"
I mutter petulantly.

"Mmm. All these compliments are going to go
to my head." He smiles a breathtakingly masculine smile with white,
gleaming teeth and sharp fangs that make my stomach dip
dangerously.

I swallow and rack my brain for a subject
change.

"So what are we going to do now? We need to
get out of here…"

He resumes his pacing. "You're right, we need
to come up with a plan. I won't be their lab rat anymore."

I swear I saw his eyes flash when he said
that and before I can process my thought he blurs into motion so
fast I can't track and punches the concrete wall…on the other side
of the cell.

I gasp and cover my mouth, eyes wide as
saucers.

He looks just as stunned as me and he
confusedly examines his hand. The cut on his knuckles heals right
before our eyes. He looks back over at me across the room and I
can't form any thought. He turns back and examines the huge hole in
the concrete wall, and little pebbles are still crumbling and
falling down.

I exhale in a rush, not realizing I was even
holding my breath. This draws his attention instantly as if I had
called his name.

"Something's wrong." His voice is gruff and
almost alarmed.

"Pft! Understatement of
the year!"
I
cry.

He doesn't really seem to pay much attention
to me.

"I don't really know what happened," he
mumbles.

I shake my head, mouth agape and at a loss
for words. Can he really be so calm about this?

"Or how…" he continues his ramblings looking
from his hand, to the wall, back to me across the way.

I throw my hands up and let them smack my
hips as they fall back to position, in perfect hissy fit-style.
"Shadow! Helloooooooo…." I wave my hand back and forth as if to
bring him back to present.

He doesn't notice my temper tantrum and my
annoyance tries to surface.

Okayyyy
…I think. "Well they do say one
person's craziness is another person's reality," I mutter barely
above a whisper.

Suddenly, there is a breeze that ruffles my
hair between the time I blink and the time I open my eyes and in
the next second bright, red eyes are intently boring into mine and
Shadow is standing nose to nose with me.

We stare each other down and it is a game of
determination. I won't look away first. He will not make me weaker
than he is in either of our minds.

His pupils contract and it's so
crazy-beautiful that I almost falter. My lips part and I
inhale.

His eyes shift down, focusing on my lips and
a small smile of triumph pulls at the corner of my lips.

He rolls his eyes.

"You cheated," he tells me.

"You're a sore loser," I reply.

He cants his head, eyes locked onto mine
again. "That may be, but I'm not crazy. I heard you."

Wow. His hearing must be phenomenal because
there is absolutely no way he could have heard me if it wasn't. I
barely heard myself say it.

"I was figuring everything out, trying to
figure out how I moved so fast and with such strength, so that I
could do it on command. It's called analyzing and I wasn't standing
there like some loony shocked at what had happened….like you
were."

"Well, while you may think it's
super
cool that you have new powers and all, I am a little skeptical
seeing as how I saw a bunch more kinds like that on my way in here.
And let me tell you, they were just a
little
bit freaky and
a
lot
crazy," I said using my finger to emphasize
a
little bit
and my hands to emphasize
a lot.

He finally sobers up and seems to take me
seriously. "You were afraid of them," he states, grabbing my hand
in his while still face to face with me.

I glance away from his sincerity. "Yes, I
was." It was little more than whisper.

"Are…are you afraid of me?"

Still looking away from him I shake my
head.

"You know I would die for you. I won't ever
let anything hurt you, especially not me."

The depth and sincerity in his statement take
me aback. I still wasn't sure if he even considered me his friend
and now he is telling me this. It takes me a while to catch up and
accept that we went from strangers to lovers again. Maybe.

I really want to bring it up somehow, and ask
him, even if just to soothe my aching heart but I still fear his
rejection.

My heart flutters in my chest just thinking
about it and trying to get the nerve to ask.

His thumb rubs a circle over the frantic
pulse on my wrist. "Your words tell me that you aren't afraid of me
but your body tells me different."

Boys are insufferable! Will they never
understand girls?

He frowns. "I can't understand you if you
don't explain yourself, Alexia."

His free hand lifts and he runs a knuckle
down my cheek. I close my eyes hoping the tears don't overflow my
waterline.

"It's not that I'm afraid of you, Shadow," I
whisper. I swallow and don't know if I have the nerve to finish
what I desperately want to say.

"Then what?..." he asks just as softly.

"I'm just scared that…that you…" I can't
bring myself to say it, so I finish the thought through our mind
link.

I am afraid that you don't love me
anymore.

He doesn't respond and my hope starts waning.
I instantly try to explain myself, feeling the need to justify my
fear.

I worried about you for six months, I saw
you in my dreams, you haunted me every waking moment of those long
six months. My love for you didn't die, it only intensified and so
did my guilt. I can't bear it all any longer. And when I found
you…you were…different. And I tried not to take it personally but,
I just can't talk myself into thinking that it has nothing to do
with me. Am I not who you still want? Or what you want? Or…or…

"Alexia," he sighs, interrupting my
ramble.

"It isn't you that's changed, Sweetling, it's
me."

Sweetling? I don't want to be Sweetling, I
want to still be your Bayla.

He either isn't listening or he ignores
me.

"I'm not going to tell you that I don't still
love you, because the truth is that I'm not sure what love is,
really. But, whether I figure that out or not, right now I am only
trying to take responsibility for all of my actions, whether good
or bad."

I'm losing the fragile connection to him that
we
just
got back by making him tell me the truth. I
shouldn't have asked, because I knew. Deep down I knew, and I
wouldn't accept it so I had to ask. Will I ever learn?

Tears flow down my cheeks but my lips don't
wobble this time. He squeezes my hand for comfort but that's as far
as it goes.

"Please," I gasp brokenly, not sure what I am
pleading for. Surely not this.

In my desperate attempt to keep him close
when I realize that he is pulling away, I put my hand over his
heart and he startles and jumps back out of reach.

I stare in confusion at what just happened.
As if my touch literally burned him or something.

He puts his hands up in a pleading manner,
like he is settling an angry animal. "Please don't make this any
harder on you or me then it has to be, Alexia. I am trying to do
the right thing. You deserve so much better than me and when you
realize that, I don't want to be standing in your way. No empty
promises and obligations to stay."

I hear what he's saying but my mind registers
it as a load of crap. I still focus on his chest, trying to
understand why my gentle touch caused him to jump back and
panic.

"That wasn't your fault either….I don't like
to be touched, in most places anymore. Compliments of being raped
and tortured here," he smiles sadly, not a full blown,
make-my-knees-week smile.

"But those Guards were monsters…this is
just…me?" I whisper, not sure why I phrase it as a question.

He shakes his head. "I don't understand it
either, Alexia. I'm trying to tell you that I am really messed up
now! I'm different! In a bad, bad way!"