My Misery Muse (20 page)

“Devi, stop,” I gritted out.

She stopped and looked at me looking confused, and then she finally felt what she was doing to me. “Sorry,” she muttered then slid off my lap.

I bit back a curse, “You done?”

She nodded, glancing down to where my cock was standing at attention.

“Can I see?” I bit out, wanting to redirect her stare.

“Oh, yea here,” she said looking flustered, she handed me the sketch.

I looked at the sketch and was once again blown away with her talent.  It looked like an aged photo slightly wrinkled in places as if it was pulled out and looked at often but the picture still clear. The picture of Devi holding Jaks I had fallen in love with, it was focused on them but you could still see some of the background.  Around it looked like old parchment burned in some places, there were the lyrics I had written out for her earlier in a scrolling script.  The same words I had written for Devi many years before.

“Do you like it?” she asked quietly.

I nodded, unable to find the words on what this meant to me.

She brushed tears from her face, “Alright, since Mags is taking Jaks to school tomorrow, why don’t we go in early and get it done, then?”

“Yea, that works for me.”

She wiped her eyes. “Ok, now let’s go and fix this,” as she brushed her hand across my hard cock.

I groaned, put the sketch down and threw her over my shoulders, “Yes, let’s.”

The next morning we got up early. Devi put on her normal work attire of short skirt, Pin’s Ink tank top, fish net thigh highs and for a change a pair of Mary Jane’s that had  butterfly wings with a skull in the middle.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of her; she expertly put on her make-up and was ready in no time at all.

We got to the shop around 9 so she could get the tattoo done before her first scheduled client at noon.  When we got there the building was empty so she took out her key and unlocked it, and then led me through to her station.  She smiled at me then took off to get the stencil ready. I looked around at the photos she had around her station, and noticed a new one of Jaks, Devi, and me.  It was taken a week ago at Xavier’s; I had the same picture in the case of my favorite bass. 

When she had the stencil ready, she had me sit and placed it on my chest over my heart. “What do you think?” she murmured taking me to look at it in a full sized mirror.

I nodded. “Looks good.”

“Alright, I was thinking black and grey for the photo, then an aged yellow,” she said heading back to her station.

“Yea, that sounds good.”

She got out what she needed, filled the caps with the ink she would need, then sat down. She pushed the pedal on her machine a couple of times making sure her gun was working the way she wanted.  Then looked up at me, “You sure?”

“Yea, baby I’m sure.”

She looked me in the eye for another moment then nodded. “Ok.”She dipped the needle into the ink and started on my new tattoo.

Two hours later Devi set down her gun, and finished wiping off the excess ink and blood. “You ready to take a look?”

“Hell yea, I’m ready,” I said then got out of the chair and stretched my sore muscles.  I walked over to the mirror and couldn’t breathe. “It’s… damn… Devi, it’s perfect,” I said choked with emotion.

She nodded. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” I said then grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. “Thank you,” I murmured against her lips.

“You’re welcome,” she whispered then kissed me again. “Come on, let’s get that bandaged up.”

I walked back to her station, still in awe of the tattoo she’d given me.

“Let’s see,” Cris said walking out of the office.

I showed him my knew ink and he whistled, “I think this may be your best yet, Dev.”

Devi shrugged.

“Did you get pictures taken yet?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I’ll do it later,” she said quietly then patted the chair for me to sit so she could get to work bandaging up the tattoo.

Fifteen minutes later I left a quiet Devi, with a lot on my mind and a lot of things to get through during the next week before I left.  I knew I was still hiding things from her, trying to protect her, and Devi would never want me to protect her.  I let her believe it was an ultimatum between her and my music, if it was that simple then I would stay with her and Jaks. But it wasn’t that simple, and I couldn’t bring the media storm down on her. I couldn’t jeopardize her career, and I would not put my son in a place where later he would be teased and ridiculed.  So I let her believe that I had chosen my career over them, it would be easier on her in the end.

Seth and I lay together getting our breath back and enjoying the post orgasmic bliss. He was softly running his fingers along the branches of the cherry blossom tree tattoo that covered my back.

“This is beautiful, Devi,” Seth whispered. “I remember you working on it when I left.”

“Yea,” I said enjoying his fingers slip across my skin, “but I made some changes since you last saw it.”

“I noticed, what are the pictures in the trunk?”

I smiled faintly. “The one towards the bottom is a picture of Jaks and me the day I brought him home from the hospital, it’s of me and him in the rocking chair in his room.”

“Is the one in the middle the same as the tattoo you gave me?”

“Yea,” I said softly. I felt his lips brush over that part of my tattoo. “Towards the top of the trunk is Jaks’ name.”

“It’s perfect,” he whispered against my skin. “You were always coming up with new ideas to put in the trunk, but this is perfect.”

“I thought so, I also decided to have the trunk done in black and grey instead of color,” I said, “the only color I wanted was the blossoms.”

He chuckled. “Knowing you, there’s a reason for it.”

I shrugged. “I believe if you’re going to put something on your body that’s permanent, it better have meaning.”

“I know, you preached that to me all the time,” he said and I could hear the smile in his voice. “So what do the colors mean, Devi?”

I shrugged. “Jaks brought me back to a life of color, when it had seemed all of it had leeched out.”

With that he lay down beside me and pulled me into his body, holding me tightly.

“I’m sorry I hurt you baby,” he whispered against my ear.

“I know,” Needing to get away from the past I said, “So your leaving tomorrow?” only to realize that this topic was way too close to the one I didn’t want to remember.

Seth let out a long sigh. “Yea.”

I rolled over in his arms so I could see his eyes. “Do you want me and Jaks to come out and see you while you’re on tour?”

He avoided my eyes. “I don’t know Devi, we’re going to be busy, we’re hopping from one city to the next without much of a break,” he said. “It’s normal for the final leg of a long tour, everyone wants to get it done so they can get home.”

I nodded. “Ok, then later in LA?” I asked needing to know.

He looked away. “I don’t know,” he said softly.

Neither one of us said another word, I buried closer to his chest, closing my eyes and relishing the feel of his arms around me.  He held me even tighter, as if he couldn’t get close enough either.  I eventually found sleep, but it wasn’t a restful sleep.

The next morning, Seth ate breakfast with Jaks and me. Then he had to head to Xavier’s where they were all meeting to go to the airport, to fly off to Denver where they were joining the tour.  Neither of us spoke to each other, both focusing on Jaks, I don’t think either of us knew what to say to the other.

After breakfast Seth pulled Jaks in for a tight hug kissing the top of his head. “Be good for Mommy, I love you,” he said kissing Jaks again then setting him down.  I had to fight back the tears, which were burning behind my eyes.

He walked over to me pulling me into a hug, crushing me against his chest; I felt his lips brush my forehead.  “Bye Devi,” he whispered then brushed a soft kiss across my lips, turned and walked out the door.

I watched him get in his car and drive away and whispered, “Goodbye, Seth.” I knew I wouldn’t see him again and I let the tears fall.

I pulled myself together a minute later and gave my son a watery smile. “Let’s get ready for school, buddy.” My heart might be broken, but I had to keep it together for Jaks.

I walked into work and instantly felt Cris’s eyes on me. I didn’t really feel up to working today, but I had appointments scheduled.  “Hey,” I said walking to my station to check out my schedule for the day.

“Hey,” he said back softly, “you ok?”                                        

I shrugged, my back still facing him, “Yea, I guess.”

“You’re lying, Dev.”

“What do you want me to say Cris?” I asked. “You want me to tell you that I’m barely holding on here?  That the only reason I am is because I have Jaks to take care of?  That it hurt more this time than it did the last? That just once I wish he chose me over his music?  Is that what you want to hear?” I was yelling the last part; I couldn’t stop the floodgate of tears that finally broke.

Cris stood up and walked towards me, then wrapped his arms around me. “If it’s the truth, then yes, Dev that’s what I want to hear,” he murmured while holding me, letting me cry out my grief and pain.  After the sobs finally subsided he loosened his hold on me and took a step back so he could see my face. “You know I’m here right, as your friend?”

I nodded and pulled away from him, I wiped the tears from my face. “I need to get ready for my first client.”

“You don’t have to Devi, if you want to go home—”

“No, I need to be here Cris,” I said cutting him off.

He nodded then went to his own station to get ready for the day.

I went through the day, working on my clients, trying to ignore the voices in my head telling me it’s for the best, he’d only resent you.  Worst of all was wanting to go after him, but I couldn’t, he made his decision.  So I took solace in my work, I loved the feel of my tattoo gun, the loud humming that is distinctive to my work, wiping off excess ink. And when finished to see the smile on my clients face after sitting hours in my chair grimacing from pain and discomfort.  In the end it was worth it, you walked away with a piece of art on your body, something that means enough to you to endure the pain and discomfort.  So I fell into work and ignored the voices, ignored the ache in my heart, and the feeling that the part of my soul that had been missing and came back shortly was once again ripped away from me.

¯¯¯

We had been on tour for three weeks now, and I felt empty, I was in a foul mood and I knew it, I just didn’t care.  The guys stayed away from me for the most part, giving me time, but I knew it wouldn’t fix it, it didn’t fix it last time. I just buried it down deep and ignored it.  I didn’t know if I could do it again, or if I even wanted to.

“So it’s healed?” Sam said pulling me once again out of my dark thoughts.

“Huh?”

Sam nodded towards my bare chest, and the tattoo Devi had marked me with. I ran my fingers over it then pulled a shirt on. “Yea I guess.”

“I can’t believe how talented she is,” remarked Xavier.

I didn’t know why we were talking about this, no one ever brought up Devi in front of me, especially not in the close confines of our tour bus.

“Why?” asked Eli. “She was always artistically gifted.”

He shrugged. “I just remember her always drawing one thing or another, not if it was any good.”

I nodded and smiled she always had a sketch tablet with her and pencils, most girls carried makeup in their purses, not Devi.

“She was always talented,” Sam said.

Eli grinned, “I think she does her best work on human flesh though.”