My Only (23 page)

What she’d said about him always being my brother and me needing to just forgive him was probably right, but I couldn’t do it. I was so mad at him for being such a jerk. I couldn’t believe that we’d come from the same womb. I would’ve never reacted that way. I would’ve never said those things about her.

Casey had given me a ride to school and had planned on taking me home as wel . It was completely out of his way, so after school I stopped Olivia in the hal way and asked her if I could catch a ride home. Of course she said yes, and of course Casey flipped out in his usual way. He went on and on—out of earshot from Olivia—about how now that Aaron was out of the picture, it was total y my chance.

I didn’t disagree with him, but I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes as before. I was going to be her friend—truly her friend—and if something more developed from that, then it was meant to be.

I only had about a half an hour before having to leave for work again, so Olivia just came in and waited, playing the drums in the garage while I got ready. Aaron wasn’t home and probably wouldn’t be until much later. My dad was upstairs sleeping, but the garage was far enough away from his room that it didn’t usual y disturb him. The only time I ever woke him up was when I was real y wailing on the skins.

I had ten minutes until my shift started, but I stil took my time to watch her drum. It wasn’t a fast beat she was tapping out. It was more of a seductive rhythm. It suited her.

Final y, she looked up and saw me staring. She blushed and put down the sticks.

“That was good,” I said, stepping into the garage.

Olivia stood. “Whatever. You’re just being nice.”

“You’re right. I’m just being nice.” She was close enough to elbow me in the gut. I groaned. “But it
was
good.” I was amazed by our easy conversation on the way to the mal . It was as if the past few months hadn’t even happened—like I’d never stopped talking to her, like she’d never been with Aaron, like we were instant friends again.

My shift was short, so al I got was a fifteen-minute break. To my surprise, Olivia was slowly making her way through the Religious and Metaphysical books at my store.

“What are you doing?”

She looked up at me, keeping the book with a picture of someone’s version of Heaven open in her lap. Lots of people did what she was doing.

They just sat down in the middle of the aisles, legs folded, as they flipped through book after book. “I’m reading.” I chuckled and sat down next to her and she asked, “What are you doing?”

“Sitting next to you.” She closed the book. I apparently had her undivided attention. “I’m on break,” I said out of pure necessity to say
something
.

“Good to know you’re not sitting down on the job. Books won’t stack themselves, you know?” God, she was adorable. I had to say something. Something she’d like. “Did you know that the world’s largest bookstore is actual y a Barnes & Noble? It’s in New York and it has about twelve miles of shelving.”

Judging by her expression, this little tidbit delighted her. “Awesome Fun Fact, Adam. Now my turn. Fun Fact: The Harold Washington Library Center in Chicago is the largest public library in the world. There are over two mil ion books in there.” I didn’t know that, and I’d lived near Chicago al my life. “That’s awesome.”

“Completely awesome,” she said in a tone that seemed to imply that my inflection hadn’t given enough weight to my words. “We need to go.”

“Huh? Go where?”

“To the Library Center in Chicago.” Olivia gathered up the books that she’d laid out on the floor. She stacked them then got up. I stood up, too.

“Actual y, we need to go to Chicago for a lot of reasons. You know, Passive Disorder is playing at the Metro at the beginning of April.” I opened my mouth to reply, but she started talking again. “Actual y, Violet Plume is going to be at Reggie’s Rock Club at the end of this month.

We’re going to that.”

“What?” I blinked in confusion. “We are?”

“Yep. You and me. Put it on your calendar.”

I laughed. “Al right. I’l pencil it in as soon as I know the date. How much are tickets?”

“I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. They’re awesome. We’re gonna dance!”

Violet Plume was sort of a hippie-folk band. I didn’t exactly know how one danced to music like that, but then again, Passive Disorder wasn’t dance music either. It was more of a jam band. Maybe I just didn’t know anything about dancing to
any
kind of music.

“I’m not real y a dancer,” I said. I’d told as much before, but I didn’t want to disappoint her.

“But you’re a drummer, so you already have rhythm. Instead of moving just your arms to create it, you have to listen to someone else’s beat and move your whole body.” She said it like it was nothing. Like it was something so easy anyone could do it.

“Drumming’s different, Livie. It’s not—”

Olivia reached out and squeezed my bicep. I wished there was more for her to squeeze, but banging on the drums did give me better arms than other people, but they weren’t guns like Aaron’s. “You can dance. I’l show you. Anyway, if you just want to stand there with your arms at your sides and nod your head, that’s fine, too. I won’t judge you.” She paused then added, “Much.”

“Hey, Adam!”

I reluctantly turned around to see who’d cal ed me. My manager was beckoning me to him. I glanced at my watch. My break was up. “I have to go,” I said.

She pressed her lips together then shook her head making her hair fal away from her face. Then she winked at me and said, “It’s cool. I’l see you in a few hours.”

At the end of the stack, I held my hands out and she passed me the books. I didn’t mind that I’d have to re-shelve them. “You don’t have to just hang out, you know?”

“What else am I going to do?” Olivia walked toward the front of the store, but then turned around. “See you.” Her smile was so beautiful.

For the rest of my shift, I was absorbed with thoughts about her and realizing that once again, I was hopelessly captivated by the girl who lived across the street.

The rest of the week finished in similar fashion. I rode to and from school with Olivia. We went to work together, took our breaks together, and then came home together. When she’d gone out with Aaron, it felt like my heart was crushed. But now, my heart was blooming.

I felt so happy and alive with her. We had a great time when we were together. I didn’t want to be around anyone but her. Despite what people were saying at school, Olivia didn’t seem to have a care in the world. It was if the rumors weren’t even there. I thought they affected me more than they did her. Most of them were the usual name cal ing, stemming from the fact that she’d dated Aaron and was now hanging around me.

But the one that bothered me the most was less a rumor and more just a rude thing to focus on. My brother’s comment to whomever he was speaking to on the phone that day—the one about her not taking off her shirt—seemed to be juicy news to everyone. Having had a sort of thing with Clare Matthews, I knew that girls were probably insecure about their breasts—especial y considering jerks like Aaron and his group made such a big deal about them.

I thought Olivia’s were real y nice. Not that I’d seen them. They weren’t
really
smal like Clare’s, and they weren’t so big they looked painful like a few other girls in school. They were perfect. I mean, they
looked
perfect. They were—

“Dude, you’re drooling a bit,” Casey said, flinging a potato chip at me. We were at his house practicing. “And you’re off.” He pointed to the drum set.

I took a deep breath and tried to shake images of breasts from my mind. I’d been too lost in thoughts about the chests of girls—Olivia’s in particular—to keep a consistent tempo.

“Sorry.”

The other guys were staring at me.

“What?” I asked. It wasn’t as if we were on the verge of being “The Next Big Thing” or anything, so I real y didn’t get why they were looking at me as if I was truly holding them up.

Casey pul ed the shoulder strap of his guitar up over his head and set his instrument down. “You’ve just been spacey al day.” He went over to the refrigerator and one by one, he tossed everyone a soda. Then walked back over to me and leaned against the large red toolbox behind me. I swiveled around to see him. “If you’re not into the band anymore, just say so.” My eyes grew wide. What the hel ? “What are you talking about? So I’m distracted today. It doesn’t mean I’m not into the band. You’ve been distracted lots of times.”

“Yeah,” Cory said. “But you’ve been distracted for a while, bro. I mean, we al get that you were upset that girl went out with your brother, but that’s over. You’re a better drummer than what you’ve been giving us.”

I let out an angry breath.
Of course
I was a better drummer. I was a better musician al around than any of them. I’d been a bit passive in the past months, but there was no need for them to gang up on me like this. Deciding it wasn’t best to antagonize them by declaring how I was the only talented person in the band, I went with, “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.” Casey sighed, took a sip of his soda, and then pushed off of the toolbox. I glanced at my watch and stood. “I’ve got to get going.” Cory rol ed his eyes. I didn’t have to see the other two to know that they were annoyed.

“I have to work,” I said, but they already knew that. “Case, you said you’d give me a ride home, right?” Casey shrugged, but moved to the side door and grabbed his coat. “Sure.”

On the way to my house, an odd tension fil ed the car. “What’s going on?” I final y asked.

“That’s what I’m asking
you
, man. I mean, we were just getting used to the depressed version of Adam and now some strange, goofy Adam-like person has taken over. Don’t get me wrong, dude. This one’s better than the depressed dork we’d grown to love, but you’re even harder to deal with in terms of our band.”

“What do you want me to say to that? I’m sorry.”

“It’s Olivia, isn’t it? You’re al head-over-heels stupid for her again.”

The tone of his voice pissed me off. He was one to talk! I’d been putting up with his googly eyes for Hannah—not to mention his stupid behavior over her—for
years
. “What does that matter?”

Casey threw a look in my direction as he pul ed up to my curb. “It doesn’t, real y. We’re al just wondering what’s up with you, man. I mean, one minute you’re Sul en Sal and the next minute you’re Moonstruck Manny.”

There was nothing I could do but rol my eyes at my friend. “I’m not Sal or Manny, Case.” I turned and saw that Olivia’s curtains were open, which meant she was home. “Yeah, I’m hanging out with Olivia, and yeah, a lot of my thoughts are on her, but no more than you think about Hannah.”

“It’s cool,” Casey said. “Just try to be present during practice, if you know what I mean. The other guys are getting a bit pissed.”

“Yeah, okay,” I said, but my mind was off in another direction. I was thinking about the drive to work with Olivia. We hadn’t done our Fun Facts or our Word of the Day yet, so I needed to hurry up and figure them out before it was time to go.

I said goodbye to Casey, then raced into my house and up the stairs. I flipped open my laptop to Google random facts and words while I threw on my work clothes. By the time my phone buzzed, I was ready to go. Glancing at the text on the screen, I saw that Olivia was waiting.

I peeked out the window. My whole body felt alive and pulsated with excitement when I saw her looking back at me. I wished I was right next to her, but even without the benefit of seeing the freckles on her oddly perfect nose, I was amazed at how pretty she looked.

I motioned to her I’d be down in a minute. She nodded then waved. When Olivia disappeared from view, it was like the sun passing behind a cloud. My body was stil warmed by her light, but even the slightest dimming of her bril iance left me shivering.

I nearly bowled into Aaron in the foyer. He was just kicking off his shoes. My brother looked fatigued—like he hadn’t slept and just played a game. When I saw his gym bag, I figured he’d just had basketbal practice or an actual game. I hadn’t spoken to him in a while, and didn’t figure I needed to start now.

I yanked open the door, eager to be close to Olivia again, but Aaron said, “Going to work?” I stopped, surprised that he’d caved and had spoken to me first. Remembering what a jerk he’d been to Olivia, I wasn’t going to make this easy for him. Without turning around, I answered, “Yes.”

“Need a ride?”

I couldn’t help it this time; I turned and looked at him. There was nothing extraordinary about him today. He simply looked like a guy—like my brother—like me. Various responses ran through my head. I could just say
No
and continue on to Olivia’s car. I could tel him that I stil thought he was a jerk. I could say nothing.

But in the end, I replied, “No. Olivia’s taking me.”

I was surprised that my voice held no animosity. I hadn’t realized that I’d gotten over the pure anger I’d felt for him. Aaron ran his hand through his wet hair. “Cool.”

The whole interaction was strange. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it at al . It was like there was more to be said, but I couldn’t think of what.

Obviously he didn’t either because we just stood there looking at each other for a few silent moments longer.

“Wel ,” I said, tilting my head toward the open door.

Aaron took a step back toward the kitchen. “Yeah. Don’t want to be late for work, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” he said as he scratched his shoulder. He moved his hand up his neck to the top of his head and wove his fingers in his hair. He was acting weird.

“Are you okay?” I asked. I’d never seen him like this. He’d been tired before, but this seemed different. He was sul en, or depressed, even. He was usual y such an “up” person that the contrast was almost shocking.

“I’m cool,” he said. He shifted his eyes toward the door, “She’s probably waiting for you.” Again, I said, “Yeah,” but made no move to leave the house. My hand fel away from the doorknob as I took a step closer to Aaron.

Once he realized I was headed his way, he cleared his throat and backed up. “Have a good night at work.” He turned quickly and left the foyer.