My Side (21 page)

His thrusts were rough
and angry. The sex was angry. I leaned back and he pushed me on my back. He
shoved back inside of me, plunging deep and hard. He nestled his face into my
neck and moaned into my hair when he came. He instantly took my hand and shoved
it down between my legs, “Finish yourself off with me inside of you.”

I nodded. I was wild
with the near orgasm. I started, fast and intense, I didn’t need a build up. I
didn’t have to rub long, when I clamped down on his hardness. As I came, he
gave me a few thrusts. I closed my eyes and smiled. “You’re sleeping here too.”

He nestled into my
neck, “Yes ma’am.”

I almost came again
when he said it.

We
laid
there a minute, wrapped in each other and completely disgusting. He kissed the
side of my head, “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”

I gave him a confused
look, “What?”

He laughed, “You
almost sat on my face, which by the way, don’t hesitate next time, I love it.
You tied me up, pulled my barbell, teased me into oblivion and forced me to
fuck you.”

I shook my head, “I
don’t want to talk about it.”

He laughed, “You are
not a nice girl, and I just want it noted for the record, Your Honor, that I
said it from the beginning. Not a nice girl but a naughty girl.”

I laughed and blushed,
“Let’s take a shower, and I can tell you all the things you didn’t do quite as
well as the Brothers of County Claire.” I grabbed his hand and tugged him to my
ensuite.

“I’d let those
brothers fuck you, just to see it done better than that. That was some hot
sex.”

I looked at him
doubtfully.

He wavered, “Okay, I’d
kill anyone who talked to you, but you get the point. Those lame-ass Claire
brothers ain’t got shit on me.” He looked at my bathroom, “Seriously?”

I started the shower,
“What?”

“Your own a full
bathroom?”

I smiled, “Hey, I’m
the princess, remember?”

He snorted, “I knew
that about you too, the minute I saw you screaming and waving that mace at me.”

Night Life

The bar was packed. I
scowled at Danny, “I wanted to go to Stormy’s Sledsters.”

He rolled his eyes,
“Big D’s is more fun.”

“What’s a sledster?”
Lochlan leaned in and whispered in my ear.

I laughed and gave him
an amused look, “Winter sports are big around here. We get a lot of snowmobile
enthusiasts. We call them slutters, instead of sledders but you get the general
idea. They take their rings off, and they’re single for the weekend.”

He laughed, “It’s like
Vegas for guys who like winter sports. You got college girls and horny men with
cash.”

I nodded, “Yeah, but
less like Vegas than you’d imagine.”

He snorted, “I can see
that.”

The bar was nice, for
Grand Forks. I’d been to Big D’s in Fargo and it was the same. We sat in the
booth and ate Danny’s fries. He scowled at me.

I pulled my hand back
before he stabbed it.

Gerry gave me a
worried look, “So, should I be scared? It feels a little like Deliverance
country here.”

I winced and gave
Danny a look. Danny shrugged, “Probably.”

Gerry didn’t look
amused. I laughed, “You’re like the only gay guy here, you’re golden.”

The bartender walked
over with a picture, “You have to sign this for me, please. I almost had a
stroke from the other side of the bar, when I saw it was you guys.”

I pointed, “Told you
they would know who you were.”

Lochlan sighed and
signed it, sliding it over to Gerry. “Look man, we’re just trying to have an
uneventful night out.”

He winked, “Mums the
word. I won’t say shit. Thanks guys, I’m a huge fan. I drove all the way to
Boston to see you perform, twice.” He was glowing.

Gerry smiled at him,
“Thanks man. We appreciate the support.”

The bartender looked
like he might hug them, but he turned and took the picture of the band back to
the bar. He tacked it to the wall. I laughed and nodded. They never noticed he
was doing it.

Danny tapped his
fingers against the wooden table, “So I was thinking that maybe, if we run a
couple charity concerts to start you off with the humble U2 vibe, people would
have that impression of you. It might help get them past Loch getting kicked
off the show. You know, the bad boys of rock and roll are kind of over. Girls
think it’s sexy when the lead singer has a puppy and hugs his grandma, ya
know?”

I was lost. Danny
never said nearly intelligent stuff like that.

Lochlan grinned at
Gerry, “We have a gay drummer who is totally comfortable with his sexuality,
we’re
fine.”

Gerry laughed,
“Asshole. I’m not being the poster child for gay musicians; Elton John has that
covered.”

Danny gave them both a
serious look, “I’m serious.
You all need to decide which
direction
,
you want that to go
. Me and Lenny
and Vic were talking about it. I want to maintain this positive type of public
perception.”

I pointed, “Are you
working for them?”

Danny beamed, “Yeah.”
He said it like it was obvious, I should have known it.

I looked at Lochlan.
He shrugged, “He was right about the dramatic pauses. The intensity of the show
was upped. The lights on the crowd only—he has good ideas.”

Gerry nudged him in
the booth, “And he’s cute.”

Danny blushed,
“Anyway, you want AIDS or kids in Africa, Romanian orphans, or what?”

Lochlan sighed, “Why
didn’t Vic and Lenny decide? They started Thin Ice.”

Gerry looked confused
too.

Danny drummed his
fingers against the table, “Lenny has kids and a wife. He wants to take a
serious backseat in all this. He never started the band and was never
comfortable with a leadership role. That was Harris’ job and they don’t want
it.”

Gerry nodded, “It is
typically something the front man would control.”

“What about Vic?”

Gerry looked at
Lochlan and shook his head, “He never wanted this. He liked it being a small
Boston band. He’s starting a company and leaving the band. He’s going to tell
you all, when we get back. He emailed me yesterday. It’s too big.”

Lochlan looked upset,
“Is it me?”

Gerry shook his head,
“No way, man. You’ve been the best thing that ever happened to Thin Ice. Me and
Mike
want
this to be big. We hunted you for a reason.
If we have to just hire a keyboard and guitar, then so be it. Drums, singer,
bass, and one guitar are the most important anyway.”

Lochlan looked
stressed. My buzz was killed. I sipped my glass of red and looked around the
bar. A girl waved at me from across the dance floor. I smiled and pushed
Lochlan, “Let me out.”

He looked confused but
climbed out. I kissed his cheek, “Be back in a minute.” The shoptalk was
boring, and somehow I felt like I might be to blame. Lochlan had been moody
since he met me. I pushed it to the back of my mind and ran to the girl across
the bar. “Serena, hey.”

She had been my
roommate for the months I was at dorms. She was
an it
girl, popular and slightly mean. She had been in love with my brother, thank
God. It earned me a place in her world. I never had to worry about being
bullied or tortured. I was Serena’s friend.

I wrapped my arms
around her. She seemed thinner than before.

“How are you?” she
smiled.

I shrugged, “Good.
Law school in Boston.
How are things with you?”

She looked around the
bar, “Same old. I’m a project manager for a construction company.” I assumed it
was her dad’s, but I didn’t say that.

“That’s great.”

She tilted her head,
“I’ve never seen you let your hair go curly like that. You always did the sleek
look.”

I grabbed a curl, “Oh
yeah.” I sounded like I was from North Dakota. I cleared my throat, “My
boyfriend likes it curly.”

She glanced at the
table of good-looking guys I’d just left, “Is that you boyfriend?”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“He looks like that
guy from that America’s Most Talented Stars.”

I laughed, “Yeah.”

“So he tells you how
to wear your hair?” It was a shitty thing to say and my face made her
backpedal, “I mean it’s just weird. You were always so strong and never cared
what people thought. You were independent and free. I always thought that was
so cool.” She used the term like that part of me was long gone.

I nodded, “I still
am.”

Her pretty face got
serious, “How’s Danny?” I was grateful for the change in subject.

I wanted to say
awesome,
he’d just landed his dream job, and was happy like
he’d never been. Instead I shrugged, “You know Danny.”

Her eyes got lost in
thought for a second, “That I do.” She snapped out of it and became the blonde,
tanned, queen of the mean, “So law school. That always was the dream, wasn’t
it?” Her tone was patronizing.

I ignored it, “Yes, it
was. I’m pretty excited.”

She smiled, “I’m
really happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’m happy for
you too.”

Her glossy lips stayed
frozen in her fake smile, “It’s great we’re both doing so well.” I caught her
gaze travel to the table
again,
“Say hi to Danny for
me.”

“I will. Anyway, I
have to go the bathroom. It’s good to see you.”

She smiled, “Yeah, you
too.” I hugged her again and walked away, “See you around.”

She waved. A pop song
started to play really loudly. It had hit eleven, the magic dancing hour. The
lights dimmed as the dance floor started to get crowded. I walked to the
bathroom, weaving through the crowd.

The bathroom was
nearly empty. I washed my hands and looked at myself. I looked different. I
felt different. The way I’d gushed about law school felt fake, like what I
wanted to gush about was Lochlan. I wanted her to know I was dating him. It was
for petty reasons. The other girls left in a pack. I’d never had a pack. I’d
never made female friends with anyone, who I had maintained.

I walked out of the
ladies’ washroom, stopped cold by the stare bearing down on me.

I slipped my hand in
my pocket. It wasn’t there. He was there but it wasn’t.

My throat closed. I
backed into the washroom, choosing the wrong place to flee. He didn’t chase me.
He walked slowly, methodically, as if he’d imagined this moment a thousand
times. He closed the door, slipping the lock into place. I was back against the
far side of the wall.
My breath was stuck
,
my scream was behind it
.

His brown eyes looked
crazier than I remembered them being. He pointed at me, “I missed you.”

Tears fell from my
eyes, “Mitch, please.”

He laughed, “You going
to hold out that piece of paper you got, to stop me from seeing you?”

I shook my head as the
tears streamed down my face, “No. I swear, I’ll leave and never come back, I
promise.”

His face grew angry,
like it had before, “Why would I want you to leave? We’re just getting
reunited.” How was he out already? Why had no one told me?

My back was pressed
against the wall. With my eyes closed, I could see my mace on the bedside
table, where I’d left it.

I jumped into a stall,
slamming the door and locking it. My hands shook as hard as the door that he
pounded the shit out of. I dialed Lochlan’s cell. It rang and rang, but went to
voicemail. The door bent. I could see the screws were getting ripped out. I
screamed, “HELP ME!”

“HOW COULD YOU, ERIN?
HOW COULD YOU FUCK HIM? YOU THINK I DIDN’T SEE YOUR SLUT FACE ALL OVER THE BLOG
SITES? YOU LET HIM SHAME YOU, LIKE A WHORE!”

I closed my eyes and
redialed. It went to voicemail again. I spoke into the phone, “I’m in the
bathroom. Help me.” I hung up and texted, ‘I’m in the bathroom,
he’s
here.’

I was dialing 9-1-1
when he kicked the door in completely, knocking me onto the toilet. I slid the
phone along the floor, as he grabbed my arm and dragged me out over the broken
door. He slammed me into the counter. I screamed but he hit me hard. I was
scratching and flailing, but his hands were everywhere. He held my arms to the
floor and sat on my stomach.

“You and me are meant
to be together, Erin. I love you. I always loved you.”

I shook my head,
“Please, stop.”

He screamed, “I LOVE
YOU! YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!”

I nodded, “I know. I
love you too. Let’s just go out to the car. I don’t want to be in the bathroom
anymore. Please.” I pleaded through the tears, “I love you too.”