Read My Soul Cries Out Online

Authors: Sherri L. Lewis

My Soul Cries Out (32 page)

BOOK: My Soul Cries Out
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63
I
t was still dark outside when I woke up to Alaysia tapping me on my forehead. “Time to get up.”
I peeked one eye open. “What time is it?”
“Six o'clock. On the news, it said sunrise is at six thirty-eight.”
I knew there was no sense in asking for fifteen more minutes. Alaysia was acting like a kid waking her parents on Christmas morning, ready to open her presents.
After she seemed satisfied that I wasn't going back to sleep, she went knocking on the other doors. Nakia took the room next to us. David and Kevin were in the room across the hall, and Khalil in the room next to them. We agreed that no one would get the master bedroom because it wasn't fair to the rest of us for someone to have a king-sized bed and a Jacuzzi while the rest of us had twin beds and bathtubs.
I put on my white, one-piece bathing suit with the white sarong and cover-all. Alaysia already had her white linen dress on. Nakia came out of her room looking half asleep in an outfit that matched mine. We waited down in the living room until Khalil and David came out in their white trunks and T-shirts. Alaysia pulled the calla lilies out of the refrigerator and gave them to me and Nakia.
“Where's Kevin?” I didn't know why I was whispering.
“He's on his way down.” David wiped the sleep out of his eyes. “We'll be outside. Why don't you wait for him to make sure he didn't go back to bed?”
The others filed out the door and walked down to the beach.
I heard a door open and Kevin walked out. Instead of his outfit matching Khalil's and David's, it was more like Alaysia's. He had on a white linen shirt with white linen pants.
“How come you got a special outfit?”
“I'm getting baptized again. I was gonna get an outfit like the other guys, but Miss Alaysia insisted that I wear this. Something about a wedding ceremony and being the bride of Christ.”
“I don't understand.”
He took my hand. “I want to celebrate being a completely new man in Christ. These last few months have been life changing, and even though I know I still have a ways to go, I feel like I'm finally becoming the man God originally intended me to be. At the risk of sounding like Alaysia, I want to let God wash the old man away into the ocean and solidify the new creature I've become.”
“Kevin, that's wonderful.” I kissed him. “What a beautiful surprise.”
He looked past me out the glass door to the beach. “We better go. If the sun comes all the way up and we're not outside, Alaysia will kill us.”
 
 
It was the most beautiful baptismal I had ever seen. Khalil officiated and David assisted. The sky glowed with the dazzling colors of the sunrise, and the cool breeze off the water kissed each of us awake. We gathered in a circle with Alaysia in the middle. She shivered, and I didn't know if she was cold or nervous.
Khalil held his hand up to heaven. “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
He took Alaysia down under the water and I swear when she came up, she radiated like the woman on
Touched By An Angel
. She cried and said, “Jesus, thank you for making me new.”
Her tears and glowing were contagious. As she hugged each one of us, she said, “I love you guys so much. I finally have a family.”
When she was finished hugging everybody, Khalil held out his hand then pulled her to him. He cupped her face in his hands and said, “Alaysia, I love you with all my heart. I may not be able to give you the life you're used to, but I promise I can love you better than you've ever been loved. I want to protect you, take care of you and be with you . . . for the rest of my life.” Out of nowhere, he pulled out a beautiful engagement ring. He slipped it onto her finger. “Alaysia Zaid, will you be my wife?”
If Khalil hadn't been holding on to Alaysia, I think she would have fallen over. She stared at him with her mouth wide open, then looked at me as if to say “Did he really say what I think he said?” I nodded and smiled and she turned back to Khalil. Fresh tears fell down her face as she put her arms around him and kissed him.
He pulled back. “I take that as a yes?”
She nodded. They kissed and held each other for a while.
Alaysia collected herself and we refocused. Kevin took his place in the middle of the circle.
Khalil held his hand up again and said, “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
It took both David and Khalil to take Kevin down in the water and bring him up again. When he came up, he held his hands up to heaven as his tears mixed with the salt water streaming down his face. Khalil and David hugged him, and the three of them held on to each other for a while. Alaysia and Nakia joined in the group hug then stepped back as Kevin walked over to hug me. As we held each other, I felt Kevin's heart pounding against my chest. He brought his lips to my ear.
“Thanks for loving me and believing in me, Monnie. It was your love and God's love together that made me a new man.”
I kissed him until David tapped him on the shoulder. “Yo, man, this is a baptism, not a wedding.”
We all laughed and headed inside.
After we showered and changed, we came downstairs to cook breakfast together. We had a huge feast of fresh berries, pancakes, scrambled tofu, tofu sausage, wheat biscuits, leftover salmon, and steak and fried potatoes and onions. When we spread everything out on the table, Alaysia clapped her hands together. “Now this is what I call a wedding feast.”
We sat down and heaped our plates.
David looked around at everybody. “How would you guys feel about coming back in a few months and doing this whole beach weekend thing again?”
“Why? You wanna get baptized?” Kevin asked.
David took Nakia's hand. “No, we're gonna go ahead and elope. We don't want to do it at the courthouse. We want to do it here at the beach, with the family God has given us.”
“Aaaawww,” Alaysia and I sing-songed together.
Nakia smiled. “We're gonna invite Pastor Ramsey and his wife down for the weekend so he can marry us. I'll tell my family after we get back. They'll be mad, but they'll get over it.”
Alaysia clapped her hands together. “Shoot, girl, we might make it a double wedding. I'd love to get married here.”
Khalil looked surprised. “You mean you don't want a big, fancy, downtown, expensive wedding and invite the whole city of Atlanta?”
Alaysia kissed Khalil's cheek. “I don't need all that stuff, baby. All I need to make me happy is you.”
Khalil kissed her on the lips. “I love you.”
David laughed. “Yeah, man, maybe y'all better get married in a few months with us.”
When we finished eating, Khalil patted his belly and said, “After that kind of meal, I think we all need a run on the beach.”
Alaysia said, “Yeah, I could use a few miles.”
David nodded. “Yeah, man. Then after that, we can go back to that market. We're gonna need some more steaks for lunch.”
“No more animal flesh.” Alaysia made a face as she and Khalil went to get their running shoes.
Nakia shook her head. “I ain't runnin' on no beach. I'm going back out on the deck to read my book.”
“Don't you mean read the back of your eyelids?” I teased.
Nakia threw her napkin at me.
“How 'bout we take a walk instead of a run on the beach?” David said to Nakia.
“I don't feel like that either.” Nakia wrinkled up her nose. David elbowed her and she jumped. “Oh, yeah. A walk on the beach sounds good.”
“Let me get these dishes and I'll change into my running clothes.” I got up to take the dishes to the kitchen.
I put the fruit in a container and put it in the fridge. Kevin helped load the dishwasher. The others trooped back downstairs and walked to the patio door.
I wiped my hands. “Oh, shoot, you guys are ready. Let me get my shoes.”
Kevin took my hand and said, “Why don't you stay here with me?” He kissed my fingers then took the keys out of his pocket and threw them to David. “Make sure y'all get plenty of steak, man. Take your time and pick out some good ones.”
David caught them. “Yeah, man. We might drive back to Atlanta for the steaks. You know ain't nothing like steak from Atlanta.”
Nakia popped his arm. “Shut up, boy. Come on here.”
They closed the patio door behind them.
“Why do I feel like I've been set up?”
Kevin answered me with a kiss.
And then another.
And then another.
And then all the kisses ran together into one long kiss until I couldn't breathe. The intense look in his eyes was full of desire. “I told you I wanted to celebrate being a new man.”
He scooped me up and carried me back to the master bedroom, the whole time kissing my face, my neck, my lips. I thought I would melt. He lay me down on the bed, covered with lavender rose petals, and slowly undressed me, kissing me the whole time. Everywhere.
My body was singing. And so were the birds, and the ocean, and the sun, and the trees and all of creation it seemed.
And heaven and earth moved.
All . . . day . . . long.
Reader's Group Guide
1.
In deciding whether she should tell Bishop about Kevin's sexuality, Monica says that if God gives her a sign, she'll tell him. Trina tells her she's fleecing God and recommends that she learn to hear from the Holy Spirit. “Fleecing” refers to a passage in Judges where Gideon asks God for a sign to prove what He said was true (See Judges 6:37-40). Is fleecing wrong? What are ways of hearing from God and confirming His will for our lives?
2.
Trina refers to Love and Faith as a gay-friendly church. What does she mean by this? What should be the approach to homosexuality in the church? Monica states that Bishop wouldn't want Kevin as his minister of music if he knew about Kevin's sexual orientation. Should known homosexuals be allowed to hold positions of leadership in the church?
3.
Trina says on repeated occasions that sin is sin and that homosexuality shouldn't be treated any different than any other sin. She equates Kevin's problem with homosexuality with her past problem with fornication. Is homosexuality a worse sin than others? Why are homosexuals treated differently than individuals with sin issues in other areas?
4.
Through her conversations with Bishop Walker, Monica discovers that his motives are impure. She has to calm herself down and remind herself not to disrespect her pastor. How should one respond if they discover that their spiritual leader is wrong, has improper motives, or doesn't have their best interest at heart?
5.
Monica stops going to church because of the incident with Kevin and her disappointment at Bishop Walker's response. She later tells Alaysia that she's fine with God, it's just His people she's not sure about. She later laments that she doesn't know how she allowed her fallout with Kevin and Bishop to cause her to fall out with God. How can being hurt in the church, especially by a spiritual leader, affect one's spiritual walk?
6.
Monica's best friend in college, Alaysia, was unsaved and made bad lifestyle choices. Alaysia's habits affected Monica—she drank alcohol and smoked marijuana. Should Christians be friends with unsaved people? If so, how should they respond to their unsaved friend's ungodly lifestyle habits? Monica's friendship with Alaysia, in spite of causing her to sin, ultimately resulted in Alaysia's getting saved. Does that justify Monica's drinking and smoking?
7.
In referring to her abortion, Alaysia admits that she can't overcome the guilt of having done something so wrong. She sarcastically says that Christians can commit any sin and just have to ask forgiveness, but have no remorse when they do wrong. Does God's grace and forgiveness make it “okay” for Christians to sin?
8.
Initially after the incident, whenever Monica feels stressed or sad, she reaches for food. When Alaysia comes to visit her in Atlanta, Monica reaches for alcohol from the mini-bar when she's dealing with upsetting thoughts. Later in the story, she admits to Alaysia that she's eating cookies to make her feel better, and Alaysia tells her to use something else. What other bad habits do individuals use to deal with negative emotions? How does Monica eventually learn to handle negative emotions?
9.
Monica admits to Alaysia that her questions about the Bible and Christianity make her feel like a “raggedy Christian.” After a brunch Bible study with Khalil, Monica feels as if Alaysia knows as much about Christianity as she does, even though she's spent her entire life in church. Why is this? Do you think the average Christian possess enough Biblical knowledge to minister to the unsaved?
10.
While Alaysia is struggling with her decision to become a Christian, she mentions several obstacles that have blocked her. She doesn't understand why a good God would allow so many bad things to happen. She also says that present day Christianity is nothing like she would expect it to be based on the things she's read in the Word. She also says that Christians “flake out” when it's time to have faith. How can the attitudes and actions (or inaction) of Christians affect the unsaved around them?
11.
Monica becomes frustrated with being single and cries out to God that she knows that she should be satisfied with Him being her husband, but she desires to have a husband “down here.” What does it mean to be satisfied with one's singleness? Does it mean her love for God is any less if she desires a husband?
12.
While reading the book,
Touching A Dead Man
, Monica feels convicted when she realizes that judging people struggling with homosexuality is just as much of a sin as homosexuality itself. Has this book at all caused you, the reader, to examine your ideas, thoughts, feelings and prejudices toward homosexuals? If so, how? How can a change in attitude in Christians affect the deliverance of individuals struggling with homosexuality?
BOOK: My Soul Cries Out
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