My Stepbrother's Arrangement (A Stepbrother Romance) (18 page)

Everything about my fucking life right now was falling to pieces.

Marie came back with my second drink, and I asked her to bring me a third while I finished off the first and started on the second.

I leaned back in the booth as I drank. Olivia was sitting across from me, silently seething about this to herself.

Then I thought about my life.

I was in love with my stepsister.

My father was ignoring someone siphoning millions of dollars away from his company, a company he eventually wanted me to run.

The stepsister I was in love with was moving away to California in a couple of weeks.

It was like the more I drank, the more all the feelings inside of me began to well up. The pain became unbearable, and so I drank more to push it back down.

I was getting drunk. No, I was drunk. I knew the difference. I could tell my words were slurring slightly, even though I was making a huge effort so Olivia wouldn't notice, and it was like whenever my brain had a thought it took my mouth an extra second or two to say it out loud.

Olivia was bitching about my dad again. Marie had brought us our food. That sexy little kitten was digging into her hamburger and it was somehow the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

Fuck, why was I in love with her?

Who the fuck falls in love with family?

Why the fuck did anyone care?

It's not like we were related, after all. No shared blood.

So why did it still feel wrong?

Hell, half the fun of it, at least at first, was the fact that it was so fucking wrong. I loved nailing Olivia in her bed, with our parents downstairs, waiting for us to come to dinner. Or that time when I banged her in the office before we went out to lunch with them. It was some of the best fucking sex I ever had.

But for some reason, now I wanted more, and I knew I couldn't fucking have it.

Shit, Olivia was talking.

"What was that?" I asked, trying to focus my eyes on hers.

"I asked what are we going to do now?"

I shrugged.

"Now we fucking stop."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean we stop what we're doing. You're going away to college. Plus it was a stupid fucking idea. Look what it led to."

Olivia suddenly looked more hurt than she had even this morning.

"Wait, Kaleb, why this sudden change?" she asked, the pain in her voice obvious.

Fuck, this was harder than I thought. I wanted to grab her, hold her close to me, and tell her that everything was going to be ok. I wanted to tell her I'd be there for her forever.

But I fucking couldn't.

No. I was in love with her. This was more than we had agreed on. More than we'd bargained for. And it wasn't fair to her. Or to me. But I cared more about her right now. I had to end this. I had to break off what we had, for good.

I'd known for a while that this was the right thing to do. The thing was, I wasn't the kind of guy that did the right thing. In fact, I was the opposite.

But Olivia was different. Olivia made me want to do the right thing.

So even though it was fucking breaking my heart to know I'd never see those perky little tits again, I knew I had to do it.

"I'm saying we need to end our arrangement," I growled. Now the alcohol was taking over, and I was saying things I knew I was going to regret, but I couldn't stop myself. "It was a mistake. I never should have done it."

Tears welled in her eyes once more as they looked at me in confusion, scanning my face, looking for a clue that I was kidding, that I didn't mean it.

"I'm done. I can't do it any more, Kitten. I'm done. I hope you had fun, because it sure as fuck ruined my life."

I got up to leave, staggering around like a newborn calf trying to find its legs for a second before the room stopped spinning and I stood up.

Grabbing my wallet, I threw some cash on the table and started to leave.

"Let me get you a cab," I heard Marie tell me, but I waved her off, grunting, and made my way out into the street.

I wanted to curl up into a ball and die.

I wanted to go to the office and tell my dad to shove his whole life up his fucking ass.

Stupid fucking mysoginist prick.

Asshole.

I fucking hated him. He ruined my life. More than Olivia ruined it.

No, Olivia didn't ruin it. She made it better. Which was why I had to ruin it.

I staggered around aimlessly. I wasn't even sure what part of the city I was in.

Whatever. I needed to drink some more.

I wished the world would swallow me up whole. At least then all this pain would stop.

Fuck.

I sat in the booth at the restaurant Kaleb had taken me to, stunned. Tears streaked down my cheeks as I aimlessly fingered one of the fries still on my plate.

The waitress Marie looked like she wanted to come over, but wasn't sure if she'd be welcome. That was fine. I wanted to be alone.

Kaleb had left his wallet on the table, so I figured at least there'd be enough cash to pay for his meals. He had to have ordered at least ten drinks.

That was why he said those things he said, right?

He'd told me I'd ruined his life.

What the hell? Who says things like that to someone? How had I ruined his life? I thought we were happy. I thought it was fine. I figured if anything, he would have been even happier with it than I was.

Was I really so wrong?

Maybe he meant I ruined his life by finding out the accounting stuff. I supposed that could have been what he meant. But no, I didn't think it was. And besides, he had agreed with me. Still, it was my fault. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. Maybe I should have gone to Kaleb's dad on my own, and never involved him in any of it. Maybe then...

No, it didn't matter. Our arrangemet was over. And I had a sneaking feeling Kaleb never wanted to see me again.

Was that it then? Was what we had just going to be a happy memory for the rest of my life? A happy memory tarnished by the way it ended?

Was I naive to think that it could have ended well? In my head I'd always pictured Kaleb maybe even driving me to the airport, carrying my suitcase into the terminal for me. Telling me he was happy for me, and that he hoped I found happiness in California. Then we'd share a light kiss, maybe on the cheek, the way brothers and sisters do, and I'd wave at him as I crossed the line for security. And that would be it. We'd both move on with our lives. And I knew that I had feelings for him, feelings that were stronger than just lust, but I'd have managed to ignore them, and I'd have managed to push them down, and in the future we'd see each other, and we'd be friends, but both of us would have the happy memories of that summer.

Now, none of that was going to happen. Now, the memories would forever be tarnished by the fact that Kaleb ended it like this, at lunch, after I'd just received the most disappointing news of my life.

How fucking dare he?

The sadness I felt began to be taken over by rage.

After all, this was my lunch. To make me feel better. About the fact that for the first time in my life, I'd been fired. I was so fucking upset, and instead of making me feel better, he made me feel worse. So, so much worse.

Maybe I deserved it. I knew what I was getting into when I got involved with Kaleb Leeman.

I was such an idiot. But he was an asshole.

Marie finally made her way over.

"Hey, sweetie. Are you alright? Can I get you something? On the house?"

I shook my head. "Thanks, but I'm ok. I think I'll just pay the bill and go."

"Sure thing, I'll bring it over."

Her soft voice was nice, and I dug through Kaleb's wallet. Hey, if he was going to be a giant asshole today, I was going to use his money to pay for my lunch. Besides, he could consider it payment for bringing it back home safely. Even though I was really tempted to give it to whatever stranger I saw on the street first.

I put a few bills on the table, stuffed his wallet into my purse, and went back out into the August sun.

Taking the subway home, I went straight up to my room and collapsed into my bed in a fit of sobs. Thank God my mom wasn’t home.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all. He was so mean. I should have known better. I should have said no. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him.

The worst part was, I loved him. I knew I loved him. That’s why it hurt so much. That’s why my heart felt like it had just been stabbed, that’s why I felt like I wanted to curl up into a ball and die, that’s why I felt like I should go out and find Kaleb and apologize a million times until he took me back, even if it was just for the sex.

I knew it was irrational. I knew I shouldn’t care. I knew that if anything, he was the one who should apologize to me, after what he said. But that’s the thing about love, I guess. It makes you crazy. I’d always heard people say that, but it never really made sense to me.

I supposed I’d never been in love before.

I hugged my pillow as I lived out my own real-life Taylor Swift music video. Staring at the wall, tears streaming down my face, I thought about the words Kaleb had said to me, the words that had hurt so much.

It sure as fuck ruined my life.

Those words were going to haunt me. Hell, they were already haunting me.

Why did he have to be so cruel?

Why did I have to be so stupid?

Why couldn’t I just have listened to my brain and ignored Kaleb?

Why did I say yes to Chinese?

Why did I let him in my bed?

Question after question passed through my head as exhaustion from the day’s events took over and I fell into a restless sleep, questioning my life choices that had brought me to this point until I finally collapsed into unconsciousness.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up with a bit of a headache, but it was nothing compared to the total and complete guilt and sadness I felt deep inside me.

Getting up and pounding down a couple tylenol, I went back up to my room while avoiding my mom. I didn't want to tell her I'd gotten fired by her husband, and I didn't want to have to explain what had happened to her.

I loved my mom, but she had absolutely no head for, and no interest in business at all.

I nibbled on a couple of Pop Tarts while I thought about what had happened.

One thing became clear very quickly: this was all my fault. All of it.

If it wasn't for me, I never would have found out about Andrew Pollock.

If it wasn't for me, I never would have gotten Kaleb involved.

If it wasn't for me, he never would have gone to his dad about it.

If it wasn't for me, I wouldn't have been fired.

If it wasn't for me, Kaleb never would have told me I'd ruined his life.

How was it possible for one girl to be so blind?

I had stuck my neck out there. I had found something important. And it had ruined everything.

I mean sure, I was going to Stanford in a few weeks. Moving to California. Maybe the new start was what I needed. I could forget about everything that had happened.

But no, I knew that wasn't true. I knew that I couldn't forget about everything. I knew I couldn't forget about Kaleb.

I was never going to forget the summer we had.

The feeling of his fingers on my body, his mouth of my nipples, on my clit, his shaft pounding inside of me. I was never going to forget the pure ecstasy I felt when I was with him.

God, just the thought of him sent that familiar tingle running down towards my nether regions; I really needed him badly right now.

And yet I'd driven him away.

It was all my fault.

If there was one thing I knew, it was that I had to fix this. I absolutely had to fix this. Otherwise, Kaleb was never going to talk to me again, and that was something I just couldn't handle. I couldn't handle it at all.

I knew what I had to do. I had to get Andrew Pollock to admit to what he had done.

Maybe Kaleb's dad wasn't going to believe us if we just told him the evidence we found, but if I had a recording of Pollock saying that he did it, well then there was no way he could deny it.

Kaleb's dad would have to apologize to both of us, and Kaleb would forgive me, and then he'd give me the best sex I'd ever had.

There was no way this could possibly go wrong.

Rejuvinated with the idea of a plan, my headache went away. I dressed in my best business clothes, and left the house. I was going to go down to the Leeman Investments offices and confront him.

As I walked down Wall Street, I couldn't possibly have looked more confident. My head held high, wearing a suit and a pair of one inch heels that clicked along the pavement and made me feel invincible, I knew that nothing was going to be able to stop me. I was on a mission, and it felt like I was going to conquer the world.

Of course, the first person who tried to stop me was Pollock's secretary. Platinum blonde, mid-twenties, absolutely gorgeous and stick thin, she was exactly the kind of person you expect to find behind the reception desk of one of the most powerful accountants in the city.

"Hello, can I help you?" she asked, looking me up and down when I found Pollock's office. Of course it was on the top floor.

"Yes, I need to see Mr. Pollock as soon as possible."

"What is this about?" she asked, with that half bored tone that just screamed "I'm going to tell you no, and I'm going to enjoy it." The kind of tone only an experienced gatekeeper can perfect.

"Just tell him it's about Appolo Construction," I replied as smugly as possible. I knew that by giving Pollock the name of one of his sham companies he would see me.

I sat down in one of the expensive leather couches while the secretary got on the phone with Pollock. I couldn't hear exactly what was said; she spoke too quietly for that - the true professional who doesn't allow herself to be overheard even though I was only a few feet away - but three minutes later I was told I could go into the office.

This was it. I was in!

I thanked her with the fakest smile I could muster, pressing the "record" button on my iphone's voice memo app as I walked into the room.

It was funny, even though I'd seen Andrew Pollock's picture online, seeing the man in person was still a bit of a shock.

With brown hair that had just a hint of grey at the edges - and if I had to be honest, it looked a little bit fake, like he dyed it on purpose to make himself look more distinguished - and a serious face with a pointed nose and wire-framed glasses, he definitely looked the part of the rich accountant.

His suit obviously cost more than the monthly rent Annie and I were going to pay on our new house at Stanford, and his haircut probably cost more than I spent in a year on clothes.

He was looking at his laptop, typing away. I bet it was just a notepad file, and that none of those clicks were making any actual words. I knew a little bit about business negotiation tactics, and this was a classic - make the person you're going to talk to wait, make them feel like they aren't important.

Well, whatever. This wasn't going to work on me. I calmly sat down in the chair across from him, took out my phone and started to play Candy Crush. After all, two could play at this game.

It felt like about five minutes passed before he finally stopped typing. When he did, instead of looking up, I desperately tried to make a striped candy move right next to a freckled candy to wipe the board clear of jellies.

Finally, he cleared his throat.

"Just one second," I replied, making sure my voice memo app was still recording well before I slipped the phone back into my purse and looked up. So much for his power play.

If there was one thing Kaleb had taught me, it was confidence. The Olivia Scott from a few months ago would have never, ever dared do something like that. But I was different now. I had come into my own, and it was in part thanks to Kaleb. I owed him a lot. I knew that. And I was going to repay him, by getting this bastard's confession on tape. Well, on phone. But same same. Whatever.