Nantucket Blue (18 page)

“DAD SAID YOU SAID SOMETHING
terrible about that child, drank a mug of pinot grigio, and took off through the backyard like a bat out of hell. I didn’t even know you’d left Nantucket. What happened? What’s wrong?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

I started at the beginning, at the memorial service. I told her about the party and Parker and the mean thing I’d said about Jay and his brother. I told her that Zack and I had started dating secretly, that I hadn’t meant for it to happen, but that our relationship seemed to have a life of its own. I told her that it’d become serious.

“How serious?” she asked.

“Serious,” I said.

“Serious serious?” She closed her eyes.

“Yes.”

“I’m not ready for this,” she said, now covering her entire face with her hands. “Were you safe?”

“Mom! I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

“As your mother, I have to ask. It’s my job. Were you safe?”

“Fine. Yes.”

“Good. Are you planning on getting serious again soon? We need to make you a doctor’s appointment.”

“Mom, not now.”

“Okay, okay. We can talk about it later.” She cleared her throat. “Are you and Zack still together?”

I told her about Jay and the picture in
The Inquirer and
Mirror
, and how everyone on Nantucket hated me and I couldn’t go back. I told her that we needed to look into boarding schools for the fall. Boarding schools that were at least two states away.

“You’re not going to boarding school,” Mom said.

“Why not?”

“Because you have to face this.”

“Why?”

“Because you can’t just run away. Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

Mom smiled. “No hesitation there.”

“I know I love him. But I don’t know what to do.”

“First we need to get out of here.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve broken into the Claytons’ house, that’s why,” she said, a little amused that I couldn’t see this for myself.

“How did you know where I was?”

“I had a feeling. You love this house.”

“How did you get in?”

“You left the door wide open, and all the lights were on, leading right to this room. You may as well have left a trail of bread crumbs. Come on, now. I think we should get some dinner and talk it over.” I shook my head. “I’m craving fried clams.” I moaned. She knows how much I love fried clams. She took my hand and looked me in the eye. “You can handle this.”

“I can’t go back to Nantucket,” I said.

“Right now I’m just asking you to get out of bed and splash water on your face. That’s it.” Okay, I thought. Okay. I can do that. “One leg on the ground,” she said. I put one leg on the floor. “Now the other.” Both feet were on the floor. Once I’d done that, it wasn’t as hard to climb out of those soft Italian sheets. I opened the door to Jules’s little bathroom and ran the cold tap. It’d been a long time since I’d heard that take-charge tone in Mom’s voice. It’d been years.

“I do have
some
good news,” I said as I brought a handful of water to my face.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Paul Morgan is still in love with you.” I patted my face dry with a hand towel monogrammed with Jules’s loopy initials.

“What? Who’s Paul Morgan?”

“Your first love?”

“I have no idea who you’re talking about.” In the bathroom mirror, I watched her make up the bed. It didn’t look like she was lying. She didn’t seem to be having any emotional reaction at all. She was focused on tucking in the sheets.

“The name Paul Morgan doesn’t ring a single bell?” I asked.

“Not one,” Mom said. She fluffed the pillows.

“Maybe this will help.” I dried my hands and pulled the Emily Dickinson book out of my bag. I fanned the pages until I saw the picture of Mom and the guy. I plucked it out. That’s when I saw the boat-shaped birthmark on Lover Boy’s lower back.

“Oh my god, Paul Morgan wasn’t your first love. Boaty Carmichael was.”

WE WENT TO SUE’S CLAM SHACK
in Newport. We ordered fried clams, coleslaw, and lemonade, the kind that’s neon yellow and tastes wonderfully fake. We sat on the same side of the picnic bench so that we were both facing the ocean. I told Mom about working for George, and she told me about Boaty.

She said that they’d been in love. The relationship had only lasted six weeks, but at that time, it was the most exciting, romantic six weeks of her life. She felt like she was the star of her own movie. “He could light up a room with his smile. By our second day together we were making out in the broom closet and pledging our love under the moonlight. We were so happy, but our relationship was a secret.”

This was because of their jobs. The employees at the Nantucket Beach Club weren’t allowed to date each other. The beach club had two locations. One in ’Sconset and one near town. Mom worked at both. She worked at the one in ’Sconset with Boaty during the week, and the one near town with Paul Morgan on the weekends. Even though Mom didn’t recognize Paul yet, I knew this was true because Paul had talked about working at the club in town and so distinctly remembered her. I guess Mom had just been too gaga for Boaty to notice anyone else. The manager thought that employee dating, even between the two hotels, caused drama and distracted them from their jobs. “I was still in high school, but Boaty needed that money.” Also, what they were doing was technically illegal. Boaty was twenty-two. Mom was seventeen. “But,” she added, “I think the secrecy made it more exciting.” I knew exactly what she meant.

“So what happened?”

“Lilly Francis,” Mom said. “I knew her from my one semester at that awful boarding school. She was from one of the wealthiest, most powerful and well-connected families in the country. What Lilly wanted, Lilly got. And she had her eye on Boaty from the minute she saw him.”

“Did he like her too?”

“Not at first. He used to call her pig nose because she looked like this.” Mom used her index finger to push her nose up.

“That’s mean,” I said, laughing.

Mom shrugged. “But she was persistent, and as he came to understand who she was and the amount of wealth and connections she had…” Mom paused, ate a clam, and shook her head. She wiped her fingers on one of our stack of paper napkins. “Well, he stopped calling her pig nose and started calling her Lilly.”

“But he was in love with you,” I said.

“Yes, he was. I cut off his mullet and turned up his collar so that someone like Lilly would notice him in the first place. And I introduced them. I realized later he was dating us at the same time. But I guess the reasons I was so unbelievably attracted to him was the reason he left me: his ambition. When he met Lilly Francis, he found someone who could take him where he wanted to go, fast. The next time he came to Nantucket, he wasn’t working at the beach club. He was a member, and he was married to Lilly Francis.”

“You were the first one he stepped on, Mom. You were the first rung on his ladder to the top. You should talk to George.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I can’t believe he left you for pig nose!”

“Can’t see a pig nose in the dark,” she said, and smiled.

“So, what happened with you? The journal just stopped.”

She shook her head. “He stopped talking to me cold. He ignored me. I was so heartbroken. I left Nantucket. I came home. He erased me, so I tried to erase him. I buried it. I told no one. There’s something about that first broken heart. In some ways, it’s the worst one.”

A father with his two little boys sat down across from us.

“Dad hates me,” I said. “What I said was terrible.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” she said. “But you do owe him and Polly an apology. He’ll cool down. He loves you, honey. He’s your father. And I love you. We’re your parents. No more pretending that you belong to another family, deal?”

“On one condition. You make this family better. You go out on a date with Paul Morgan.”

“I don’t even know who this man is.”

“You will when you see him. Come on, Mom.”

“I told you. I’m not ready to date,” she said.

“And I’m telling you that it’s time. Come on. He’s handsome and nice, and he thinks you’re great. And he has a cool house on Nantucket.” I studied her as I sucked down the last of my neon lemonade. She wasn’t budging. “Will you at least promise to stop watching
Real Life Mysteries
?”

“That’s my favorite show.”

“It’s on Saturday nights and it’s meant for people who are a hundred years old. Or at least fifty-five.”

“That’s not true,” she said.

“Then how come all the commercials are for adult diapers and Viagra?” I sighed. “It’s time to get a life, Kate.”

“You make it sound easy. And you may not start calling me Kate.”

“Maybe it’s not as hard as you think.” We threw our garbage away, walked back to the car, and got inside. We sat there for a minute staring at the water. I checked my phone. Still no word from Zack. I didn’t want to go back to Nantucket. I didn’t even want to go back to Providence. I wanted to stay right here, at Sue’s Clam Shack. Forever.

Mom spoke first, as if she could read my mind. “I can’t force you to go back. But you only have one week left. If you just quit, you’ll ruin your first job reference, and who knows if that writer will write you a letter of recommendation for college? Quitting right at the end doesn’t look good. And don’t you think it’s better to talk to Jules while it’s still fresh?”

“No. The thought of going there and talking to Jules gives me a stomachache.”

“Sometimes you have to do things that make you uncomfortable.”

“But you don’t,” I said, turning to face her. “You won’t even go on one date.”

“That’s different,” she said.

“Bullshit.” I unrolled the window and stuck my feet out. “This apple has landed directly under the tree.”

She leaned into her seat, rubbed her temples, and closed her eyes. Then she sighed.

“Put your feet in the car.” I did, and she started the engine. “Okay. If I go on a date with this Paul Morgan, will you go back to Nantucket? Will you finish out this job and talk to Jules?”

“Yes,” I said, and buckled my seat belt as we headed out of the parking lot. Then I leaned over and hugged her so hard we swerved a little onto the grass.

“Quick, turn on the radio,” Mom said as she steered us back onto the road. “Before I change my mind.”

I put on the ’80s station and turned it all the way up.

That night, I heard Mom laughing in her bedroom.

“What are you doing?” I called into the darkness.

“I’m reading my diary,” she said, nearly wheezing. “This thing is hysterical.”

“I THINK THAT GUY
was working here the last time I was on the ferry,” Mom said under her breath about the unfriendly white-haired guy behind the food counter. We bought hot dogs, chips, an iced tea for me, and a white wine for her, and found two seats by the railing. It was cloudy and even a little cold today. I wished I’d worn my jeans. I told Mom that she didn’t have to come, but now I was glad she was here. I was scared of seeing Jules and Parker and of being rejected by Zack, but it was the thought of having another one of the moments when I couldn’t breathe or move that made me want her around the most.

I’d described the moment with the red Volvo to her back in Providence. I was sitting on her bed with my laptop as she packed. I told her it felt like someone was choking me.

“It’s called an anxiety attack,” Mom said. “Now, do you think we can find a picture of this Paul Morgan person?” I Googled him and found a picture on his law firm’s Web site.

“Oh, yeah, I think I do remember him. He was fun.” She studied the picture. “Nice hair. He remembers me?” she asked.

“I already told you, he’s, like, in love with you.”

Mom smiled and tucked hair behind her ear. Then she looked in her closet and pulled out…oh my god…a pair of heels. They actually had dust on them.

“Cricket, you’re back!” Liz was headed upstairs with an armful of clean towels. She put them on a table and threw her arms around me. “I’m glad to see you.” She pulled back and mock slapped me. “Leaving me alone with Bernadette for two whole days, the nerve.” She stuck out her hand to Mom. “You must be Cricket’s mum. I’m Liz.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mom said.

“I’m Cricket’s top advisor on matters of the heart,” Liz said.

“We could all use one of those,” Mom said, laughing.

“Especially this one,” Liz said, blowing a loose curl from her eyes. “What room are you in, Mrs. Cricket? We’ll make sure you get plenty of towels. Maybe even an extra bar of soap if you play your cards right.”

“I think we can put her in room fourteen. I’ve got to check with Gavin,” I said.

“You should visit Liz in Ireland, Cricket,” Mom said. “That would be fun.”

“That’s impossible, actually, because I’m going to be living on Nantucket full-time.” Liz beamed.

“What about college?” I asked.

“Shane and I decided we’re happy here and want to stay. Why mess with a good thing? If we can avoid becoming raging alcoholics, I think we have a very nice life ahead of us.”

“Cool,” I said. Not going to college seemed crazy to me, but Liz just did whatever she wanted.

“The rooms aren’t cleaning themselves, Liz.” Bernadette glared as she passed us on the steps.

“Thank you for covering for me, Bernadette.”

“Yup,” she said, without looking back.

Liz leaned in and whispered, “And how could I part with such island charmers as Bernadette?” She picked up the towels and headed up the stairs. I showed Mom my room with the slanted ceiling and the rose wallpaper, and the kitchen and the backyard. I knocked on the annex door, which was halfway open. George, as usual, was inside typing away.

“George, this is my mother, Kate Campbell.”

“Nice to meet you,” George said, rising to shake her hand. “Your daughter is just terrific. She might have a future in journalism.”

“Thanks,” I said. Oh, George. It was good to see him. When I’m much, much, much older, I’d like to marry someone like him. I was glad I’d come back.

“Cricket told me about your book,” Mom said. “I think I might have a story that interests you.” So she’d decided to talk to him!

“Great,” George said. He smiled at me, mystified.

“But I’d like to remain anonymous,” Mom said.

“Absolutely.” He clapped once. “I’m intrigued.” They agreed to meet the next morning at the Even Keel.

We were walking back inside to find Gavin when I spotted him in the rosebushes with a pair of clippers.

“Hi, Gavin, I’m back.”

“Hi, Cricket.” Gavin turned around. He paused. He smiled at Mom. He put down his clippers and walked toward us, wiping sweat from his brow.

“This is my mom, Kate. What room should I put her in?” I asked. “Fourteen is free, right?”

“Yes, but the ventilation isn’t that great in there. How about the Admiral’s Suite?”

“She doesn’t need a Jacuzzi and a canopy bed,” I said.

“Actually,” Mom said, shooting me a look, “I could stand a little pampering.”

“It’s like, four hundred dollars a night,” I said.

“I can get you a discount,” Gavin said, waving me away. “I kind of run this place.” He smiled and wiped off his face with the sleeve of his T-shirt. “Kate, I’m just about done here. Would I be able to tempt you with a fresh piece of blueberry pie and a glass of iced tea?”

“Sounds yum,” Mom said with a sly smile. Pampering? Yum? Yuck! She was flirting. With Gavin. I almost preferred her in her bathrobe with her mysteries. Almost.