Never Been Loved (28 page)

Bring it on, Brucey.

She wants me. I want her. Can we leave now? Or does she need to settle a score with Tommy? Hell, I need to settle a score with him – no one talks to my girl like that.

I can’t look away from her mouth, her face, her tits, her arms, her throat, back to her mouth then to her eyes. I want her.

Take it slow. Don’t spook her. Slow. Tortoise slow – that guy wins the race.

I want to kiss her badly. I want her tongue in my mouth, I want to smell her skin because I’m so close, I need to feel her entire body against mine.

Her eyes are big and her mouth’s open like she’s waiting for me to plant one on her. I should just do it, take what she’s offering. I back off when I see she’s shaking, when I see her eyes moving too fast, and the rest of her body says she’s unsure.

Maybe she’s not unsure about me, but something else. I just had a sugar low and I’m too tired to sit here and try to figure it out. Oh, but I will. This is going to happen.

My dick has started throbbing at the prospect of getting her in my bed and I’m thankful the plate’s still on my thighs.

Time for some covert rearranging
.
Mission is a go.

“Thank you for my plate,” I say, loving that her hand is still on my face. Maybe she forgot it there, maybe she won’t let me go. I can definitely show her where I need to be touched the most.
Ease it up, dickweed. Calm it down.

“I’m going to need a few minutes alone, baby. Do you mind hanging with your friends for fifteen minutes?” I need a bathroom, and I mean yesterday.

“Sure. I can do that.”

I kiss her palm and watch her reaction.

Her cheeks bloom with a gorgeous blush and she inhales fast, like I’ve shocked. “Call me if you need anything else.”

There it is. Sera’s just not a lay. She’s the one you keep around for as long as you can before you go screwing shit up.

I watch her move slowly to the patio door and hit the terrace outside. She closes the door behind her without looking at me. If she did, I’d be in the bathroom with her right now getting my first real taste of her.

Fuck. Dead puppies! Maggots, motherfucker, maggots!

I toss my plastic plate into the garbage along with my cutlery. My dick’s being strangled by my jeans and the ache is only going to get worse. Maybe having a one-on-one talk with Little Me is going to make it listen. How the fuck do I get the blood back up to my head?

Now I’m thinking of Sera’s mouth wrapped around the head. Shit.

In the bathroom, I look at my reflection.

“You have to stop. Cut it out.” If dicks could whine, mine could win an award. “Maggots. Dead rat carcasses infested with maggots. Maggots in my food, maggots in my house, maggots on-”

There is a God, and he likes me. I run some cold water and splash my face with it, get some on the back of my neck too for the hell of it.
Cool it. Lock it down
.

When I feel up to it, I get out and move to the hallway – I think I heard the patio door open. Maybe it’s Tommy. I can fuck his shit up right now that I’m feeling better.

Except it’s Sera, cradling her hand to her chest, her bottom lip jutting out like she’s a little kid about to cry.

“I want to leave now, please,” she says, voice tight with pain. She moves without really looking at me and gets her shoes, stuffing her feet in without doing the laces and without them being on properly. Fuck, I hope she doesn’t break her neck going down the stairs. Guess I’m just going to have to carry her, show off my strength.

Lock it down, man. She’s hurt.

Even in the middle of trying to get her foot in so her sneaker doesn’t fall off, she asks me if I’m okay to drive.
Can I worship at your altar until the end of my days?

“Yeah, baby. I’m fine. What about you?” She shakes her head. I’ve grabbed her purse and got my feet in my own shoes when I open the door for her. Fuck if I’m going to take the time to say goodbye. But Tommy and I, we’ve got another conversation we need to have at the earliest opportunity. “Where do you wanna go?”

I help her down the stairs best I can, and get us in the car. She still hasn’t answered me. Starting the car, I look over at her; she just keeps looking straight ahead.

“I think I want to go pick up Matty.”

Matty? Okay. The kid’s going to be ecstatic, high as a kite.

Sera’s still cradling that hand to her chest, and with a sinking feeling in my gut I know where she wants to go to next. This wasn’t my idea for a date, but I guess it’s more than my turn to take care of her.

“And I want to go to the hospital. I think my hand’s broken.”

I’m a bat out of hell on the roads, praying that no cops catch me with my lead foot. I get to Mom’s, and even though I called on the drive over, Matty’s shoes still aren’t on and Eddie’s freaking out.

“What’s happened? Is everything all right? Could you please just answer me?”

“Sorry, Eddie,” I say from my crouched position. The kid won’t sit still – he keeps bouncing on his toes with excitement. All because we got home early and he wants to spend time with us. There’ll come a time when he won’t want to be seen with me; hell, maybe he’ll be ashamed of me when he’s older.

I tie up his laces but my hands are clumsy and I can’t get the bunny ears just right.

“Sera’s hurt. I need to take her to the hospital.”

“Sera’s hurt? Daddy, why? Is she tired, too?” Matty says, over my head, rubbing my back like he’s trying to comfort me. My throat gets thick, but I keep concentrating on those fucking bunny ears.
Jesus, MacLaine, how long have you been tying your own shoes for? Decades?

“No, she’s not tired, Matty. She hurt her hand.”

I can practically hear him thinking. Eddie leans down next to me to get Matty’s left foot. The old man knows when he’s needed, I’ll give him that.

“What really happened?” Eddie asks in a low voice.

“She punched one of her friends.” Sera told me about it on the drive over.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

Eddie’s silent as he ties Matty’s other shoe efficiently. We’re done at the same time, and get back to our full heights. Matty’s arms stretch out for me to pick him up and I follow orders.

Eddie scratches behind his ear and rewards me with a smile. The old man is going to get me in so much trouble one of these days – he knows too much.

“I’m beginning to like this girl. Bring her by at your earliest convenience.”

Yeah. That’s going to be never.

Chapter 20

“Does this hurt?” I think the dude’s an intern. He’s got the scrubs on all right, but his ID card attached to the chest pocket still has him as Dr. Patel. He could be younger than me, the guy’s so baby-faced.

Maybe they shouldn’t’ve given him the D and R in front of his last name if he’s asking stupid questions – and making Sera hurt even more. “How about that?” she nods, keeps up a brave face but I can tell she’s biting the meat on the inside of her cheek.

I don’t think she wants to freak Matty out. I’m the one who’s freaking out, though.

“Either you have a high pain threshold, or you’re trying to impress me,” the intern says, flashing teeth. Flirting? Are you fucking kidding me?

My hand spasms in Matty’s grip and the kid turns to look up at me, questions in Jules’ eyes. Nope, not going there, not going to explain what happened. I know the kid’s nervous about being here – he hasn’t breathed through his nose not once since we’ve been inside the exam room, and his palm is sweaty.

I don’t know why he hates hospitals or doctors. Probably some traumatic TV show. I don’t want to think about any mystical alternative – like he remembers his mom dying on her way to the hospital. Jules was DOA and Matty was an orphan at eighteen months.

“How did you get this?” The good doctor asks, after writing down Sera’s previous answers. The kid’s nervous energy is starting to crack me up, especially when he starts bouncing on his toes and sending it up my arm. Sera starts to smile but it goes away once she sees Matty’s face, now looking at her and the blue bruise on her hand.

“I punched my friend,” she says, clenching her jaw tight.

“She must have pissed you off.” More notes go on the clipboard and I’m ready to leave this room - the kid is, too. I catch him moving his head toward the door like it’s going to disappear any second now.

“It was a he. And yeah, he pissed me off. I don’t go punching people for fun. Especially if it fraking hurts this much. You’re going to send me up for x-rays, aren’t you?” There’s that word again. She’s in pain. Because of me, because I couldn’t step in when I needed to. I was too busy in the fucking bathroom trying to have a heart-to-heart with my dick. It’s one for the books, my epic stupidity.

“Afraid so. That level of blue usually indicates that something’s broken. We’re just going to make sure that’s the case. You’ll have to go up to radiology as soon as I get the go ahead.”

“All right, thanks.” Sera gets off the exam table and we move together out into the waiting room, which is somewhat empty. All in all, it means nothing. We’re in here for the long haul, and those chairs look anything but comfortable. At least the kid will be able to fall asleep. And tomorrow’s Sunday so I can sleep in.

Sera takes a seat until Matty pats her thigh and asks, “Sera, why did you get in a fight?” I watch, like an idiot, as she uses her left hand to haul the kid on top of her so Matty’s nice and comfortable. I should say something; I should tell him to get off her so she can rest and her hand hurts, and he’s going to make it worse and bump it or something.

All she does is hug him closer, and the little guy places his head on her shoulder. I don’t understand how he wins her over like that. Is he giving out lessons, ’cause I need to sign up.

I settle beside them, turning so I get an arm around Sera’s shoulders. The A/C is on full blast, and it’s going to be freezing in here soon.

I don’t know why, but I need to tell Matty the truth. When I was much, much younger, I looked up to my parents, I thought they knew everything. I thought they were the smartest, most beautiful people in the world – there was no one better. When I learned they weren’t, well, everything felt like it was falling apart; everything I knew, everything I ever believed.

I don’t want it to be a shock for Matty. Maybe I’m making a mistake. Maybe he needs to believe I’m the greatest, but that’s a mantle that doesn’t fit on my shoulders.

“She did it for me, buddy.” I bump Sera’s knee with mine, watch her slight smile.

Matty yawns and doesn’t bother to cover it. I’m not gonna rag on him. Who the fuck cares right now?

“You told me I’m not s’posed to get into fights, Daddy. You said so.” He moves his head on Sera so he’s more comfortable. She lets him. She just… lets him.

“You fight to protect the ones you love, Matty, and you fight to protect yourself. You fight to protect, little buddy, not to hurt another person because it’s fun, or because they really deserve it. It’s important you remember that,” Sera tells him. Fuck, she’d make a great mom.

Matty yawns again, fighting to keep his eyes open. “You can sleep, little man. I’ll be here when you wake up,” she tells him and it’s the wrong thing to say.

The kid tenses, and I watch, fascinated. He takes Sera’s face in both his hands as he straightens up and looks at her for a few seconds, searching her face.
“Okay, Sera,” Matty says, lying back down again. He gets his hands on her shirt, stuffing the material in his fists so she can’t get away.

My nephew says nothing else and closes his eyes to sleep. Lucky. It’s going to be a long night.
I move my arm closer to Sera’s skin and move her so she’s leaning on me. We’re a human game of dominoes and I’m the only one holding us up. Only when Sera’s comfortable do I get more comfortable – or as comfortable as I’m gonna get.

“Did you have a good time, barring my friend being a giant jerkwad?” she asks over a would-be yawn. Even that’s fucking cute. I want to kiss her so badly. But she needs to set the pace. She’s doing me a favour, by letting me be around her – and not the other way around.

“You didn’t have to bring me a plate. I could have gotten it for myself,” I grunt like an animal. Great. Now this shit again. Why do I even open my mouth?
You’re upset that she had to save you – for the third time, bro. You’re the damsel in distress. Now you get why chicks don’t like that sort of thing. Plus, you’re too chicken-shit to admit you need help.

“Bloody hell, when are you going to let me help you? I brought you a plate of food. I didn’t tell anyone you were diabetic – not that it fraking
matters
.”

“It matters to me,”
Goddamn it, it matters.
“And your fucking hand is broken because of me.”

“How do you think this was about you? Tommy was being a dick to
me
, I hit him because he’s a giant asshole.”
Man, I wish I was outside. I would’ve loved to have seen his face. Did he bleed? I hope he has shiners for the next year.

“That fucker wouldn’t’ve made that comment if I didn’t need food. Or if he didn’t want to get into your pants.”